Apotheosis Chapter 4 The Things We Carry, an evangelion fanfic

Apotheosis:

One's Descent into Heaven in order to become God

Chapter 4

The Things we Carry

Italics - Inner thoughts

Bold - English Dialogue (technically all other dialogue is in 'Japanese' since it's set in Japan)

"Blot that night out of the year

and never let it be counted again;

make it a barren and joyless night.

Tell the sorcerers to curse that day,

those who know how to control Leviathan.

Keep the morning star from shining;

give that night no hope of dawn.

Curse that night for letting me be born,

for exposing me to trouble and grief."

Job 5:6

Three days have passed since I defeated the Angel. Not a single one of them was fun. I spent the rest of that day in the infirmary, and the rest of my time between now and then in a holding cell. Misato had chewed me out for a while when I was first put down here. Disobeying orders twice in one day wasn't high on her list apparently. She said I would be in here until the commander returned and decided what to do with me. I laughed, "What's the worst thing you can do? Tell me that you're not going to send me out to risk my life for you anymore?" That didn't go down well either. So the rest of my time I spent alone in the dark listening to the rhythmic humming of the power going through the walls. It gave me alot of time to think, which wasn't good. I want to know what happened to Omar. It's killing me not to be able to find out. I know the town had been destroyed, but there was still hope. Once I get out of here Iam going to find out. So eventually my time came and two agents came and got me. They handcuffed me and brought me to the commander's office, he and the sub-commander were waiting for me.

"So I come back from my trip to find out not only did you disobey two direct orders, but you let two unauthorized civilians into the entry plug. If they were to tell anyone anything that they saw their would be grave consequences for all involved. For starters you would be responsible for the deaths of your two young friends. Not to mention putting yourself into quite a disagreeable position. So tell me, do you have anything to say in your defense?"

Despite the incredible disdain in his voice, I didn't see even the slightest bit of emotion in his face. Even behind his hands and glasses I could tell his face was completely passive.

I wonder if it'd be a good idea to say to him what I said to Misato the other day. Something tells me that won't go so good. And the people with the guns who are currently standing on either side of me, get their paychecks from him. I imagine they get a little extra on the side for doing some extra nasty and even more secretive work. The kind that makes people disappear. But I can't give in now. "Isn't the whole point to kill the enemy? I did that, I really don't see why every one's complaining."

"Because the fate of the world was in your hands and you decided to gamble with it." The sub commander chimed in.

"Gambled and won." One hell of of a way to get treated after saving the world. Where the fuck is my parade.

"Indeed." Even said in monotone that reaction kind of shocked me. "You are correct but if this becomes a habit you will be punished much more severely. That will be all." The agents undid my handcuffs and led me out of the room. I didn't even bother to say anything to my 'father'.

The automatic door closed behind me. The sub-commander turned to face the window, "All things aside, he did surprisingly well. You've seen the footage, he was extremely fierce and he never gave up. You must be quite pleased with your son."

It takes a special kind of father to say, "The pilot is progressing nicely, but that..." He shook his head with a disgusted look "child... will be the undoing of us all if he continues to think this is his own personal game."

"But that might be the very thing that gets him through this. It seems to give him strength" The sub-commander was glad that his back hid the surprise on his face.

"When all of this is over I do not want him to be strong. If he is strong he will not let himself be bent by my will, and I certainly cannot have that."

The commander did a rare thing as silence swept to the corners of the room. He smiled.

Once outside the office and down the elevator I was met by Misato. Not a very happy Misato I must add. "Well, how did your little chat go? Nice to still see you in one piece." She began storming down the hall I almost had to jog to keep up.

"He is my father Misato I doubt he would kill me over something like this. Well at least I was fairly sure he wouldn't, and he didn't so that's a few points for me." I figure over this whole ordeal I've gotten quite a few points at least in my book. Fuck'em if they don't agree.

Misato didn't really answer so much as grunt and speed up. So I followed along and soon we got to her car, we got in and she began her daily stunt driving course. She didn't say a word on the whole way home and simply by her face and heavy breathing I could tell now was not the moment for small talk. In fact we got all the way home, and were in the kitchen preparing a couple of instant dinners before she finally spoke to me.

"Hinote, what you did the other day was not acceptable." Her tone was low and serious. "I'm your commanding officer, I give the orders you follow them. I'm also your guardian, so that extends here. You should've done what I told you." She stood on the opposite side of the table from me.

