Chicago. Oh the irony.
She wanted to escape it all. The sadness, the anger, the negativity. All she heard was screaming and yelling, but when she finally gets peace and quiet, her mind would slowly drift towards him.
She barely sleeps anymore, for the whole summer she would just go to her dance recitals and then go home to read. Everyime she danced, she can't help but feel like she's lost her spark, she lost the graceness of her step. Like a swan who lost her feathers, she tries so hard to fly and yet she ends up slumping on the ground.
She doesn't even have anyone to talk to. She avoids Caesar, partly because she blames him and partly because his goofy smile sickens her. Why does he always have a reason to smile? Jazmine Dubois doesn't have any reason to smile. Cindy scares her, ever since Riley broke up with her, she has been acting twice as cruel and ruthless to people.
And she can't even talk to him. He just vanished, he disappeared. Gone from the face of the Earth. One day she looked at her bedroom window and she felt an emptiness that she hasn't felt before. She walked to their house, still early in the morning and when she opened the door, she saw an empty house. She felt a creeping frightness, she truly thought it was a nightmare. They have been living in that house for 8 years, she knew him and loved him for 8 years, and she can't even imagine her perception of reality without his family living there.
And yet, like a scene from one of her scariest nightmares, there she was, in a empty mansion, with no furniture, no people.
"Jazmine Dubois?"
"Yes that's my name."
"You are in dorm room 124. Here is your key. And can you sign your signature please?"
Jazmine Dubois is checking in at the small little desk for the girls dorm room. She took a plane to Chicago and is going to be studying Business Administration at the University of Chicago. It's still another week before classes actually starts but truthfully she just wants to get away from her parents.
Jazmine hates them. Over the past 2 months, she's learned to hate her parents. She can't stand living in a broken household. The way they disrespect each other and everyone else around them. Deep down she regrets trying to save her mother, how everything could've gone better if she just left them alone.
And she hates herself. She was so naive, thinking she can actually save their marriage, but she has accepted that whatever is broken will be broken forever.
That is why, when her father called her on the phone, she was elated "You're getting a divorce?"
Tom speaks through the phone "Yes honey, I've decided to tell your mother that enough is enough."
She almost feels anticipation "So when will you go to court?"
"In a few months time. I'm sorry honey, I know that it means a lot to you if we stay together."
"No dad. I'm glad that you've made a decision. If you think it will make you and mom happy then I'll support it."
"Really?"
"I just want my parents to be happy."
"Wow. That's- that's very mature of you."
"Thanks. Anyways what made you make that decision?"
"I talked to someone... you won't believe who it was?"
"Who? Don't tell me it was Usher... or that pimp in the purple suit..."
"It was Huey!" Tom says excitedly on the phone. "He gave me so much insights on things and he showed me a brand new perspective on life! Wow I swear, that boy is-
Jazmine's eyes begin to water.
"Sweetie? You there?"
"Sorry dad... I gotta go." Jazmine ends the call.
Jazmine cleaned herself up in the public restroom and then took the elevator to her dorm. She has a luggage bag and a small travel bag for all her belongings, mostly just clothes and a few random things. She had actually packed light, she didn't want to bring most of her stuff in Chicago, it just doesn't feel right to her. For some reason she just feels like Chicago is temporary and there is some truth to that. She knows that she just wants to get an excuse to escape and that studying here won't be permanent.
She reaches her dorm room. Jazmine exhales and turns the key. On the other side of the door she sees a pink-haired white girl sitting down on the couch.
"Wow! You're early too?"
Jazmine scowls at her "Hello, are you my roommate?"
"Geez what's with the monotone voice? Are you tired from the travelling or somethin?"
"No. I'm usually just grumpy."
"Well don't worry. I'm all bubbly and fun so I think we'll get along just fine! Opposites attract."
Jazmine smiles "Yeah... I'm Jazmine. I'm from Maryland."
"I'm Bella."
"Nice to meet you."
"Oh nice to meet you!" Bella smiles.
Jazmine sets her bags on the floor "I'll start unpacking..."
"Let me help you! Oh and by the way, Chicago is my hometown, so maybe I can show you around the city!"
"That would be nice."
"I like tea. Bubble tea. You know bubble tea? It's like a milkshake but not creamy and then there's these little puffy pearls in the drink that you eat. It's sooo good. Jazmine let's go to the bubble tea place in town. You'll love it!"
"Okay. You drive?"
"Of course! Let's go!"
Bella takes Jazmine to the parking lot and they drive a couple blocks. Jazmine really likes the city and how it has uniqueness in their own beauty. Nature still looks better but Jazmine stil admires the buildings and how they stand proudly to the sky.
Bella talks while she drives "So.. let me introuduce myself. My name's Bella. I was born here in Chicago and I'm studying Psychology."
