Tainted Love

--

Every whisper
Of every waking hour, I'm
Choosing my confessions
--R.E.M.

I was making that sound again. That high-pitched mewling I could never seem to control whenever he was inside me.

He grunted above me as he pushed his way in. It hurt this time, as it had many other times, but I didn't care. I grabbed the fronts of his open robes and wrapped my legs around his waist, hitching up both our robes further and pulling him closer, forcing him in further.

Platinum blonde hair fell over his eyes so I couldn't see his face. It didn't matter. I knew his eyes would have already turned into smoky dark coals, just as the muscle in his jaw would twitch with tension as his own pleasure rose.

The lights were bright, throwing everything into sharp detail. That hardly mattered either. It had been months since the first time, and I knew everything about his body. I knew how the contrast of his pale skin and fair hair against my own tanned skin and eruption of dark curls looked like. I knew which of my curves fit into his angles. And I knew exactly which spots would turn him on and which spots would make him lose control.

I moaned and writhed underneath him, my hands fighting cloth to find his skin.

It still felt like the first time. After all these months, all these long nights and sometimes extended mornings or quick afternoons, it still felt like the first time. It was that feeling of never getting enough.

I finally tore open his robes by gasping diffindo, a simple severing charm that he muttered at the same time. Our robes fell apart under our hands.

We were sprawled out on the Head Boy and Head Girl common room floor. We couldn't make it up the stairs. The first time we barely made it up the stairs. We couldn't make it to the bed though. We took each other on the floor of the hallway, right outside Mafloy's bedroom door.

Our hands were on each other now, skin finally finding skin. His were cruising up my thighs, over hips, belly, finally cupping my breasts as he thrust. His touch sent shocks through my body, just as they did then.

I can't even really remember how it happened the first time. I remember coming in late that night, feeling good and pissed off at Ron, for reasons I can't, for the life of me, even remember. And there had been Malfoy, all long and lean muscles sprawled out on the couch. I can't even remember what we said. It probably had something to do with him starting with, "Long boring night with your muggle-loving lover, Granger? Why don't you just give in and discover what real men can do."

I'd become accustomed to his sexual come-ons by then, and insults to Ron. But I wasn't feeling up to it that night. I remember exchanging a few more pithy words with him, all the while watching that sexy smirk slowly spread over his face. I can't remember what made me do it. I can look back on it now and think moment of insanity, but that wouldn't be the truth.

What I remember, and what I will always remember, would be stalking over to that couch and snatching Malfoy by his robes. I'll remember seeing the blank surprise in his eyes as I crushed my mouth against his. I'll always remember the look in his eyes as we kissed with our eyes wide open and locked on the other. We didn't trust each other. Never did. Probably never will. But in the next moment, our clothes were off and we were doing a strange sort of crab walk up the flight of stairs with entangled limbs and hungry, searching mouths.

His hands were kneading my breasts and his tongue was doing wicked things at the sensitive spot on my throat. He always knew where to touch to drive me into a frenzy.

The orgasm hit me fast and hard when he plunged unrelentingly into me and sank his teeth into that spot on my throat. But it wasn't enough, not nearly enough. I had to sink my own teeth into his shoulder to keep from screaming in pleasure or frustration. My nails dug into his back as my hips matched, challenged, his quickening rhythm.

I never understood how we did it. We always took what we wanted, with no thought towards the others needs. Yet we always managed to get exactly what we wanted.

His head lifted, dark grey eyes burning into mine. His face had thinned, looking even sharper and gaunter as the concentration of his movement and his losing battle for control began to show.

I knew this look, and knew it would be over soon if I let him continue.

I braced my hands against his shoulders and slowed his movement by locking my thighs around his hips. Involuntarily, my muscles contracted around him. I gasped as the sensations shot through me, and watched his eyes go blind. Quickly, keeping ourselves locked together, I pushed and rolled, clinging to him and using that as momentum to roll Malfoy onto his back, slamming his shoulders to the ground.

The first time wasn't the only time we couldn't reach a bed. After our first tussle in front of Malfoy's bedroom door, we tried out the wall, the common room table, the chair, the couch, and the floor again before I finally felt a bed beneath my back.

I liked to be on top. He always felt a little bigger in this position, feeling a little sharper as if he filled me, stretching me more. And I liked the control. I saw my eyes reflected back at me in his when I slowly eased up and back down, enjoying every inch of him as I slowed our previous rhythm down to a crawl.

