A/N Hey guys, now comes the training you've all been waiting for so without further ado, enjoy.
Time was reduced to all but a distant memory in the nocturnal silence of the wilderness, leaving us in a haze of peaceful bliss while the animosities and bitterness between us were gone and now the only thing on my mind and possibly Shirou's was the warmth of each other's company.
We had talked about many topics throughout the night, mostly chit-chats and comments about constellations but my attention was ultimately turned to the large creature curled around my body, his presence overwhelmingly soft and cozy.
"I'm sorry, but I have to say it...you make a pretty good cushion," I admitted happily while sinking into the glowing fur of Shirou's stomach, its heat making my muscles relax to their fullest.
I noticed Shirou rolling his eyes with a low grumble, though the way he tucked his tail over my body showed that his annoyance was only superficial and after spending a few hours stargazing with me, he had pretty much given up on arguing against similar comments while he also appeared to have grown to enjoy my touch.
Speaking of my touch, my pride would swell each time I witnessed Shirou's eyes closing in contentment from a scratch under his chin or whenever I heard the soft tapping of his tail so there was great satisfaction in witnessing such a mighty being become putty under my touch, which gave me a sense of empowerment not unlike when I played tag with Shirou in the woods so just combing through his radiant fur with my fingers was enough to make my heart flutter like a butterfly.
Unfortunately, such bliss couldn't last forever because once the moon peaked in the sky, my stomach decided to make its presence known with a loud gurgling growl and my ears pinned against my skull with my eyes widening into saucers, creating a mortified expression.
"Hungry?" Shirou questioned, his deep thunderous voice spreading goosebumps along my arms but it was the slightly amused tone in his voice that made me blush in embarrassment so I quickly recomposed myself and cleared my throat, trying my hardest to ignore what had just happened.
"I haven't eaten anything since this morning," I admitted with a frown, then I noticed Shirou's expression turning pensive until it became reluctant altogether.
"Well, we still have the fish from earlier but...I actually brought back the serow you killed too," Shirou informed me as he craned his neck to nod towards a tree near the den until he added, "I hung it there to bleed while you slept."
A bewildered look washed over my features as I was rendered speechless, realizing that I hadn't thought about the serow as potential food when I discovered it in the woods since my distressed mind had been simply too overwhelmed with anguish and sorrow to consider such a thing and the only thought on my mind had been to end the animal's agony once and for all, so picturing myself eating its flesh made my stomach churn with very confusing emotions.
On one hand, I felt hesitant at the idea but on the other hand, leaving the animal to waste away under the elements feels disrespectful since the very reason why Shirou shot it in the first place was for nourishment and doing otherwise meant that the serow's agonizingly slow death had been pointless, so there was no honor in such a fate or closure for the natural cycle I had broken...I had a lot of regrets that would haunt me for the rest of eternity and I didn't need to add another one to the list.
Pursing my lips, I glanced at the tree Shirou had referred to and could see the silhouette of a cervid body dangling upside down from a thick branch, tied to it by its hind legs and the shadows of the night made the grim sight all the more ominous but that still didn't dissuade me from my final decision.
"Let's go with the buck," I said, and even though my composure remained mostly calm on the outside, every nerve in my body was sparking with anxiety as Shirou's gigantic ears perked up in surprise.
"You sure?" Shirou asked, which made me nod.
"It would be wrong to make his death completely pointless, you know? Plus, I don't exactly like wasting food," I replied quietly.
Shirou stared at me for a moment to scrutinize me, silently analyzing my features with his glowing gaze as he searched for any signs of hesitance and fear so once I realized why he was doing it, I felt a little flattered that he was concerned about me and that made me shift closer to his head and stroked his muzzle reassuringly.
"I'm serious, and if I feel uncomfortable, I promise I'll let you know," I assured and Shirou's nostrils flared, exhaling a long warm breath that rustled my fur.
"Very well," Shirou said and he gave my side a little nudge with his snout in a silent request for me to get up.
Once I complied, Shirou's glow suddenly expanded and intensified until swallowing the world around me in a blinding veil of white light, making me shield my eyes with an arm as I managed to catch a glimpse of the silver wolf's radiant silhouette shrinking down with a low sizzling hiss until the majestic beast had been reduced to the form of a very familiar wolfman, all of it happening in only a matter of seconds.
Steam rose from the still-glowing scar on Shirou's neck, a mere hint of the immense power locked within that vessel of flesh and bones so even after returning to his mundane body, Shirou still made for an intimidating esoteric sight under the full moon's gaze, something that would fit in a book of mythical tales.
Chills rippled across my pelt now that Shirou's heat no longer enveloped my body, and while my thick fur protected me from most of it, I still couldn't help but idly rub my arms while glancing at the unlit fire ring near the den entrance.
"You should go light the fire while I clean the buck and don't worry, it won't take long," Shirou suggested and I pressed my lips into a thin line.
"Actually...I-I'd like to help clean it," I offered while sounding hesitant, causing Shirou to look surprised at first until he frowned.
"Doug, you don't need t-" Shirou tried to say and I cut him off.
"I do, you were supposed to teach me survival skills in order to help me become in tune with my beastman instincts, right? This is something I need to learn," I pointed out logically.
"I see..." Shirou trailed off as an intense suspicious look crossed his features, making me avert my eyes from his while a few seconds passed until he sighed.
"I hope you know what you're doing so go light the fire, I will bring the buck there and show you what to do," Shirou instructed and I slowly nodded.
As soon as Shirou walked away, a swarm of conflicting feelings invaded my head so while I knew that this would be a necessary step in achieving closure and finishing the latest step of my training, I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified, not to mention the dense cloud of guilt still plaguing my conscious only made it all worse while it stubbornly followed me all the way to the unlit fire ring like a looming shadow.
