Chapter 12: Her Best Friend

Lily held her at arm's length, not letting go, and looked in her friend's face.

Really looked. Studied, more like it.

She didn't like what she saw when Jordan came back from DC. Lily couldn't quite put her finger on it until this morning. It was Jordan's make-up. She wore it like a mask. While it was still on the heavy side for Jordan, it was lighter than Lily had seen it the handful of times they were in the same room together.

"It's so good to see you Jordan. I've been worried."

Still hold Jordan's hand, Lily led her over to the sofa and sat down. Jordan didn't have any other choice but to follow. If she wanted to make a quick escape Lily wasn't about to make it easy.

"I'm fine. I, ah, wanted to thank you for the flowers. They're very nice."

"When I saw them I thought you'd like them. I missed you Jordan."

Jordan was a little surprised by that statement. She accepted the fact that Lily worried. Lily worried about everything from world peace to the mean-sprinted stray cat that lived in the alley behind Jordan's apartment building. It was in her nature to be a worrier. Jordan didn't think she'd be missed.

"I ruined your wedding day Lily. Be honest. You were a little relieved that I wasn't around to be a constant reminder..."

"I can't believe you'd think that Jordan," Lily gasped, stunned. "Of course, I missed you. It wasn't your fault that things worked out the way they did. Jeffery and I were making a huge mistake. The wedding would have been off ...irregardless. You're my best friend Jordan."

"Some friend," Jordan chuckled bitterly. "I treated you and Garret...everyone, like shit..."

"If you're talking about what happened outside the courtroom, don't worry about it. You were just chewed up and spit out by some dickhead lawyer. I'd be a little upset too."

"It's not just that...although I am soooo sorry I talked to you that way...but I've made some bad choices Lily. Not only did I put you, and everyone I care about, in a very awkward position, I've said things ...did things that will always make people question just who I am. I don't blame you, or anyone for that matter, for not wanting to have anything to do with me."

"Why would anyone not want to have anything to do with you Jordan?"

"Lily. Do you really want me to spell it out for you? Every night I took my clothes off and let men with sweaty hands grope me for all for a buck. If they coughed up another twenty I'd take to a back room and give them a lap dance. I willing had sex with the men looking for the ones responsible for JD's murder. And then there's Woody..."

Lily put up her hand to cut Jordan's speech off.

"You did what you had to do to survive Jordan. You were set up for murder...and less than a day later you were the only witness to another. Who knows if they would have come back and killed you next? Everything was so crazy. You knew what needed to be done to keep yourself safe and you did it. How can I not admire you for the strength that took? And as for Woody..."

Jordan listened as Lily's voice trailed out. Lily truly cared about Woody. From a comment here and a remark there, Jordan knew their friendship only became more solid after his shooting. It only goes to figure Lily be protective of him. But Lily wasn't in that hotel room. She didn't witness what happened. Still, she could probably guess.

Lily wasn't thinking about Woody's trip to DC or the affect of what he found there had on him. No, she was thinking about the many times she cornered him during Jordan's disappearance. She witnessed the messy aftershocks of his break-up with Detective Simmons firsthand. Things like that are never pretty and Lily had her own messy separation to compare it to. The circumstances surrounding Woody's only made it seem just that much more ironic.

"...He's a lot tougher that you think."

Jordan tried to blink back the tears gathering in her throat. A few escaped, clinging on his eyelashes. "I should have done things so differently."

Jordan didn't know if she was just talking about DC or her entire life. Maybe it was a little of both.

Lily rolled her eyes totally unaware of Jordan inner dialog. "I selfishly thought I had it tough too. You wouldn't believe the amount of crap that goes with canceling a wedding at the last minute. I thought I had roadblocks. If it weren't for the support of the people around me I would have never been able to face them. I can't imagine compounding it all a thousand-fold and doing it alone like you did. You deserve to be a little cranky Jordan, you of all people know how many...women we get through here. Not all of them are here because of some kind of violence. Only the strong can survive in that world and not only did you survive, but you kept your wits about yourself and you caught a killer. The self-confidence and determination that took, I'm in awe."

"JD's murderer walked because of me."

"He was caught because of you. It's only a matter of time before he's locked up for good."

"I wish I had your confidence."

Lily reached out for her hands again. "I can understand where you'd have doubts. You have to believe me that there are some good people working hard to make sure he can't go get a paper without Walcott knowing about it. It's only a matter of time. You're a hero Jordan. I'm proud to call you my best friend."

Jordan sniffed back a more tears and let Lily wrap her fingers around hers. The little comfort of the action felt good. "You don't know how much that means to me. But you know this won't end here. There's no rewind button. The whole world knows what I did. My, ah, reputation will only hurt everyone I care about."

"Since when have any of us cared about what the world thought?" Lily snorted. "We're all we've got Jordan. We're family and family doesn't turn its back because of somebody, who only has half the facts, is talking out of their butt."

The vehement tone Lily used was softened when she circled her thumb and lower forefinger together to demonstrate how she thought a butt would talk. It was so ridiculous and so not like Lily. It was also just what Jordan needed. She laughed through her tears and thanked Lily when she handed her a tissue.

Dabbing her eyes and catching a very cleansing breath, Jordan said, "I missed you too Lily."

Lily wiped her tears and ran the tissue under her nose. "Good. Because that means you'll think twice about leaving us again."

