5. Ninja from Mars

There was nothing floating inside the Space Hotel. The gravity-making machine saw to that. So once the docking had been triumphantly achieved, Wonka-san, Hinata, Naruto, Sai, and Sakura were able to walk out of the great glass elevator and into the lobby of the Hotel.

Hinata gazed around the huge lobby. On the floor there was a thick green carpet. Twenty tremendous chandeliers hung shimmering from the ceiling. The walls were covered with valuable pictures and there were big, soft armchairs all over the place. At the far end of the room there were five elevator doors.

Nobody dared to speak. Wonka-san had warned them that every word they uttered would be picked up by the Space Control way down in Amerika, so they had better be careful. A faint humming noise came from somewhere below the floor, but that only made the silence spookier. Hinata took hold of Naruto's hand and held it tight. She wasn't sure if she liked this very much. While the room was just as big as some of the ones within the Hyuuga mansion, it was nowhere near as comfortable or inviting. The silence made everything downright creepy.

They had just broken into the greatest machine ever built by man, the property of the Country of Amerika's government, and if they were discovered and captured as they surely would in the end, what would happen to them then? Jail for life? Yes, or something even worse.

Wonka-san was writing something on a little pad. He held it up for everyone to see. It said: Anybody hungry?

As if on queue, Naruto's stomach let out a groan. He nodded enthusiastically, as did Sakura and Sai. Hinata felt her tummy and decided that something to eat would be good about now. Wonka-san turned the paper over. On the other side it said: The kitchens of this hotel are loaded with luscious food; lobsters, steaks, ice cream, and more. We shall have ourselves a feast to end all feasts!

Everyone seemed to grin with anticipation. Hinata looked up and smiled at Naruto. He grinned back, but looked a tad disappointed. Hinata wondered if this might be because Wonka-san hadn't mentioned whether or not their was ramen aboard the hotel or not. She chuckled inwardly.

Suddenly, a tremendous boom voice came out of a loudspeaker hidden somewhere in the room. "Attention!" boomed the voice, and Hinata jumped. So did Naruto. Everybody jumped, all except Sai, who stood motionless. "Attention the five foreign astronauts! This is Space Control in Amerika! You are trespassing on Amerikan property! You are ordered to identify yourselves immediately! Speak now!"

"Shhhh!" whispered Wonka-san, finger to lips.

There followed a few seconds of awful silence. Nobody moved except Wonka-san who kept saying "Shhhh!"

"Who…are…you!" boomed the voice from Amerika, and the whole world heard it. "I repeat…who…are…you!" shouted the urgent angry voice, and five hundred million people crouched in front of their television sets waiting for an answer to come from the mysterious strangers inside the Space Hotel. Even Poor Tsunade, stuck in a door frame back in Konoha, had demanded a small television set so she could watch while enduring her predicament.The television was not able to show a picture of these mysterious strangers. There was no camera in there to record the scene. The TV watchers saw nothing but the outside of a giant hotel in space. For half a minute, the entire world waited for a reply.

But no reply came.

"Speak!" boomed the voice, getting louder and louder and ending in a frightful shout that rattled Hinata's eardrums. "Speak! Speak! Speak!" Sai quickly huddled behind Sakura. Sakura put her fingers in her ears. Naruto stood petrified at the sound of the voice, latched onto by Hinata. The two of them were staring at Wonka-san and begging him with their eyes to do something. Wonka-san stood very still, and although his face looked calm, Hinata was sure his clever, inventive brain was spinning like a dynamo.

"This is your last chance!" boomed the voice. "We are asking you once more…identify yourselves immediately! If you do not reply we shall be forced to regard you as dangerous enemies. We shall then press the emergency freezer switch and the temperature in the space hotel shall drop to minus one hundred degrees Celsius! All of you will be frozen instantly! You have fifteen seconds to speak! One…two…three…"

"N-Naruto-kun," whispered Hinata as the counting continued, "we must d-do something. Quick!"

"six," said the voice, "seven…eight…nine!"

Wonka-san had not moved. He was gazing upward, still quite cool, and perfectly expressionless. Hinata and Naruto were staring at him in horror. Naruto suddenly hugged Hinata close. "Hinata…" he breathed, "There's something I want to tell you…I…"

But then, at that very moment, they saw the tiny twinkling wrinkles of a smile appear around the corners of Wonka-san's eyes. He sprang to life. He spun round on his toes, skipped a few paces across from the floor and then, in a frenzied unearthly sort of scream, he cried, "Fimbo feezi!"

The loudspeaker stopped counting. There was a silence. All over the world there was a silence.

Hinata's eyes were pulled away from Naruto and were riveted on Wonka-san. He was going to speak again. He was taking a deep breath. "Bungo buni!" he screamed. He put so much force into his voice that the effort lifted him right up onto the tips of his toes.

"Bungo Buni

Dafu Duni

Yubee Luni!"

Again the silence.

The next time Wonka-san spoke, the words came out so fast and sharp and loud they were like a barrage of shuriken. "Zoonk-zoonk-zoonk-zoonk-zoonk!" He barked. The noise echoed around the lobby of the Space Hotel. It echoed around the world.