"Misato I had to save them. I just had to, I wasn't going to leave them out there." I kept my voice as level as possible trying to actually get a chance to tell my side. I knew Misato wasn't a bad person she could understand, I didn't even bother with my father.

"OK fine, I can excuse that, but what about the order to retreat? I gave it more than once, you directly disobeyed me and then disengaged your com. What's your excuse for that? You blatantly disrespected me." She slammed her hands down on the table she was really upset this obviously hit a nerve for some reason.

I hung my head. I know my reasons and they aren't noble ones. "I could say I was trying to protect the world, but that would be lying. I could say I was too scared to run but that would be a lie too. The truth is I heard about Nagoya when I was on the launch pad and I wanted to make that thing pay for killing everything I had ever known." Misato's eyes went wide and she was visibly shaken by my words. She too had heard of the destruction of Nagoya, she hadn't even thought about it until then, but that was Hinote's home town. "I wanted to destroy it with my entire being. All I could see was my friend's face."

I sat down and put my face in my hands hiding the tears that were forming in my eyes. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then I took my hands away expecting to get one of the worst "talking to's" in all of history. Instead Misato had tears in her eyes. She shot around the table and hugged me tightly pressing my head against her chest. I loved it but I couldn't help but break down in her arms.

"It's ok Hinote, go ahead and cry." She held me and stroked my hair as I cried. After a few minutes she led me to the couch, we sat down she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to lean against her. I felt at peace and I badly needed the comfort so I didn't question why she was doing this. Nor did I taint such a moment with a comment or an attempt to get a cheap feel.

I enjoyed a feeling of security that I hadn't had in so long. She asked me about my friend and I told her all about Omar. I don't think she realized what she was doing, but as I tearfully recounted how we met, how we became friends, and our times together, I found myself almost happy. At first I would curse the Angel, then my anger faded. Through my tears I'd laugh at our jokes or at a hysterical story about him. By the end I wasn't even crying. I was smiling. But she held me the whole time.

Then she told me why she was so hit by what I said in the kitchen. She told me about her past, about her father. He died during second impact, saving her. She had been at ground zero during the worst disaster man had ever known, and here she was. She told me alot of what she did at NERV was to avenge that death, and that when she heard my words she was overwhelmed. We wound up almost laying down together. We finally looked at a clock, two thirty a.m. stared back at us. We shared a look of shock.

"I can't believe it's so late." Misato jumped up as if she just realized how we were embraced.

"I can't believe we we're talking for so long, I don't think I've ever had a conversation like that before." I struggled to fix myself.

"Well I think it's time for bed, do you think you'll be ok?" She looked down at me with some of the most sympathetic eyes I had ever seen.

"Yeah I'll be fine. Thank you Misato, for everything... you have no idea how much it means to me." I smiled up to her weakly.

Misato turned to go to her room, "You're welcome, goodnight Hinote." She left the living room.

I sighed, "Just one, 'Thankyou for saving the world Hinote.' Is that too much to ask?" I said softly trying to break the tension of the moment. What I didn't realize was that at two in the morning little sounds go a long way. Misato came back into the room with a wicked smile on her face.

"I knew I had forgotten something..." The said with a devilish grin as she approached. "I owe you a proper thank you, I did say I would."

I had barely enough time for the shocked look of trying to figured out what she meant by that before she closed the gap between us and I felt her hand softly caress my cheek. It went to the back of my neck and pulled me forward into an embrace. Our bodies came together and I gasped as her lips came within inches of mine. Acting completely on their own my lips wet themselves when they figured out what my brain was working up to. Her lips met mine and I felt her warmth. Unlike last time it wasn't just a quick kiss. When I thought she was going to pull away, she only reaffirmed the kiss by opening her mouth a little, and when she did it again I copied her. Her lips were so soft and as they tangled with mine and I felt her tongue peaking through. I opened my mouth a little more with the next pass and allowed her access as she flicked at mine with hers. I returned it and the kiss deepened. My mind was going a mile a minute and that wasn't the only thing I could feel, other reactions were occurring. Suddenly I was hot and my pants were tight. Somehow in the mix my hands had found their way to the small of her back. After about a total of a minute Misato broke off. She had a smile on her face. My entire nervous system shut down all at once to protect itself from overload.