It didn't take long for me to get a sizable fire going and soon enough, Shirou had joined my side in front of it while carrying a small bucket in one hand and having the cervid body slung over his shoulder, though I noticed its throat had been slashed open into what looked like a macabre crimson maw befitting of nightmares.
The first few minutes had been the hardest for me as Shirou tried his best to instruct me on ways to skin the lush pelt without damaging it but my focus kept fading away to a world of terrors in the depths of my mind.
One moment, I would be nodding along and paying attention to every word leaving Shirou's lips but on the next, I would freeze in place as if in a trace while my expression kept taking on a thousand-yard stare as my gaze fixated on either the stab wound marring the serow's chest or the bloody gash splitting its neck.
To my afflicted eyes, the torn flesh seemed to throb with non-existent life, trapping them in hypnotizing patterns of deformed pulsating red blobs and the longer my gaze lingered on the amorphous growths, the more ghastly they became and it got to the point where I could've sworn I witnessed multiple eyes open wide among the sea of crimson as they all glared at me relentlessly, judging, taunting and I couldn't look away.
"Doug," Shirou said suddenly, his stern voice snapping me out of the gruesome visions and I jolted in place with a startled look until my expression looked haunted and I hugged my arms.
"Sorry, what were you saying?" I questioned quietly while my eyes held a hollow look and instead of answering my question, Shirou grabbed a stick and poked at the fire with it while quietly watching its embers crackle and pop amidst the flames, their golden glow accentuating his wistful visage.
"You know, my first hunt was like yours where I had damned my prey to a slow death and my bow master told me not to return home until I had captured and killed it, as it was my responsibility," Shirou told me and that intrigued me while my ears perked up in interest and I shifted closer before resting my palms on my knees.
"Was that your first kill?" I inquired and seeing Shirou nod made me ask, "What...did it feel like?"
"That was a long time ago, Doug...I can't remember, not with all the deaths I've caused since," Shirou replied with a sigh.
"Oh," I said and looked down at my hands, unsure of what else to say.
"What about you?" Shirou questioned and I was puzzled as I looked up and blinked slowly.
"Excuse me?" I asked in confusion.
"What did it feel like when you killed the buck?" Shirou elaborated.
His question caught me completely off guard and the world around me seemed to screech to a halt while my thoughts and emotions moved at breakneck speed so it was disorienting, if not maddening and I couldn't help but bristle at that.
"W-What the fuck kind of question is that?!" I snapped defensively and to my dismay, Shirou showed little to no reaction to my outburst as he kept poking the fire nonchalantly.
"The same question you asked me," Shirou replied and I opened and closed my mouth several times, struggling to find a proper response to such a factual comment but I was unable to.
"You don't need to answer if you don't want to, but I can tell this is eating you up inside so you don't have to carry that burden all by yourself," Shirou said in a calm gentle voice.
Silence filled the space between us as my expression changed from perplexed to conflicted so on one hand, I was touched by Shirou's caring words but on the other hand, his question terrified me since just mentioning the serow's death was enough to make a prickling ache claim my chest.
However, deep down, I knew that pushing the issue away would only let it fester in the dark corners of my mind like a parasite slowly eating away at my self-esteem and it would only grow bigger, stronger, and more destructive than before.
Frowning, I pulled out my dagger and quietly observed it in the glow of the dancing flames so while the blood staining the blade may have dried, the memories behind it were still fresh in my mind as I was lost in thought.
Between seeing the haunting reflection on the serow's fading eyes and feeling its dying heart desperately thumping against the dagger, I couldn't decide what disturbed me the most and even worse was recalling the way hot blood soaked into the fur of my hands, arms, and chest.
"Terrifying, it was...terrifying," I finally replied in a broken whisper and I noticed Shirou stopped poking the fire and glanced towards me.
"But you did it anyway, why?" Shirou questioned.
"I told you, it was the right thing to do," I said but my voice sounded robotic, as if reciting a memorized script and Shirou grimaced.
"You don't sound so sure of yourself," Shirou pointed out and my eyes narrowed into a mild glare of irritation.
"Because it didn't feel right," I admitted with my tone laced with palpable frustration.
"Even though you knew it was?" Shirou inquired and I sighed.
"Yes..." I trailed off and the dagger felt heavier in my hand, its burden impossible to ignore but I found myself unable to put it aside since, in a way, the bloodied weapon felt like an extension of my body now, a dark side I would never be able to get rid of so maybe I'll always be a murderer and killing the serow proved that, the thought making me tremble.
"Maybe you should look at it from a different perspective," Shirou said and if his soft voice didn't startle me, his warm touch certainly did.
He had reached out and grabbed my hand, stilling its tremors before gently prying the dagger from its grip and I looked up to give Shirou a questioning look, only to lose myself in those pale blue gems of wisdom and tenderness while they looked more enticing than ever under the flickering glow of the fire.
"You've been through a terrible tragedy during 9/11 and it tormented you to the point where you became consumed in the cycle of hatred and it got to where you have forgotten that your hands could help and comfort instead of kill and create more suffering.
Because of that cycle of hatred, you took so many innocent lives and were unable to mourn or grieve from the terrible loss you had experienced all those years ago, but because of what you did for that buck, you were finally able to break that cycle by saving it from a horrible death and offered it comfort and compassion in its last moments," Shirou explained while he sighed, still holding my hand as he put the dagger away.
The feeling of Shirou's paw pads rubbing on mine sent shivers up my arm, resulting in a tingling warmth that enveloped my heart and I think this was the first time I ever got to feel his bare hands because of his habit of wearing gloves in his human form and beast form, so something about the roughness of his pads drove me to absentmindedly fiddle with his fingers.
"I guess...when you put it that way..." I trailed off with an uncertain frown.
