A/N: Thanks for continuing to follow along with this fic, and please don't be shy about sharing your thoughts with me below! I love hearing what you all think as you go!
Accio-broom somehow still isn't bored of fixing my stories, so thanks to you for reviewing!
Both storylines are starting to get more and more interesting - can our favorite nerds keep it going?
September 15, 2012, 11:45pm
As I entered my room, I found Hermione sitting on what was normally my side of the bed, leaning against the simple wooden headboard with a towel wrapped around her head. The bedside lamp was on, helping her read through our senior yearbook.
"Everything okay?" I asked as I closed the door behind me.
"Great, thanks. Your water pressure is phenomenal, you know."
"Isn't it? It was one of the first things I checked when we moved in. I love it, it feels like a massage."
"Mmm, I know what you mean."
I nodded, trying to think of a way to start a conversation with her and hopefully figure out what was going through her head. But, try as I might, I couldn't think of anything to say without sounding like a jackass, so I decided it could wait until the morning. Everything is easier after a mediocre night's sleep, right?
"Anyway, I think I'll head to bed. Let me know if you need an-"
"Ron, I feel bad taking your room from you," she said as she pulled off the covers and pushed herself off the bed, standing right in front of me. The t-shirt I'd lent her barely skimmed the middle of her thighs.
Fuck, that looks perfect on her.
"It's fine, I promise. I'm not subjecting you to that couch, your back will be killing you for a week."
"So it's too crappy for me, but it's good enough for you?"
"My back is…whatever, I've done it before, it'll be fine."
"Look, why don't we both just stay here? I don't snore, I promise."
Does she mean what I think, does she? That sounds like a bad idea. Well, no, it sounds fucking amazing, but definitely not what she meant, and definitely a bad idea. Quick, play dumb!
"It's a small room, there's not really space for my sleeping bag," I said, pretending to investigate the floor. Meanwhile, my insides were squirming wondering how she'd respond.
"Dummy, you have a huge bed. You take one side, I'll take the other."
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I shuffled my feet and glanced over to the mattress, which now looked to me as though it would fit snugly in a toddler's crib. "You sure? That wouldn't be…weird or anything?"
Hermione shrugged as she fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt, looping it around her finger over and over again and forcing it to ride up her leg. "Fine with me if it's fine with you. Besides, it's not like we haven't shared a bed before."
Seriously?! The camping trip?! She's using THAT as evidence that it's a GOOD idea?!
"Yeah, but that didn't end too well if I remember correctly."
"Whatever, it was like a decade ago. Ancient history. We're friends. Friends who look after the health of each other's backs."
I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrow at her. "You're sure?"
"Yeah, it's no big deal."
"You're SURE?"
"Jesus, just lay down and go to sleep."
"Okay, if you say so," I said as I grabbed a pair of shorts and my Ninja Turtles t-shirt. I slipped into the bathroom and turned on the tap, splashing freezing cold water on my face before looking at my reflection in the mirror.
She said it herself, it's not a big deal. You're both adults, and it's just sleeping.
After brushing my teeth and changing clothes, I stepped back into the room and made the unfamiliar walk to the other side of the bed, not having the heart to kick her out of my normal spot. As I came closer, she picked up a stuffed white bear wearing a Northville High t-shirt and placed it on the side table to make room for me. The towel around her head had disappeared; her wild, damp hair framed her face.
God, that's sexy.
"Just do me a favor," I said as I slid under the top sheet. "Don't tell Harry I stayed here? He'll be all weird about it."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Deal," she replied.
"Anything else you need?"
"No, I'm alright. Only…"
"Yeah?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow and facing her.
"Look, I know it sounds a little babyish, but I always sleep with a dim light. Would it bother you too much if I left the lamp on?"
"You need a nightlight?" I teased, a wide grin on my face.
Hermione shoved me in the middle of my chest, knocking me onto my back. "Fine, I'll turn it off. But it'll be all your fault if I have nightmares."
A chuckle escaped my lips as I turned my head back toward her. "No, it's fine with me, I don't mind. Sometimes I sleep in the kid's room when I'm visiting my brothers, so I'm used to it."
"Are you comparing me to a small child?"
"You personally? No. Your sleeping habits…ehh."
"Jerk," she replied with a smirk as she flopped onto her back. "But thank you. I try sleeping without one every now and then and it just goes badly."
