Chapter Six: Mixed Emotions
They continued their meal in silence, as both elves wrestled with their own thoughts. At last Eärendil broke the thickening quiet; something had been irking him.
"I've been overhearing what some of my kin have been saying about you," he said hesitantly.
"And?" Elrond paused with an unsteadily-positioned forkful of potato halfway to his mouth.
"Well…" Eärendil shifted uncomfortably. "A lot of the elves here think that you are some kind of curse the Valar placed upon this haven, simply because of your close friendship with the Lords Mandos and Lórien. But you know this already, I'm sure."
Elrond nodded, setting down his fork before he could get potato all over his lap. "Something tells me that you have a different opinion."
Eärendil beamed, his eyes sparkling. "As a matter of fact, I do. Far from thinking you are a curse, I completely agree with Caranel, as you mentioned earlier: you are a great blessing to this haven.
"I know that I was much mistaken in believing that the others would accept you so readily. I thought they would regard you with some sort of reverence, rather than scorning you behind your back. I was very wrong indeed."
"I appreciate your kind thoughts," Elrond smiled.
They finished their meal, and Eärendil rose to leave, taking the empty plate and goblets with him. As he backed out of the door, Elrond said abruptly, "Lord Eärendil?"
"Yes?" Eärendil smiled.
Elrond paused for only a split-second before finishing, "I wish you the best of fortune on your journey, sire." He liked that last word; it showed that he knew his father was a lordly figure, but it was also a synonym for "father."
Eärendil nodded, bowing his head. "Hannon-le, Lord Elrond." (Thank you)
"Le-maetul, Lord Eärendil," (You're welcome) Elrond replied politely.
Eärendil closed the door softly behind him, and Elrond sighed, smiling slightly. His heart felt much lighter than it had just before.
"You handled that well," said a deep voice behind him.
Elrond turned, bowing to the Valar standing behind him. Mandos looked pleased in a calm, subdued way, and Lórien was smiling brightly.
"Well done," he said. "You've found a way to show both respect and love for your father, and still he knows nothing of your true nature. It was masterfully executed."
"Many thanks, my lords," Elrond replied, feeling his heart inflating with joy and pride. Hearing those words from anyone would be a thing to grin about. But from the Valar! There was no higher praise.
"You are most welcome," said Lórien. "But there is another matter to consider… that of your mother."
Elrond nodded, deflating slightly. He hadn't given a thought to Elwing.
"Yes," he murmured. "I hadn't considered…"
He lapsed into a pensive silence. After a few moments of deep thought he spoke again, quietly.
"I only have a week until Father leaves," he said, half to himself, "but if nothing goes wrong, I'll have four years with Mother. Would it be fair to concentrate only on Ada for this week?"
"You could concentrate mostly on your father," Mandos told him, "but I believe it would be better if you did spend some time with your mother, beginning now."
Elrond nodded. "I never did get to see her at breakfast…"
Mandos smiled. "You are dismissed."
The half-elf beamed, bowed and hurried away.
----
Elrond strode briskly down the long corridor toward the dining hall, following the sound of his parents' voices engaging in conversation. The smile faded from his lips as he heard what they were saying.
"Will you be visiting Cirdan today?" Elwing asked.
"Not today," Eärendil answered. "I'll wait until tomorrow. You'll be all right by yourself, won't you?"
Elwing's voice held an audible note of sadness as she replied, "The children need to get to know their father better."
"I know," Eärendil sighed. "I'm sorry, meleth. But you know why it is I have to go."
"To ask the Valar for help," said Elwing understandingly. "I know. But why so soon? Who knows how long you'll be gone?"
"I don't want to leave either," Eärendil told his wife gently. "But I must. We don't know when the Fëanorians will decide to attack; we have to be ready as soon as possible."
I know when they'll come, Elrond thought, slowing down as he approached the dining room door. You don't have to leave, Ada. One week is far too soon… can't you stay a little longer? I barely knew you in my past life. I want this to make up for it…
He was starting to cry again, he realized. He hastily wiped his moist eyes with his sleeve as he entered the spacious chamber, clearing his throat to announce his presence.
