- Vengeance, continued -
It seems like an infinite amount of time has passed before the echo finally dissipates into space. Amy stood motionless, staring at the large gaping hole the weapon made at the target. Smoke still trails up from it, the last traces of the sheer velocity of the 9mm round.
Bobby couldn't turn his head to look at exactly how close the bullet eventually was to his skull. From the incredible blast, it was certainly too close for his liking. But he was still relieved that Amy pulled her aim away at the last second and the bullet embedded into the metal stretcher instead of his brain.
Amy gasps through her tears as she stares down her would-be victim. The hold on her gun begins to waver, its weight becoming unbearable in her hand. Gradually, her arm loses tension and her hand drops down, the gun dangling in a tentative hold.
She stumbles backwards as her emotions begin to overwhelm. She continues unsteadily, barely holding her own balance until her back reaches the concrete wall. She leans onto the worn surface, and lets herself slide down until she's sitting on the floor. She drops both the gun and the controller beside her. Her face begins to be enveloped in tears, her misery overflows and spills over every surface.
Bobby watches on, since that's about all he could do in his current situation. Although obviously, he is happy a gun is no longer pointed at his head, he can't help but to feel saddened by the heartbreaking display. The girl he once loved now reduced to a specimen of human torment.
Amy continues to sit by the wall. After a long time, the raw emotions soon give way to a blank sullen stare into emptiness. Her eyes seem focused without looking at anything in particular, as if lost in her own thoughts.
Eventually, Amy reaches down towards the controller, and presses a button.
Bobby reflexively tightens his body at what he thought might be another electrical jolt, but suddenly, the clamps on his body is released one after another. Weak from the recent events, his body drops heavily onto the floor once the last binding was unlocked. He gags and spits to expel the remaining blood from his mouth and throat.
After Bobby regains some strength, he pulls himself back up to a kneeling position. He looks over at Amy, who is still locked in the same position on the floor. Her face was flustered and tired, but otherwise showing no emotion.
Another minute passes, and Bobby finds that enough weakness has subsided for him to stand up. He does so, but keeps his attention over at Amy. Realizing he needs to try to break the silence, he attempts to talk to her. "Amy, ..."
Before he could continue, Amy suddenly reaches down for the gun. As soon as she reaches it, she gives it a shove, making it slide across the floor to right by Bobby's feet.
Bobby looked down at the gun. A wave of apprehension suddenly returning, and he feels his pulse quickening.
Amy spoke, in a low and almost hypnotized tone. "Finish it, Bobby."
Bobby darts his eyes back up at Amy, startled at what she's saying.
"You took her away from me. Now you have to finish the job. Take me to her." Bobby could see Amy's eyes were glossing over with fresh moisture.
Bobby could feel a tremendous uneasiness swelling up from within. He looks back down at the weapon; its sharp edges seem to be trying to ridicule the fears he's been harboring. He stoops down and, ever so gently and tentatively, picks it up into his hands. He's holding it delicately, as if it is a bomb waiting to explode if handled improperly. He notices that the safety is still off, so he carefully grips the back end of the barrel with one hand, and clicks the safety back on with the other. Then, like a surgeon performing a precise operation, he releases the magazine, and pulls it out of the gun.
Amy finally moves her face from her fixed gaze and looks at him, and the sight puzzles her. Bobby seems so fascinated by the weapon, looking at it like it was some bizarre contraption. Amy also notices that Bobby's face has grown several shades paler, as if he is somehow afraid of what is in front of him.
Never taking his eyes off of the gun and magazine in his hands, he turns and walks cautiously towards the table on the far wall. Once he reaches it, he puts the pieces of the gun down, so lightly that you only hear the faintest of clinks as the steel drops onto the aluminum table. As he releases his hands, he suddenly notices his hands trembling, and his heart was beating like it was a race.
Amy continues to be perplexed at Bobby's actions. A part of her disbelieving that this was the same Bobby Matthews she once knew, who had sometimes gone out on dates with six concealed firearms strapped to different parts of his body. Now, as he turns around and back towards her direction, she sees his face has become almost ghost-white. He walks until about halfway between the far wall and Amy and sits down across from her, resting his back onto the concrete. Blood seems to finally be flowing back to his face gradually, as a moment of silence passes.
Bobby finally speaks. "I couldn't even if I wanted to." His tone much more subdued from his marked belligerence earlier.
"What the hell happened to you Bobby?" Amy asks with much bewilderment.
Bobby hesitates. He has always tried to keep this quiet from as many people as possible. But with her seeing what she's already seen, there was no point in hiding it today. "I..." Bobby sighs, and fidgets uncomfortably. "...That was the first time I touched a gun ...since Endgame."
"...What?" A hint of annoyance is evident on Amy's face as a part of her mind questions the truth in what he's saying.
Bobby sighs again, still uneasy in revealing his greatest weakness to a former flame, especially now that she's a criminal mastermind. "I was a complete mess after what I did had sunken in. ...I went into shock. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. The Docs later said I had post-traumatic stress disorder. They tried to give me pills for it. But that wasn't the full story. I was afraid. ...terrified of what I realized I was capable of."
Amy stays silent. All these times she plotted her revenge she could never have imagined Bobby could already feeling remorseful. But she still couldn't put complete faith in what he is saying.