"It's okay, I promise." I rolled away from her and turned off my bedside lamp before settling on my back. Glancing back towards her side of the bed, my eyes lingered for a second on the swell of her breast, raising the Detroit Lions logo invitingly towards me.
I don't think I've ever been a bigger fan of that team than I am right now.
My eyes flew back to the ceiling as she picked the yearbook up and started leafing through the pages again.
"Oh my God, look at your hair!" she said, pointing at my senior picture.
Flipping towards her, I looked down at my eighteen-year-old self.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Caesar cuts were in then. It was a mistake."
"No, don't say that. I think it looked good on you."
"Couldn't have been that good. I had that haircut for three years starting at the beginning of senior year and had zero girlfriends that whole time."
"Umm, not exactly zero."
I stared back at her with a blank look. "Yeah, zero. At least not after Lavender. I think I would remember."
"I don't mean Lavender."
The lump in my throat doubled in size as I swallowed. "Excuse me?"
"Well, I just mean…almost, right?"
May 31, 2002, 3:10pm
The yellow school bus cruised down I-96, packed with forty Northville High School students and their overnight gear. It was finally time for the senior class camping trip to Grand Haven, an annual pilgrimage afforded to the graduating class after their last exam of the year. A feeling of triumph and ecstasy was pervasive among the riders, and their conversations were so loud that Ron couldn't hear himself think, much less carry on a conversation with his seatmate.
"Can you believe it, Harry? Can you actually believe it? This is it! We've done it!" Ron yelled.
"I know, it's a great feeling. A little sad, too, but great!"
"Sad? Are you kidding me? Never having to take another exam again is hardly what I would call sad."
"I think you're severely underestimating what college is going to be like, but sure."
"You know what I mean."
Senior year had passed in the blink of an eye. Ron and Harry had once again proven themselves key contributors on the state-champion football team, making it back-to-back years winning the whole thing. Once the season was over, most of their classes ramped up as finals and AP exams approached, not providing them the opportunity to slack off that they'd been desperate for after years of effort. All that was over now, though, with nothing but celebrations for the next month.
As excited as Ron was about forty-eight hours of camping on western Michigan's best beaches, his mind drifted to the girl sitting in the seat behind him. Ever since the homecoming dance, he had been trying to find a way to ask Hermione to be his girlfriend. For Christmas that year, he had bought her a signed copy of The Poisonwood Bible, her favorite book of all time. The look on her face when she had opened it had nearly caused him to profess his love for her right then and there, but he had held back, still unsure whether she reciprocated his feelings or not. They had spent most of their time together after school, albeit often with Harry and Ginny as well.
But this weekend was it. Time was running out, and Ron knew that it was now or never. Even though the three of them were going to be attending the same university in the fall, he suspected that arriving to college life unattached wouldn't bode well for his prospects; too many other smart guys around, and Ron had barely squeaked in off the waitlist. He had rehearsed a speech over and over again in his mind in the days leading up to the trip, and he was confident that he had finally figured out what he wanted to say to her. Additionally, he had packed a present for her; a small teddy bear wearing a little Northville High t-shirt. He hoped that the gift would help him make his case.
"Hey, have you thought any more about what we talked about before?" Harry asked. "I know you weren't sure if you wanted to live together in the dorms, but they need to know soon."
"Oh, yeah," Ron said. "Sure, I think it sounds great. We might end up killing each other, but it's better than rooming blind. Who knows who we might end up with that way."
"Great, I'll fill out the form with your name on it, then. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we'll even end up in the same dorm as Hermione."
"Yeah, maybe." After a brief silence, Ron turned back to his friend, sensing his gaze. "What?"
"You going to be okay this weekend? You know…" he asked, jerking his head towards the seat behind them.
"Yeah, of course, what do you mean?"
"I mean, things are still kind of in flux, aren't they? I don't know what your status is, and I'd appreciate a heads up since we're all going to be sharing a tent."
Ron shook his head and smirked. "Our status is nothing. Same as it's always been."
"Honestly?"
"Yes, honestly, why? Did she say something to you?"
The question must have seemed too eager as Harry threw his head back and laughed. "Sure thing, Ron. Same as it's always been. No, she didn't say anything, but, look, just do me a favor. I know there's no doorknob or anything, but maybe leave a sock outside the tent door if you need some space, okay?"
"C'mon, that's ridiculous. I can't believe you'd even think that! And keep your voice down, she's right back there," Ron whispered.