I still sounded unsure but at least my posture had relaxed a little since it was as if Shirou's touch had sucked away the tension from my body and mind, though after playing with his hand for a short while, I shuffled closer and rested my head on his shoulder as a way of seeking more of that calming effect.
Although I felt Shirou instinctively stiffen at the close contact, he didn't push me away and instead quietly shifted his arm further back so that I could tuck myself closer against his side, and it was a subtle gesture that didn't go unnoticed so I offered him a small smile of appreciation and my tail tapped on the grassy ground.
"You didn't tell me what happened after you killed your prey, so did your master scold you for missing the target?" I inquired meekly and Shirou raised a brow at that.
"Why would he? In the end, I was still successful in my hunt by killing my prey and bringing it back like had told me to," Shirou said, huffing as he grabbed a stick and tossed it into the fire.
"I don't know, he could be the grouchy kind of mentor like you," I said with a shrug, earning a disgruntled look from Shirou.
"I'm not grouchy," Shirou stated in annoyance and I smirked.
"You just grumbled like a grouch," I remarked and Shirou glared at me.
"No, I didn't," Shirou growled and I started snickering.
"See, you did it again!" I countered playfully and I was chuckling now, clearly entertained by Shirou's outrage as the wolfman beside me pinned his ears back with a very unamused expression until he took up a thoughtful expression once my chuckling died down.
"To answer your question...after I brought the kill home, I had to go through a ritual," Shirou informed me, causing my ears to perk up as that caught my interest.
"A ritual?" I inquired curiously and Shirou nodded.
"A male's first successful hunt was considered a rite of passage so I left as a pup and returned as a wolf, and to complete the passage to adulthood, I had to participate in the entire preparation of my kill and take the first bite as a predator," Shirou explained while there was a hint of pride in his voice in bringing up the ancient practices of his clan and my ears lowered as I suddenly remembered that the dead body of the serow was still in front of us, waiting to be butchered and prepared.
"Oh...do you remember what it was like?" I asked.
"For the most part, yes," Shirou replied as he picked up his hunting knife and gestured for me to give him some room, which I did and I watched closely as he kneeled before the serow and grabbed one of its hind legs before explaining, "First, they showed me to cut the tendons like this..."
From then on, Shirou carefully showed me each step to prepare the animal, starting with skinning its fluffy hide and unlike his previous attempts, I was completely attentive and interested in every instruction, especially with the stories that accompanied Shirou's techniques as they kept my focus away from the morbidity of the situation and on the task itself but once the hide was halfway off the buck's body, Shirou surprised me by grabbing my discarded dagger and holding it out for me.
"Now it's your turn," Shirou told me and I recoiled.
"I-I'm sorry?" I stuttered in shock.
"It's your kill, Doug, so now it's time for your rite of passage," Shirou insisted.
I opened my mouth but no words came out since Shirou's firm voice was brimming with confidence, showing that he trusted in my capabilities to do such a task so I found that both touching and terrifying while the last thing I wanted was to let him down, though as scary as skinning the dead cervid possibly was, I knew that rejecting the dagger would certainly disappoint Shirou and that left me with no other options.
I gulped down an imaginary knot in my throat before slowly reaching out to grab the dagger. Upon touching the wooden handle, a strange feeling simmered deep within my core and spread goosebumps all over my body as it somehow reminded me of the empowering rush I felt while playing tag with Shirou, only with a much more primal urge to it. When I looked at the blood-stained blade, I found a much fiercer wolfman staring back.
The reflection's dark blue eyes shone with that same pride present in Shirou's gaze whenever he told me stories of his clan while my features displayed an impassive resolve that would have silenced even the most well-trained combat veterans.
I now realized what I strived to be, someone who wanted to atone for the mistakes of his past, someone who didn't want to be a killer but a protector, someone who wanted to use his skills to save and help beastmen rather than hurt or needlessly kill them, someone able to honor the beastman lineage that had become a part of my very DNA, someone who wouldn't let fear or guilt or even hate rule my life...someone Shirou would consider as a worthy mate.
'Hold on, mate?! Jesus, what the hell is going on with me lately?' I thought while my eyes widened.
Shaking it off, I took a long deep breath and kneeled closer to the serow before grabbing one of its front legs, then I tried my best to keep a steady hand while cutting into skin and flesh but, thankfully, Shirou was always by my side to help so whenever my hand became shaky with tension and doubt, he would take it in his own to guide my motions.
Over the next twenty minutes, my posture loosened up, my features became calmer, and most of all, my ears no longer folded back under the sickening sounds of tearing flesh and I even displayed hints of a smile as Shirou patiently explained further steps and spoke of the ritual he had gone through so I found myself finally relaxing, especially with the help of Shirou's fascinating tales.
Oddly enough, with each cut of meat removed from the carcass, I felt the burden on my shoulders become lighter so I hadn't expected the cathartic effect from such a macabre task when it soon dawned on me that I had gone through a similar experience back when I ate the first fish I caught so there was closure in finishing the natural cycle I had broken and in a way, it felt like making amends to mother nature.
Time flew by surprisingly fast and before I knew it, the serow was no more and had been reduced to cuts of meat, organs, bones, and pelt all carefully separated in bowls or piled to be discarded later while only the head remained as a grim reminder of the animal I had once cried upon.
"What are we going to do with it?" I asked with a grimace, still avoiding the animal's lifeless stare.
"Bury it, to give it a final resting spot," Shirou replied as he rose to his footpaws and picked up the disembodied head.
After that, it took a good while in the darkness of the night, but I managed to find a great place under the shade of a large Japanese maple tree as its green and red star-shaped leaves swayed in the breeze, creating entrancing patterns under the soft moonlight while at the trunk's base, bushes adorned with rosy flowers surrounded a web of exposed roots as their petals danced about like butterflies and such a sight brimmed with beauty and tranquility so I couldn't imagine a better place for the serow's eternal slumber.
