Music Box

Do you remember the day we first fought? It was technically the first time we really met. You didn't want to fight me because I was a girl and you found it "too troublesome." I was determined to rub your face into the ground but then… you had me. I was caught in your trap. It angered me so much when you gave up. I promised myself that I would win the next time we fought. Little did I know, I would fall into your traps time and time again.

Do you remember when I saved you from the Sound-nin? I was disappointed to see you giving up and astonished that you hadn't calculated my strength into you calculations after I arrived. I was going to mock you for it afterward, I remember the exact words I wanted to say. Instead I turned around and asked you

"What do you think?"

And then you gave me a half smile. It was then that we became friends, I believe.

Do you remember how I watched you cry after your failed mission? It made me happy that you didn't quite being a ninja. I knew you were tougher than you let on and I was impressed by your resolve to do better. And now, I know that you have. You are the most powerful Nara, well besides our children. I think they beat us both.

Do you remember all those days we watched the clouds together after my brother became Kazekage? I never really watched them like you did. I always preferred to watch you. I couldn't understand why you loved the clouds so much. You told me that they were free but I didn't understand. I couldn't understand then because I was not free.

Do you remember when we first saw Naruto again after he left for those two years? I choked on my words then because I feared I would hurt you and what small relationship we had. Even though we would spend whole afternoons together looking at the sky, I still felt I knew so little of you. To me, we were glass. The wrong taunt, the wrong pet name, the wrong step foreword and our world would have came crashing down. I didn't know why I felt that way then and why I tried so hard not to drop you.

Do you remember when you first became a jounin? I was shocked by how quickly time had flown. You were a fresh sixteen year old and you could kill men in their sleep. The thought startled me then, I hadn't even realized that when I became a jounin. For some reason then, I wanted to cry. I didn't know why then. But now I know it was because I saw what innocence you had left, was going to be lost. I never had innocence to start with.

Do you remember when I told you I wouldn't be coming back? You looked at me so sadly, confused. I told you that my brother needed me to be ambassador for other villages, Kohana didn't need me. You looked away then and I wondered if you were going to cry but I didn't dare ask or call you 'Crybaby.'

Do you remember when we saw the music boxes in the store? I told you I had always wanted one as a little girl but my father told me that they were for girly-girls. He told me I was supposed to be a strong woman of Suna and turn my head to such things. I had to turn my head to a lot of things; my girlhood, my emotions, and the one that hurt the most- my loveless brother.

Do you remember our last night in Kohana? It looked like it was going to rain, in your favorite cloud watching spot. I remember when I hugged you goodbye; I wasn't going to do it in the morning in front of my brothers. I held you so tight and it began to rain. There was no rain on your face and your arms were around me lightly but in your fists were my clothes. The look you gave me, it was the first time I had seen it. I thought you were going to kiss me but instead you said

"Two years."

You were still sixteen, I just turned nineteen. It took me awhile to understand those words.

I remember the morning I was leaving Kohana. Ino had caught me just in time. I had waited for you but I found out that you had left for a mission. She gave me your gift, a music box. I opened it at home and I cried because I wouldn't be able to thank you in person. I wanted to see your face again just once more. I didn't want the saddened image of you to be my last for a long time. And for awhile, it was.

I remember the first letter I received from you. I nearly cried of joy because it was longer than four or five lines. Iread it over and over and over after I sent you a reply andIalways reverently placed it inside the music box you gave me. Soon another letter came, I sent one back, and then another came so another one went back. Each time they got longer and longer and more and more intimate, and we transformed from glass to diamond. Each diamond went into the music box just like the first. I believe it was here that we fell in love.

Do you remember when I came back two years later? You were officially a man then and I was at the drinking age. To us though, age mattered little now that we were legal adults. Seeing you for the first time after two years of nothing but letters filled me with such a desire to grab you and kiss you but of course, I did the opposite. You smirked back at me and tauntedback. We went back and forth in our game of tag until we were face to face. I had tagged you but instead of tagging me back, your face changed to the expression that I couldn't recognize two years ago when we said goodbye. I understood it then and we ignored the whistles and jeers of your friends watching as we truly acknowledged each other.

Do you remember how I was the 'Crybaby' on our wedding night? We were alone then, planning to head out for some regular villages for our honeymoon the next day. You didn't know what was wrong and I was too choked up to tell you. But when I stopped crying and looked at you, you understood. I realized that I wasn't tied to my family like my father told me. I could marry outside of Suna and do as I please. I wasn't obligated to baby-sit my brothers anymore, I wasn't obligated to be the head of the family. I was finally free.

Do you remember the night you found me sobbing in our bathroom surrounded by blood? It was only six months into our marriage. You cried too as soon as you saw the tiny figure I was cradling in my hands. We buried her and named her Ai, even though we knew she would never love like we loved each other, and she would never feel the love of her parents. You knew I felt guilty afterwards, it had happened because I trained too hard. Over time, I stopped blaming myself. It was only because I felt that maybe, Ai did know how much we loved and still love her.