"If you say so. But you can't tell me you haven't thought about it."
When have I STOPPED thinking about it?
"Of course I have. We're best friends, we get along well, and we've always had fun hanging out together. But…it's Hermione. I just don't want to mess anything up. It's a pretty big step, don't you think?"
"I don't know, I guess. I thought the same thing when I finally asked Ginny, and I'm glad I did."
"Gross, man. Keep that to yourself."
"Fine, but my point stands. You two are way closer than she and I were when we started dating, and it's been fantastic. At some point, you just have to take a leap."
Nodding as he turned back towards the front of the bus, Ron's mind was spinning a mile a minute.
Oh, I know. I'm working on it…
May 31, 2002, 6:55pm
"Finally!" Ron said with a sigh as he and Harry stood back and admired their handiwork.
The tent looked a bit rickety, but it was securely staked into the ground, its frame holding steady.
"Your dad got this from a guy at work?" Harry asked him.
"Yeah, but he never told us it would take an hour to set it up."
"Well, unless it's a magic tent, the rules of physics still apply. You ought to know that, we just took our physics final yesterday."
"Shut up, Harry."
As Harry and Ron had worked to get the tent set up, Hermione had built a fire in their fire pit. Almost one hundred students were scattered throughout the wooded grounds. The school had rented half of the camp for the weekend. Everywhere they looked, classmates and friends were celebrating the end of finals. Each fire contained the charred remains of notes, study guides, and essays from throughout the year, all of the seniors participating in the cleansing ritual.
The trio had decided to share a site, and the tent that Ron had brought along would comfortably fit all three of them. Despite knowing that she would suffer ridicule from her friends, Hermione had brought an inflatable air mattress, which was set up on one side of their shelter. Harry and Ron's sleeping bags were laid out on the other side with plenty of space to spare. Not that they were even sure they'd need them anytime soon. From what they'd heard from students who'd been on the trip in previous years, it wasn't uncommon for everyone to stay up all night.
"Who brought the food?" Ron asked. "I'm starving."
Hermione smiled back at him. "Calm down, I have the cooler right here. I brought some regular hot dogs and some Smart Dogs. They're plant-based, much better for the planet."
"You have to be kidding me," Ron replied, shooting her an incredulous look as he reached for a roasting skewer. "Isn't that where they just mash up vegetables and try to make it taste like a hot dog?"
"They're made from soy and pea protein, and they're actually quite good. You can barely tell the difference."
"Oh, I'll be able to tell."
"Not unless you try one and see." Her eyebrow was raised at him devilishly as if she were daring him.
He narrowed his eyes as he stared back at her, trying and failing to keep a straight face. "Fine. But only because you vouched for them. If they're disgu- no, when they're disgusting, you owe me."
"What do I owe you, exactly?"
Ron held her sly glare as she unwrapped the hot dog buns and handed one to him, her fingers grazing his as she pulled back.
"Can you pass me the regular ones, Hermione?" Harry asked, breaking the silence. "I already know I can't stomach a Smart Dog."
Hermione tossed the package to Harry, who opened it and stabbed a dog onto the end of a long fork before holding it to the fire. Turning back to Ron, she prepared two Smart Dogs and handed one to him. He sat down next to her on a small log to cook his dinner. It didn't take long for his mouth to start watering at the smoky, savory aroma of Harry's real hot dog wafting through the air. Meanwhile, his Smart dog was just turning slightly more grey.
Once the faux meat had something resembling the look of a roasted hot dog, Ron popped it into a bun and slathered it with mustard before taking a bite. A second later, he gagged and wretched. The inside of his mouth tasted like charred cardboard, and he spat out the partially chewed food onto his plate.
"Ugh, come on, dude," Harry said. "Other people are trying to eat here."
"Was it really that bad?" Hermione asked, trying to contain a giggle.
Ron glared back at her as he took a swig of his soda in an attempt to cleanse his palate. "That was the grossest thing I've ever tasted in my life."
"Sorry! I honestly don't think they taste that different from the real ones. Anyway, thank you for trying it. As you said, I owe you. I'll leave it to you to decide the terms of payment."
Fuck. Ron's mind started spinning, thinking of all the ways he would like to cash in that favor. Rein it in, Romeo.
"Right, well, we'll…figure something out."
