Loss

by Breninblack

Disclaimer: All belongs to the ever-wonderful JKR.

Chapter Notes: I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I have been busy with portfolio reviews and volunteer work and, to be quite honest, I was having trouble writing this chapter. But it's here and quite a bit longer than any of the other chapters. Personally, I think it's a little bit weak in places, but I'll let you be the judges of that. Enjoy! (And don't forget to review!)

Chapter Ten: Gotta Travel On

Harry didn't stop running until he reached the Gryffindor common room. It wasn't until he got there that he realized it was probably the last place he wanted to be right now. Besides, he realized, he had left the books Gus had given him in the quidditch stands.

The Fat Lady's portrait swung open just as he turned around. Harry looked behind him to see Hermione and Ginny walking towards him.

'You should have seen it,' Hermione was saying. 'I've never, in all our seven years, seen him have someone else do his potions work for him.'

They must be talking about Draco, Harry thought.

'Now that you mention it...I went out to do some solo flying the other night, after dinner. He was out there, flying in circles over and over and over. Like he had never flown before. I mean, the only time people ever do that is when they're first learning to fly. His movement was real stuttered, too. I wonder why.'

'I think it's from the accident. He's been so different since he woke up. I hate to say it - Harry and Ron would kill me if they knew - but this new Malfoy isn't so bad.'

'Even after all he's done to you? After all these years?'

'But think about it, Gin. Everyone knows it's not the villain who does the dirty work; it's his right hand man. Malfoy lives under the rule of the Dark Lord's right hand man. I imagine that it's probably worse than living with You-Know-Who himself.'

'I suppose.' Ginny shrugged.

'Plus, that scar makes him look hot. You can't deny it.'

Ginny laughed. 'You've got that right.'

The girls continued down the corridor, giggling and gossiping. Harry stopped following them and slowly made his was back to the quidditch stands to retrieve his books. For a long time, he sat in the stands, thinking. His mind was so convoluted that he had a hard time concentrating.

Everyone, it seemed, was attracted to Draco. Pansy was always fawning over him and, as their conversation in the hallway made apparent, Hermione and Ginny didn't deny his attractiveness, either. If he hadn't been such an arsehole all these years, Harry was sure that his fan following would rival his own by now.

Maybe he wasn't attracted to Draco, per se. Maybe he just had an appreciation for the boys looks that was devoid of anything sexual. Yes, that was it.

No, that's not it, said a little voice in his head. That little display in the locker room made that very clear.

Harry sunk his head into his hands. So he was gay. Is that was he was? This was so weird. This was not something he had ever considered before and he had no idea what it meant.

And all sexuality issues aside, how the hell had Draco known it was him? He couldn't have possibly been able to see him, or Draco would have noticed Harry standing there in a disposition that made him more than a little vulnerable to some rather snide remarks. Unless Draco had gained some kind of sixth sense upon returning to the physical world that allowed him to sense spirits, Harry couldn't see how it was possible. And he wasn't sure he'd be finding out anytime soon. This was not something he would likely be confronting Draco about. Ever.

Harry yawned. He'd been so caught up in the information he'd received from Gus and Søren hadn't realized he was so tired. It had been a long day. He decided he had better get some sleep, although he wasn't entirely sure where he was going to get it. There was only one place he could think of and he'd been meaning to go there, anyway. Closing his eyes, he pictured Grimmauld Place and then he was gone.

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Draco sat in the library on Tuesday morning, glaring angrily at the book in front of him. He was supposed to be in Charms right now, but he'd found that spending his time staring futilely at a book was a much better use of his time. It wasn't like he was able to do anything in class anyway. The accident had destroyed his refined motor skills. He no longer attained the ability to do a perfect swish-and-flick. This wasn't a big setback as far as his Charms assignments went; he had been able to do wandless magic from a very young age. But the thing he was truly devastated about was the impact on his writing and his flying abilities. He could no longer write in his once beautiful, loopy script; it was now a scratchy, jagged scribble that was barely legible. And his flying was pathetic, at best. He hadn't even flown that bad the first time he'd ever gotten on a broom. He made Neville Longbottom look like a World Cup champion.