Do you remember when I left the house for Suna with Kumo-chan? It was after our big argument. I remember standing at the gates of Kohana with her on my hip, you holding the hand of Little Gaara. We were so tired, so full of hurt and love at the same time it drove us crazy. You told me we needed this. We needed time away to figure things out. I was devastated yet relieved by those words. I thought you wanted me gone ever since we decided to "take a break." I kissed our son goodbye and I didn't do anything as I looked into your black eyes. You kissed our daughter and the twins gave each other hugs, not understanding what was going on. You looked me in the eyes and I turned to leave. The only thing that gave me hope the years we were apart were the last words you said to me.

"I still and will always love you, Temari."

I remember watching Kumo-chan grow up into a shinobi of Suna. There were no new diamonds in my music box during this time but I felt that watching her grow was enough. She was so like you in everything, the laziness, the intelligence, the hair, the expressions that played on her face, and of course 'troublesome.' The first time I heard her say that, I dropped my fan in shock. I knew then that she would grow up to be like you even though she couldn't remember you well. I always talked about you, your habits, the things you loved, the things you hated and she always asked why you were never around. I would always turn from her, until one day she told me that she understood why her father wasn't present. I didn't.

I remember the day I gave Kumo-chan a music box. It was her eighth birthday, the day she first received adiamondfrom you and Little Gaara. She was so thrilled to hear from her twin and father personally instead of from me. You sent her aruby or two after that but she and Gaara sentdiamonds just like we had when we were younger. No diamonds went between us but our children told of our latest doings. I knew that you went into Anbu and I couldn't have been prouder. You learned that I in fact, had not taken a team of Genins and that I was working as Gaara's assistant, doing a few missions here and there. The one thing I didn't learn from you then was why I wasn't with you.

I remember the onlymica Isent you that received no reply. Kumo-chan was ten years old then and it concerned her only. I wrote about her freak accident with Gaara and the Shukaku. For some reason, the Shukaku's power was endowed on her and she was only able to sleep for four hours a night. I hated seeing her in the morning, her eyes rimmed in black. I knew she was exhausted for the first couple months following the accident but she pretended otherwise. She had begun to train with Gaara and she grew much more powerful than I had ever imagined. I got used to seeing her eyes rimmed in black but it was during those first few months that I desperately wished I had your shoulder.

Do you remember when I returned to Kohana? I was able to get Kumo-chan away from her team so she could see you. I nearly keeled over in tears when I saw you standing next to our Gaara. You hadn't changed a bit even though your ponytail was bushier. And Little Gaara, he looked nothing like the brother he was named for but instead too after the second eldest and myself. The blonde spiky hair and the cocky attitude, I bet he was very troublesome for you. Kumo-chan had your black hair in two pigtails on the side of her head and tuffs of black brushing her neck. She had her hands behind her head, hitting the fan on her back. It was funny wasn't it, how our children always reminded us of each other.

Do you remember when we renewed our wedding vows? I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, including the first time we exchanged vows. You told me you figured it out. We married so young and when the twins were born, we forgot about us and only worried about other things and other people. I didn't figure it out but I knew that I wasn't going to leave you for good. My heart had ached too much to let you go, even if I had wanted too. I will never forget the look on your face as you told me

"I do."

I saw Kumo-chan, the only Genin to pass the Chuunin exam, and Little Gaara look at each other and smile and the towns people mutter in amazement because they thought our love dead.

Do you remember your mother's funeral? You had quit the Anbu to help take care of our children. When we went away on long missions, we would send diamonds and sometimes, we gave each other diamonds for our own amusement, never speaking about what was inside each one. You cried so hard as you put a diamond in her coffin before they put her in her grave. Your father did not cry and actually smiled. He told you that it was her time, she had lived out her life to its fullest, yet you still wept. Later that night, I found a diamond on my dresser. I examined it and that night we held each other as tears poured down your cheeks. I knew then that the tears were not for your mother, but for me.

Do you remember when I showed you my music box? It was the first time you had seen it since you had given it to me all those years ago. You grinned at me and then reached into a dresser and pulled out a brown box and showed me the diamonds I sent you. We showed them to all eight of our children so they would understand us and that they should never abandon hope. That was right before the wedding between Kumo-chan and the son of Tsunade's apprentice and the surviving member of the Uchiha clan. We told her that her grandfather had once told us that we were the beginning of a new clan. Now she would help revive one. That's when a thought struck me and I turned to you and said

"We're getting old."

And then, you smiled.

I know that this is my last diamond to you. You will watch, like your father, me being lowered into the ground. But like your father, you better not shed a single tear you Crybaby. I am Temari of Suna, sister and daughter of two Kazekage's. I am a strong woman who made up for the mistakes of her father in leaving my youngest brother loveless, I am a strong woman who has killed many in the name of the shinobi of Suna and Kohana, I am a strong "troublesome" woman who took your heart and gave you mine, I am a strong woman who birthed eight children and lived to see grandchildren from four of them. I am a strong woman who has lived her life to the fullest- won, lost, came back with a harder kick, won again, fell in love, was hurt by love, and in the end triumphed in love and more importantly,

Life.

So don't you dare cry at my funeral Nara Shikamaru, or I'll come back from the grave and be even more troublesome. Oh, and when you send me my last diamond, put it in the music box so I can have it to keep me company while I wait for you.

With All My Love, Before, Now, and Beyond,

Nara Temarino Sabaku