No false advertising here, people- this story is weird. If you didn't like the first two chapters, chances are you're not going to like the third one either.

Chapter 3

"Well, what are we waiting for?" inquired Ino from the windowsill as she watched the infamous tracking team make their way down the street. "Let's help them!"

"No," interrupted Tsunade. "You ladies just keep a lookout for anyone suspicious. Chances are, whoever did this to Hinata is still in the village. I don't want you to trifle with any progress they've made in apprehending the deviant."

Sakura, Ino and Tenten looked at each other for a moment before regarding their Hokage once more.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama," they chirped a little too brightly, bowing before they made their departure. Once the girls set foot several yards away from the Hokage Tower, they hatched some plans on how to find the culprit.

"You won't be able to find a man with a fuzzy rear unless we can manage to find him with his skivvies around his ankles," Tenten commented.

Ino and Sakura had wicked smiles on their faces. The weapons mistress merely stared at her friends before matching her expression to their own.

"You know, this is wrong on SO many levels!"

"I know, but c'mon, Tenten! It'll be fun!"

"Ino-Pig is right, and we are doing this for Hinata..."

"Sugoi! Konoha Booty Brigade, let's go!"

"Hey! I LIKE that name!"

The girls began to cackle maniacally, ignoring the strange looks from some of the other villagers.

Men of Fire Country, beware of the KBB!

Meanwhile, the reunited members of Team 8 went straight to the hot springs and were currently looking through the premises for any other clues. The owner of the onsen was told that, per Hokage's orders, the place had to be closed for the remainder of the day.

The proprietor of the hot springs couldn't argue with the law. Before he left the teens to their jobs, he pointed out that his establishment was swept clean every night. Though he did have a few customers entering and exiting before and after Hinata's arrival, someone could have left an errant hair or an article of personal property behind.

Or so they would hope.

After hours of gathering possible evidence into different-sized Ziploc bags, the group met at a table to let Akamaru and Kiba do what they did best- identifying scents.

Hinata glanced at Kiba for a brief moment, feeling awful for giving him the bruise he now sported on his cheek.

Let us rewind back to two hours and forty-five awkward minutes ago...

"Oi, Hinata-chan. Wait just one second."

Hinata halted just as Kiba boldly pressed his nose into the side of her left breast.

She gasped indignantly.

SLAP!

Kiba brought his hand up to rub his stinging cheek. "OWW! WHAT IS THIS? EVERYBODY BEAT UP KIBA DAY?" he screeched.

Hinata defensively brought her arms to her chest. "K-Kiba-kun! H-How could you?"

Kiba flailed his arms. "I was trying to see if I could recover the guy's scent!"

Hinata just stared at him, frowning.

"Cross my heart, Hinata-chan!"

"Then why is there a drool stain on her shirt?" Shino retorted disbelievingly. Hinata looked, and ran into the bathroom to spot-clean her top.

Kiba reddened. "SHUT UP, SHINO!"

At present time, the group was huddled around a large table. Hinata had neatly organized each bag into columns and Kiba and Akamaru went through every bag thoroughly, voicing out the different people each smell belonged to as Shino jotted down the information.

There was a brief pause and odd looks on Kiba and Akamaru's faces.

Shino smirked, though you couldn't tell behind his collar. He lifted a bag and brought it to Kiba's face.

"Smell it."

Kiba's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "NO! YOU SMELL IT!"

"My sense of smell isn't as heightened as yours."

"Forget this! Oi, Akamaru, YOU smell it!"

Akamaru whined, taking a few steps away from the table and tucking his tail behind his legs.

"AKAMARU! You sniff other dogs' asses and you won't smell this?"

Said nin-dog decided to run off, leaving his bewildered master behind.

"Damn traitor," he muttered, slapping the bag away from his face. "Fuck this investigation! I ain't putting my nose anywhere near those things!"

Elsewhere, the KBB seemed to be having better luck. After skillfully running around town pantsing a few Genin and Chuunin as well as some defenseless non-shinobi-types, the bushy tushie-seeking trio took a short ice cream break to recap.

"How many people live in Konoha, Forehead Girl?"

"According to the latest consensus, 64,306 people, Ino-Pig. Of that number, 31,509 are male. Of that number, 926 of them are active shinobi on duty performing various missions."

Tenten took a tentative lick of her strawberry cone. "We've only pantsed 293 guys."

"Wow, we have a lot more work ahead of us..." sighed Sakura, computing the numbers in her head.

Ino snapped a well-manicured finger. "Hey! We should look for Sasuke-kun, too, ne?"

They all stared at one another and began to giggle shamelessly. "Oh, SASUKE-KUUUN!" they hollered, resuming their search.

Back over to Team Kurenai:

Shino walked out of the building momentarily to get some fresh air. His stomach twisted in sadistic knots thinking of what Kiba was going to have to do.

After years of working with the same team, one begins to notice a habit. Shino had always been very observant. He had an inkling he knew what was going to happen.

Hinata would plead with Kiba. Kiba would flat-out refuse. Hinata would then do that thing... Kiba would turn into mush. It was quite simple, really. Given the current situation, it was also very hilarious.

Walking back inside with an inconspicuous-looking suitcase, he realized that he was correct in his assumptions.

"O-Onegai, Kiba-kun?"

"But Hinata-chan," he groused, scratching his head disapprovingly. "These are pubes! I'm cool with my own, thank you very much, but I ain't getting near someone else's." 'Unless they're yours,' he mentally added.

Shino waited. And there it was, right on cue. "P-please, Kiba-kun?"

He tried to resist... Kiba urked. "DAMN!" He ripped open a bag and brought one of the disgusting crinkled hairs to his nose. "This one belongs to Akamichi Chouza... Eww, GROSS! I sniffed fat people pubes!" Ripping into another bag, "This is Nara Shikaku's..."

2 hairs down, 387 left to go. Unfortunately there was a chance that a person shed more than one pubic hair.

This was NOT Kiba's day.

Hinata bowed in appreciation of Kiba's efforts. "Thank you, Kiba-kun!"

No one could ever resist pouty!Hinata.

Two hours and 380 nasty little hairs later, Shino held up the suitcase that was in his hands earlier.

"Kiba, you can stop now. Look what I found."

Kiba collapsed the moment he read the words, D.N.A KIT.

It really wasn't his day.

Next chapter: The KBB faces a challenge.

Ugh... pubes. (Shudders)

Me again! Um... so I'm working on the other chapters to my other stories, though my progress is very, very slow. Molasses slow, if you will. In the meantime, I'm here to pimp two old (and rather long) oneshots I wrote called "The Irony of Love" (SasuHina, NaruIno, SakuPakkun) and "Foxy Baby" (NaruHina). Check them out if you haven't already... I'm trying to get the amount of reviews for those stories past 100...

And, um, if you liked this chapter... well, you know what to do!