I took my time digging a sizable hole in the ground with a shovel Shirou had given to me and I was glad he had offered to stay behind and roast the meat because even though his support was more than appreciated, burying the serow felt like a rather personal step I needed to face alone.
Once the hole was deep enough, I jammed the blade of the shovel into the ground to keep it standing and went to look at the buck's head, which had been wrapped up with a white cotton cloth so no longer seeing its eyes at least made the process a little easier.
Reluctance squeezed my heart in a tight aching grip and it was odd since I wanted nothing more but to get rid of the guilt plaguing me all day and yet...I found it incredibly difficult to let go while the negative feeling seemed to clutch desperately at my senses the more I pulled on it, almost like a plump leech refusing to release its host so I frowned and took a moment to shake my head, taking in a deep breath and that cleared my mind long enough for me to pick up the white bundle and gently place it in the makeshift grave.
With one last mournful look, I plucked a small flower from the bushes and let it fall atop the cloth as I thought about how most people would have found it strange to give a burial to a disembodied head and I understood why since I technically had no reason to have grown so attached to the buck because it was simply a random wild animal I had crossed paths with, though it didn't feel that simple to me and I couldn't put my finger on it, but the burial felt much bigger than that so I knew that it was about more than just a buck.
My shoulders felt lighter every time I used the shovel to cover the grave up with the loose dirt while fears and insecurities that had been haunting me for a while were slowly buried along with the head, not all of them but still a good amount and I particularly liked the image of the face of my parents' killer slowly being covered in dirt as well.
When I was done, I patted the dirt mound with the shovel as a quick sendoff, leaving a few more flowers on top before finally turning around and walking away as a pleasant buzz of accomplishment numbed my senses and was followed by a sigh of relief.
I glanced at the trees surrounding me and noted that the ever-imposing sentinels of the forest had gone dormant, not a single leaf rustling in disapproval as I passed by so I knew that not only had I restored peace with mother nature, but with myself as well while pride swelled in my chest and spread like a swarm of fluttering butterflies with every step.
Soon enough, I was leaving the dense treeline and walking into a familiar grassy slope as Shirou's fire glowed invitingly at its crest and I could already smell the scent of meat cooking in the air, which drew a beastly growl from the depths of my stomach and its emptiness was starting to hurt by now.
From what I could see, Shirou was fiddling with a wooden bowl in his hands and his ear flicked back at the sound of me approaching while I could see that he had set up a heating stone above the fire that consisted of several rocks and a slab, steaks and skewers already spread on it as a low bubbly hiss filled the background.
"That took much longer than expected, so how was it?" Shirou asked as he turned to face me with an inquisitive look when I shrugged and sat down by his side, crossing my legs.
"It was alright, had some trouble finding a good spot but other than that..." I trailed off, unsure how to describe my experience since a lot of my feelings surrounding the burial were still hard to decipher and Shirou gave me an understanding nod.
"It's fine, you don't need to tell me anything," Shirou reassured me and hearing him aim those words at me instead of himself was strange, especially given that I did wish to share my experience with him but I simply didn't know how.
However, before I could correct him, my stomach quaked with another hungry growl that was even louder than before this time and it caught me off guard while tinting my cheeks a deep red as Shirou, on the other hand, raised a brow in mild amusement.
"Food will be ready soon but there's something you need to do first," Shirou said and my ears perked to express my surprise.
"What is it?" I inquired and Shirou shuffled closer, still holding a small bowl in his hands until I noticed that he had been mixing a red substance in it with a stick and the familiar coppery scent wafting from it made my eyes grow wide.
"It's part of the ritual so I will be painting your face with some of the buck's blood," Shirou elaborated in a calm voice, then I blinked slowly and flicked my eyes back and forth between Shirou's face and the bloody mixture, one part of me feeling a visceral aversion to the idea while the other part was simply intrigued.
"Why?" I questioned as Shirou sunk his fingers into the red liquid and gestured at his own face.
"It marks your transition into a predator so by wearing your prey's vital essence, you're becoming one with it and asserting your new role in nature," Shirou explained, and upon hearing the context behind such an unnerving practice, my features softened with hints of awe since that tradition sounded surprisingly poetic and beautiful.
"Did you go through that too?" I asked and Shirou nodded.
"It was a necessary step before taking a bite of my first kill, so can I?" Shirou offered while showing his red-coated fingers to me as a request for my permission.
I hesitated since the mere sight of the buck's blood on me had driven me into scrubbing myself erratically, which consequently left the skin bare and raw before it healed up and now Shirou was offering to apply it on my body all over again so such an idea should've sounded nothing but absurd to me.
But surprisingly, it didn't bother me as much as I had expected because if anything, I was touched to have Shirou invite me into such personal aspects of his origins and after burying the serow's head, its blood no longer looked as frightening or haunting and my undying trust in Shirou easily overcame any remaining insecurities that still lingered in my mind.
"Sure," I said as I straightened myself before him and rested both palms on my knees, breathing deeply as I tried my best not to show how nervous I was but my twitching tail was an obvious hint and Shirou offered a soothing gaze.
"Close your eyes," Shirou whispered, then I complied and waited.
In the dark of blindness, my senses came alight like a roaring flame and that caused my breath to hitch as soon as wet fingers rested upon my eyelids with the gentlest of touches while I could feel how close Shirou was, either from the way his short canine whiskers would brush on mine or how his little breaths of concentration occasionally tickled my fur as each little stimulus only stoked the flame further.
Every stroke of his fingers on my fur pushed my surroundings farther and farther away, all notion of time and space seemingly lost as prickling goosebumps rippled across my spine while the air between us became thick with a familiar hair-raising tension and I could've sworn it was getting hotter but that was the least of my concerns because in the past minute since Shirou started painting my face, a strange tingling tightness had claimed my chest as if my heart had grown too big for my ribcage and now threatened to burst out.
