Dealing with feelings

:Sigh: School started and yeah… But I'm updating for this story because I'm actually done with this chapter and I thought why not and just get this over with. My guess is that there's just one more chapter to this story left. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho but I would love too though

Chapter 2: His outlook

I looked down at Botan; her small lithe body was resting in my bed. She had fainted, just after I requested her to call me Kurama instead of Shuichi. Did what I said offend her? Looking back now exactly why did I want her to call me Kurama instead of my given human name? I suppose it was just a reckless impulse, I wanted her to be more familiar with me. She always seem so distance to me compare to everyone else. I was the only one she still added san too at the end of my name; I was the only one who still got her polite smiles.

She was so distant to me that I wanted to close that breach between us; I wanted to hear my name from her lips. I wanted to see her flash those charming at me and not at Yusuke or Kuwabara, I wanted them for myself and only for myself. I had always been selfish, but I thought I had conquered that quite some time ago but she brought out that terrible quality in me. The selfish yearning in me demanded that only I could own her smiles and possess her mind. Only I'm supposed to trigger that special spark that appears in her eyes when someone says or does something that she agrees with.

My eyes traveled up and down her body, the thin white summer sheets outlined her slender body. Her azure hair spread across my pillows, her head slightly turned to the side, a small hand rested beside her head while the other curled delicately on her abdomen. She was like a piece of art; every part of her appearance seems to be made carefully by a skillful artisan.

The first moment my eyes saw her, she took my breath away. The calm aura around her seems to draw her to me. Her carefree smile sent a pang of guilt through me, but I just didn't understand why. But just being in her mere presence made me feel safe, which was rather strange because she was considered the enemy at that time.

But when I heard Botan's name my body had the strangest reaction, I saw a loving smile and a pair of rose-colored eyes gleaming brightly before me. Along with a flow of silvery azure strands that cascades down the shoulder, framing the angelic face. I tried to forget her, and I've succeeded for the preceding month, but in the past years during those long lonely nights I've found myself lying in bed seeing her smiling face. Her smiles were filled with such warmth, love, and tender care. But best of all those smiles were mine, each and every one of them mine.

During that time I knew her I grew extremely selfish; I wanted anything with a price on it. I suppose the reason I stole and acted so arrogant was a feeble way to try to impress her, stealing was the only thing I knew how to do that I had any amount of pride in. My arrogant attitude, my refusal for help when I was injured was just to show her that I was strong. I wanted the money so I could support her, so I would be able to build a stable life with her without having to go thieving in the distant future. But somewhere my plan went amiss and I pushed her away. One day I woke up and she was gone. I tried everything in my power to hate her but I just couldn't…I loved her too much.

I heard a faint moan that stirred me from my reminiscence. Shaking my head, my eyes once again focused on the slumbering deity before me. I watched as she started to open her eyes, blinking away the lingering drowsiness. She stretched, and a yawn escapes her lips. My eyes transfixed upon her as she lifted a hand to cover her mouth. I waited for her to turn my way and she finally did.

"Shuichi-san," I heard her gasped out, her eyes widen in shock.

"Are you alright Botan-san?" I instantly questioned as I kneeled down by my bedside. My eyes locked with her. I overlooked her calling me for Shuichi for now; I'll correct her after I get my answer.

"I'm fine, but what happen?" She asked quietly, her beautiful amethyst eyes stared questioningly at me. Sending a fever through my veins, causing my heart to beat wildly in response.

Trying to overlook the sudden heat coursing through my body, I let out a concerned frown. "You fainted."

"Oh," Was the only answer I got out her for a few moments. Then I watched as her eyes scrunched up adorably in confusion, than her head tilted slightly to the side in a silent question.

"You fainted after I asked something of you." I said calmly, trying to clear things up slowly.

Her eyes relaxed, than I watched as curiosity appeared on her beautiful face. "What did you ask me Shuichi-san? I can't seem to remember what you asked and if I complied to it."

"Well I just asked you to call me Kurama, Botan-san." My tone was in a matter-of-fact fashion. As if I expect her to miraculously remember our conversation before she went unconscious.

"I see." Intently I watched as her curiosity melted away, and in place a strain smile found its way to her pale face.

"Are you all right with calling me Kurama, Botan-san? I don't wish you to call me that if you're not comfortable with it."

A forced chuckle was heard from her lips, she meekly waved her hand. "I'm fine with calling you by that name, Kurama-san. It was just rather unexpected."

I looked down at her rather skeptically, trying to figure out if it was the truth or a lie spouting out of her mouth. If she was telling a lie I couldn't distinguish it, and I would rather not consider that innocuous Botan could be untruthful.

"Yes, I suppose it was rather unexpected."

"May I ask you Shu—Kurama-san why the sudden change? I've been calling you Shuichi-san since I first met you, what brought up the request?" I could tell she was really curious because she shifted her body so that her right elbow and hand was able to support her face, so she was able to look me in the eyes.

"I-I just didn't want you to be so distant with me." My own answer shocked me; I couldn't believe what came out of my mouth. Trying to hide the light blush that was seeking to make an appearance on my face, I looked down. I glanced up slightly, catching her reaction.

She was shocked by my answer as well, I could tell by the way her mouth opened a little in shock and by the way her eyes widen.

"What made you think I was so distant?" Her voice was strain, as she turns her head away. Her tone of voice almost sounded was if it was said out of guilt.

"I'm not accusing you of being distant, if that's what your think. I'm just curious on why you seem so awkward and quiet around me, while with Yusuke you seem so carefree and with--" I had to stop myself from going on, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by my mere accusations. I just couldn't afford for her to dislike me, to distance herself even more from the likes me.

"And with what?" She whispered, using her spare hand to lift my chin up so she could be able to look me in the eyes.

I couldn't resist answering her question; it was as if something inside me that I've seen that pleading look before and I just had to comply with it. It was so similar to the looks my own Botan had upon her face when she found me injured after a heist. Those look on her face that pleaded to be able to something, anything, to help me with my injury. I had to give in, because I never did so for my own Botan.

"With a genuine smile."

Oi, I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing too! I hope by the end of the entire story I would be able to make a chapter that's completely clear on the facts. Once again sorry if it confuses you, don't worry sometimes the story confuses me too. Please review!

royal blueKitsune: Oi, I don't think I explained that much stuff in this chapter that would clear up any confusion. So if you're still confused about anything in any of the two chapters just ask and I'll do my very best to explain it too you. Hope you enjoy the story!

animefreak03: Thank you for the compliment, and hope you enjoy the story!

Scarlet Amaranth: Well here's the update, and I believe I answer if Kurama knew that Youko and Botan were together. Enjoy the story!

Hearluv: Hm...I guess it is a sad start and thank you for the complement. Enjoy!

iCANFLyx26: Thank you for reading!

Anichan: Well I continued, and hope you enjoy!

Kitsune of Darkness:Blush: Thank you for the complements! Don't worry I don't think I'm going to stop writing anytime soon, all I know is that I have a huge problem updating. Well anyways here's the update and hope you enjoy!

ChibiBotan88: Thank you for reading! Are you the mixing things up parts aren't confusing? Well anyways enjoy the chapter.

Kage Kancho: Well I wrote more and well I believe Botan's crying because she called Shuichi Kurama and before she called Youko by the name of Kurama so it's sort of like because she's calling Shuichi that name it's like she's merging the two into one. Does that make sense? Well I really hope you enjoy!