Hermione's raised eyebrow and Harry's not-so-subtle chuckle only made his sudden anxiety worse, and he punched his bespectacled friend in the arm as he walked over and took the pack of regular hot dogs from him.
Come on, Ron, keep it together. It's going to be a long weekend, and still the best opportunity you'll ever have to finally make a move.
June 1, 2002, 1:10am
"But that's only because you're ass ugly!" Seamus said, finishing his joke with a loud punchline.
"Why are you talking about your mom?" Dean asked with a grin, prompting Seamus to throw a marshmallow back at him.
The two of them were sitting around a roaring fire in front of the trio's tent. Ron, Harry, Hermione, and a few of their other friends were there as well, the party still raging despite the late hour. It had been a night full of reminiscing, good music, and laughter. Smoke filled the air, the scent of campfire so pervasive that it was permeating their clothing. Hermione was fading, though, and she couldn't keep her eyes open as her head kept dropping onto Ron's shoulder.
"Well, I think I'm going to have to call it a night," she said, dusting off her pants as she stood up.
"No way, it's too early!" their friend Hannah Abbott said, thrusting her fist into the air. "We go all night!"
Hermione chuckled and shook her head. "Please do, but I don't think I'm going to make it. I'll see everyone in the morning."
As she walked towards the tent, Ron was torn. On the one hand, he wasn't that tired and would be happy to stay up all night. On the other hand, he was really hoping to have at least some time alone with Hermione this weekend, and a golden opportunity had just fallen into his lap. In the time it took him to mull things over in his mind, she had disappeared, and the opportunity was gone.
He tried to laugh along with the jokes for the next few minutes but found himself continually distracted. Nothing was funny to him anymore, and he found that he really was starting to get sleepy after all.
Let's go! Who cares what anyone would say, just be with her!
Just as he had gathered the courage to get up and crawl back into the tent, its zipper opened and Hermione's head popped out.
"Umm, Ron, could I borrow you for a second? I've got a bit of a problem."
Ron's face lit up and he jumped to his feet. Behind him, Seamus snickered. "Sounds like her problem is that she needs some ginger love," he said.
Everyone liked to torture Ron about Hermione, making kissy faces and saying that he had feelings for her and that she probably felt the same way. But Ron would never admit anything, especially not to an asshole like Seamus. Daggers shot out of his eyes as he sneered back at his friend. "Shut up, Seamus."
Besides, he's just jealous.
When he entered the tent, he immediately saw the issue. Her airbed was illuminated by the small battery-powered lantern hanging from the ceiling, and it was completely flat.
"It must have sprung a leak or something," she told him.
"Ahh. Okay, well, hmm, yeah that's a problem. Don't suppose you have any duct tape in that bottomless bag of yours, do you?" he asked with a wink.
"It's not bottomless," she groaned, digging through her suitcase. "And no, I don't."
"Any other blankets by chance?"
"Just the one on the bed, and I'll need that because it's so chilly out here!"
"Have you never been camping in the spring before?" he asked with a grin. "It's still cold at night."
"Yes, well I know that now, but I only have these thin pajamas and one extra sweatshirt. Even with both of them on, I'm freezing!"
An idea popped into Ron's head. One of the best ideas he'd ever had, honestly. It was a little bit crazy, but if it worked…
Drying his hands against his pants, he glanced over at his sleeping bag. That's definitely big enough. Okay, just throw it out there and see what she says. If it's weird, just play it off like you meant that she could have it to herself. Yes, excellent plan.
"You know, my sleeping bag is already set up," he offered, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "You could sleep there if you like."
"Really? You wouldn't mind sharing?"
WHAT?! Thank you, God! This is even more perfect than I'd hoped!
He cleared his throat, trying to maintain a sense of calm. "No, it's fine. It's pretty big and I've got my blanket too, so we could both just sleep on top of it."
A hint of blush appeared on her cheeks through the dim lighting, and she turned away to grab her blanket. "Thanks, Ron. I really appreciate it. I promise I'll stay on my side."
"It's no big deal. Let me just brush my teeth and we'll set it up," he said, reaching for his toothbrush.
"Oh, you don't have to go to sleep now just because I am!" she replied, placing a hand on his arm. It was as though a bolt of lightning had struck him just below the elbow, and the hair on his forearm stood on end. "I'm sure you'd rather stay out there for a while."
"Nah, it's fine. I had to wake up early today to pack, so I'm pretty tired. Besides, we have all weekend to hang out."
