Title: No Promises
Rating: Pg-13 to be safe
Pairing: McShep
Summary: John's gone and Rodney's left to deal with the aftermath. Will he survive?
Warning: Character Death….well, kinda.
A/N: Inspired by Shayne Ward's song "No Promises" and its video. I don't' own the song or the characters.
Dr. Rodney McKay falls to his knees in front of the Stargate as grief and exhaustion overtakes him. A strangled cry escapes his lips as he stares at the event horizon, iris shimmering across it. His eyes are wide as he cries out in disbelief, "No, you promised, you promised you would never leave, that you would always be here-"
"What the hell happened," Elizabeth Weir shouts as she runs down the stairs towards the team. The sight before her is heart stopping. Grief evident on the members' faces.
"The villagers saw us as demons come to blaspheme…they…" Teyla tries to answer.
"They murdered Sheppard," Ronon answers, his voice void of emotion. He brushes past Teyla and crouches beside McKay.
"W-what?" Elizabeth stutters in disbelief.
Teyla sighs and pulls Elizabeth away from the scene, "When we arrived they thought of us as demons since the only ones who have come through their gate in past generations have been the Wraith. They surrounded us, took our weapons, and when we tried to leave; their chieftain accused us of being blasphemers and demanded that one of us must give ourselves to the gods as penitence. Before any of us could stop him, John offered himself. They shot him with his own weapon before we could protest." Teyla pauses as she looks back at McKay, "John died in Dr. McKay's arms as he tried to stop the bleeding."
Elizabeth covers her mouth in shock as her gaze falls on Rodney, the blood on him now obvious. Ronon is still beside him whispering something only Rodney can hear. The larger man places a hand on Rodney's shoulder and it becomes obvious that sobs are wracking the scientist's body.
"Oh good Lord," a voice from behind them gasps.
Carson races past Elizabeth and falls to his knees on the other side of Rodney, checking to make sure his friend is all right. His jaw clinches as he realizes the blood covering Rodney's front is not his own.
"Dr. Weir, there is something else you should know."
"Yes, Teyla," Elizabeth replies, her eyes not leaving Rodney.
"I believe the Lt. Colonel ascended."
"What?" Elizabeth asks her eyes wide.
"When John died….there was this bright light and he vanished. There was nothing left of him at all. That's when we were able to get Dr. McKay through the gate."
Elizabeth is speechless as she turns to face the scene once more. Rodney is on his feet being heavily supported by the strong arms of Ronon and Carson. His head hangs low but she can see the tears falling from his face as his momentary guardians carry him toward infirmary, Teyla follows them.
Elizabeth stands in silence as she stares at the gate in front of her. "Oh dear god," is all she can manage as the past few minutes' events finally sink in. John Sheppard was dead, and all of Atlantis was left behind to mourn.
"Ronon, help me get him onto the bed," Carson shouts as they enter the infirmary.
Ronon's only reply is a grunt as he pushes Carson aside and gathers Rodney into his arms and covers the remaining distance to the bed before Carson can realize what he is doing.
Carson gathers his things and stands in front of Rodney, his heart breaking more for his friend with each passing minute.
"Rodney," Carson questions as he raises Rodney's face to meet his. He nearly sobs at the sight in front of him. Rodney's face is slack, tears still falling from his eyes, but these eyes had lost their spark.
"Ronon, I need you and Teyla to keep everyone and I mean everyone out of here until I come out, do you understand?"
Carson turns to Ronon to see a new expression on the man's face as he looks at Rodney. Sympathy. Teyla comes up beside Ronon, the same look on her face, "We will do as you wish, Doctor." With that Carson is alone.
"Rodney, please, talk to-"
"He's gone Carson," replies, his voice deadpan.
Carson grabs a warm wet cloth and goes to cleaning Rodney's hands. "Aye, Rodney, I know."
Rodney looks at him; his lower jaw clinched tightly, tears momentarily stopped, "No, Carson you don't know! You weren't there!"
Carson frowns but before he can say anything Rodney continues, pulling his hands away from him, "And don't you dare say there was nothing I could do. I'm the smartest person on Atlantis, hell in the entire Pegasus galaxy; I've saved all of our asses on more than one occasion-"
He pauses as tears return to his eyes, "and all I could do was sit by and watch him die. Oh god, Carson, what am I going to do without him?"
Rodney covers his face with his hands and sobs. Carson wraps his arms around Rodney's shaking body but stays silent because he knows there really isn't anything he can say to fix this.
It had been nearly a week when Elizabeth calls in everyone in hopes of dealing with some unfinished business.