"Not bad for your first real kiss." She said as her fingertips trace my cheek. She smiled and backed away, almost angelically if I do say so myself. Though I suppose at the moment I could be considered biased, extremely biased. She turned around to walk out of the room but paused with a hand against the wall next to the opening. Without looking back she said, "Of course you do realize that you can't tell anyone about this. As far as you're concerned you still have never kissed a girl, you understand?"

I was frozen still, and my nerves were just turning back on, so it took me a second to react and it was feebly. "Absolutely, but before it's erased into secrecy, I have to say one thing... Damn." All mind muscles fought to relax at the same time that I finally began to breathe right again.

Misato laughed, "Well thank you. You just remember that when the next lucky girl get's to kiss the hero of the city. Goodnight Hinote." She walked out and I heard the door to her room open and close.

I don't know exactly how long I stood there. My legs were jello, my stomach was doing back flips and I felt very much like my head was off flying in the stratosphere somewhere.What the hell just happened? I mean I know what happened but how did it happen? And why? That was the last thing I was expecting, not that I'm complaining mind you, but... but... Damn. I need to lay down, I need to take notes, but that would require my hands to stop shaking and I don't know if I can manage that. So lets go with laying down.

I went to my room still half in a daze, I stripped off my clothes on my way to bed. When I slid between the sheets it only took me until I settled in to fall asleep. Despite the huge emotional weight I was carrying, Misato's face was selfishly the last one that crossed my conscience thoughts. My sub-conscience had no intentions of being so kind.

Misato was back in her room unable to believe what she had just done. She had just kissed the child that she had been entrusted to care for. And that was more than a simple kiss at that, that had passion. She reached up and touched her lips, her mind drifted back to the kiss but she quickly shook it off. I can't be thinking like that he's fourteen years old. What's wrong with me. Those were the thoughts she should be think but she couldn't help it, she was continuously reminded of it. Damn it's been way to long since I've gotten laid.

She slipped into bed after removing her clothes she felt the need for some release, but she refused to. She wasn't going to do it thinking about a fourteen year old, that would just be wrong.

Inside the world of dreams...

Fire and screaming filled the air to the brim. Everything was so chaotic that I could barely tell which way was up. I ran through what remained of a street, people were stumbling and running all around me. The destruction that surrounded me was too intense to even recount. I could see pieces of people all over the place, most of which no where near any potential owner. The smell of burning flesh seared through all other odors like a hot knife. I got sick right there and just continued forward. On either side of the street blood flowed as high as the curb all the way into the sewers

With all the madness it had taken me a bit to notice, but even with the destruction I could recognize the house I used to live in. Three quarters of it no longer existed. The shell of the house was on fire and there was debris everywhere. Oddly enough the four walls to my room remained standing. The inside of the room was destroyed but all four wall remain intact, not even so much as a hole. That however would prove to be the only thing to smile about in this unwoken hell I'd entered.

An explosion down the street caught my attention, one sound suddenly cutting above all others. I saw a fireball enter the sky then a pillar of smoke and I followed them to their origin. A mistake that I had soon regretted when I came across the rubble that should have been Omar's house. There was practically nothing left, and what was left was a heap in the center like a pile of garbage. I felt like I was going to collapse, the sudden weight on my heart was unbearable. In my mind the dimensions of the house lingered and I looked up to what had been my friend's room but the only thing there was sky and smoke.

My eyes scanned the wreckage, I don't even know what I was looking for but I had to find something. Something to let me know what had happened to my friend. The smoke ripped at my eyes adding to the tears that were already there. I began walking around the pile and through some of it. I started to get anxious when suddenly my foot caught something and I tripped landing against the debris. I collected myself and got onto my elbows turning around to see what had tripped me.

Just peaking out from the rubble was an arm. It was about my size, and it was muscular and my heart raced as I realized this cold flesh was familiar to me. I began to lift the wood covering it, terrified in the knowledge that I was uncovering my friends dead body. But I had to do it; I couldn't leave him like this, he deserved better. One piece I lifted supported a good portion of the pile and I was only a layer or two away. I grabbed the last pieces and braced myself for my friends corpse. But that didn't prepare me for what did happen. His body wasn't there, his arm rolled down the side of the pile, then his dismembered head fell behind it.