"Okay, if you're sure."
As Ron quickly brushed his teeth and swallowed the toothpaste, Hermione shifted her things over to the other side of the tent, setting them on one side of the sleeping bag before laying down and covering herself with her fuzzy blanket. Once he had finished brushing and turned off the light, Ron grabbed his blanket and dropped down next to her. They were both flat on their back, staring up at the ceiling, and he had no idea what to say next. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance, and the laughter was still audible just outside the tent. Inside, however, there was a completely different vibe. It was thick with tension, although Hermione wasn't showing any outward signs of the anxiety that was plaguing Ron.
"Can you believe the year is almost over?" she asked, rolling over onto her side to face him.
His head fell towards her, but he could only see the whites of her eyes in the darkness. "Not really. Feels like we were just starting high school last week."
"I know. But somehow we're graduating in a week and a half. So many memories…"
"Good ones, I hope?" he asked as he blinked.
"Mostly good, yes. I don't think anyone gets through high school with nothing but good memories, but on the balance, I wouldn't change a thing."
Ron gulped as he tried to think through the situation. There he was, lying next to the girl of his dreams, sharing his sleeping bag in a tent in the dark. They were by themselves and, while he couldn't be sure, he was fairly certain that she was flirting with him at least a little bit. After he cursed himself for leaving the bag containing her teddy bear gift all the way across the tent, he tried to figure out what to do next. It would be a romantic place for a kiss, after all.
"Me too," he said.
"It's just so bizarre to think that we'll never walk those halls again."
"Yeah, you're right."
Hermione glanced at him and sighed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a downer. This trip is about having fun together, one last hurrah. It doesn't make sense to spend it being sad about high school ending. Let's talk about something else. Oh, I know! I still owe you one from before. The Smart Dog, you know? So you pick, what's it going to be?"
Trying to push the less wholesome thoughts from his mind, he scoffed. "It's fine, I was just joking around. It wasn't that bad."
"Which is why you spit it out faster than lightning?" she asked with a giggle.
"No, don't worry about it, I'm fine."
"Nonsense. Besides, I have an idea," she started, sliding closer to him across the sleeping bag. "Remember that time in study hall when you were so sore after the game and you hadn't been able to sleep? So I scratched your arm and you were out cold in a matter of minutes?"
"Oh yeah, that was nice. But honestly, you don't owe me anything."
"Shh," she said, her long fingernails starting to glide from his wrist all the way up toward his shoulder, ducking under the sleeve of his t-shirt along the way. "Just relax."
Back and forth her hand climbed. Every nerve ending in his arm was firing, and his body was flooded with oxytocin and a case of the warm fuzzies. At one point, he gave up trying to guess the patterns she was tracing and allowed every muscle in his body to relax. Her fingers were deft in their movement, coming just short of tickling him and leaving him at the height of pleasure without any discomfort. In fact, he was so comfortable that his eyelids drooped. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep them open.
"Sorry…falling asleep," he mumbled.
"Go ahead," she whispered. "I'll keep going for a while. Have a good sleep, see you in the morning. And…thanks again."
"Course," he said, just as he drifted off.
June 1, 2002, 7:45am
Ron's legs flailed, kicking off the blanket as he opened his eyes. Through the thin
nylon wall, he could tell that it was bright outside, sunlight skimming the roof of the tent.
But why is it so hot? I know these tents can get warm once the sun is out, but it still has to be early.
As he lay on his back, he also realized that he was having trouble breathing, as though something was sitting on top of him. When he glanced down, he had to withhold a gasp.
Wild, bushy hair was covering his chest, fanned out from his stomach all the way up to his chin. Hermione's cheek was resting just under his right collarbone, and her hand rested right over his sternum. Her slow, regular breaths were warming the front of his shirt, and one of her legs was pressed against his, her foot resting on his calf. He was unable to stop smiling to himself as he noticed that his arm was wrapped around her, partially asleep and numb. If it were up to him, he wouldn't move for the rest of his life. Staying curled up in a tent all day with Hermione Granger sounded just about perfect, and aside from the urge to pee, he couldn't think of any other reason to get up.
Except for Harry.
Oh shit, is Harry here?