However, rather than painful, I found the sensation...exhilarating? That would be the only way to properly describe it, each heartbeat making my nerves spark with adrenaline and warmth as I clenched and unclenched my fists, twitched my tail, and pinned my ears back but nothing relieved me of that building pressure.
Suddenly, I felt Shirou cup my cheek with his palm and used a thumb to paint the bridge of my snout as the gesture soothed my racing heart, leading me to absentmindedly lean into his touch and relish the warmth of his paw pads while letting out a content rumble, the pads not soft at all as they were firm and callous to the touch, a testimony to Shirou's prolonged stay in this world.
His digit performed the dance of a trailing claw, ready to apply the final mark on my face as it slid down my snout and lips, then finally stopped at my chin while Shirou did something there with his thumb until my eyes blinked open and trapped his pale blue ones in an intense inescapable stare.
What little space remained between us was now dense with each other's scents as our nostrils flared in an instinctive search for pheromones while every inhale stoked the fire burning deep in my chest, then Shirou broke eye contact for only a split moment to flick his gaze down to my lips and then back up until he brushed a pointy claw over my lower lip.
That light prickly touch sent shivers down my neck and arms but I didn't pull away and merely leaned closer, the feral primal part of me overcoming all rational thinking in the form of urges demanding for me to mate with the wolfman in front of me that made my dark blue eyes darken even further under a half-lidded gaze while Shirou had leaned in closer as well, then my eyes gently shut and thoughts were soon muffled into silence while only a few centimeters separated my muzzle from Shirou's.
Suddenly, one of the logs in the campfire burst with a loud popping sound and that caused Shirou and I to jolt away from each other, then we shot an alarmed look at the now simmering flames as we were frozen in place for a few seconds, looking completely startled.
'What the fuck just happened?' I thought as we snapped out of whatever trance we were in, the world around us phasing back into existence with the finesse of a punch with sounds, smells, and sights flooding my senses, leaving me and Shirou frozen in bewilderment as it took a few seconds for reality to properly settle in my confused mind until the first thing that stood out was the smell of burning meat and Shirou appeared to have noticed.
"Shit," Shirou growled and moved towards the heating stone, trying to save our dinner before it became nothing more than warm charcoal.
I quietly watched him flip the meat with a fork, still struggling to process what had just transpired between us as the last five minutes played in my mind like a projection, its images making my cheeks flush with blood.
'Were we...about to kiss?' I thought as I remembered accidentally kissing Shirou once when I crashed into him during the time he had locked me and Michiru in a closet.
I gulped dryly and felt my stomach sink under a confusing cocktail of emotions and they were too many and too intense to digest, all directed at a certain wolfman only steps away from me and to make matters even more difficult, my body still burned with a blazing passion I couldn't make sense of and that terrified me.
Biting my lower lip, I hugged myself and stared down at the grass surrounding my knees while quietly wondering whether I or Shirou would address the strange episode but, of course, bad habits were difficult to let go so it was irresistibly easier to simply push the matter aside to be dealt with for another day since, after all, this had been such a pleasant night for me and Shirou so why ruin it now?
My dark blue eyes flicked up to gaze at Shirou, who had just risen to his footpaws and headed inside the den to retrieve something but what I noted was that he didn't seem bothered by what just happened and if anything, it was as if he hadn't noticed it at all and simply moved on with the task at hand.
Frowning, I couldn't help but wonder if the whole ordeal had only been a figment of my imagination and that what my heated clouded mind had interpreted as rising chemistry between us might have been nothing but Shirou innocently tracing lines on my face and it wouldn't be that surprising, considering the weird thoughts I had been experiencing lately.
"Here," Shirou spoke up suddenly, my train of thought being interrupted when his hand slipped into sight with a hand mirror in his grasp and I blinked in surprise for a moment, seeing the object looking worn down with the ornate silver frame now marred by scrapes and chipped paint from decades of use while the mirror itself had multiple thin scratches on its surface as well so I carefully took the mirror from Shirou's hand and shot him a look of curiosity.
"A mirror?" I questioned.
"It's for you to check your face," Shirou grunted, a sheepish glint sparkling in his eyes before he averted them away.
As Shirou went back to tending to the fire, I gently traced the delicate curls and vine-like shapes that framed the reflective surface so it was odd to imagine such an elegant accessory in Shirou's large robust palms but then again, after feeling the same hands hold my face so tenderly while his thumb drew little patterns on my fluffy pelt, the mental image didn't seem that far-fetched.
With a deep breath, I raised the mirror to my face and quietly analyzed my reflection with my blue eyes running over each crimson mark as one line matched the flow of my cheekbones and split into two stripes going down my cheeks, which reminded me of the pi sign while a second line under it followed the same path, starting horizontally and then dipping vertically all the way down to my jawline until a little swirl sat by its crook.
I tilted my face from side to side, admiring the little dots and strokes that adorned my snout, chin, and the area just under my eyes that showed blood-covered eyelids that grimly resembled red eyeshadow while the bridge of my snout had an upside-down teardrop with lines on each side, which reminded me of a flower as another teardrop was drawn just under my lower lip.
While checking my reflection, I absentmindedly brought a hand to my face and touched the markings while I noted that there was a strange nearly exotic beauty to my new tribal appearance and the wolfman staring back seemed much closer to the fierce male I had seen earlier, with the realization filling my chest with a warm tingling sense of pride.
"Well?" Shirou asked, making me turn my attention to him and although his features looked neutral, I knew from his perked ears and twitching tail that he was awaiting my reaction expectantly so I smiled since his eagerness was rather amusing.