"Since John had no family contacts on earth, I think it would be best if we handled the funeral arrangements," Elizabeth says as she looks at the people around her. All of them look somber but Rodney. He looks like hell. He's got dark circles under his eyes, hair's a mess, and he's not shaved in days. Unlike the others, he's emotionless.
Elizabeth frowns but continues, "So, since you were those closest to him, I thought you might have suggestions."
"My people have many different burial rituals, I'm sure that there's one that would pertain to Sheppard," Teyla suggests.
Rodney scoffs, "Yeah, but it's not like you have a body to bury."
"Rodney she was only making a suggestion," Elizabeth replies.
"On Sadeta when a solider sacrifices his or herself in battle he is given the militituli, a soldier's burial. Any soldier would have been honored to receive this upon his or her death."
"Not dead," Rodney said under his breath.
"What was that Rodney?"
"He's not dead. He ascended. You can't have a burial for someone who's not dead."
Elizabeth sighs, "Rodney he's not coming back and you need to come to terms with that."
"Come to terms?"
Elizabeth raises her hand and continues, "I know he was your friend, he was ours too, but you need to move on, Rodney."
Rodney stands, his jaw clinching tighter as his anger builds, "Move on? Move on! How am I supposed to move on without him?" With that he storms out leaving Elizabeth with a puzzled expression.
Carson rises next and sighs as he stands beside Elizabeth, " Elizabeth, moving on may be easier for you since you and John were merely friends. John and Rodney were different. They weren't just friends, Elizabeth...they were lovers."
"I never knew."
Ronon and Telya shift in their seats as Elizabeth looks at them, hoping she wasn't the only one to not know. Their expressions tell her all she needs to know.
Carson heads towards the door in pursuit of Rodney but before leaving turns and replies, "Because you never really saw them, not like we did."
Once Carson's gone, Elizabeth turns to Ronon and Teyla. Ronon grunts and heads out, while Teyla stands and give her a smile and reads, "I'm sorry" before following Ronon, leaving Elizabeth alone.
As the door closes, Elizabeth closes her eyes and whispers, "John, if only you'd realized how much you were needed here." She opens her eyes, brushes away the tears before they can fall, straightens her outfit and heads back to her office.
"Rodney, wait," Carson shouts as he sprints after Rodney.
" Carson, no, just leave me alone," he replies back without slowly down.
Carson quickens his sprint before Rodney can get away from him. "I don't think I'll be doing that, Rodney."
That comment makes Rodney stop, " Carson what do you mean by that?"
"Rodney, you just lost someone you loved. You're not thinking rationally."
"Thinking rationally? Carson, I always think rationally, it's called being a genius. I think you've finally let your voodoo melt what little common sense you had left." He turns to leave again but Carson grabs his arm.
"Rodney, stop this. I know you, better than you think I do, and I know that this is killing you. Talk to me, please."
Rodney clinches his jaw, raising his head high, "Then Doctor Beckett, you don't know me as well as you thought."
Once more he turns to leave, getting a few feet in front of Carson, but he still refuses to let this go, "I know you loved him, Rodney. I know how he made you feel because unless you've already forgotten, I'm your best friend and unlike everyone else on this floating city of ours, you actually tell me your feelings."
Rodney stops once more and without turning to face Carson replies, "Well, how's this for telling you my feelings. Long ago I learned not to love someone who broke their promises to me and the Lt. Colonel broke the biggest one he ever made to me. So, Carson, your right in a way, I loved him…..not anymore."
Carson stands watching Rodney leave. He wants to go after him but knows as much as he cares for his friend, right now, there's really nothing he can do. And if Rodney doesn't want him around, trying to force his presence upon him will only make things worse.
As Rodney disappears around a corner, Carson only hopes he's made the right decision and that the next person he makes "arrangements" for won't be Rodney.
Hours later Rodney finds himself sitting in the one place he'd tried to avoid most of the week, Sheppard's room. He's sitting cross-legged on the still made bed staring at Sheppard's guitar. He runs his fingers across the strings feeling the cold metal.
"I never could figure out why you brought this thing? You never played it nor did you ever mention actually being able to play it. Not to mention you, never did seem like the musical type. I mean I could always spot those with potential, but you seemed too…sporadic to actually sit down long enough to play," Rodney says knowing he won't get a response.
He's come here for a specific reason. Before he lost his common sense and decided to fall for a suicidal heroic flyboy, he'd never actually seen the inside of this room. Now it strikes him odd, having woken up many times in the room it feels like home. Now, no where really feels like home. Home was once earth, later to be replaced by Atlantis, but by the end of his first year there, his home was found in hazel eyes and a cocky smile. Now he feels lost, out of place. Yes, he has his work, but he feels like all motivation has escaped him. He laughs sadly.
