I sat in the back of class, I was no longer excepted in the front. I sat alone of coarse, no one wanted to be around me, I was a dirty mudblood. I wouldn't want to sit next to me either.
I wanted to disappear, to hide and never show my face. I stared hard at the board in front of me, I didn't want to show them how I feel. Like a piece of shit flowing in the sphere of life.
I had made a big mistake, I had a set of cards in my hands, figuratively speaking though, and I had a good set in my hands, but stupid me had to go ruin it by throwing down the okay ones and then dealing with the bad one.
What I'm trying to say is, that before I had to go screw up my life, it was a pretty okay one. My parents would speak to me, Harry and Ron were my best friends, I was with the golden trio. Now I've been replaced with Ginny, I don't think she intentionally meant to do it, but it happened, She had gotten with Harry and they started spending less and less time with me, only speaking with to me for answers to homework.
So naturally I got angry and jealous but most of all I was hurt. Was I that easy to drop? Was I not that important? I thought I was, I had helped Harry countless times. Without me he wouldn't have succeeded, but I guess he doesn't think that mattered, apparently risking my life for him and helping him to achieve his goal, helping him with heart ache. That wasn't good enough.
I laughed bitterly sneaking a glance at him. He was sitting in the third row, slipping notes to Ron. I cringed.
Ron.
I wanted to break down just looking at him. I had liked him back when life was better. When we were the golden trio. I had thought he liked me too, but I was wrong. All along I thought he liked me, but I was so stupid.
Tears pricked my eyes, I closed myself up. Take deep breathes, no one will notice. I had told Ron that I liked him a lot. That I wanted to be something with him.
He laughed in my face.
That was the first blow. From there things got only worse. I hadn't asked Ron why he didn't feel the same way. I was to embarrassed. From the outside I looked okay, but in reality, I felt like shit.
So that when I retorted to the "ultimate low".
I was lonely, I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted for someone to know I was there to know that I'm a person, a girl.
Don't ask me why, but Malfoy had always made me feel alive, despite everything, I could always count on a battle with Malfoy to vent out anger. He, unknowingly helped me actually feel something from someone. He had made me feel like I was still there.
I had thought I had liked him, I didn't realize the difference between liking someone and appreciating someone. I once again failed my title of being the smartest witch of my age.
I had acted differently around him, shy, not really into our battles. He got if possible even worse, teasing me everywhere, anytime. But it was a different teasing. It had gotten more… personal and physical. He would through me against wall, if I didn't react, or he would grip my wrist really hard and dig his nails into my skin. But I refused and still refuse to let him so weakness.
To me if he sees one weakness he sees them all. It hurts when the guy you like wants nothing more than to make you miserable.
He had called me so many things. But the one that really struck me down was ugly. I don't care if he calls me a suck up or a know it all. It didn't matter. I was those things.
It hurt if he called me ugly, friendless (he had noticed Harry and Ron ditching me) and a mudblood.
Everything was going wrong. My grades started taking an immediate down fall, making my teachers pressure me and my parents to ignore me.
So I fell and now I'm this, weird, ugly depressed mudblood. That everybody loves to hate. The mudblood who only feel when the bladed is on her skin.
A/N This will no longer be in Hermione's point of view
The bell rang and she slipped out hopefully unnoticed. She walked away from the class room and headed to the way to the tower since she was up here why not pay a visit to light.
She walked to the tower entrance and sighed, already feeling semi better. She walked to the ledge and sat down.
The sun was setting and it looked magnificent, it made the lake look like it was pink. The hills swayed to the dance of the wind. It often made Hermione wonder with such beauty in the world. How could it be so cruel?
Hermione looked down. She was so high up. Some people would fine this innerving, but Hermione no longer was scared of anything that risks her life, she welcomed it, hoping it would be her excuse for dying.
She contemplated jumping off. Who would care. Her parents would get over it. Her fellow students wouldn't care. She smiled, why not no one is going to stop her. She inched closer on her butt to the side of the ledge.
The door opened.
'great!' they couldn't have picked a better timing.
