Chapter One- The List, this is a default sort of.
I walk up the staircase to my dorm, soaking wet and covered with slime. James Potter has crossed the line. He firstly asked me asked me out and when I said no (what a shock) he sighed and said, " Sorry I have to do this Evans, but you leave me no choice." And then the bloody wanker charmed all the pitchers in the Great Hall to fill with slime and ice cold water, then ordering said pitchers to dump them on me. Then it hit me- he pranks me because I reject him. If I get him to hate me he'll stop pranking me, and I can be on my merry way! I let out a girlish squeal and began my plan for freedom and revenge… MUAHAHAHA. Right, I'm stopping now.
50 Ways to Annoy The Piss Out of James Potter by Lieutenant Lily O. Evans
1. Confiscate all Zonko's products. (Accio charms work particularly well)
2. Comment that the latest fashion rave is for men to have flat, blonde hair.
3. Say 'Snape is just a misunderstood sweetheart cutie face.'
4. Try to feed him calamari. (and don't tell him what it is)
5. Refuse to go to Hogsmeade with him.
Repeatedly...
6. Refuse to go to Diagon Alley with him.
Repeatedly...
7. Refuse to go anywhere with him – not even to the Hospital Wing.
Again, repeatedly...
8. Comment that you wish Gryffindor had a pretty green banner like the Slytherins.
9. Do not validate it when he uses insanity as an excuse.
10. Laugh whenever you hear someone say "Isn't James Potter divine/sexy/gorgeous/manly!"
11. Ask loudly, "So how many BALLS are there in Quidditch again?"
12. Frequently state "I don't understand why anyone would ever enjoy Quidditch – it's such a boring sport."
13. Say loudly in an off handed tone, "Quidditch it just a silly little game that should only fascinate children, Potions, now there's an interesting subject!"
14. Tell him he's too short...REPEATEDLY
15. Tell him that he is too skinny...REPEATEDLY
16.Tell him that he is a feeble-minded retard… REPEATEDLY
17. Yell out in the middle of the Great Hall that he is a self-absorbed, big-headed, arrogant prat and that you wouldn't date him if he was the last man on the face of the earth. Aim to do this when it is filled to its capacity
18.Tell him he that deep inside him is a scared little child that lashes out on others for attention, and that he appears to need psychiatric help in order to stop him from making himself big by hurting others.
17.Spread rumors that he is gay & that he is secretly crushing on Severus Snape.
18. Set up a support group to council James Potter on how to 'come out of the closet'
19. Set him up on a blind date with Snape make sure he thinks he's going with a really attractive Ravenclaw girl.
20. Dye his hair blond.
21. Glue his bed curtains shut. Aim to do this when he is incased in them.
22. Say Quidditch books are a waste of time and that potion books are a much more interesting read.
23. Call his pranks 'highly unoriginal'
24. Wonder aloud if Severus Snape pulled the 'wonderful prank in the Great Hall' the other day.
25. State aloud, "Severus Snape is the sexy-est man on the face of the earth."
26. Say Transfiguration is a doss subject.
27. Tell him that only three year olds have gang names.
28. Pretend/Honestly believe that his hair looks better blond.
29. Ask if Potter is in anyway related to the Malfoys - they seem to have the same nose.
30. Stand up for others whom he hates.
31. Stand up for Snape.
32. Humiliate him.
33. Humiliate him in front of the whole school.
34. Tell the whole school that you'd prefer to date the Giant Squid to James Potter.
35. Say that Divination is a wonderfully precise and noble form of magic.
36. Say that Quidditch is just a childish attempt to fulfill juvenile muggle stereotypes.
37. Say that people who are good at Quidditch are compensating for something.
38. Try to psychoanalyze him.
39. Prescribe medication as a result of analysis.
40. Treat him like a mental patient.
41. Ask him why he's terrified of sweet little kittens & bunny wabbets.
42. Get other people to ask him why he's afraid of sweet little kittens & bunny wabbets.
43. Say that you think there are deer (cough cough) tracks in the Gryffindor common room.
44. Steal his broom.
45. Ask Severus Snape for help with Transfiguration when Potter is standing near by.
46. Call him a male chauvinist pig.
47. Assign him detention.
48. Fill his shampoo with rainbow hair dye.
49. Steal his uniforms, making sire he only gets skirts and tanks tops as replacements.
50. Okay, so I don't have an actual 50th reason, but I'm sure I'll come up with something.
I looked down at the piece of parchment and smiled evilly. Let the plan commence. But first, I needed a shower and a good night's sleep. And then… well, Potter will never ask me out again.
A/N- what do you think? I personally like it, and will be submitting chapter two very soon! Please review, the more I get, the faster I review! I already started ch2, but could someone please tell me how to submit the next chapter? REVIEW!