"I'm studying Business Admin."
Bella asks "Why are you always gloomy?"
"Long story."
"Come on Jazmine, I got time."
"I don't want to talk about it." She scowls at her.
Bella is confused "What else do you want to talk about?"
"Why are you always so happy?"
Bella finds a spot to park her car "No reason at all. I'm just happy. Look we're here!"
Jazmine and Bella order bubble tea. They even had one made with soy milk which they said is vegan. They take their drinks and they sit down at one of their outdoor tables.
The tables overlook the streets. Chicago is a pretty hectic city, compared to her hometown or in Washington DC. The streets are packed with cars and there looks to be traffic jams without an end in sight.
Jazmine sighs "I'm sorry. If I'm a little grumpy. Just going through some stuff."
"Oh. You wanna talk about it?"
"I'm just overwhelmed is all. I don't really know if I should be here and i don't really know where else to go." Jazmine takes a look at her surroundings. She can't find any trees or anything green or nature. All she sees is concrete and glass.
Bella drinks her bubble tea "Well it happens. University is a big deal. It's my first year studying too so..."
"And about home... I don't know if I should go back home because I feel like I'm leaving something behind. You know?"
"What happened over there?" Bella asks.
"My boyfriend... my parents... everything."
"You're leaving behind your boyfriend?"
Jazmine is unsure of herself "Yeah. I mean... I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"He left without telling me... we just never broke up is all."
"Damn. Harsh. Jazmine, to be honest, your boyfriend seems like trash."
"No! He's not. He's just going through some things."
"Well he left you."
"And I think he needs me and I'm just leaving him behind." Jazmine takes a sip of her bubble tea nervously. She almost chokes on one of the tapioca pearls.
"Jazmine. Women aren't personal rehab centers for men."
"It's not like that! We made promises... and we broke them. And then we haven't seen each other in 2 months."
"Promises huh. Well... a broken promise isn't the end of the world. Just sayin." Bella takes another sip of her bubble tea.
"Yeah... but I-I hurt him."
"Well from what I see, you two had a fight and you haven't made up in 2 months."
Jazmine's eyes start to water "I know..."
"Whoa. I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad! Are you okay?"
"I'm okay. It's normal."
Bella looks at her "First of all. does he hit you?"
"Of course not!"
"Then just go apologize to him."
"I-I can't."
"Hey... maybe to cheer you up. I can get us some pizza then. There's this really cool pizza place where pizza pies are like this thick! Come on, I'll pay!"
Bella opens the door to their dorm and she sits down on the couch. She's trying to finish her show on Netflix and covers herself in pillows "Man... I'm stuffed!"
"Can I sit here?" Jazmine asks.
"Of course! It's our dorm!"
"Thanks."
Bella lays on the couch submerged under 5 different pillows "You know. Women can't just be defined by the men that they associate with. You gotta have your own identity, you can't just be a pair of Y chromosomes necessary to make a baby."
"How many feminist quotes do you know?" Jazmine smiles.
"A lot. It's just part of the struggle. I'm a feminist by the way."
"You remind me of someone."
"Let me guess... your boyfriend."
"Yes."
"Boy this. Boy that. Geez, I'm a little grossed out."
"I do other stuff too!"
"Great. What other stuff?"
"I did a lot of charity in my hometown, it's in Woodcrest and it's this really pretty suburbs area in Baltimore."
"Charity? Wow that's so nice. Do you volunteer alot?"
"I don't volunteer. I run the charity."
"You what?!"
Jazmine smiles proudly "U-huh."
"You're kidding." Her roommate is doubtful.
"I'm not! There's newspapers about me!"
"Okay okay show me one."
Jazmine takes out her phone and goes to a news website. She makes sure Bella can see when she tries to look for an online article a few months ago.
"See?!" Jazmine points to a picture of her and him.
"What?! Wow!" Bella's mouth gapes wide open. "Wait... is that him?"
"Yeah."
Bella reads his name "Huey Freeman."
Jazmine confirms her "That's him."
"I know him." Bella admits.
"You do?"
"I've read about him online. He's like this really popular guy who's running protests."
"Yeah. That's him." Jazmine sighs.
Bella turns to her "Word of advice. Just go apologize to him or at the very least, just talk."
"I-I'm scared."
"He's probably scared too. Men are like that sometimes where they just hate having to apologize."
"Yeah... listen Bella. I know I don't belong here, I know I should just talk to him, but I realy don't want to. I kinda just accepted that this is where I should be. I know I'm sad but at least you're here. You try your best to cheer me up and I'm really thankful about it. I just really wanna move on and not think about my past."
"Awesome. Fine by me. I really don't want to talk about boy stuff anyways. Do you want to watch the new show I'm watching?"
"Sure..."