"It's pretty good, so do the patterns mean anything?" I inquired, then I noticed that his ears lowered slightly to express his sorrow and I assumed that it was because he couldn't remember what the symbolism of the markings on my face meant so I felt bad for him since it was quite clear that living for a thousand years and experiencing so much cruelty from humans or so much death has caused him to forget a bit of his life all those centuries ago.
"Nothing specific, but you can give them your own meaning if you want," Shirou muttered quietly before poking at the meat on the heating stone again.
The scent of roasting meat tickled my lupine nose with tantalizing fingers, filling my mouth with saliva and the emptiness of my stomach felt like a vacuum but somehow, I still managed to focus on Shirou's words over my aching hunger.
"Well, they're magnificent either way so how come you never told me about your knack for painting?" I inquired curiously.
"You never asked and besides, I don't usually paint back in the city," Shirou answered stoically.
"Any reason why?" I questioned and Shirou started picking up the stake with a fork before putting them on a plate.
"It's too loud, too busy, so there's barely any peace in there to delve into arts," Shirou grumbled with a look of distaste.
"Maybe you just suck at loosening up, always so uptight and grouchy," I taunted with a smirk.
The unamused glare Shirou sent my way didn't stand a chance against my grin but that changed as soon as he pushed the plate of steaming food to me, the sight and scent of the steaks making my eyes widen as my stomach churned and jumped to full attention.
"Time for the first bite of your prey, so anytime you're ready," Shirou told me while offering me a fork, which I hesitantly took from him.
I looked down at the plate with pursed lips, gulping down a stubborn knot in my throat as my mouth was salivating, eager to finally taste something more savory than berries and fish but the anxiety brewing within my core spoke louder than the hunger.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Shirou grabbing one of the skewers and he softly blew on it before taking a bite so judging by the pleased hum, he seemed to approve of the taste so that gave me enough courage to push my uneasiness aside at least for a moment, then I took a deep breath and plunged the fork into one of the steaks before raising it to my mouth until I bit off a small piece before I could change my mind.
As I chewed, I felt Shirou's eyes staring intensely at my face and clearly inspecting each little twitch in my expression in case I had a negative reaction, though that wasn't the case as my troubled gaze slowly softened into one of relief while my features relaxed with each new bite of the meal, and although the meat lacked seasoning, my stomach happily begged for more with rumbling growls.
Before I knew it, I had already finished the steak and was reaching for the next one as a pleasant sense of fulfillment bloomed in my chest when hunger finally overcame anxiety, unlatching its piercing claws from my heart and replacing the uneasiness with a warm soothing numbness.
It reminded me of the sensation I experienced when eating my first speared fish, except it felt much more personal now thanks to Shirou's ritual so every step I had taken had brought me closer to nature as part of its cycle of life and death and thus, for the first time since killing the serow, I allowed myself to feel pride in the feat.
Shirou was right, I felt as one with the creature my meal had once been so consuming its flesh gave its death purpose and dignity like a tribute, so such a notion made the meat one of the tastiest I had ever eaten and in only a matter of minutes, I was already done and let out a quiet content hum.
"More?" Shirou asked as his voice carried a subtle but noticeable hint of amusement, and when I met his mellow eyes, he was holding out another skewer for me to grab and I took it with a thankful smile.
"It's good," I said while eating from the skewer.
A sizzling hiss filled the air when Shirou placed more steaks on the heating stone, and it joined the crackling symphony of the flaming logs while enhancing the cozy atmosphere between us so for a while, no words were spoken.
I simply kept eating while Shirou prepared new roasts, silently observing him take bites of his own portions with a distant look in those pale blue eyes of his, which made me wonder if he was chasing his memories yet again, not unlike when we chased each other in the woods and I noticed Shirou looking pensive as he furrowed his brows so I knew that I needed to say something.
"Um, Shirou? I wanted to thank you for helping me through all this and for wanting to teach me how to use all this power that's inside me...you didn't need to share such a personal part of your past with me, you know? But you still did it just to make me more comfortable so that was really kind of you," I said as I shuffled closer to the wolfman, who was watching me and listening to every word when I cupped my hands on one of his palms, the contact sparking with static and I blushed as I could resist playing with his digits.
"I...I really couldn't have asked for a better friend in my life," I continued shyly with a bashful smile.
Shirou blinked slowly at my heartfelt words and was quiet for an extended period of time as he appeared to think about what I told him, and I waited patiently for his answer while staring into his eyes as I felt myself getting lost in them again until he soon sighed and looked down to observe me absentmindedly tracing the line on his pads with my claws.
"You're welcome," Shirou responded with a husky tone of voice, then he closed his hand around mine with a gentle reassuring squeeze and I smiled in response while we gazed into each other's eyes.
Once we were finished with dinner, we went back to the den and got some sleep but not before Shirou told me that I was now ready to learn how to control my godly abilities and that he would be waking me up early tomorrow.
As promised, I found myself getting shaken awake by Shirou and he told me to follow him so I had changed into a pair of cargo pants and followed Shirou through the forest, heading quite far from the den and I understood why since it was to ensure that we wouldn't be close enough to damage the den by accident.
Eventually, we made it to a large clearing and I took in my surroundings all around me as the birds were chirping and a nice cool breeze was blowing throughout the area when Shirou cleared his throat to get my attention and I noticed that he had removed his pants and was fully naked now, long used to the sight by now after spending nearly a week around him while he mostly had his clothes off.
"Okay Doug, I'm going to teach you how to use the power of your version of the silver wolf so pay close attention and follow my instructions because I won't be repeating myself, understood?" Shirou asked, looking deadly serious and I nodded.
"I understand," I said and Shirou narrowed his eyes.
"I mean it, the power of the silver wolf is not to be taken lightly because it's very dangerous and highly destructive if not used responsibly so I need your word that you will take this seriously," Shirou empathized.