Draco tried to focus his attention on the book. It was a book titled The Plane Next Door: A Journey Into The Spirit World. He had scoured the restricted section - with Dumbledore's clearance - for anything that vaguely referred to the spirit world and this was one of the best books he found. However, it told him little he hadn't learned for Søren. It seemed that his brother's boyfriend (if you could call him that - he was old enough to be Søren's father and then some) was the only viable source of information on the subject.

Draco sighed and resumed glaring angrily at the book. He was so distracted that there was no hope of concentrating. He could not stop thinking about the very eerie experience he'd had in the changing rooms the night before. He had gone out to the pitch, just like every other night since he woke up and he spent about an hour flying before finally throwing in the towel. He'd showered and was drying himself off when he felt something brush his arms. It hadn't been quite a solid feeling of another human being, but it hadn't been the icy chill of a ghost, either. He knew that he was alone, but he had looked around anyway. Then he had felt it again, as if the wind was tracing lines on his shoulders. It was all very spooky and he couldn't help himself from shuddering. Then it was as if someone had moved to stand right behind him, so close that they might have touched him. But he didn't need to turn around to know that no one was there. He briefly wondered if this was some lost spirit toying with him, but as soon as he'd felt the invisible fingers trace the veins on his hands, he had known it was Harry.

And then it was gone. Just as quickly as it had come, it disappeared, leaving Draco with a rapidly growing problem that required him to take yet another shower. But the second shower gave him time to mull over what had just happened, something he would repeat several times the following day.

What was Harry doing in the changing rooms? Had he known that he, Draco, was going to be there.? And why was Harry touching him? There were so many questions that Draco felt like his brain was going to implode. And on top of that, he'd had another dream about Harry last night and that certainly did not help things at all. But ultimately everything led to one question:

Was he attracted to Harry?

He'd had crushes on some of his classmates before - he and Blaise had had late night trysts in the Astronomy Tower on several occasions - but Harry was a completely different ball game. If he was going to renounce his father's ways, this would be the ultimate act of betrayal. The icing on the cake.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of second person. He didn't need to look up to see who it was; it was obvious from the precise clickety-click of her Italian heels on the cold stone floor that announced her arrival.

'What do you want, Pansy?' Draco asked before she could get a word out.

'Drakky,' she began, trying to sound serious, but only coming off as whiney, 'I think it's time we had a serious conversation. I feel like you've been avoiding me ever since you woke up. I'll be honest here and tell you that I feel neglected. We're supposed to be getting married at the end of the year. We can't have these kinds of communication barriers if we want to make it work. I know that you're in shock from the accident, but that's no reason to leave me here in the dark. I really think that if we talk about this, we can resolve the issue and move on with our lives. I've got so many ideas for the wedding.'

Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It took all he had not to upturn the table at the girl's ignorance. When he regained control of himself, he spoke quietly, but firmly,

'Pansy. There never has and never will be anything between us. You have been living with delusions ever since you met me. I don't know where you came up with this bollocks about marriage, but it's not happening.'

'Drakky,' she said again and it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. He hated it when she called him that. 'Didn't your father tell you? While you were asleep, he spoke with my father and they made arrangements to have us marked and married at the end of the school year. It's all going to be so exciting! I just can't wait. Mother's going to take me dress shopping the next time we have holidays.'

Draco sat there, stunned by what she was telling him. He couldn't think of any two things he wanted less than to be marked and married to Pansy Parkinson. There was only one thing he could do.

'Listen, I'm only going to say it once and I'm going to say it slowly so you can understand. The day I marry you will be the day hell freezes over. It's not going to happen, no matter what my bloody father says. Not now, not at the end of the year. Not ever.'

Now it was Pansy's turn to be stunned. She sat there, not moving a muscle and Draco almost wondered if he'd even heard her.

'You have to marry me, whether you want to or not. Your alliances require you to marry and I am going to be your wife.'

Draco stood to leave. 'I have no alliances, Pansy.' She looked at him like he'd just told her that she would no longer be getting handmade robes. 'You heard me. I have no alliances. I will not serve that pathetic excuse of a man that you all worship so devoutly. Nor will I serve someone who requires me to marry an ugly cow like you. So when you go back to your dormitory and send word to my father of my abomination, be sure to tell him that Søren sends his love.'

He strode off confidently, knowing that he had just signed his own death wish.