Eärendil and Elwing were seated side-by-side at a table that was otherwise vacant. Both had their heads inclined toward the other, leaning in to share a tender kiss. Young Elrond and Elros were gently cradled in their mother's arms.
Elwing's face lit up with a smile when she looked up and saw Elrond standing on the threshold. She nodded for him to come in, and he bowed his head in respect to both his parents as he did.
"We meet again," Eärendil smiled, rising to greet him. "How are you, Lord Elrond?"
"I'm just fine, sire," Elrond replied. "It's good to see you again, Lady Elwing," he added, nodding to his mother.
Elwing smiled. "And you, Lord Elrond. Won't you sit down?"
Elrond took a seat next to his mother, smiling down at his small self and receiving a happy gurgle in reply.
Elwing laughed. "He seems to really like you."
Elrond smiled, but inside his heart was twisting painfully. He averted his gaze from his mother's face, pretending to be focused on a small knothole in the tabletop. Don't you dare start again, he ordered himself as his eyes began to prickle.
"Has Eärendil told you of his plan to leave for Valinor?" Elwing asked him, breaking the silence.
Elrond nodded. "Just a few minutes ago, actually."
She nodded, falling silent again. Elrond stared at her, trying to figure out what was going on behind her silvery eyes. She looked sad, and a little worried. What was going through her head?
I know you're scared for your husband, he thought, not really believing Elwing could hear him. He'll be all right. But I can't help but wonder… are you more concerned about your children or yourself? Do you wonder what it will be like, trying to raise two infants on your own for who knows how long?
"What?" said Elwing abruptly.
"What?" Elrond frowned.
"Did you just say something?" she asked him.
Elrond shook his head. "Not a word. Why?"
"Nothing." Elwing shrugged casually. "I must have been hearing things."
I'll bet you were, Elrond thought. My thoughts.
"There it is again," his mother muttered. "Strange."
Eärendil glanced over at Elrond, and the elf felt transfixed by his father's keen gaze. His grey eyes blended authority, wisdom, strength and kindness. There was the unquestioned power of a lord, the undying love of a father for his children, and the warrior-like determination that stated clearly, "Hurt my family and you will pay dearly."
Eärendil's eyes were locked firmly onto those of the other elf. There was something about the sharp blue eyes that spoke of great knowledge, and understanding of many things through countless years of experience. He saw there grief, passion, fear, pity… a churning rainbow of blended emotions.
Father and son sat still as stone, the stillness about them growing ever thicker. Elwing, sitting between the two, felt a sudden impulse to break the connection between the two any way she could. Carefully she raised her hand and swatted at an insect that was humming around her ear. That broke the spell.
Eärendil and Elrond both blinked, glancing away from each other. Eärendil looked somewhat ashamed, and Elrond was slightly worried. Had his father seen so much in his eyes to know who he really was? Or had Elwing broken the connection in time?
He glanced down at the two infants nestled in their mother's arms, and felt a sudden strong urge to yawn. At the same time he noticed his younger self doing just that. No wonder.
"Someone's getting tired," Eärendil noticed, smiling gently down at the drowsy babe. "You need a nap, don't you?"
"I'll take him to his room," said Elwing, standing up. "If you'll excuse me…" She turned to leave.
"You'd best leave Elros with him," Eärendil called after his wife. "You know he gets lonely when they're apart."
Elwing nodded over her shoulder, and Elrond sighed silently. He was alone with his father for a second time, the father he couldn't even call by his true title: Ada.
Eärendil seemed to notice the other elf's gloominess, and started a cheery conversation. "Do you have any experience in shipbuilding, Lord Elrond?"
Rather startled by the odd question, Elrond didn't answer for a moment. At length he replied, "Not really, but I'm a fast learner. Why?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to the Isle of Balar tomorrow," his father said brightly. "Lord Cirdan and I are working on a ship for me to journey in to Valinor, and it's always good to have an extra pair of hands. Would you join us?"
Elrond was elated at the idea. Genuine father-son time, and a chance to learn something profitable. It was perfect!
"I'd be glad to," he grinned. "When do we leave?"