"Shirou, I swear that I will be careful, I promise," I vowed and Shirou gazed at me for any signs that I was taking this seriously and he nodded in satisfaction.
"Good, now the first thing we'll start off with is for you to transform into your god form but in order to do that, you'll have to be naked first or those pants will rip to shreds," Shirou pointed out, making me blush but I went to unbutton my pants and then I found myself naked.
"Okay, what next?" I asked and Shirou reached for the collar that was on his neck.
"Now I will transform into the silver wolf and you will follow my lead once I'm done," Shirou said while he undid his collar and removed it from his neck.
Shirou tossed the collar away when the scar on his neck glowed and he exploded in a bright cyan light, making me shield my eyes as I squinted and it was over in a matter of seconds so I lowered my arm and saw the silver wolf again in all his glory.
"Jesus, I don't think I'll ever get tired seeing that," I commented and Shirou looked down at me with a stoic expression.
"Okay, now that I've transformed, it's your turn," Shirou said and I frowned.
"Alright, so how do I do that?" I questioned.
"Try and picture what you were feeling when you transformed for the first time, focus on it, and use that as a trigger to change into your silver wolf," Shirou instructed and I nodded.
I followed his instructions by thinking about what I was feeling that day in the warehouse, that burst of energy and the desperation I felt while I was helplessly watching Michiru about to get crushed to death by Yaba, then I suddenly felt that burst of energy again as it hit me hard and I gritted my teeth.
I let out a roar as my body exploded with power and I was engulfed by the bright silver light, feeling my body growing and warping into a gigantic quadruped being as I was forced to get onto all fours unless I wanted to fall, then the light died down and I was now the same size as Shirou as I felt so much power flowing through my veins.
"Oh my god...so much power running through me," I gasped as my voice was now very deep and thunderous.
"This is why you need to learn how to control that form and make no mistake, that form is highly dangerous so exercise extreme caution when using it because that power is not a toy and can wipe out an entire city if you aren't careful," Shirou warned and I nodded.
"Yeah, I understand fully now so I'll only use it in desperate situations, so what now?" I inquired.
"Now, I teach you how to move around and maneuver in that form since you aren't used to being in a quadruped body so watch how I move and try to replicate it," Shirou told me.
I spent several minutes trying to learn how to walk in this form and it was awkward at first since I wasn't used to moving around in a quadruped body, so there were a few mishaps where I would sometimes trip over my own paws, though I managed to get it right and now I was moving around as if I have had this body all my life.
"You're a fast learner, which is good so now comes the next part of your training, learning how to glide," Shirou said and that got my attention.
"Wait, I can glide in this form?" I questioned and Shirou motioned his head at the protrusions on his shoulders.
"As you might have already seen in the warehouse, the protrusions on my shoulders can be used for different means such as creating blades to slice through my enemies or the environment around me, but we'll get to the latter part later so if those feather-like protrusions are anything like mine, then you can use them either for flight or combat," Shirou explained and that piqued my curiosity.
"Interesting, so how do I glide?" I asked and Shirou motioned his head over to the far side of the clearing.
"Head over there to give yourself a running start and jump, which will launch you into the air, and then concentrate on making the protrusions on your forelimbs into wings to help you glide," Shirou instructed and I complied.
I headed over to the far end of the clearing and looked at Shirou, who sent me a nod and I started loping as fast as I could while I turned into a silver beam of light until I leaped into the air, launching myself high up off the ground.
As I was flying through the air, I concentrated on making my protrusions wings as I started plummeting to the ground and just when I thought I was going to crash, my protrusions extended into wings and I swooped above Shirou until I found myself back into the sky.
I was amazed by what was happening as I glided through the air like a silver comet and I think I could see the den from where I'm at so this was an experience I wasn't going to be forgetting any time soon, though I sadly had to go back down to the clearing since this was no time to get distracted so I made it down to the clearing and landed a few feet from Shirou as my wings shaped back into protrusions.
"You're doing well, but don't get too comfortable because you still have a lot to learn so now comes one of the hard parts, learning how to fight in that form," Shirou stated and I nodded.
"Okay, what do I need to do?" I asked.
"Alright, the most important thing you need to know is that speed and agility, as well as outsmarting your enemies are essential to victory but you already knew that, though using what you've learned as a human is going to be tricky in that form because you are used to fighting on two legs instead of four, so let me show you how it's done and try to copy my movements once I'm finished," Shirou told me and I paid attention after that.
I watched Shirou zipping around on the ground and in the air while slashing his claws at nothing or forming his tail and shoulder protrusions into blades before showing off a few moves that consisted of twirling around in the air, performing corkscrews, slicing through a few trees, and more while I was very impressed by his speed and agility, being reminded of how he had a thousand years of combat experience as I saw Shirou fly down and land before me.
I spent some time trying to copy what Shirou did but it was a lot harder than it looks, though Shirou was kind enough to give me pointers while also letting me know what mistakes I made and how to correct them so it wasn't long that I managed to get a handle on it and I had to do a little bit of practice to make sure that I was doing it right.
"Good work, though now comes the hardest part of your training, learning to use the sonic roar," Shirou said and I blinked at that.
"The sonic roar?" I questioned and Shirou started looking grim.
"A highly dangerous and extremely powerful move that can demolish buildings or quite possibly a city...it was the one I used to destroy the nazi research facility after rescuing Barbara and the other beastmen that could be saved," Shirou replied as he looked like he was remembering something terrible, and I knew that he was thinking about finding the remains of beastmen that had been experimented on.
"I see...so how do I use it?" I inquired and Shirou sighed.
"Before I teach you how to use it, always remember to use it as a last resort because the sonic roar is very devastating and can be responsible for causing an unimaginable death toll if you aren't careful," Shirou warned and I nodded.
"Don't worry, I'll only use it as a last resort, I promise," I vowed and Shirou nodded.