I panicked, My entire body tried to get away from there all at once and I forgot what was on my back. In my rush of movement a jagged edge tore across my forearm. My body screamed out in pain and the rest of me screamed out in horror. I ran all the way out to the street. It wasn't until a few minutes after I had stopped I even began thinking about my arm. With the vivid image of my best friend's head still haunting my mind I yanked one of the white sleeves off my long sleeve shirt and wrapped it around the wound. I could see the blood start to soak into the make shift bandage and then I noticed the tears soaking into the other side. I had started to cry when I heard something that caught my attention. Over back in the wreckage of the house I heard a whimper, I began hustling over in that direction and was shocked to see someone crawling out of it. I rush over to them and when the face of the victim looks up at me I see Omar's mother. She was completely out of it, she didn't even recognize me, tears in her eyes she only could say one thing over and over. "W-where's Omar?"

I re-entered the waking world by almost vaulting out of my bed. I was drenched in a cold sweat and I could still smell the smells and feel the retreating warmth of the fires. I struggled to catch my breath, a fight I was losing badly. I looked at the clock and it was only twenty after five, the last number I saw before I fell asleep was two fifty five. That means I only got about two and a half hours of sleep and I felt like it. But I knew already I couldn't go back to sleep, I had something I had to do...

It was well after seven a.m. when Misato finally rolled out of bed, literally rolled mind you. It had been an epic battle between the euphoric warmth of her blankets and the excessively annoying sounds of responsibility that set forth from her alarm clock. In the end the clock had claimed victory despite three unsuccessful waves of sonic assaults launched against the insidious slumberer. The fourth round of bombardment was aided by a certain small bird that was raining tantrumesque squawks from afar. Even though she had been defeated, her final strike had been a devastating blow. A well placed blind kick silenced the offending alarm clock and with the aim only found by the truly lazy, because they refuse to do anything more than once, a shoe was flung at the allied penguin force. It was completely knocked out by the high velocity stiletto round.

Coming out of her room she found an empty kitchen which was odd, Hinote shouldve been up by now. However Misato wasn't conscience enough to reason so that would have to wait. She stumbled lazily into the bathroom. Feeling around with her eyes closed she managed to collect her toothbrush and paste without knocking over anything. She only had to open her eyes to actually put the toothbrush in her mouth to make sure she didn't wind up with it on her cheek. She was exhausted after last night, up until the middle of the night and then that dream didn't help either. She had to admit she enjoyed the kiss, but to spark something like that?

Finally reaching mostly awake she turned on the shower and stripped down giving the water a second to warm. She stepped inside and let the water work it's miracles. Showers were often Misato's favorite party of the day, that was of course unless she had someone to help her make another highlight. But that hadn't happened in a while and so she took refuge in the peace that the hot water and steam could bring. She loved the way the water dripped over her curves, even she had to admit to having a hell of a body.It was probably the one thing she took pride in, with her 'assets' she could turn any man into her willing slave. A certain smooth talking ex-boyfriend of hers had told her that wars had been fought over women who had such beauty. That little comment had scored him almost a full week straight of heated graditude.

Why is it that I always think about him when I'm in the shower, why do memories always chase me here?

Unfortunately, she had to leave the comfort of her shower sooner rather than later. She was already late, staying under the hot water was a luxury she would not be afforded today. She got out, thankfully she had been smart enough to hang her uniform in the bathroom last night. She got dressed now feeling as refreshed as one can with only a couple hours of sleep. She emerged from the bathroom and now that she was fully awake the parts of her brain the were responsible for logic began to turn.

Where's Hinote? He should be almost on his way out the door. Maybe he already left and I missed him while I was in the bathroom. But there's no dishes and today it was his turn to cook. I don't see anything around here, usually he'd leave me my food covered and waiting. That was one thing, he acted tough and always had some smart ass comment to say but the boy was truly thoughtful. Ah, I bet I know what happened, he couldn't sleep because of the kiss. He's probably still in bed, or he could've been successful in his battle with the Evil Alarm Clock. If he was I'll have to ask him how he did it, that would be truly useful information.

She smiled at her own silly thoughts and she prepared to torment her young roommate. Of coarse when she said torment, it was really more like tease. She was half way to deciding whether her first line was going to be 'So spend all night doing naughty things to yourself thinking about our kiss?' Or 'So you ready for round two?' in which case she'd jump onto his bed to wake him up. She giggled at the thought of how high he would jump. As she slid open his door her laughing stopped abruptly.

