Chapter 10: The Postpartum of Infatuation

Jordan was dimly aware of the car pulling into the parking lot. It was a rest area off a busy highway. No matter the hour there would be people pulling in and out. She didn't bother opening her eyes until the knock on the window scared her half out of her skin. The first thing she saw was a BPD badge, firearm and the top half of a pair of faded jeans. She'd know that...gun anywhere. She heaved a sigh and buried her own gun further into the folds of her jacket.

How did he know where to find her...and how did he do it so fast? The answer came to her almost immediately. They must have installed a tracking device on her car.

Sitting up she rolled the window down. "Is there a problem officer?" she quipped.

"Cute." He leaned down to get a better look at her. "What are you doing Jordan?"

"Taking a vacation. Somewhere warm."

"You're two hours from the Canadian border."

"It's July. It's warm in Canada...in July anyway."

Woody had a nondescript sound and then said, "And how long are you planning on this vacation to take?"

"You know me," she grinned. "I'm not big on the definite planning thing."

"Jordan, you're scheduled to appear in front of the grand jury in about six hours."

"Oh...that," she said shifting in her seat. "Yeah, well...I was hoping my statement would be enough."

"For you maybe. The charges against you have been dropped. But there is Santos to consider. You're testimony is going to guarantee he gets him life."

"The real killer here is already paying his paying his price," Jordan said referring to the late Judge Gordon. "He'll...he'll still being going away for a long time whether I'm there or not."

Woody's lips thinned at the way Jordan referred to Santos. Jordan may have told him over and over that the things she had to do to survive in D.C. didn't affect her...but it was obvious to even the most casual observer that she was profoundly shaken. When he spoke again Woody concentrated on keeping his voice calm.

"Walcott'll have a better chance if you're there."

"Yeah, well," Jordan said thumbing the ignition with her keys. "Such as life."

Woody put his hand on the door frame. "I can have you arrested as a hostile witness."

Jordan called his bluff. "We're in Vermont, detective."

Woody wasn't about to have her arrested even if he could, but he wasn't about to be put off either. "Give me a few and I think I can flag down a state trooper."

Jordan's grin faltered. She recognized his tone. That badger-on-curry thing she never understood, but took as an analogy to mean 'Woody-acting-pig-headed again'. Suffice to say, he wasn't just going to let her drive away.

"Why doesn't that surprise me," Jordan snorted.

"I would think after...everything you'd want him to fry."

"Are we talking about JD here, or something else? I hate to break this to you Woody, but nobody held a gun to my head to sleep with him."

Woody's grip on the door frame tighten. It was the only outward sign that Jordan's cavalier statement was beginning to undermine the emotionally detached attitude he was trying so hard to keep. It was the only way he could keep from wanting to ring her neck in one minute and to hide her away somewhere further than Canada the next.

When Jordan said she hated him Woody know she was just striking out in pain. And after what they had just done, Woody was the most likely target. Deservingly so. He had to admit it hurt, but not as much as it hurt realizing he loved her. Really loved her. And when it came to Jordan those feelings left him entirely too vulnerable for his own good.

For the last few months he tried to compartmentalize his other feelings for her...a postpartum as it were. The best word he could come up with was infatuation.

When he stepped foot in Boston, she blew into his life like something he'd never seen before. She was like a ride in an amusement park. There were ups and downs and points where he felt on edge of out of control giving him the tingle of real danger in his gut. A dream woman. He was immediately drawn to her like any man would be. Soon, their acquaintance blossomed into friendship, but that "hot damn" factor was always there.

Like the desire to tame a wild river or master the unknown, Woody felt that masculine need to change her. He wanted to be the guy to save her from herself. Unfortunately, saving her meant for her to lose a little of that independence that attracted him in the first place.