I liked the way he watched me move. I could feel his hands gripping my hips, and I could feel him jerk every once in a while below me, but my thighs held him in place.

"Malfoy," I murmured softly. Slowly, as if regretfully, his eyes lifted from watching us come together, to lock on mine.

Yes, I really did like the way he watched me. As if I was something beautiful but absolutely deadly. Like a wildcat curled at his feet. He could pet me, keep me, but knew I could, and would, rip out his throat if I had good enough reason.

No, we never will be able to trust one another.

"Hurry the fuck up, Granger," he muttered dryly, sounding bored. Yet I could see the muscle in his jaw twitching again. "I don't have all bloody day."

"Shut up, just shut up."

But I ground down on him just to watch his pupils dilate and hear his breath hitch, just as much as I wanted to feel the thrill.

After the first time, we never sought each other out. We never made plans to meet or talk. Whenever we came in contact with each other, whether we were mad, neutral, annoyed, exuberant, upset or just plain horny, we always clashed and set sparks off. It was never planned. But we always fucked each other blind, and had a damn good time doing it.

Now, our breaths were coming in pants and hisses as I rode him. His eyes were half closed, but I knew he was watching me as alertly as I was watching him. I'd released his hips but he lay for me, letting me take him as I pleased.

I tried to stop once. Just once. I discovered he was everywhere: in my classes, in the common room, in my bedroom, in my bed. He came to me. Or I went to him. He was the drug I knew I should stop using, but God how I wanted him.

When I started climaxing around him, he reared up, mouth finding my nipple. I didn't stop rocking despite the shudders of the last orgasm. He wasn't finished. And I knew better than to stop now.

I tried to leave him unsatisfied one time. He caught me, dragged me back to the floor and, rather painfully, made me orgasm twice more before he let me go.

So I rocked with him now, watching his facial features begin to thin. He made me reach peak again when his clever fingers found my clitoris. But I saw when the shudders ran through his shoulders. I heard his slight grunt and his features began to relax.

We both hit the floor panting, Malfoy stretched out on his back with me still on top, and our legs entwined together. After a moment, I rolled off him and onto my back, hoping my legs would work again after a few seconds.

"In a hurry, Granger? We could go another round."

"No."

I sat up, and realized my head felt a little light. I found my robes within arms reach, and discovered it was in tatters.

"You owe me a goddamn new robe."

Malfoy held up his own, his just as shredded as mine.

"I don't think so."

I blew out a breath as I stood, trying to orient myself. Right. Common room.

Leaving the robes on the ground, I turned to the stairs that led up to my room. I didn't bother trying to look for cover from Malfoy's eyes. By now we were naked more often then clothed when we were alone, so what was the point?

"Where are you running off to?" he asked as he watched me cross the room. His voice was lazy, indifferent.

I somehow found my panties underneath the mess we made, and discovered my bra half hidden underneath a loveseat. I pulled those on; perfectly aware of Malfoy's stare behind my back. I turned to face him.

"I'm meeting with Ron soon." I glanced at the clock. Really soon.

"Really."

He stretched slowly, languidly. My eyes dropped to his body. And that smirk was back on his face again, slowly spreading across his features. It made me want to turn and run up the stairs before I crossed the room and crawled back on top of him.

"You're not going to shower? You don't wash the stink of sex with Malfoy off before kissing your boyfriend hello anymore?"

I stared at him, shocked. I was late. I didn't even think.

Malfoy shook his head and tsked. "My, my. What sort of girl are you?" He paused, as if to think. "Right. I know. A mudblood who has a poor, daft schmuck as a boyfriend and keeps him in the dark as she fucks scum on the side. And loves it."

I was crossing the room again, and before I knew what I was doing, had slapped him, my hand leaving angry red marks against his cheek.

Malfoy grinned at me, showing his teeth. He was hard again.

I stared down at him and felt my stomach twist. My breath was coming fast, and I was already wet. He'd made me come three times already, and yet I wanted him again. Now.

"I'm late. He'll be here soon."

"So? The boy can wait."

I hesitated. Then I took a step back. Unclasped my bra. Let it fall to the ground.

"I'll be in the shower."

Malfoy stood up. Took a step towards me.

"Good. I'll join you."

When I didn't say anything, he stepped up to me. Slowly, his hands travelled down my sides, hooking my panties in his fingers. Just as slowly, he kneeled, sliding my panties away as his lips followed,trailing down past my navel.

I shuddered, eyes closing.

"Fine. That's just fine."