The room was empty, the bed wasn't made and Hinote's school stuff was sitting next the door. Misato's mind began to race trying to consider the possibilities of what could have happened. She stepped all the way inside the room and that is when she noticed it. On his desk was a folded piece of paper with 'Dear Misato' written on it. She didn't know whether she should be crying or pissed. The tears came on their own, so she decided not to let one side get the better of the other. "That stupid kid what the hell does he think he's doing?" She announced as she stomped over to the letter. She was expecting some cop out, she was even worried that maybe this had something to do with the kiss. What she wasn't expecting is what the letter actually said.

Dear Misato,

I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, but I have to. I'm going to Nagoya.

I've got to see for myself what happened there, I need to know if my

friend's ok. I knew if I said this to you in person you would either try

to talk me out of if or insist on coming with me, but I have to do this

alone. So I left early this morning, by the time you read this I'll already

be most of the way there. Please forgive me, and please don't follow me.

Thank you for everything,

Hinote

P.S. Last night was probably the most exciting night of my life so don't

think for a second this had anything to do with you. I 'll come back

probably tonight. I don't know if I'll pilot anymore or if I'm worthy

enough to pilot when I can't even protect those I care about most,

but I will come back.

"God Damn it! Why the hell did he have to go and do this? The commander is going to kill me." Misato began pacing back and forth in Hinote's room trying to figure a few things out. I wonder if section two knows he's gone. If they had seen him go they'd have followed him, but he had made a comment once before about being tailed so the agents now gave him a little more room. That might be enough for him to get on a train and leave them behind. Either way if they knew then the commander would too, and that wasn't good for her. On the upside she knew where he was, so she wasn't a completely incompetent guardian. Plus there was the possibility that he wasn't seen, in that case she had two options; one report it now and look pretty bad, but show that I'm responsible enough to know when to call in help. Or I could cover for him and hope no one notices and when he gets back later I'll really chew him out. Then no one would find out what happened and I'd save face, that's assuming he get's back all right. If I keep it secret and something happens to him or god forbid we're attacked... I don't want to think what the commander would do to me. Shit, the rock and the hard place. Well I think Hinote can take care of himself, but I don't know what he's going to find or how he's going to react to it. The note wasn't very reassuring, he sounded like he was very confused. Maybe I can catch him before the train gets there.

Misato rushed out of the room and grabbed her cell phone on her way to the door. "Ritsuko, hey. I'm going to be just a little late..." Misato specialized in what she called dancing around the truth. Basically telling people just enough to cover yourself and answer questions without actually telling the person anything. It was kind of a prerequisite for working in NERV.

But Ritsuko was as good a dancer as Misato if not better, "Is everything ok Misato?" Her voice gave a hint that she knew something was amiss.

"Oh nothing big, Hinote isn't feeling well so he's staying home. I was just going to pick him up something and make sure he's ok. I'll be in soon."

Ritsuko was smart enough to know that wasn't the truth and that she wouldn't get the truth so she figured to one up her in another method, "Aww how sweet of you, is your maternal instinct kicking in mom, or is this more of a romantic caring for?" she mocked.

"Oh you just just go to hell!" she closed the phone. She was pulling on her shoes almost at a jogging place as she heard a noise outside the door. She almost fell to get to it and as the door slid open she yelled, "Hinote!"

However it wasn't Hinote she saw, rather it was the two boys from the Angel battle, she was so deflated she just stared at them for a moment. The taller one wearing black tried to speak but he was far too nervous, Misato couldn't understand why. His friend jumped in helpfully while managing not to laugh at his awestruck friend. "We're Hinote's classmates, Aida and Suzuhara, ma'am."

It took Misato a second to realize where she'd seen them before, "Aida and Suzuhara? You two are the ones that got into Unit 01, right?"

The taller one snapped to attention. "I'm Suzuhara and yes ma'am." He bowed so far he almost fell, he was so rigid you could have pushed him over like a board. He couldn't take being so close to such a well developed woman. "We're so sorry for causing so much trouble. The reason we're here today is because Ikari's been absent ever since then. So we came to see if he was okay."

Misato did her thing, "Hinote? He's just at a NERV training facility right now."

The one with the glasses responded "Oh I see. Well these were the handouts that were piling up on his desk."

Misato took the papers. "Oh thank you. Sorry for your trouble."

"Well we'll be going now." Kensuke nudged his nearly comatose partner. "Please tell Hinote we say 'Hi!'." The boys bowed.

"I sure will, bye." Misato let the door slide closed. She stood behind it thinking for a minute. I think I should give him a little time, if he doesn't come back tonight I'll call it in. Something tells me this is going to be a very long day.