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Harry never made it to his bedroom. As soon as he found himself in the parlor of Grimmauld Place, he collapsed on the couch and promptly fell asleep. He had awoken this morning to the delicious smell of bacon and eggs and had immediately gone bounding into to the kitchen to see what Remus was cooking them.

Only it wasn't Remus he found cooking. At the ancient stove was Dumbledore, quietly cooking eggs. Perched on a stool in the corner was Sirius.

'Mornin', Harry,' Sirius said brightly. 'I heard you come in last night.'

'Hey,' Harry said, joining him in the corner. He had been a little nervous about coming back to Grimmauld Place because of the huff he'd left in the last time he'd been here. However, it appeared that Sirius had forgotten.

'Don't know why he's here,' Sirius said, motioning toward Dumbledore. 'Just showed up all of the sudden. It was quite strange.'

They lapsed into a brief silence as they watched Dumbledore finish cooking and set the table.

'Can I ask you a question, Sirius?' Harry asked.

'You just did, Guppy!' Sirius replied, ruffling his hair. 'But I'll let you ask another.'

'Are you mad at me?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Should I be?'

'Well, like you said, it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do to come here and then I just stormed off when I saw you the other day. I just figured you might be mad at me.'

'Harry, I'm not mad. I was a little surprised, but not mad. Truth be told, you did exactly what your father or I would have done in your position. So I understand your choice in coming here. But I don't think you should stay too long. Pomfery can only work her magic for so long.'

Harry smiled and gave his godfather a hug, just as Remus came into the room.

'Oh my! Professor! I didn't realize you were -- what are you doing here?' Remus asked, looking quite disheveled in his muggle pyjamas.

'Remus, I have asked you time and again to call me Albus. I have not been your teacher for quite some time now.'

'It just doesn't feel right,' Remus mumbled as he conjured up a pot of coffee. Then he looked at the breakfast that the Headmaster had prepared. 'Don't you have house elves who will do this for you?'

'There is a satisfaction unlike anything else derived from doing something yourself,' replied the Headmaster. 'Do sit down, Remus. I'm quite sure you don't want to be eating a cold breakfast.'

The two men sat down to eat and after he was sure Remus had taken at least a few bites, Dumbledore spoke again.

'Remus, have you heard any news from Hogwarts lately?' he asked.

'No. Harry hasn't written yet this year. But I assume that's what you're here to do?'

'A few months ago, we had a quidditch match. It was a Slytherin-Ravenclaw game.'

Remus looked quizzically at Dumbledore, but kept silent.

'At this particular match, there was a most unfortunate incident. Young Mr. Malfoy was struck simultaneously by two bludgers, one to the back of his head and one to the side.'

Remus looked horrified as he set down his fork. 'I never really liked the kid, but gosh. Is he alright?'

'He was in a coma for several months, but he has since woken up and returned to his regular routine of classes, for the most part, though much of his arrogance is gone and his beliefs have been shattered.'

'That's good. That he woke up, I mean. Did his parents put up much of a fuss?'

'Quite the opposite. They owled to say they were too busy to be concerned.'

Remus shook his head. 'Lucius never did have time for his children. Did they ever find his other son?'

'The official search party did not locate him, however, I believe we have discovered his whereabouts.'

'That's good. Narcissa should be happy to hear that,' Remus said, as he began to eat again.

'What is curious, though, is where he was found and the real story of what happened to him that has surfaced.'

'I thought he got lost in the woods. Or at least that's what I heard. I didn't hear until after...well, I didn't hear about it until later.'

'That is what I, too, thought happened to him. There was no reason to believe otherwise, until now.'

'Oh?' Remus said around a mouthful of eggs.

'When young Draco Malfoy returned from his coma, he spoke of another plane of existence. A spirit world, if you will. He claims to have finally met the brother he never knew in this spirit world. He says that his brother did not get lost in the woods, as Lucius would have liked everyone to believe. It appears that Søren Malfoy was purposefully pushed through a veil by his own father. The same veil, in fact, that currently resides in the Department of Mysteries.'

Remus stopped eating. 'I do hope that I have merely heard you incorrectly. It seems I have just heard you suggest that Lucius Malfoy knows what the veil does and how it works.'

'That is exactly what I am suggesting.'

'This is great news, Professor! This means there is still hope! Is there anyway we can get into the Malfoy library? Could Snape make up some story to get in there? He's on good terms with Lucius.'