He glanced to his left, relieved to find his friend's sleeping bag empty. A hint of guilt swept over him as he wondered if Harry had tried to come into the tent, saw his two best friends practically cuddling with each other, and felt as though he should leave. Ron never meant to make anyone uncomfortable. Speaking of which…
Did she fall asleep like this on purpose? Or was it an accident? Is she going to be upset if she wakes up this way? Or maybe I'm just that lucky and this is the ideal moment?
The answers to his questions wouldn't have to wait long as Hermione stirred. Her brown eyes blinked and she shifted against his body. As soon as she glanced up and saw his face, she jolted and pulled back.
"Sorry, I-I didn't realize…"
"No, it's fine," he corrected her, trying to prove it to her by gripping her shoulder and pulling her back a bit, just enough to let her know he wanted her there. "Kind of comfortable, actually."
"You're sure?" she asked, one corner of her lip curling up.
"Positive."
With a content sigh, she settled back down against him and cuddled underneath his arm. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, you?"
"I did. Thanks again for sharing with me."
Feeling braver than he expected he would have, he said, "Of course. You're welcome anytime."
"Everyone else fell asleep outside?" she asked as she replaced her hand on his chest, this time definitely on purpose.
"Guess so. Although they must've been freezing."
"Not with the way they had that fire going, I suspect."
"Sure, maybe not."
Ron knew that, for the most part, he was completely at ease around Hermione. They could talk about anything, and he trusted her implicitly. At that moment, though, he had no idea what to say. Something had changed between them; they had achieved a level of comfort with each other that went beyond their normal friendship. For God's sake, she was sleeping in his arms! What do you say to someone who is not your girlfriend that fell asleep in your arms? Or…was she his girlfriend?
"So," she started, "do you want to go see if everyone is awake? Or stay here a little longer?"
"Oh, either way. We don't," he shrugged, "you know, we could."
"Right, yeah, up to you."
"Okay. Well, I guess it's still early, and they're probably still asleep. Maybe just rest a bit longer?"
"That sounds great," she said. Her eyes darted up and caught his as their gazes locked. Her bottom lip was sucked into her mouth, and he could tell that she was breathing a little faster. One second passed, then two seconds, then three. Ron lost count, but she never took her eyes off of him. He found himself sweating for reasons completely unrelated to his blanket or the sun. The tips of her fingers slid up his chest toward his face.
Oh my God, this is it. It has to be. Just be cool.
Just as she started pushing herself up onto her elbow and moving her lips towards his face, the zipper on the tent started to open. Hermione shot away from him, rolling over to the side wall as fast as possible just as Harry kicked off his shoes and stepped in.
"Morning," he said, his head turned as he zipped the door shut again. When he spun around and found the two of them trying very hard to make it seem that they weren't next to each other, he stopped in his tracks, his brow furrowed. "Err, sorry. I think…"
"For what?" Hermione asked as casually as she could muster.
"Umm, for…well, would you prefer some privacy?" Harry answered, slipping his hands into his pockets.
"Oh, you're fine, man," Ron replied with a smirk.
"Right, why would we need that?" Hermione agreed.
"I mean, because you're-"
"Oh, this?" Hermione asked, pointing between her and Ron. "No, don't be ridiculous. My air mattress has a hole in it, so Ron just offered me a place to sleep."
Ridiculous? Sounds a bit harsh. It's not THAT far-fetched.
"Otherwise she would've had to sleep on the ground," Ron added.
"Yeah, cool, it's fine. You don't have to explain anything," Harry said, still looking awkward as he perused the contents of his bag.
"No, I know. But could you actually imagine? Me and Ron?" Hermione said with a laugh.
Wait, what? Did I hear-? That whole time was nothing but…oh, shit. No…
Harry seemed as though he was catching on to Ron's distress and stepped back toward the tent flap. "Okay, well, we're going to make breakfast soon. Come on out and eat when you're ready."
Once he left the tent, Hermione sat straight up and sighed. "Sorry," she started, her cheeks burning scarlet. "I just, I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable."
"Sure, I get it. Umm, good thinking." Ron tried to paste a smile onto his face as he pulled himself up next to her, but he was sure his disappointment was showing through.
"You know, I didn't-I didn't mean it like that."
"Us sleeping togeth-uhh, on the same sleeping bag? No, I know. I didn't think…"
"No, not that. I mean, when Harry came in," she spluttered, her hands gesticulating wildly. "What I said to him. I didn't-"
"Yeah, better that it's not weird for him, right? Umm, because, I mean, why would it be?"