Jazmine looks at her dorm, it has a small couch with a TV and two beds. There's not much else but for a dormroom it is pretty spacious. There's a desk with Bella's stuff on it. From the looks of it, Bella seems to be pretty unorganized but she's sure she can help her with that.
Jazmine takes her two bags and she starts to unpack.
Deep down, she really doesn't want to be in Chicago, she doesn't want to study so far away from everyone she loves. She hates herself for doing this but she's convinced herself that she just needs to get away from everything. Away from him.
She hurt him. Her parents disgraced his Granddad. And she broke every single one of their promises. How does she expect to depend on someone when he can't even depend on her. She feels so worthless, and she did more harm than good for him. At the very least, he's learned to move on, by doing protests, and doing what he loves. But as for herself, she'll just have to keep her distance.
Bella stands beside her "You're still thinkin bout him huh."
"Yeah."
"I know as a girl, sometimes you feel so powerless and that you can't help but feel so weak. But actually, you're stronger than you know."
"Thanks... for the advice." Jazmine unpacks her bags and takes out her clothes.
"Oh. I made you some tea. I'll just put it over here."
"Tea?"
Bella smiles "Yeah. There's a little communal kitchen on the ground floor."
"Thank you... I like tea."
"Cool. I'm a tea person too."
Bella sits back down on the couch and watches more of her show. Jazmine smiles. Wondering if she might actually enjoy living in Chicago.
As Jazmine unpacks more and more of her things, she takes a tally of all the stuff she brought. There's 20 different sets of clothes that she jammed into her luggage bag, there's a bunch of shoes, some hats, too many pairs of socks, an envelope, three pairs of sunglasses, five different sets of makeup, and more.
Most of the things she brought were just clothes, with a few exceptions. Like the envelope. Jazmine forgot she even brought it with her. On the back it said To: Jazmine... From: Huey. She wants to throw it away, or crumple it up to a ball and put it in the trash, she almost wants to rip it apart. But she doesn't hate the letter, she's just scared of what it's inside.
It's a letter that she got on her 18th birthday. A memory of her and Riley comes to mind.
Okay okay stop! I got another present! Here.
What is it?
I saw Huey in the middle of the night writing this letter, way back in November. It says 'To: Jazmine' on the back but fo some reason that gay ass didn't give it to you.
Jazmine whispers to herself "Why didn't he want to give it to me?"
She stares down on the envelope. Like it's taunting her. She's unsure of herself, she knows that whatever's inside is going to make her cry. She doesn't want to cry anymore. She's sick of it and frankly, she ran out of tears. Then she remembers her 18th birthday. It's one of the best days of her life. She had a massive party, back when everything was so hopeful and happy. She got so many presents, she had so much fun, and at the end of it she got to ride her dream pony. Mr. Sammy Davis Jr.
Then she went to his garage and they did workouts on a punching bag.
He gave me an envelope. It said To: Jazmine on the back. What is it?
It's a letter. For you.
Should I open it?
Tell you what... Whenever you feel sad or when you feel like crying, and I'm not there for you when you need me... then open the letter.
She looks down at the envelope. Still taunting her.
She carefully rips off the top and opens the envelope. Inside is a folded piece of paper.
It's a letter.
Dear Jazmine,
I admit that I am not very good at expressing my feelings. I always try to be strong and to avoid showing my emotions, it's something that I have learned to do all my life. I'm sorry that I can't find the courage right now to express how I feel but I've written this letter for you and I hope that someday we can talk face to face regarding our relationship.
I'd like to apologize for being so stubborn with you. I deeply regret some of the words I say to you. I hope that someday you will teach me how to be happy and include more joy in my vocabulary. I'd like to thank you for helping me buy groceries for Granddad today. You are the most helpful sweetest and caring partner that I could've ever dreamed off, for the past years you continue time and time again to help me and I hope we have many more moments where we can help each other.
You mentioned that you are my girlfriend today. I'm sorry that I acted so irritated and I regret my actions. You are my girlfriend and I love you, for whatever that's worth. I hope that someday I can find the courage to say that to you one day.
You are my rock, my shelter, and my partner. In you contains the happiness that I have lost, so many years ago. You are the one who showed me why I should hope, and the one who taught me how to pray. Earlier today, Granddad had even mentioned that I should make you mine one day, as he said that you'll eventually slip away and go away forever if I don't, I hope I can confess and reveal what I think about you someday but for now I have written you a letter. Hopefully it is enough.
I will always love you,
Your protector, your love,
Huey Freeman
"Jazmine are you alright?" Bella walks up to her.
She gets no response from the sobbing girl on the table.
Bella tries again "Are you okay?"
...
...
...
"I made a horrible mistake. I gotta... I gotta go. Thanks for everything Bella." Jazmine runs for the door, with the letter still in her hands.
"Wait! What? Where are you going?"
"Home."