Lily's support and love was one thing but there were still, consequences...irrevocable damage out there that Jordan didn't know if she could live day-to-day with. She gave Lily a watery, bittersweet smile.

"No Jordan," Lily sighed. "You're not thinking about leaving again."

"I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet."

"Take your time Jordan. Don't rush into anything."

Jordan nodded. She couldn't make any promises...to Lily or herself.

"So..." Lily said brightly, effectively closing the topic so Jordan couldn't say something Lily didn't want to hear. "How are things going over at Woody's?"

The change snapped Jordan out of her lonely thoughts. She answered warily.

"Good, I guess. We haven't killed each other over the bathroom counter space yet."

"I bet it's still pretty cozy though." Lily's lips spread into a sly grin.

Jordan wrapped her tissue around her finger and recrossed her legs. "It's...not what you think..."

"And what do I think?"

"We're not. He insisted I take the bed and he'd take the couch. It's only temporary." She stumbled over her words. "Not temporary in the fact that we're not sleeping in the same bed..."

"It is a big bed Jordan."

"What!"

Lily smiled at the nerve she hit. Jordan wasn't as dead inside as she wanted to make it sound.

"I helped him do his laundry for that first few weeks after he was injured."

"...oh."

"There's nothing wrong with finding a little...relief...when the opportunity presents itself Jordan. God knows, you both could use it."

"Lily!"

"Be real Jordan. I'm not deaf, dumb and blind. I held your hand when Woody was shot. I admit I was a little confused after, but it all became very clear when you were both stranded in the snow last winter. One night of great sex is as rejuvenating as a week spent lounging on the beach."

Jordan rubbed her forehead. Since when was the words "I Slept with Woody Hoyt" tattoo there?

"It's not like your both new to the idea. We all need someone we can turn to. Someone who can remind us that we are alive..."

"Thank you Dr. Ruth." Jordan winced.

"I'm serious Jordan. Are you two the only people in the world that don't see it?"

"Even if I wanted to see it, as you most eloquently put it," Jordan pointed out, feeling uncomfortably exposed, "I'm not so sure Woody would feel the same way."

"You need glasses girl." Lily harrumphed.

"My eyesight's fine, thank you. I just think Woody's eyes are finally wide open."

"He loves you," Lily said softly.

"He loved the idea of loving me. Trust me, he's over that now."

"I can't believe..."

"He told me Lily. Actually, he screamed it in my face."

Jordan's feelings about that night in DC finally found their way to the surface. She didn't pull any punches. She told Lily about Woody finding her notebook and how he reacted. She confessed to Lily about sneaking out to get that last bit of information that JD died for. She told her about leaving the club for the least time and not wanting to face that rest of the night alone. She gave her the ugly play-by-play of the fight they had when she found him still in the rented room. She told Lily everything. Everything up to a point.

Lily listened intently to every word and began to read between the lines. Her eyes narrowed when Jordan abruptly halted. "You're leaving something out."

Jordan shifted uncomfortably. The tissue in her hand was managed mess. She tossed in the trashcan Lily had next the couch. After everything said she knew better than to try and lie.

"He kissed me. It wasn't really a kiss but more of ...an assault."

Lily's hand hovered over her chest "Oh God Jordan. Please tell he didn't ..."

"No! No...he, ah...let me go."

"But..."

"I needed to feel again. Even if it was pain. He was pissed-off and drunk. I...I forced the issue. We were both out of control. It just...happened."

Lily didn't know what to say. After a long pause she cleared her throat. "Did he hurt you?"

Jordan had just spent the evening at The Chambers. She did anything and everything she needed to stage her final revenge on the man that ordered JD's assassination. In her minds eye, she deserved every horrible thing Lily was thinking. Only it didn't end up that way. Jordan's mouth went dry thinking about how explosive her orgasm was and how it cemented just how cheap she had become.

"No. Not in that way. We both hurt each other Lily and there's no going back from something like that."

Lily blinked. That explained the strange vibe she felt from both of them when they got back. Still, she didn't need to be a student of human nature to see that what Woody was feeling was more than just a lion's share of guilt for taking advantage of what Jordan had offered. While she wasn't happy to hear that Woody treated her so cruelly after learning what she'd been through, Lily didn't want to judge him too harshly. Jordan had used him.

The old Woody was like a little puppy that hounded Jordan's heals, waiting for the least amount of gratitude in return. During one of he and Lily's laundry dates, Woody confided in her that he was ready to move on from Jordan's shadow. She wanted to box his ears, but it was already too late...

Jordan had found JD. She seemed content. Lily left it alone. Who was she to throw stones? Her own glass house had more than its share of men ringing the doorbell. She had to admit she was kind of happy to see Woody find Detective Simmons. Woody's a good man. He deserved some kind of happiness. At least until he and Jordan stopped running from fate and finally came to their senses.

"Woody's been by your side every free minute he's had. He even offered you a place to live Jordan. That doesn't sound like a man that's given up on you. The question is; how do you feel Jordan? Are you still hurt by what happened between you two?"

"Do you mean in the hotel room or the last five years in general?" Jordan asked with a shaky smile.

"I think they go hand-in-hand."

"I don't know."

"Then let me ask you this then. What would hurt more: The mistakes of the past or the idea of a future without him in it?"