"Good, now to use the sonic roar, you need to concentrate on building up the energy first in your throat so let me warn you that it might feel strange at first," Shirou told me and I nodded.
I started concentrating as I focused on the power that was running throughout my body and started directing it to my throat, then I began to feel an odd pressure building up and I knew what Shirou meant now so I opened my mouth to release the powerful move.
Instead, what came out was a deafening noise that sounded like a rockslide coming down the mountain and I froze with a look of pure mortification as I realized that I let out a huge belch, birds flying away from the nearby trees they were nesting in so it was like they were laughing at me but the worst part was that Shirou was staring at me while his right eye twitched and I let out a nervous laugh.
"Sorry about that but hey, better out than in, am I right?" I remarked uneasily and Shirou responded to that by whacking me upside the head with his giant paw, causing me to yelp.
"Hey, I was just lightening the mood!" I retorted as I grimaced from the pain, which faded away.
"Quit acting like an idiot and do it right this time," Shirou said sternly and I muttered under my breath about him having no sense of humor.
I got back to focusing on drawing on the energy inside me and tried to direct it to my throat again, hopefully with no embarrassing results like before when I felt the same pressure again and it started building up quickly as it became a warm sensation, then a large blast of silver energy came out of my mouth but I realized too late that Shirou was still in front of me and he got hit in the flank, sending him crashing through a few trees and my eyes widened in horror as I immediately cut off the blast.
"Holy shit, are you okay?!" I shouted frantically as Shirou was rising out of the massive pile of debris and I froze as he looked pissed and was growling at me.
"Oh crap," I said uneasily and Shirou suddenly fired a cyan energy blast at me.
I let out a yelp and dodged the attack, then I found myself getting chased by Shirou as he went after me and was trying to blast me while I pleaded for him to calm down but he clearly wanted payback for me blasting him in the flank.
Eventually, Shirou had calmed down and warned me to watch where I was shooting when he had me do some target practice on a few trees with smaller blasts so I followed his instructions and was able to get my aim right this time.
After that, the rest of the week had gone by as Shirou had me practice what I've learned and it's gotten to the point where I could transform at will, move around and maneuver, glide pretty well, have gotten the hang of fighting in my god form, and use the sonic roar.
I knew that we would be going home after today and I was disappointed by that since I had enjoyed my time on this mountain, despite its ups and downs, but Michiru and the others were waiting for us and we couldn't abandon our duties and responsibilities.
So, Shirou and I had simply decided to relax for today and I had the idea for us to take a dip in the lake to cool off after we had gotten back to the den from our latest hunt, then Shirou agreed and we made out way to the very lake we had fallen in a few days before so Shirou had removed his collar and started washing himself when I saw the collar on the ground and this situation was familiar.
I just simply couldn't help myself and smirked as I picked up the collar so you'd think Shirou would have learned from last time, then I waited for Shirou to finish washing himself when he left the lake and looked down to reach for his collar when he paused once he saw that it was gone and let out a sigh until he stood up fully and sent me a deadpanned glare.
"Seriously, Doug? Again?" Shirou questioned and I chuckled.
"To be fair, you probably shouldn't leave this on the ground where any animal could snatch it and take off into the forest," I pointed out and Shirou held out a hand.
"Look, just give it back since I'm not interested in chasing you again," Shirou said, though the slight twitch of his tail and his ears perking told me otherwise.
"How about...no," I said and took off in the opposite direction.
I ran through the woods as the same feelings from before cropped up inside me, making me even more giddy and excited as I heard Shirou catching up easily and smirked since I had a trump card now, then I suddenly transformed into my god form and took off like a bullet.
My tongue lolled out as I was having the time of my life and I heard Shirou transforming as well, catching up to me again and I looked back but I didn't see him so I looked around just to see him launch himself at my right with a gleam in his eyes that told me he was very eager to catch me and win this time.
I was tackled by him and we went through a bunch of trees that were smashed to pieces by our massive bulk, then we went rolling down a hill but the thorns, rocks, or roots didn't bother us this time as we went down into a clearing and I was on my back with Shirou on top of me while he held a look of victory.
"Looks like I win this time, Doug," Shirou said as we shifted back to our beast forms and I chuckled, causing him to smile.
"Yeah, looks like you have," I replied as my eyes met his and it was like our surroundings just ceased to exist.
It was happening again, that same firey warmth spreading throughout my body as we started breathing heavily to take in each other's scents, our nostrils flaring and then that same feral part of myself was demanding that I make Shirou mine as my pupils were dilating and then I reached up to run my hand through the fur on Shirou's chest.
The wolfman above me leaned into the touch and let out a content rumble when he continues to lean forward and my heart raced as I realized that this was actually happening and I didn't want it to stop, then Shirou's lips met mine.
The heat inside me intensified to a full-blown inferno and I slowly closed my eyes, reaching up to cup Shirou's cheeks and I ran my hands through his fluffy coat as they went down to his back and combed through his fur, then Shirou pulled back slowly until we breathed heavily and we just simply stared at each other.
"So...I'm guessing this means we're official now," I muttered with an affectionate smile and Shirou sent me a tender expression.
"I suppose we are, though let's take it slow for now," Shirou suggested and I nodded.
"Agreed, don't want to rush things," I agreed as Shirou moved so that we could get up and we began to make our way back to the den as I handed the collar back, the two of us enjoying the quiet walk on our way back.
A/N Well guys, things are now official between Shirou and Doug so it's about time, though they are going to take things slow for now and I imagine Shirou would want to keep their relationship quiet until he is ready for them to reveal it to people they can trust since he's a private person and doesn't usually share personal things about himself unless it's with someone who's gained his trust and is comfortable enough to open himself up to the person.
Well, that's it for this chapter so let me know what you think and stay tuned.