She chuckled and shook her head. "Right. Of course it wasn't, was it?"
"No, not weird at all."
"Okay. Because I just meant that that wasn't…I mean, I kind of liked it when…well, hmmm, never mind."
The situation was deteriorating; all of his hopes were circling the drain. It caused him to panic, and he just said the first thing that popped into his mind. "No, but yeah, you're right. It would be strange, wouldn't it? You and me?"
WHAT?! You fucking idiot! It's not strange at all! It's fucking perfect!
"Oh. Well, now that you mention it, maybe a little? But, I kind of thought-"
"Yeah, but I would never assume because…well, we're friends, right?"
SHUT UP! JUST STOP TALKING!
Her eyes drifted down to the blanket as she picked at a piece of lint on the surface. From his vantage point, he could only see a bit of her face, but he noticed a tightening in his chest when he peeked at her sad eyes. It looked like tears were accumulating on her lower eyelid, but she turned her head and wiped it away in a hurry. "Right. Friends."
You total fucking moron. What have you done?
"Anyways, I think I'll, uhh, go and get ready. Maybe head over to the bathroom and freshen up. I'll see you out there?" she asked, grabbing a change of her clothes and her toiletries bag.
"Wait, Frizz."
"No, it's okay. Yeah, it'll be good."
"Umm, okay, sure. See you soon."
"Oh, and I think Mr. Slughorn has some extra sleeping bags, so I'll see if he can lend me one. That way, I can-well, you wouldn't have to share anymore."
"Got it," he said, his shoulders slumping. "Not that I minded, honestly."
"No, I know. But it's better, right?"
He opened his mouth to agree with her, then closed it again and nodded as he looked away. She exhaled and opened the door to the tent, stepping outside without looking back.
Once he was sure she had walked away, he wound up and punched his pillow, his fist connecting with the feathery lump over and over. He wanted to scream, to yell as loudly as possible about how unfair life was. Anger towards Harry hit him as well, no matter how much he knew that his friend's poor timing was unintentional. More than anything, though, he wanted to run after Hermione, spin her around, kiss her right on the lips, and clear up the whole thing.
Agitation boiled inside of him as he stood up and started pacing inside the small tent. As he glanced over towards his bag, he caught a glimpse of the teddy bear tucked into one corner. He pulled it out and held it in his hands, sneering at it and twisting it violently before shoving it back into the bag, deep down underneath all of his clothes. Throwing the bag back into the corner of the tent, he flopped back down onto his sleeping bag, wondering if he would come out at all for the remainder of the trip.
FUCK!
September 16, 2012, 12:05am
"I mean, I guess," I said, clearing my throat and glancing away.
"You guess? Ron, it's been over ten years, there's nothing to be embarrassed about anymore. But don't try to tell me I imagined it all."
Indecision raged in my gut. Of course, I didn't want to tell her that she was crazy, that I hadn't had feelings for her as well. She was smarter than that, plus it would be a lie. But what was the point of bringing it up now? Admitting a crush, no matter how long ago, was always going to be awkward. Continuing to be good friends with the person years later doesn't exactly help matters.
I still couldn't bring myself to look at her. "No, you didn't imagine anything."
"So, what, then?"
"What do you mean?"
"What happened? Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I don't really know. I thought about it. About…us. Especially during the camping trip. And the homecoming dance senior year."
"Ahh yes. Both nights ended somewhat like this one if I'm not mistaken."
Heat was sneaking into my cheeks, and I suspected that my face and ears were the color of a fire engine. Part of me couldn't believe that she was discussing this so openly. In a strange way, it worried me.
Does that mean that she's so completely past her feelings for me that she's sure nothing would ever happen?
"Yeah, you're right," I replied. "Except Harry's floor and Grand Haven's dirt were much less comfortable."
"So if you thought about it, why not do anything?"
"I mean, wouldn't it have been a little weird? We'd been best friends for six years by that point. I guess I just didn't want to screw up a good thing."
"You wouldn't have."
"Oh, I'm not so sure about that. I didn't want to lose what we had, and I was worried that, if I said something and it just turned out that I was reading too much into things, then I really would've screwed everythin-"
"No, Ron, listen," she replied, peering into my eyes and shaking her head. "You wouldn't have."
"Really?"
"Really."
Ummm, okay. Shake it off? Keep asking questions? Kiss her? No, goddammit, don't kiss her, this was years ago. Humor? Yes, humor!