Wonka-san now turned and faced the far end of the lobby of the Space Hotel where the loudspeaker voice had come from. He walked a few paces forward as a man would, perhaps, who wanted a more intimate conversation with his audience. And at this time, the tone was much quieter, the words came more slowly, but there was a touch of steel in every syllable:

"Kirasuku Malibuku,

Weebee wize un yubee kuku!

Alipenda Kakamenda,

Pantz forldun ifno suspenda!

Funikika Kanderika,

Weebee stronga yubee weeka!

Popokota Borumoka,

Veri riski yu provoka!

Katikati Moons un Stars,

Fanfanisha Venus Mars!"

Wonka-san paused dramatically for a few seconds. Then he took an enormous deep breath and in a wild and fearsome voice, he yelled out:

"Kitimbibi Zoonk!

Fimboleezi Zoonk!

Gugumiza Zoonk!

Fumikaka Zoonk!

Anapolala Zoonk Zoonk Zoonk!"

The effect of all of this on the world below was electric. In the control room in Amerika, in the White House, in palaces and cities and mountain shacks from Amerika to the Hidden Mist Village, the five hundred million people who heard that wild and fearsome voice yelling out these strange and mystic words all shivered with fear before their television sets. Everybody was turning to everybody else and saying "Did you hear that! Who are they? What language was that?"

In the President's study in the White House, Vice President Oba-san, the members of the Cabinet, the Chiefs of the Army and Navy, the sword swallower from the Wind Country, the Chief Financial advisor, and Mister Maru-chan the cat all stood tense and rigid. They were more than a little afraid, but the President kept herself cool and collected. This was mostly due to the fact that she had almost no idea what was going on. "Oba-san, oh, what will we do now?"

"I'll get you a nice warm glass of milk," said Oba-san.

"I hate the stuff," said the President. "Please don't make me drink it!"

"Then summon the Chief Interpreter!" said Oba-san.

"Summon the Chief Interpreter!" said the President, "where is he?"
"Right here, President-sama," said the Chief Interpreter seemingly out of nowhere. The Chief Interpreter was a tiny little man with a long wispy beard and half-moon spectacles. He carried with him an enormous book which looked rather dusty.

"What language was that creature spouting up there in the Space Hotel? What sort of dialect was it?"

"I'm not sure…" the Interpreter aid slowly.

"It certainly wasn't Nihongo (Japanese); could it have been that new language taking root among our youth today? Was it that Eigo (English) dialect?"

"No maim," the Interpreter replied, "Not Nihongo or Eigo."

"Well, then, what the hell sort of language was it!" The President yelled, beginning to get angry.

"Believe me, President-sama," the interpreter shook, "it was not a language I have ever heard before."

"But I thought you knew every language in the world!"

"I do, President-sama."

"But, I mean, I was pretty sure I understood a little bit of it. How can you say you don't understand it when you know every dialect known to man?"

"I can because it is not a language known to man," the interpreter went on, "these people here, President-sama, have obviously tried to learn a few of our easier words, but the rest of the language has never been heard before on this planet."

"Screaming Scorpions!" cried the President, leaping out of her chair, "you mean to tell me that they could be coming from…from…from somewhere else!"

"Precisely, President-sama"

"Who knows," said the Chief Interpreter, "but did you notice how they used the words Venus and Mars?"

"Of course I noticed it! So…are you saying they're people…from Mars!"

"And Venus." Said the Interpreter.

"That could make for serious trouble!" The President cried, worried. "What do we do now, General?"

"Blow 'em up!" cried the General.

"You're always wanting to blow things up," said the President crossly. "can't you think of something else?"

"I like blowing things up," said the General, "Bakuhatsu! Ka-Boom! Whish-Bang! Woomph-woomph!"

"Baka!" cried Oba-san. "If you blow these people up, Mars and Venus will declare war on us!"

"Quite right, Oba-san" said the President. "We'd be troculated like turkeys, every one of us! We'd be mashed like potatoes!"

"I'll take 'em on!" shouted the Chief of the Army.

"Urusei! Shut up!" snapped Oba-san, "You're fired!"

"Hooray!" said all the other generals. "Well done, Vice-President-sama, maim!"

Oba-san said, "We've got to treat these fellows gently. The one who spoke just now sounded extremely cross. We've got to be polite to them, butter them up, make them happy. The last thing we want is to be invaded by men from Mars. You've got to talk to them directly, President-sama, as the new leader of this planet outside of those dreadful shinobi powers! We've got to make another direct radio link with the Space Hotel! Hurry!"

Meanwhile, in the darkest, dankest, most cramped back area of the Commuter Capsule, the two mysterious men listened to the radio aghast, not daring to speak. They were both exceptionally surprised by the bizarre language of the people now inside of the Space Hotel.

"So…" the tall one finally said, "Now we have to contend with space people from, like, Mars or something!"

The shorter one said nothing, for he was deep in thought.

His silence was a sign of absolute concentration.

…Or maybe he was just asleep.