'I would not get too excited yet, my dear friend. There is more.

'I was not the first that Draco spoke to about this spirit world. He apparently had a brief encounter with Harry, during which he relayed a message to Harry from his godfather.'

Remus' eyes began to water, though it was clear he was trying to hold them back. Sirius got up from his post on the stool and rushed to his friend's side.

'Moony, it's alright. Don't cry. I didn't think the Malfoy boy'd know who you were or how to reach you, or I would have sent word to you.'

Sirius hugged Remus, but it did no good. Remys couldn't feel a thing.

'What was the message?' Remus asked quietly.

'He wanted Draco to tell Harry that he still loved him.'

'This is too much,' Remus said. 'Too much.'

'Apparently Harry thought so, too. I regret that we did not keep a closer watch on him and it seems he has gone off to look for Sirius.'

Remus looked up. 'How?'

'I believe he realized, or Draco told him, that one could visit the spirit world if one induced a coma. So Harry

did just that.'

Remus couldn't hold back any longer. He slumped forward, his body racked with sobs. It was Harry's turn to rush to Remus' side.

'I'm coming back,though, Remus. You don't need to worry.'

'Why does everyone I love get taken away from me? Every last person,' Remus said bitterly.

'Don't despair,' Dumbledore said, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder. 'It is Harry's belief - and mine as well - that he will return to us. And if his past actions are any indication, he'll only come back with Sirius in tow.'

'I hope so. I don't know if I could take it if I lost them both. Harry's the closest thing Sirius and I will ever have to a son. I don't want to lose them.'

'Be strong, Remus. It is only a matter of time. I wish I could stay longer, but I must get back to the school. I trust you'll be alright by yourself? It can be arranged for Tonks to come over, if you wish.'

'No, I'll be fine. Thank you, Professor.'

After Dumbledore had gone, Remus just sat at the table quietly. Then he finally got up and, with Sirius and Harry in tow, went straight to his library.

While Remus quickly pulled out book after book off his shelf and settled into to read them, Sirius and Harry found a place at the other end of the room where they simply sat and talked. Harry filled Sirius in on the events that had occurred after he had fallen through the veil at the Ministry and all the things that had happened since, which admittedly was not much.

'Siri,' Harry said after they had lapsed into a momentary silence, 'what did Remus mean when he said that I was the closest thing you and him had to a son?'

Sirius blushed. 'Well, you see, Harry...It's like this...huh, well...Remus and I are - were - kind of, well, seeing each other.'

'You mean, you were like dating?'

'Yes,' Sirius said, fiddling with a tear on his shirt.

'Going steady?'

'Yeah,.'

'Consorting?'

'You could say that.'

'Having intimate relations?'

'HARRY!'

'You were! You were buggering Remus!'

'I think we've heard quite enough from you, young lad!' Sirius ran into the bedroom and grabbed a pillow to whack Harry with. Harry retaliated by grabbing his own pillow and soon they were in the in the midst of a full fledged pillow fight.

Just as Harry was about to strike Sirius again, the pillows flew out of their hands and back on to the bed exactly as they had found them, just as Remus entered the room.

'Great,' he said to no one. 'Now I'm hearing things.'

'It's us! Remus, over here!' Harry yelled.

'Moony! I can see yooou!' Sirius danced in a little circle around Remus, waving his hands, and soon Harry joined in. They danced and hollered, but Remus just stood there, straining his ears, before walking back into his library.

'Sometimes I think that the lupine part of him can sense me,' Sirius said, after they had gone down to the parlor to retrieve Harry's books. 'That's why I hang around here so much. I think that if I stay here long enough, one day he'll be able to know I'm here. That and I miss him like hell.'

'Don't worry, Sirius. I think I've found a way to get us back.'

'And how, pray tell, do you think you're going to do that?' Sirius asked skeptically.

Harry explained how he had spoken with Gus and Søren; how they had developed a device to bring people back from beyond the veil and how it was dangerous, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. 'Which reminds me, I have to go back there to see if they're ready. In the meantime, I got some books for you to read. It'll give you something to do while you wait.'

'Harry?'

'Yeah?'

'Be careful, okay? I don't want you to get hurt. I love you too much. And besides, everyone is kind of depending on you to save their arses.'

