I Swear to Drunk I'm Not God: I'm Cone-Sold Stober
By: GundamWingFanatic90
Date: August 10, 2006
Summary: See Jack drink. See Jack make a fool of himself. See Jack run. Slight Willabeth WE.
Warnings: Implied alcohol consumption.
Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue! I know you're not named sue, and I'm not called own, either! I do not possess ownership of Pirates of the Caribbean! Leave me alone!
William and Elizabeth Turner woke up on the Black Pearl that morning to a very vile sound. Jack was singing.
Will cringed as his best friend and Captain's voice drifted to a high note that it was not meant to naturally hit under normal circumstances, sounding more than a little like one of the eunuchs that he was so fond of calling Will a member of even though he knew "dam' gell an' wood" that he was not.
"YO-HO, YO-HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!"
Now it was Elizabeth's turn to grimace, recognizing the song that she had taught the pirate Captain whilst they were marooned on that God-forsaken spit of land that Barbossa had once called an island. Groaning, she turned onto her side and buried her face in her husband's chest, hoping to drown out Jack's drunken singing long enough to keep from getting a headache.
Just as Will's steady heartbeat was beginning to help her, the door to their cabin burst open and Anamaria, the Black Pearl's Second Mate, took a step in. Turning to look at her friend, Elizabeth took in her rather pale expression as she closed the door behind her and bolted it before darting around to squirm into the space between the cot and the floor.
"Anamaria!" exclaimed Elizabeth, somewhat worried. "Whatever is the matter?" Anamaria's growl could be heard loud and clear.
"Jes keep Jack Sparra 'way fr'm me!" Elizabeth and Will exchanged glances, getting up and throwing some more decent clothes on.
"Why?" Anamaria's dark eyes peeked out at Will, who had been the one to ask.
"'S a good day fer 'im!" she hissed. "'E's spot'ed a merchan' vessul. 'E's makin' a daft fool of 'imself!" The Turners exchanged yet another look, though this one was one of more amusement than fear.
"And is it so bad that you must hide underneath our cot to escape him?" Anamaria's gaze flicked over to Elizabeth.
"I'd avoid 'im if I were yeh." Two sets of eyebrows went up. Way up. Another glance passed between the husband-and-wife pair before two bodies were hurrying to the door to aid the probably-harried crew of the Pearl. The sight that met their eyes above deck made them stop in their tracks in shock.
Jack Sparrow, Captain of the Black Pearl, was wearing a dress.
The rest of the crew, including Mister Gibbs, was going about their business while making a blatantly obvious attempt to avoid even glancing at the man who was staggering about in a lavender-coloured, flower-print gown. All of their faces were bright red with utter embarrassment.
"Mister Gibbs!" called Elizabeth, dragging a mortified and twitching Will over to where the crewman was working on towing a line. "What is going on?" Gibbs glanced at the First Mate and his wife, taking in their horrified expressions and the minor, not-so-subtle convulsions that were wracking the former blacksmith's left hand and right eyebrow, and sighed.
"The Cap'n's having a rather good day today." came his only explanation. When he didn't elabourate, Will loudly inquired over the sound of Jack's horrid singing,
"If this is a good day, then what's he like on a bad day?" Gibbs shot Will a look that basically stated that the younger man did not want to know, but said younger man insisted.
"A bad day is when he's sober!" Will and Elizabeth gaped at the crewman in disbelief. The only sounds that broke the silence were the sounds of the crew working, orders being spread around, and Jack shouting,
"I shwear to djrunk 'm not God! 'M cone-shold shtober!"
A second later, Jack was fleeing from a mob consisting of Anamaria, who had finally come up to put an end to Jack's drunken shenanigans; Will; and Elizabeth. Fortunately, due to being unused to wearing and running in a dress, the Pearl's captain managed to somehow trip over his own feet and the hem of the gown, and was sent careening overboard into the water.
Needless to say, when the crew pulled him aboard once more a few frenzied moments later, Captain Jack Sparrow was completely stone-cold sober once more.
END. OWARI. FIN. FINITO. FINISHED. ETC.
Okay, there's the prequel/companion to 'Rum-Flavoured Kisses'. Hope you liked it, and please read and review!
-Fanatic