"I shot her," Bobby continued, "not because she was a wanted criminal or that she was putting me in danger, but because it had erupted from a most terrible rage. What I told you was true. I did hate her then. And in that anger, I lost control... and wounding her wasn't enough. All I could think of was killing her... and what's worse, I wanted the satisfaction of knowing you will watch her die." Bobby turns his hands so that he is facing his palms, a noticeable tremble now visible in the hands, the paleness returning to his face. Sweat drops now falling freely onto his shirt, soaking his neck.
Amy looks on in shock. Being a government agent meant that you would kill when necessary. Bobby always believed in that. So in her mind, she would never have believed that Bobby would feel anything other than complete justification for his actions that day.
As if following Amy's train of thoughts, he continues, "I never told anyone this, but in my missions, when I've had to kill an enemy in battle, I've always gained a small bit of enjoyment from it." Bobby's eyes remain fixed on his shaking palms, not bothering to hide the distressed tone in his voice.
"I kept telling myself that my excitement was only because I was upholding my duty to protect the country. But that day I found out the truth about me. My mind craved the thrill of murdering someone I despised... I wanted to see her blood spill out in a big red mess. I hungered to see the look on her face when she realizes her life is about to end and she could do nothing to stop it." His mouth begins to tremble. His eyes were wide open, sharp and frightening. He gets a hold of himself quickly though, and gives himself a long blink to settle himself once more.
"I had no idea this is what I am capable of. And since then, every time I touched, or even looked at a gun, it made me sick to my stomach. My hands would shake, my vision would blur, and I couldn't function." He clasps his unsteady hands and closes his eyes, trying to calm his nerves. "...Why did you think I was stuck at a desk job when you had those goons throw me into a van?"
Amy was still dismayed at what she was seeing and hearing. His question caught her off guard. It takes a moment for it to sink in before she stumbled, recalling the data their own intelligence had found for her. "The documents showed it was punishment for killing an unarmed suspect."
Bobby reopens his eyes and huffs in a small chuckle. "No. My bosses were lining up to shake my hand. Politicians wanted to give me awards. Everybody was congratulating me for being the one to finally take down the notorious Lucy Diamond. ...But I couldn't bear it. No matter what they said, the truth kept haunting me everywhere I went. ...I shot at someone in the back in cold blood. And God help me, for those few minutes ...I enjoyed doing it."
Amy stayed silent. Her gift at deceit and deception also correlated to being a good reader at whether a person is telling the truth. The tension in his voice, the gaze in his eyes, the paleness in his face... She could tell that this was no ruse.
"My father saw me, and how I reacted, and he was so ashamed of me. He called me an embarrassment to the family." Bobby says with a tinge of spite in his voice.
Amy wasn't surprised. The day Bobby introduced her to the senior Robert Matthews was one of the most unnerving days of her life. The man was once one of the most revered field agents ever to have worked for the NSA. Now a General, he oversees many of the top-secret missions the Agency conducts for the government. Amy cringes at the thought of what his reaction was to discover his own son now gets panic attacks just by handling a gun.
Bobby continues, "He kept insisting that I will recover, so he used his influence and made my bosses change the official story. They made it look like my change in job setting was forced by demotion, so that once I'm back to my old bloodthirsty self, they'd re-instate me and I'll be back in the fold, killing at will in the name of National Security."
Amy faintly snorts in a sarcastic tone. "So the once proud Agent Bobby Matthews, now a shirt-and-tie pencil-pusher in some office cubicle."
Bobby ignored Amy's taunt. "I may be a pencil-pusher, but at least like this, I will never have to see the monster I know is inside me."
"And yet you were goading me into killing you?" Amy asks with mild resentment in her voice.
The edges of Bobby's mouth perk up in the slightest smile. "I was taking my chances, but I knew you wouldn't do it."
Amy's eyes turned into a look of irritation. She had something to say about what she thought he meant by that, but Bobby spoke before she did.
"I know you more than you'd like to believe, Amy. Some things will never change. Go ahead and steal all the money you want, but you're no cold-blooded killer. No matter what has happened, or no matter how hard you try, you don't have that demon inside you waiting to break out of the cage, and you never will. It truly takes one to know one. And you are not like me."
A notion of absurdity comes to Amy's mind at the current situation. The one man in this world, whose actions made everything in her life change for the worst, is now declaring that she herself will never change. And by some freak twist of fate, it almost serves to make her feel better.
The increasingly surreal conversation between the two ex-agents lapse into a short duration of silence, both mentally drained at the stress of the day's events. In a way, each appreciated this overdue period of calmness.
Finally, Bobby spoke again. "You still really do love her, don't you?"
For the first time in a very long time, a small smile forms on Amy's face. She takes in the question slowly, letting it marinate in her thoughts. Many superlatives come to mind with this question, but she just lets one simple statement encompass it all. She sighs, and bites her bottom lip right before replying. "...More than anything."
Bobby then starts to shift in his position uncomfortably, as if there is some inner debate occurring. He inhales deeply as he closes his eyes, and then reopens them as he exhales.
"...Lucy's alive, Amy."
Author's notes:
...Is Bobby telling the truth? ...Will Amy believe him? ...Find out in the next exciting installment of "Angel's Tears"!