The only thing I physically carried was my Mp3 player, and was I glad for that. Mentally I had the world on my shoulders. Originally I thought it would be good to help out during the train ride, which it did. What I hadn't thought was that it would be good on the walk that is turning out to be almost as long. I don't know why I thought it would be as easy as just pulling into the Nagoya station.

The place was destroyed, the damage reports were extremely grim, I should've known that the trains wouldn't still be running there. So instead I had to get out at the stop before and walk about fifteen kilometers to get there. I figured it'd take me around two or three hours. Normally I'd begin jogging, I had ran track at my old school, mostly just to keep my conditioning up. I could've run for about four km before I'd need to take a rest and even at that I'd start up again in a few minutes. That would cut my time from three hours, to a little over one.

A few things stopped me from doing just that, first was the fact that I had only gotten about two hours of sleep. Second and third respectively were that I didn't want to be exhausted when I get there in case I can do anything to help, and I was terrified of what I was going to find. I didn't want to relive that nightmare.

So I walked, regretting not having eaten anything when I left the house, but I probably would've thrown up anything I'd eaten then. I sighed as I thought of the note I'd left, "I hope you understand Misato, I had to."

Misato sat in the cafeteria at Nerv, her arms were crossed and she was staring at the clock as if intimidation would make it run faster. Not a word from him all day and he hadn't even taken his phone. He was going to get it when he came back that was for damn sure. Her anger radiated throughout the room, to the point that it made her friend stop to talk even though she was quite busy.

"Everything okay Misato?" Ritsuko said coming to sit with her. "If I didn't know better I'd say a certain someone was back in town and up to no good again."

Misato shot off her head with a look, "No, it's just..well it's Hinote." Damn it, I can't tell her, the commander will find out for sure not to mention the comments.

"Aww what's a the matter has playing mommy lost it's fun already? Is he too much for you?" Her tone was as sarcastic as possible.

"Oh, you can just shut up." She sank back in her chair. "It's just sometimes it seems like he's miles away.."

I had left Tokyo-3 at roughly six this morning and the train ride had taken about 3 hours. Now I'd already been walking about two and a half hours and noon was only a few minutes away, but I could feel myself getting close. The road I was walking on had trees on either side. I'd chosen it rather than the coastal road figuring it would provide me a little more shade. But it also hindered my visibility, making it so I could only see to the next bend in the road. At first it had been all trees and blue skies, now however over the tree line I could see a think black cloud of smoke. It seemed to have miles of sky all to itself, and it was thick and rising constantly. I tried to prepare myself for what was about to come, then I laughed at myself for trying. There's no preparing for this, besides I'm not totally sure what 'this' is. What am I going to see when I get there, what am I going to find? Will I even be able to reach the old block? I almost don't want to, then I might find out that my nightmare was pretty close to the truth.

It wasn't long before I came to where the trees opened up and I was standing on a small hill that over looked Nagoya. Nothing I could've done would've prepared me for that moment. The entire town was rubble. Buildings were in shambles and streets were littered with debris. There were a few small fires burning and alot of the debris was still smoking. Amazingly though people were everywhere. As I got closer I could see what was going on. The people were mostly emergency workers and people in plain clothes helping them. There was also a lot of people wandering around searching, I could only imagine looking for loved ones. But there were also the walking wounded, and a lot of people with no apparent injuries that were walking around in various forms of shock. Some were raving about various apocalyptic scenarios, others were just walking like zombies and some were in various places just crying hysterically. Some were covered in blood and almost all were disgustingly dirty.

I got right to the edge of the destruction and stopped. This was my last chance to turn back, but I couldn't do it. So I began weaving through the rubble. As I walked I saw people trying to help others and some sifting through rubble looking for survivors. It had been over three days since it had all happened and the pieces of this places were still scattered everywhere. Back in Tokyo-3 you can barely tell anything happened yet out here, no construction has even started. Hell they haven't even finished putting out all the fires or finding missing people. There were two huge medical tents but far more people then they could treat. It was horrific, and this was just the edge of the mess.

I can't let this get to me, huh... that's a joke. But I've gotta keep going, I can't stop now. Maybe I'll help out after I find Omar, if I find him Omar.