The day he was shot she came to him. For Woody her declaration came a few hours too late. Even then he knew that the relationship they had would always be conditional. Conditional or not Jordan would feel it was her duty to stick with him. The vibrancy that attracted him to her in the first place would have shriveled up and died. They'd end up hating each other with regrets. Martyrdom wouldn't fit well on either of them.

His physical wounds healed; she moved on; and the night at the Lucy Carver Inn happened. For one brief moment, he let himself naively believe that the snow would never melt. That the hands of fate would make all their issues go away.

He didn't plan on the sun coming up the next morning. Nor did he plan on Pollack buying an engagement ring.

A man doesn't buy a diamond ring useless he doesn't think he'll be shot down.Pollack didn't know Jordan. But in the end Woody didn't know her all that well either. Woody was confused...he felt used and he felt like the kind of scum most men worry about when they are in love with a conundrum like Jordan.

Pollack for all his faults had stepped up to the plate were Woody just dragged his feet. Why? Because maybe Woody never really got past that "hot damn" to love the real woman inside.

Lu just...happened. But it was a good thing.

What he saw was what he got with Lu. She didn't need to hide behind her issues and above all was there for him when he was trying to make sense of Jordan's duplicity and the end of her relationship with Pollack.

Lu was easy to be with. He hadn't had fun in a long time. He was moving on with his life and for the first time in a long time he looked forward to the future. He tried to love her. He wanted to. She was everything he wanted in a woman: smart, understanding of his career, sexy as hell. If they were any place other than Boston it may have worked. Lu wanted him to bury the remains of his feelings for Jordan. Woody hated JD for getting himself killed and he hated Jordan for being able to pull his chain. He couldn't let go.

Helping Jordan escape, and eventually tracking her down in Washington, made him reexamine his feelings again.

He stopped making excuses to himself about everything Jordan did...The way she used people, or twisted that grey line of right and wrong to her advantage. He accepted the level of her trust would anyways be dependent on her circumstances and most of all he saw that he wasn't as lily-white as he thought he was.

Woody wasn't proud of the way he came to some of his conclusions. He'd never be. In the wake of that fight, he saw that that his infatuation was gone. In its wake, were feelings that were both comforting in how crystal-clear they were...as much as they were a burden.

Like it or not he was stuck.

That was why he was standing under a street lamp getting tore up by mosquitoes while Jordan tried to figure out a way out of having to live with the consequences of her own actions.

"Maybe not a gun literally," he finally said. "But are you willing to let some lawyer get the case thrown out because of a technicality?"

Jordan gave him an awkward smile. "I've already let my place go.."

"You can stay with me."

"Woody, I don't think that's such a good idea..."

Woody put both hands on his hips. "If you are worried at the sleeping accommodations don't. I can control myself. The sofa will be fine. Sex is not needed, wanted or desired."

A statement he said in hopes of only putting her mind at easy had the total opposite effect. Jordan opened her mouth to say something but closed it rolling her lips in an embarrassed grin.

Assuming the look on her face had everything to do with sitting across a courtroom with her molester and nothing to do with his backfiring chivalry; Woody reached in to unlock her door and opened it. Kneeling down to be face to face with her he touched her for the first time in two weeks.

Warm finger tips cupped her chin. At least they felt warm to Jordan. The idea of going back to Boston and facing JD's killer left her cold.

Jordan set out to find JD's murderer and knew she'd do what ever it took to bring him to justice. She thought she could handle Brandy. She was Jordan Cavanaugh after all; more than a little unhinged, put her self out there more often then any sane person would and lived to laugh about it.

But that was before she had people that cared about her. More to the fact, people she cared about caring about her.

Both Woody and Walcott told her that the circumstances of her involvement in making the case against Santos would be legally irrelevant. Jordan knew better. She knew the second she stepped into that witness box every detail would come out. It was bad enough to have Woody think of her like he did...but facing the same condemnation from the people that meant anything to her...

Woody forced her gaze to his. "It's going to be okay." He stared deep into her eyes and for the next few moments, she actually believed him.

She nodded.