Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot
Hey, thanks for more great reviews. Here's the next chapter, and remember, I own nothing.
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Chapter 8: Yggdrasill Has Left the Building!
After being outdanced by Maurice and struck with Funkment, the party chased Yggdrasill into the back room.
"Dammit, where did he go?" asked Zelos.
"Beats me," replied his Scandinavian brother, Kratos, still shimmying.
"Dad, stop it, you're freaking me out..."
Raine observed Kratos' shimmying patterns. "I see... so when you bend your left shoulder, it forms a 44 degree angle, and your right shoulder forms a 47 degree angle. Fascinating..."
Regal spoke up. "It appears that a tunnel has been constructed, leading from this isolated chamber, through the ground, and into who-knows-where."
Sheena gasped. "Did you just say who-knows-where? Bu-but that's a...a-an expression! And it's not scientific!"
Regal suddenly clutched his heart. "No! How could I? What have I committed? What terrible deed has become a reality in gratuity to myself? WHY, WHY, WHY? I must wear a second pair of handcuffs to symbolize this next crime."
Presea, fed up with Regal, beat him to the ground and threw him off the edge of the cliff-thing.
"Alright, let us crawl through the tunnel."
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Location: Graceland
The heroes appeared in a large building. Little did they know that they had been brought to the house of Maurice's hero, Elvis Presley.
"Alright, search for Maurice," said Kratos.
Everyone split up to search for the leader of Cruxis.
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Zelos was running down a hall when he suddenly hit Elvis Presley.
"Ow! Who the hell are you?" he asked.
"Who am I? I'm the KING! ELVIS PRESLEY!"
He pulled a microphone out of the ground.
Well it's one for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
Now go, cat, go!
But don't you,
Step on my blue suede sh-
Zelos interrupted. "I believe a fan of yours came in here. Do you want to meet him?"
"HECK, YEAH!" Elvis joined the party, and began singing "Trouble."
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Maurice Yggdrasill was hiding in the room where all of Elvis' records were kept.
"Damn... so many Cruxis Records... so many human lives... I really am a monster, aren't I? Well, I'm changing my ways! I'm going to set all of you free!"
Yes, he then broke all of Elvis' records. Zelos and Elvis walked in, petrified at what Maurice had done.
Elvis flipped and cussed him out, and then beat him to the ground.
Elvis earned the title of "Violent Demonic Dance-Guy!"
Elvis acquired "Demon Thang!"
Yeah. Anyways...
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Location: The Great Disco Club
The now tensome headed back to the chamber of the Tower of Salvation.
Then Zelos, who had randomly disappeared, now reappeared. "Yo, Lloyd, here!"
He threw Aionis to Lloyd. "Refine it with Dwarven skills, and it'll allow even a human to view the Eternal Porn!"
"SWEET!"
"That's right, Lloyd, the Eternal Porn is absolutely necessary in order to reunite the two worlds," said Lord McGregor, randomly appearing. "Without it, the land will, uh... become... boring?"
Raine smacked both Yuan and Zelos, then burned the Eternal Porn at the centre of the tower with Kratos' Flamberge.
Raine earned the title of "Pyromaniac! Oh, Sh-, Did I Say That Out Loud?"
The Flamberge in Raine's hands became the Eternal Sword. She then began to use the sword to draw Calculus equations on the wall.
Origin appeared. "Hey, you need to release my seal before you can use that!"
Raine stuck her tongue out at him. Origin began to cry, and disappeared unto the heavens. He left everyone else with this edict: 'You must wake me, for if I fall asleep, the pyromaniac might take over.' No one actually listened to him, though.
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Location: Derris-Kharlan
Raine, wielding the Eternal Sword, shouted out towards the sky, "Eternal Sword, restore the true form of our two worlds!"
Origin appeared and flipped Raine off, the disappeared once more.
"Hmm, that's funny, I thought I saw Origin come and flip me off."
He reappeared and flipped her off again. "You did, BEEYOTCH!"
"Alright, that's it, I'm getting rid of him," said Raine through gritted teeth. She was obviously pissed off.
He reappeared, and the Eternal was flung into his heart. He died, taking the Eternal Sword to hell with him.
"Damn, now we can't restore the true form of our two worlds!"
"It doesn't matter, now, does it?"
It was... Forcystus! He led the other Desian Grand Cardinals to the centre of the tower. "YMCA" began to play, and Forcystus pulled a mic out of the ground and began to sing along.
Young Lloyd, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young Lloyd, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young Lloyd, 'cause you're in a new world
There's no need to be unhappy.
Young Lloyd, there's a place you can go.
I said, young Lloyd, when you're short on your Gald.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ... (excluding Zelos)
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,
You can do what about you feel ...
Young Lloyd, are you listening to me?
I said, young Lloyd, what do you want to be?
I said, young Lloyd, you can make real ideals.
But you got to know this one thing!
No Lloyd does it all by himself.
I said, young Lloyd, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to Derris Kharlan..
I'm sure they can help you today.
Young Lloyd, I was once in your boots.
I said, I was down and out with the blues.
I felt no Lloyd cared if I were alive.
I felt the whole world was so tight ...
That's when someone came up to me,
And said, Forcy, take a walk up the street.
There's a place there called Derris-Kharlan,
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ... (excluding Zelos)
Derris-Kharlan ... you'll find it at Derris-Kharlan!
Young Lloyd, young Lloyd, there's no need to feel down.
Young Lloyd, young Lloyd, get yourself off the ground.
(Fades out)
Forcystus and the "Village People" left from whence they came.
"WHOO! That was great! Come on, people, clap for them! WHOO! THAT WAS AWESOME!" Colette was cheering like a madwoman.
Everyone started to wonder if Maurice hadn't made a mistake in choosing the Dischosen, but soon forgot about everything and ate apple pie that Yuan made.
Then Elvis got up and began to sing "I Can't Help Thinking Colette's A Fluke," a parody of his "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You."
Colette began to cry. "That... was... BEAUTIFUL! I'll remember those BEAUTIFUL words as long as I live!"
Everyone began to wonder again, but more pie arrived, so they forgot about it all again.
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END OF CHAPTER 8
Heheh, you can see, this fic is coming to an end (for those of you who missed it, I practically attempted to cram the game into eight chapters, while adding a disco touch.) So, get ready for the final chapters. Read, review and flame if you must.