It's been a while since I've written anything for this story, so please forgive me for any discrepancies you might find. Enjoy ;)
CLINK! CLINK!
"Ugh!"
CLINK! CLINK!
'Knock it off!'
CLINK! CLINK!
Robin moaned again, what was that noise?
Thud, thud, thud.
Someone was walking toward him.
Thud, thud, thud.
His head was lifted from the table.
Swish, swish.
Whack-swoosh-BAM!
Robin's head was released, hit a freshly washed table, and slid off, throwing him out of his chair onto the floor. "What the #$?"
Staring down at him, horrified, Star began to tremble. "Oh, I am so sorry friend Robin, I did not mean to wake you. My wish was only to clean up the kitchen," her voice barely above a whisper.
'What's she so nervous about?' he wondered as he stood up. "Star, if you didn't want to wake me, you should have been more quiet."
Immediately the creature known as Star dropped to her knees and began groveling, "Please forgive me, Robin, I am ever so sorry, please do not throw me out of the tower for disturbing you, as you did to Raven."
Though his head was still pounding, he managed to interpret Star's message, deriving from its core an accusation. "What? You think I threw her out?" Movement to the left caught his eye, and for the first time he saw Cyborg and Bladder-less Boy sitting at the table, nodding their head 'yes', as though they were afraid to speak in front of Robin.
'Oh boy,' Boy Wonder thought to himself, 'they think I'm off my rocker - off my rocker? I have gone crazy.' He'd spent long enough running off after Bruce trying to knock the old duffer back to his senses, it was time for Robin to let his team know that he wasn't as mental as he seemed.
After he took a deep breath and put on his 'I'm the boss face', he began, "Now, I know I've been a little distracted-" Beast Boy scoffed, distracted wasn't the word he'd use, but then again, Beast Boy wouldn't have used a word, he'd use and animal sound."-but I'm back on track. Now I may be in and out of the tower for the next few weeks, so Cyborg, you're in charge. I want you to do everything like you were me. Got it?"
Skeptically Cyborg nodded, "But I draw the line at thrashing my head in frustration."
"All right, if Cyborg's occupied, Raven's in charge. You guys got it?"
"Du-dude" Beast Boy stammeringly put forth, "You kicked her outta the tower, she's . . . she's gone dude. I mean, her room's empty."
A nod from Starfire affirmed Beast Boy's statement. "It looks as though no one lives in there."
"I DID NOT KICK HER OUT," Robin bellowed, then, quieting himself, he said, "Besides, her room never looks like someone lives there, and it's always clean so it usually appears empty, 'cause nothing's out."
"But, friend Robin," Star ventured cautiously, still afraid of what Robin might do, "Even her black curtains of despair are gone, the glorious sunshine is blazing through the windows!"
His heart skipped a beat. What had he done? Did he throw her out without remembering? While he couldn't believe he'd done it, and that she'd comply when she knew he was delusional and drugged, he had to be sure. Robin raced up the stairs to Raven's room, threw open the door and walked into complete darkness. Puzzled, he turned to leave, but the door was closed. Chills ran down his spine as he turned around and around looking for something, anything. Star said the room was lighted-What was that? A noise of some sort carried through the eerie silence. From somewhere in the darkness two violet eyes popped open and stared at him. "AIEEE! Oh, Raven whew!"
"Talk about an invasion of privacy. You know, at least I never thrashed into your room while you were resting."
Though it was hard to tell, Robin was sure her voice was colder than normal. "Rae, about last night, I'm sorry."
"What did you do last night? Did you break something of mine?"
"Uh . . ." Whoa, and Rae thought he was losing his mind, "last night, when I told you that you were on drugs and I-um-called you stupid and irrational."
"Boy Wonder, that wasn't last night, but oookay-hold up! Whoa! Did you apologize?" The violet eyes widened in shock.
"Oh, get off it, I apologize all the time."
"To Star, sure. Not to me or the others."
"I'm SORRY OKAY! Just accept it and move on."
"Okay, okay, . . . oh, urm, uh, thanks for saying it."
"Okay, while we're on this subject, what did you mean by, 'it wasn't last night'?"