I kept my eyes down, the only way not to let this hellish scene effect me was not to see it. I only looked up to get my bearing once every few blocks. Before I knew it, The street sign I looked up at was the cross street at the end of my block. I couldn't help but look up now as this was the place most familiar to me in the whole world. I should've never looked as I could've kept that nice vision in my memories forever. The sight I saw was no longer familiar. Not a single house on the entire block was still in one piece. Some still smoked slightly as the fire department had been there, but once the fires weren't threats anymore they left for ones that were.

I was in a daze looking back and forth thinking about all the people I'd known from these houses. It was horrible, from what I could tell anyone who was home was certainly dead. In the street gutters where the water flows down to the sewers I saw thick red blood stains. The carnage must had been unimaginable. I saw a few of the survivors sifting lifelessly through their destroyed homes. I couldn't bring myself to go and comfort them as I was in no condition to comfort anyone. I needed some myself. Which was pathetic in my eyes because I hadn't even seen if I'd anything to really be worried about. However unlikely he could be fine. Who are you kidding?

All came to a head when I looked up and saw the house I once lived in. It was literally in shambles, most of it scattered all over the yard and some in a pile in the middle probably made by the fire department. One thing was strange though, the walls what once held my room were still standing, the inside was destroyed but the four walls stood. It was the strangest thing, "How the hell?" I said to myself. But the deja vu feeling was even worse. I walked up to the house and I saw a clue to my former guardians' fate. I saw the charred remains of two bodies caught under a big piece of wood. I didn't know what to do, it felt wrong to just leave them there but I couldn't lift that piece of wood and get them out by myself. And to be perfectly honest I didn't think I really owed it to them to try. It may sound a little cold but I really couldn't bring myself to feel anything for them other then pity for having to die in such a way. I turned around and continued down the street towards Omar's.

There was practically nothing left, and what was left was a heap in the center like a pile of garbage. I felt like I was going to collapse, the sudden weight on my heart was unbearable. In my mind the dimensions of the house lingered and I looked up to what had been my friend's room but the only thing there was sky. I couldn't believe it, I hoped it wasn't real, but I knew better. As I started to get closer, through my tears I saw a huddled figure in front of the house. They were sitting with a blanket wrapped around them rocking gently. As I got closer even from behind I could tell who it was. I rushed forward but I didn't know what kind of shape she was in. I stopped and approached her slowly circling around the front of her. She was softly sobbing to herself an staring at the ground.

Like Omar she was American, so I spoke to her in English. "Umm... Hey... Betty, it's me Hinote are you ok?." I walked over to her and knelt down. The shattered eyes of Omar's mother look up at me. I began to cry as her eyes told me everything before her voice spoke a word.

"H-he... he's... gone. My baby... is dead." The woman leapt forward and wrapped her arms around me and sobbed into my chest. This woman was as close to a mother as I had ever known. I spent alot of time at her house and she was more supportive than anyone in my real family. So I repaid her for all her kindness in the only way I could, I put my arms around her and let the tears fall on my shirt. I wanted to say that everything would be okay, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to her right now. "Hinote... he's gone... Omar is dead." She tried to speak between sobs.

It was a while before she stopped sobbing. I couldn't say anything to her, I was trying not to burst out myself, to be strong for her sake. Doing my absolute best I could only stay silent as my tears poured down my cheeks. "I know." Was all I could manage.

She looked into my eyes and put her hand on my cheek, "He loved you so much you know... he... he..." she screamed and started sobbing so hard I thought she was going to choke. Which she started to just before I calmed her down. As soon as she finished hyper ventilating she passed out in my arms.

Just then a man ran over to us, he almost appeared out of no where. "Is she alright? You aren't hurting her are you?" The man's eyes were intense, even though he looked like he hadn't rested in days. I gently laid her down and stood up.

"I'm not doing anything, I was a friend of her sons."

"Her son Omar?" The man said hesitantly. Half unsure of himself and half sure that he didn't want to say what he was sure of.

"Yeah, how did you know that? I don't recognize you." Who the hell is this guy? He was tall and thin like me his once white shirt was now stained with all kinds of blood and dirt. And his shirt had one of it's long sleeves ripped off. It was wrapped around his forearm like a bandage. It was completely soaked through with blood.

"I'm not from around here, I was just passing through when that thing attacked. I came out without a scratch but I wasn't about to run off with all these people hurt. So I went to one of the ambulances and got them to give me some supplies and I started looking for survivors. I found her that night, when I was searching the house and... and.. then there she was. She was in shock and screaming her head off about finding her son Omar."

I forgot about what I had heard earlier and got my hopes up. "Did you find him?"