'Don't worry. I'll do what needs to be done.'

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When Harry arrived at the dilapidated shack, Søren and Gus were in the middle of a heated argument.

'He's too young!' Søren yelled. 'He can't possibly understand what he's risking!'

'He's well aware what he's risking. He's not stupid, you know,' Gus retorted.

'You don't know what Voldemort's capable of! I lived with it for 18 years and I've watched Draco live with it for another 17. Your worst nightmares can't even be compared to what the Dark Lord is capable of.'

'My nightmares consist of pink ponies and giant vats of tapioca pudding. I bloody well hope he's capable of more or you all knickers in a bunch about nothin'!'

Harry didn't want to intrude, but he couldn't help laughing at Gus' remark, even though the Dark Lord was really something to be joked about.

'Oh, Harry. I didn't realize you were here,' Søren said. 'We were just talking about you.'

'More like expending our vocal chords about you,' Gus muttered.

'What's up?' Harry asked, sliding into one of the wingbacks. 'Did you finish the device?'

'It's finished,' Søren said tersely.

'We can agree on that, but we can't agree on whether or not we should let you use it.'

'Doesn't majority rule in cases like this? There are two for, one against. We win,' Harry said simply.

'It's not that easy, kiddo,' Søren said. Harry ignored his use of the term kiddo, despite the fact that it didn't really apply; Søren was technically only one year older than him. 'I know I can over power you, Gus, and it's a good bet I could take you, Harry, even with your seeker skills. I'm not going to let you do it.'

'Look, Søren. This is really important to me. Voldemort killed my parents and the only family I have left are Remus and Sirius. Remus is already devastated from losing Sirius and Sirius is the closest thing I've got to a father. I refuse to let Voldemort take away everyone I care about. I think you can understand where I'm coming from because Draco is in virtually the same situation: Voldemort has taken his whole family from him, and you are his only hope. If this works, this means you can go back and Draco will finally have someone to turn to.'

Harry could tell that Søren really cared about Draco because ultimately that's what made him change his mind. 'Alright. You can do it. But take someone with you. I don't want the fate of the wizarding world going head first into danger alone.'

'So what do we have to do?'

'All you have to do is go back to your body,' said Gus. 'We'll send you the device by anonymous owl with instructions on how to use it. You must follow the instructions exactly as they are written or it could be fatal.'

Harry nodded solemnly, but excitement was running through his veins at high speed.

'Good luck, boy,' said Gus.

'I wish you the best,' Søren said as Harry blinked out of sight.

€€€€€

After saying a quick but temporary goodbye to Sirius, Harry blinked himself to the Hogwarts infirmary. He assumed that returning to his body would be merely a matter of willing himself there, but he figured it couldn't hurt to be in close proximity.

Madame Pomfery had put up screens around his bed to afford his visitors a bit of privacy. He walked through the screens to his bedside and found Hermione resting her head in her folded arms on the bed, soundly asleep.

She looked so peaceful that he had to admire the beauty of the scene for a moment. But he had come here on a mission and he needed to fulfill that mission.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus solely on his body and the feeling of being in it and all the sensations that came with it. He thought about hugging Ron and Hermione, and the sensation of flying. He imagined what it would be like to really touch Draco and taste him.

He felt the ground suddenly shake beneath him and then everything went black.

(A/N: A couple notes about the chapter:

a) I realize I didn't fully explain how Draco knew it was Harry. More to come on that.

b) In the non-magical fic Life, As Experienced Through Your Fingers by Gold-Snitcher, Sirius calls Harry 'Guppy' much to Harry's dismay. I am a firm believer of giving credit where credit is due, and Gold-Snitcher is responsible for that endearing little bit.

To my spectacular reviewers:

Yukaishepards: Hopefully this chapter explains a little bit…thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liked the chapter!
Shania Maxwell: Like I said, there's more to come about Draco knowing it was him.
JitsaruJakara: I'm having a weird day today where I can't type anything. In the reply to your comment alone, I must've had to backspace a couple dozen times because I'm making so many errors today. Bah! The normally benevolent typing Gods are smiting me today! Ah well…not much I can do about it, now is there? Congratulations, I think, on the positive pregnancy test…is that a good thing? o.O)

Next Chapter: Does Harrry return to the physical world? Stay tuned and find out!