"Nothing cryptic, oh great and fearful leader. Simply that, you were out cold when I got back, you know, after I left, and I've been up here meditating ever since, so that means it's been," she check her clock, "fifty-two hours since you told me I was too stupid, yet not dense enough."
"But-"
"Face it, Druggie, you're losing time, a sign of a serious problem."
"I didn't lose time, I woke up exactly where I passed out, and I'm NOT a druggie!" Robin had come all this way to apologize and she called him a druggie!
Raven's haunting violet eyes floated across the room, followed by a rectangle of light blinding him. "Walk towards the light, Robin," Raven's monotonous voice rang out, "it loves you and wants you to be happy."
Robin hesitated, then, as he wouldn't not move himself, he was escorted into the hall by a dark aura. Trudging down the hall, half-wishing he really had thrown Raven out, the masked man-boy crashed into three superheroes about his own age.
Tears welling in her eyes, Starfire pointed into a room. "SEE!" she wailed, "Raven's room is no more!"
"What are you talking about?" Robin stared incredulously at her, "This isn't Raven's Room."
Cyborg made a CUCKOOOO! motion behind Robin, then firmly grasped his shoulder rotating him in the direction of each Titan's room. "Okay, that's my room down there, me, Cyborg." The words came out slowly, as though Robin was retarded. "That's your room way down there. That's Beast Boy's pen, that's Starfire's landing dock, leaving this room, Raven's."
Not sure what to react to firs, Robin went over all the things Cyborg should be battered for: manhandling his master, treating his master like a moron, and just being plain stupid and ugly. Manhandling was definitely first. In one swift motion Robin had launched his cybortronic friend down the hall. "So, that's my room down there? Hmm, I never knew. What I don't know, is how you can all pretend to be soooo stupid. Don't you guys remember, Raven moved into that room over there." He waved his hand toward a rather general, all-inclusive area.
"Oh, gee, that tells us a lot, Robin. You coulda kicked her out and that'd be true." Beast Boy rolled his shallow green eyes.
After a quick glance around, Cyborg inhaled sharply. "Nuh-uh! Oh no you didn't! You have that manipulative little half-demon the guest room, didn't you?"
"Don't talk about her like that!" Robin said defensively.
"You did! AAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"I didn't say that, but, yeah, I gave Rae the old guest room. Her old room in now the guest room."
"Dude!" Cyborg tried to pull his hair in frustration, but failed. "I asked you if I could have that room a year ago and you said you'd think about it."
"Yeah, I thought about it, then Rae asked for it. She had a much better reason for getting it, so she got it."
"Dude, it's the only room besides yours with a private bathroom. What reason did she give you? Was it a reason at all? Or was it an exchange, guest bedroom for a date? You disgust me!"
"I disgust you? You're the one coming up with this stuff . . .Pervert."
"Well, what was the reason then?"
"She was going to crush the R-cycle if I didn't."
"GAAAAH-FBBBBT-PSHT!" Cyborg sputtered.
Using the freezing and sputtering of Cyborg's CPU as an opportunity to cut off the argument, Robin turned and left the tower.
On the way to Wayne Manor
It was time to lay down a plan, but first, a devilishly clever operation name.
Wilson!
That was it. Sure, Wedding Crashers had a different method of wrecking havoc on nuptials, but that's what made the code name so perfect.
So, here's how it would go down: As Bruce was a business man, Robin would take a business approach. He'd make a power point presentation showing all the things from that ancient day Bruce was born, and compare them with the things form the glorious year of Barbara's birth. As a semi-logical man, Bruce would have to see it, the technology and the hardware, the basic necessities of life, they weren't even compatible.
Pulling into the driveway, Bruce noticed the entire house was dark. Slightly suspicious, Wayne checked for booby traps and ambushes as he made his way through the front door. Nothing. What could be going on? A faint glow emanated from a room at the end of one wing of the house and not knowing what else to do or having anything else to go on, he walked toward it, anxious to determine the suspicious state of his home. He'd only gone a few steps when he heard a desperate wheezing. Greatly concerned for his butler, he hastened his pace, causing a collision between himself and the figure of an old man.
"Alfred," Wane cried dropping to his knees. His oldest friend was shaking and wheezing.