The man lowered his head, "I had already found him, among the wreckage of the house... he... there was no hope for him."

"You mean to tell me you gave up on him, you didn't even try to get him help.. or get him..." The anguish in the man's eyes when he looked up at me froze me mid sentence.

"His body was in pieces. And when I found him I freaked out." He said in a low voice filled with pain.

My legs gave out as if they were no longer there. I couldn't take the realization that had just hit me so I just began to cry. The man put his hand on my shoulder. I needed to let it out so I did, "I came all this way... just to find him... I can't believe he's dead! What am I going to do now? Who can I talk to? Who can I trust? I don't know anyone who truly cares about me, they are all just using me." I just sank into my tears. Just like they say the one person I really wanted to talk to was the one person who it was impossible to talk to. Omar I'm going to miss you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you.

"I don't think you belong here my friend, you came here to find your answers. Now, you have found them and it's time to go. There's somewhere you belong right now and it's not here. I'll take you back to the train station and you can go back to Tokyo-3 now." As my shocked eyes met his the man only gave me a knowing smile that some how stopped the question of how he knew so much from ever leaving my throat. All I could do was nod, I followed the man and before I knew it we were in his car on the way to the train station.

I looked over at him as he drove, I was completely confused. "Why are you doing all this? Why did you stay to help people and why did you stop doing that to take me to the train station?"

He laughed, and in what I would almost consider a nostalgic tone of voice he said to me. "This is going to sound weird but do you believe in destiny?"

I was far too intrigued not to play along. "I don't know, I would like to think that everyone is in control of their lives but lately I've seen a great deal of evidence to the contrary."

He laughed again, "The veils of childhood lifted, no doubt. Well I do believe in destiny, and the idea of divine purpose. I believe I was in that town for a reason, when the destruction started I couldn't think of anything but trying to help other people. And when I saw you that feeling hit me again like, you, needed my help. I just listened to what I was being told inside."

I cocked one eye brow at him, "You're right it does sound weird. Don't tell me you are one of those bible freaks, or a Jehovah's witness."

He laughed again, "Well I don't know about the bible, and I would never go door to door, so that's a no. But let's just say I am a devout believer in the divine, and god's plan for us." We pulled up to the train station and not a second too soon as this guy was a little strange. He was a very good man; I could see that, but he was freaking me out.

"Well up until lately, I didn't believe in god. Now however I'm forced to face the truth." I said distantly.

"That's great..." The man began, I cut him off harshly.

"No it's because I learned the whole truth. Which is that this is all god's fault; he caused the destruction back there..." I was almost screaming now.

"You can't blame god for this..." he said offhandedly.

"The hell I can't! He's the one who did all of this. 'God's in heaven and all is right with the world'. My ass it is! God is a sick child torturing his ant farm with a magnifying glass. And it seems like I am his favorite target." I ranted as I opened the door got out and willingly slammed it before he could respond. I ran up the steps as the man drove away. I felt bad 'cause he didn't deserve that. He had been nothing but nice to me, hell he probably is the closest thing there is to a modern day saint. Not too many people would have stayed in that hell if they could escape it. Takes a special individual to do that noble of an act.

I waited at the train station. For the first time in a while I thought about the time, my watch saying it was a few minutes to five. By the time I got back to the city it would be getting dark. Ever since the seasons stopped changing it doesn't get dark until late, which is good because I don't want to go right home. I could use a little time to clear my head. The train came and I got on. I put in my earphones and began the futile effort of escaping reality. Despite having almost no belongings with me, I carried the soul and memories of my dead friend, and I felt myself buckling under the stress.

The train was completely empty other then me.

I was completely alone, not another soul in this whole self contained universe the train provided.

It seemed as if my insides had manifested into my surroundings.

I couldn't imagine anything more fitting.

End Chapter 4

Omake

Just then I hear a small poof and standing behind me was Kakashi Sensei. "Umm Oops, I guess we went a little too far this time. "

A weak "W-what?" was all I could manage.

Well, you see... It was me and Gai Sensei's two hundred and first match.." He nervously scratched the back of his head. "So we started the match and well..." He seemed embarrassed as he surveyed the surrounding destruction. "I think we got a little carried away."

"A little carried away? A little..." I screamed but froze in sheer awe when Kakashi added.

"I understand how you feel, but you've never seen one of me and Gai's rock, paper, scissors matches before they get really intense."

My jaw literally hit the floor.