"Who would have thought, I've turned into a heartbroken teenage girl and it's entirely your fault."
He runs his fingers harder over the strings, sound coming from the dusty instrument. He grimaces at the sound, but continues to runs his fingers over it anyway. "Maybe it's a good thing you couldn't play."
"As a matter of fact, I can play….when it's in tune."
Rodney's hand freezes. "Not real…not real," his mind screams as he clenches his eyes shut.
"Yoo-hoo, astral plane to Rodney, come in Rodney."
Rodney raises his head, slowly opening his eyes, continuously telling himself that grief has caused him to lose him mind. The man standing in front of him tells him otherwise.
Rodney stares at the man in front of him. "Hello Sheppard...you're looking good...ya know, for someone who's dead."
John crosses his arms as Rodney takes him in. He's wearing a form fitting navy long sleeve shirt and Jeans. Rodney had always loved him in jeans.
John smiles, "Well, ascending's good for the complexion, and when did we go back to Sheppard?"
"When you died on me," Rodney replies, his voice cold.
John frowns, "About that, I was only trying to protect my team."
"No you were trying to be heroic again and why am I arguing with you. You're not even really here."
"Oh that's where you're wrong, I'm here."
"No your not, you're dead. Trust me; it's not something I'll soon be forgetting."
John comes closer to Rodney, "No, Rodney, I'm here and I'm here for a reason." He looks at the bottle on the nightstand. Rodney quickly snatches it, playing with it in his hands before unscrewing the top.
"You're dead, why should you care?"
"Because I love you-"
Rodney raises his hand and yells, "Don't give me that "I love you" bull. If you loved me, you'd have not offered yourself up like a good little boy scout and you'd still be here with me!"
John comes closer again, now only a few feet from the bed, "But I am here with you. I came back to stop you."
"Like I said before, why should you care? You're gone and at the moment I really can't think of a reason why I should be here," he says as he pours out a handful of the pills.
"Rodney this is not the way to go about things, be rational," John's almost pleading now.
"You are definitely the last person who should be talking about being rational."
John's in front of the bed now, crouching. "Oh god, Rodney, please don't, ok? I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and this time it's not fixable. I was just trying to protect you, I didn't…."
"Didn't what?"
"I didn't want to leave you! That was the last thing on my list of things to do that day! I just wanted you safe and that's why I chose to ascend. That way I could watch over you and the others."
Rodney closes his eyes, tightening his hand into a fist around the pills. "But it's not fair, John."
"I know, oh god I know," John says as he hovers his hand over Rodney's cheek.
Rodney opens his eyes, tears threatening to fall. "I loved you…..more than I've ever loved any one. Do you know my heart died with you that day?"
"I know….I've been watching you….watching what my leaving's done to you. That's why I came back. I can't let you do this to yourself. I'm responsible for my death, please don't make me responsible for yours as well."
"I don't know if I can go on as cliché as it sounds," he says tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Of course you can! You're Dr. Rodney McKay, genius, Atlantis needs you. Don't you realize what would happen if you died too? Everything would fall apart. Don't you realize the friends you have here? How do you think Carson would feel losing two friends in one week?"
Rodney closes his eyes again, "But what do I do without you?"
"You move on. You live your life knowing that I'm watching over you."
"But that's not enough, John! I want-no, need you here. You promised me you'd stay here with me."
John sighs, "I know, Rodney, and I'm sorry I broke that promise to you. Rodney please just put the pills away and choose to live. Can you do it, please, for me?"
Rodney clinches his jaw before screaming and throwing the pills across the floor.
"I should have known you'd come back to haunt me," Rodney says as he finally opens his eyes.
John chuckles, "Well, what can I say; I'm clingy when it comes to those I love."
John stands and starts to back away, "Rodney-"
"You're leaving now aren't you?"
"Yeah, I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place. Not supposed to interfere with the events of things."
Rodney chuckles, "Even in death you're still disobeying your superiors."
"Old habits, what can I say?"
Rodney stands and goes to John, "Tell me I'm going to see you again."
John hovers his hand over Rodney's cheek and frowns, "No promises."
Rodney closes his eyes trying desperately to feel John's hand on his cheek, "I love you."
"Love you too, Rodney."
Rodney opens his eyes to find himself once more alone. He wraps his arms around himself and walks out of the room for the final time. Before he knows it his feet have carried him to his destination. He knocks and the door opens to reveal a disheveled Carson, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Rodney?"
"Hey Carson…..you were right….and I'm ready to talk."
Carson nods and takes Rodney's arm, "Come on, I'll make us some coffee."
As the door closes John smiles because he knows that for the moment, everyone's ok. With a burst of light he vanishes.
The end