"This information would've been so useful to my seventeen-year-old self. I should've let you use my bed back then."
"You did."
Fuck, THIS conversation again?
"Right," I answered.
"Exactly. You know, for what it's worth, I was going to tell you all of this the weekend of the camping trip. Until Harry showed up that next morning."
"Ugh, that's right, I remember. Harry…"
"Harry."
"I've never really liked that guy."
My body relaxed when she laughed, although I still wish I knew why she was digging up these old memories.
"After that, though," she continued, staring down and running her fingers over the soft sheets, "I don't know, it's like it wasn't quite the same. Then we went to college, one thing led to another, and we kind of…drifted."
Of course, I wanted to tell her how big of a fool I was back then and how, if I'd just been a little more confident in myself at the time, things might have been different. Or I could tell her how it was really nice that we were able to make up for lost time now that she lived just a few blocks away. But any of those statements involved making the same imposing leap that I would've had to chance all those years ago, and it frustrated me to end that I still couldn't pluck up the courage to just go for it.
"Yeah, suppose you're right."
Her eyes rose from the bedspread to my face, catching my gaze with an earnest expression. "I hate how that happened."
"Me too." It was all I could think to say; my mind had otherwise gone blank as I became entranced by her big, caramel eyes. There was so much more I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to form the words. Besides, I would probably just screw it up.
"Ron, I've seen what life looks like without having a best friend to lean on. I thought it was what I wanted at one point, to be my own person and prove that I didn't need anyone else. But now, you know, I know how big of a mistake that was."
The tectonic plates forming the foundation of our relationship were shifting right underneath us, upending the status quo with an earthquake of seismic proportions. All I could do was hope that they realigned in a way that would be beneficial for both of us. Although the longer I stared into her eyes, the more I worried that anything short of being her boyfriend would be a disappointment.
"Which is why," she continued, shifting her body towards my side of the bed and resting her head on my upper chest, "I'm so glad to be here."
The previous decade of life experience and maturation should've given me the ability to respond in a more poised, confident, and graceful manner. But I froze like an awkward teenager, my arms pinned to my sides. "Any time, you know that."
"I'm sorry, I'm babbling, aren't I?" she asked, her fingers giving rise to goosebumps as they crawled over my abdomen and landed on my left side.
"No, you're not."
"What I'm really trying to say is…you have no idea how much I missed you."
They might have been the best words I'd ever heard. A newfound sense of confidence hit me square in the chest, granting me the courage needed to slide my arm up along her back and onto her shoulder, pulling her into me. Her scent cut through the smell of my shampoo, rosemary and citrus filling my nose and driving me crazy. Were my wildest dreams actually coming true?
"I missed you, too. We both did, Harry and I."
For several moments, I tried to remain as still as possible, listening to her breathing in and out, feeling the expansion of her ribcage against my side. She fit perfectly against me, and visions of falling asleep with her in my arms every night invaded my mind. Well, maybe not falling right to sleep.
"So you and Lavender. Really, never?" she asked.
"God, no. She wanted to, the story was true. But no, we didn't."
"I find that somewhat hard to believe."
"That we never had sex?"
"That a high school boy turned down a high school girl."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess it almost sounds crazy, right? But, I don't know, by the time she started asking about it, I was already sort of mentally divested."
"Don't tell me all you ever did was kiss."
I could tell my face was flushing red as recollections of "Seven Minutes In Heaven" in Harry's basement came flooding back to me. "Second base over shirt. And only once or twice."
"Hmmm," she said, "interesting."
"It really wasn't. It was one of the worst times in my life," I replied, running my fingertip along the top of her shoulder and up to her exposed neck.
"It couldn't have been that bad."
"I mean, on the surface, there were nice aspects, I suppose. But I never really felt good about it. And now, looking back at what it cost me," I said, giving her arm a squeeze, "it was a disaster."
"Not in the long run, though."
"Maybe not, but I still wish it had never happened."
When I finished telling her about how much I hated my relationship with Lavender, I could have sworn that she pressed herself into me even closer. Drunk on the feeling of Hermione in my arms, I sank further down the headboard, pulling her along with me. I tried to pinch myself as I lay still, watching her close her eyes and slow her breathing. Once I knew she was finally asleep, I brushed a curl out of her face and dropped a kiss on her forehead.
With one last smile to myself, I whispered, "Goodnight, Frizz."