Collins trudged up the stairs, with the groceries in hand. He made it up to the door and set the bags down so he could open it, when it flung itself open and Roger flew out. Roger hadn't noticed Collins and he ran right into him.

"Fuck! Collins move!" Roger yelled fighting to get passed him.

"No! Get the fuck inside!" Collins screamed and shoved the pissed off musician back in the loft. "Stop it Ro..." Collins stopped mid sentence when he noticed Mark laying on a heap on the floor. There was a cut above his eye that was bleeding badly, and a fresh bruise had started to form on the pale skin of his arm.

"Roger." His voice had gone from stern to shaky. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I...Im...s...s...sorry Collins...I...I...didn't...I'm sorry...no...Collins!" Roger pleaded.

"This is the last fucking straw Roger!" Collins hissed at him. "Get in your fucking room." Collins threw him in and locked the door.

"I'm sorry Collins I didn't mean it I'm sorry!" Roger cries filled the loft.

Collins ran over and began to shake Mark. He began to come to and Collins stood up. "I'm done Roger fucking done! I can't do this anymore!" He yelled at the door. "Your a fucking dick you can't do this! I'm done helping you, Go fuck yourself up if you want I don't give a shit anymore!" He walked over to unlock the bedroom door.

Mark came to and jumped up. "No Collins!" He yelled as he ran to Rogers door and re locked it. "No! He's not leaving! I don't care if your done Collins I'm not!"

Collins stepped away from the door in shock. "I don't see why we can't just let him go we've done all we can! And I don't know how the fuck you can bring yourself to forgive him time after time!"

"You wanna know why we can't just throw him out?" Mark asked. "Cause he will shoot up again and be one fucking step closer to death, and he is already two steps to fucking close! He will go live on the streets and die, or if he possibly comes back here we will be back at square fucking one! You know what's the worst that can happen to us if he stays? A couple cuts and bruises here and there but we will live! If he goes out there it will be his death!" Mark screamed tears running freely down his cheeks. "And you wanna know how I can bring myself to forgive him every time? Cause he's my best friend and we are all he has! I know that every time he hits me or yells or tries to escape thats not Roger talking, thats the drugs! Its his want and need of something that we can't give him. I believe that if we try hard enough we can bring the old Roger back! The fun Roger the one we love. I can't stand by and watch him kill himself!" Mark turned and walked toward his bedroom. "Thats why we can't throw him out! Thats why I can forgive him!" Mark yelled as he slammed the door.

Collins walked over and sat dumbfounded on the couch. He fell back and laid down. Maybe Marks right he thought, I can't watch Roger die. He laid there for a good while before suddenly jumping up. "Shit!" He yelled. He had left the groceries in the hall. Hopefully someone hadn't already stolen them. He walked out and felt relieved when he saw them still sitting on the ground by the door.

He walked into the kitchen and began to put the food away when he heard a door open. He looked up and saw Mark walk out of his room. "Hey" Collins said as he rummaged through the bags.

"Collins, listen," Mark walked over to him. "I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just stressed you know, and I wasn't gonna let all we had done go to shit."

"I know Mark, I'm sorry too. We're all wound a little tight right now. Do you want something to eat?"

"No I'm gonna go see if Rogers awake I need to talk to him."

"Ok." Collins said watching Mark turn and walk towards Rogers room.

Mark open the door and stepped inside. Roger was laying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "Hey" Mark said with apprehension

"Fuck off Mark." Roger hissed his words were as cold as ice.

Mark walked over and sat down on the bed. "Roger I need to talk to you."

"So talked." He spat back.

"I really want to help you Rog, but before I can help you anymore I need to know one thing. Why."

"Why what Mark?" Roger hissed and rolled over so his back was to the filmmaker.

"Why are you willing to kill to get this drug? Why do you not think twice about putting your life on the line for a momentary high? Why do you think you need this?"

Roger rolled over to face Mark, their were tears in his eyes. "You wanna know why?" He challenged "Because I like how it feels not to feel. I can't deal with emotions Mark, I can't. I can't handle loss, and pain, and hurt, and jealousy, and suffering. The only way I know how to make those feelings go away is through drugs. I don't care if its a momentary high, because for a moment, I don't hurt anymore. If I can make the pain of it all go away, if only for a moment its worth it! I used to be able to deal with emotions but I just can't anymore Mark, and the thought of April just makes it worse, therefore making the need for a split second of happiness worse. I want to let go but I can't!" Roger was now openly sobbing.

"Shh Roger it's ok." Mark rubbed Roger on the back. "Look Roger I understand. I shut my emotions away long ago. I know you don't want to feel anymore, I know you want to be numb, but what about other feelings like love and happiness. If you can get clean you can have them for more than a moment. I know you want to forget April, and I'm sorry but I think the only way you can do that is to deal with the pain. You need closure and that is the best way to get it."

"I know Mark, I do, but its so hard. I need your help, I can't get through this alone." Tears poured out of Rogers eyes onto his shirt.

"I'm here for you Rog, but your gonna need to meet me half way. I can't do it alone either."

Roger sniffed and looked up at him. "I'll try, Mark I will."

"I know you will."

"Make the pain go away Mark. I don't wanna hurt anymore." Roger begged laying his head on Marks chest and closing his eyes.

"I will do the best I can Roger, and I promise I won't ever leave you." Mark began to stoke his hair to comfort the crying rockstar.

Roger gave one last sob before he drifted off to sleep with his head on Marks chest.

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I won't lie I started to cry while I was writing this! I am pretty emotional though so that doesn't necessarily mean much hehe!