"Br-br-bruce, help me up."
In one swift motion, Bruce and Alfred were on their feet. "Are you all right?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Just f-f-fine!"
A light bulb lit inside Wayne's mind. "Are you laughing?"
Alfred took a few deep breaths, "Master Dick, has the most-heeeheeehee-ridiculous thing-HAHAHA-to show you, in the theatre room." The old timer then collapsed on the floor, giggling like a toddler.
Releasing a sigh of relief, Bruce walked confidently the rest of the way to the glowing room.
"AH! Bruce, the man I've been waiting for!"
"What did you do to Alfred? He can scarcely breathe for laughing."
"No idea." Richard replied cheerfully. "I put together this slide show for you and he agreed to look over it for me. While I thought it was quite effective he seemed to find it humorous. Perhaps he saw my point and thought it was ridiculous that this-this-this charade has gone on so long."
"Okay, Dick. Astound me. What's this slide show about?"
"The slide show depicts how much change the world can go through between two generations."
"Eyebrow raising. Proceed then."
When Bruce Wayne was born
birth announcements were hand written with a quill and inkwell.
When Barbara Gordon was born
birth announcements were sent via email & text message.
When Bruce Wayne was born
women couldn't vote.
When Barbara Gordon was born
women ran the world.
When Bruce Wayne attended school
children did homework on slates.
When Barbara Gordon attended school
children did their homework on computers and emailed it to teachers.
And so it went, for over an hour.
"Well, despite your slight exaggerations, I found that slide show to be quite . . . interesting," Bruce managed to say before he collapsed laughing.
Angrily, Robin demanded, "What's so damn funny?"
"Oh, well, I just don't think you could have done anything more ridiculous. You know, I'm starting to think all this protesting is just your demented idea of a joke."
"A joke, you think I'm joking? Didn't you see the slide show!" Robin clicked through a few slides. "Your older than dirt compared to her! You-old-crusty. Her-young-sweet. Don't you see it? You're like old technology! Just plain incompatible with the newer model."
"Oh, I assure you, we'll be perfectly compatible."
"EW! EW! Foul, gross, ew!"
"Okay, I'll admit you have a point."
Robin blinked stupidly, absorbing the words which Wayne had spoken. "I-I'm right?"
"No," Wayne said flatly, "but you have a point. A lot changes over time. To show you I believe it, I'll give you an example. You're a car guy right?"
Robin nodded.
"Well, according to a newspaper article about a year ago, I know you couldn't read then because you're sooo much younger than me so try to trust me on this, the average car from the 1950's goes up in price about 25 a year. You see, value and desirability go up with age. Why do you think there are antique stores? I guarantee you that Barbara wouldn't wear the diamond I gave her if it were still coal, but it's been refined with age, so it's worth something.
Robin chuckled, "Yeah, Bruce, you're like coal. In a million years, you just might be worth something."
"Well, by what you had on your slide show, I'm half way there, but you, you aggravating little cuss, barely began exiting puberty, so by any standard you have a long way to go before you're worth shit. Now, would you mind leaving before Barbara shows up?"
"What, afraid a worthless, pubescentboy will steal your wife?"
"Oh, yeah," Bruce murmured sarcastically, "terrified."
"Excuse me, sirs," Alfred's old voice interrupted. "Ms. Gordon is here." The old man glanced at Robin, then left chuckling.
"Bruce!" Barbara called, running to her fiancé. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him gently.
Beside Bruce, Robin began feeling rather uncomfortable. He took one step back, then another, and another.
"Dick! Good to see you. Last time you were here you didn't seem to feel so great, how've you been?" Barbara was perfectly cheerful. She'd just kissed a creepy, crusty, old man and she was smiling. What had Bruce done to her?
"You're not really going to marry him, are you?"
"What?" Oops, he made the smile turn into an angry scowl.
"Wayne, you aren't really gonna marry him. It just a show, a game, right?"
"No, Dick. We're not getting married." Robin sighed with relief, until Babs continued, "I just go around announcing random marriages, kissing various acquaintances, sl-well, I'll assume you get the point."
Robin's mask-less eye nearly popped from his skull. "You-what?" Reddening, Robin fled Wayne Manor.