"Miss Granger aren't you a little close to the edge? Step away my dear. Come, come, lunch is almost over you know." said surprisingly Dumbledor. She angrily got up.
"I know Professor" said Hermione . She walked out the door looking back once more to the ledge that was calling her. She sighed.
'if only he had came a second longer.' Hermione slowly made her way to her next class, in even worse of a mood then before.
Her day continued as normal. Lonely and depressingly. She finally made it to the Great Hall and walked to her table and sat away from everyone else. Non of the Gryffindors talk to hr anymore, following Harry and Ron' lead and shunning me.
A/N back to the first person view.
I picked at my food. Abruptly I felt something smack against my head. I looked up from my plate and saw a sniggering Malfoy. I grimaced at turned back to my plate.
I felt someone whack me hard, my face landed in my plate of food. I coughed hysterically as I hard laughter ring throughout the hall. I cleaned off my face with a napkin and looked behind me. I saw Harry his arm draped around Ginny, Ron on his other side. They were laughing nearly in tears.
"When I thought you could get uglier. Actually I think you looked better that way, it hides the ugliness beneath it." said Malfoy. The laughter got higher with his comment. I looked at the new golden trio. They were still laughing at me. Ron looked up.
" For the first time Malfoy, I agree with you." he said. I got up from my sitting place and ran out the Great Hall not before hearing Malfoy say.
"I think you hurt her feeling Weasel, you know how she always liked you." and Ron's reply.
"Don't remind me I still have nightmares." the laughing was still going.
A/N switching the point of view again sorry.
She ran as fast as she could before she could her anything else. Soon the noise faded from laughter to my shoes landing on the marble floor.
She ran in a heap into the common room. Shutting it behind her.
The next day Hermione wasn't present to any of her classes. When she wasn't there again the next day they sent the head boy Malfoy to check on her. He wasn't happy about it.
He had no idea the sight he would see.
He walked to the head girls common room, spoke the password and walked inside. The place was clean, a few things here and there.
He walked to her room and rudely pounded on the door. He didn't get an answer. He walked in. the room was a mess. The bed was wrinkled and twisted. Like she had been tossing and turning all night. Things were thrown everywhere. Draco noticed a green pouch on the floor. Thinking it was her money bag, he picked it up and emptied it on her bed.
He saw the sharp blades and succors, ect. fall on the bed. He picked one up that was the pocket knife. He opened it and saw the dried up blood on it. He noticed it was on all of them. He quickly dropped it repulsed that her touched it.
He noticed the bathroom doors light was on. He walked towards it. He knocked loudly and yelled Hermione sur name. She didn't answer
He opened it slowly and what he found would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Blood was every where on the floor. It was a huge pool of it. Draco looked up and noticed there was something in red written on the mirror.
Am my pretty now?
It was written in red lip stick. He felt like gagging. He cautiously looked into the tub. What he saw really did make him gag.
In the tub slightly floating in a pool of red was Hermione. Her head was above the water still and she was surrounded up to her neck in her own blood. She was naked and her arm was sticking out of the tub with a razor in her hand. Her arm was covered in slash marks.
Her eyes were closed and she wore a slight smile. On the ledge of the tub was a blue dairy. But Draco refused to step in there. He turned and ran from the common room, haunted already by the image of Hermiones seemingly peaceful face above the water. Her arms covered with cuts. Her body surrounded in her own blood.
Later that day the teachers removed her body. Repulsed at the sight of Hermione themselves. They had taken Hermione diary. They read the whole thing cover to cover. They were all surprised at what they discovered. They were angered at there students for breaking the smartest witch of her age.
Dumbledor had read a part of Hermione's diary to the student body at when he annoced her death.
Though all those who I thought were my family, the ones I would have died for, abandoned me, left me alone without a reason why, though they broke me down. I will always love them. And I will die happily with the memories of the good ones. They will probably forget me in a mer year maybe two. But I will remember them forever. The only thing I regret was that I wasn't strong enough to not let the words get to me. I was supposed to be smart but really I was only smart book wise, I had no clue who I was. I still don't. I never really will.