The First Time Isn't Always Everything
Chapter 13
Sitting in his car, he watched the scene in front of him. The flames had expanded, playfully touching the buildings beside Kagome's. They had also grown high, reaching to almost the top of the building. It was obvious that the fire fighters were not able to contain the fire; the building would be lost.
On ground level, the front of the building was nothing more than disorderly chaos. People screamed, others were crying, and some sat and stared in shock. There were more still, blocked off by police barricades, watching the destruction before them. Fire hoses were everywhere as workers attempted to stop the flames from creating any more annihilation.
He got out of his car from where he had parked it across the street and made his way towards the scene. He did not even care that he was merely dressed in sleeping pants. He could feel his heart pound against his chest. Sesshomaru could not see Kagome in the masses of people. He would rather find out that she was staying with his brother than in the hospital or, even worse, still inside the building.
"Excuse me, sir," a police office said, blocking him off. "You can't go near there. The fire's not contained. You could get hurt."
His golden eyes flashed towards the younger man. "Where is she?"
"Where's who?"
"Kagome Higuarshi. She lives here. Where is she?" Sesshomaru asked, beginning to grow impatient. He wanted answers.
"Look, sir, there's a lot of people that live here," the cop said. "Most of them are over there," he nodded towards the opposite side of the building where a cluster of people were located. "I would check there first. There's also a paramedic there, so he could probably tell you if she went to the hospital."
Not even bothering to thank the man, Sesshomaru quickly closed the distance to the group of rescued residents. His eyes scanned over the crowd, searching for that familiar face. But he could not find her. Scowling, he grabbed a nearby paramedic by the arm, stopping him from moving. "Where is Kagome Higurashi?" he ground out.
The man blinked. "I'm not sure, sir," he said. "That name doesn't sound familiar."
"I don't care if it sounds familiar," he said coldly, harshly, a tone that demanded answers. "She's not here. Did she go to the hospital?"
The medic tried to take his arm back from Sesshomaru but was surprised when the grip tightened, refusing to let the man leave. "Sir, if you let go of my arm, I can call the hospital to see if she was brought there."
He nodded solemnly and released his arm. He watched the man closely as he dialed a few numbers. "What was her name again?"
"Kagome Higurashi."
"Excuse me," another, feminine voice asked timidly. "You're looking for Kagome, right?"
Immediately, Sesshomaru whirled towards the woman, stalking closer to her in the process. "Do you know where she is?" he asked, his voice almost sounded desperate.
The dark hair woman nodded slowly. "Well, kind of," she said. When Sesshomaru growled, she quickly added, "She's not here. She moved out a few days ago."
"She what?"
"I saw her and a few other people carrying a lot of boxes out the other day. I'm pretty sure that she was moving."
"Do you know where she moved to?" Sesshomaru said. He could not hide his relief. Kagome, wherever she was, was safe. Though, he could not hide his slight agitation for not being informed that she had moved. But, then again, he could not say that he blamed her; after all, they were no longer dating.
It surprised him, though, how much he wanted to change that.
Nodding his head, he muttered a "Thank you" before breaking into a loose jog towards his car. He did not even acknowledge the paramedic angrily calling out to him.
He sat in his car, one hand lying lightly against the steering wheel. The other clutched his cell phone. The small, silver device was flipped open as if ready to use. He stared at it, his mind raging with the conflict to leave it go or to call. Why did he care? Should he care? Would it even matter? But why, he asked himself, wouldn't he be told about this? Why was it that he even raced out here, in the middle of the night, half naked just to see if she was caught in the fire? What would he have done if she was?
Sighing, he allowed himself to enter his contact addresses. After a brief pause, he selected his brother's number, figuring he would have the information needed.
"This better be fucking good," Inuyasha grumbled after a few rings.
"Where is she?" he asked. His voice seemed unusually small. He was reluctant, he knew it, but from somewhere inside him, he needed to know the answer.
"Where's who?" Inuyasha muttered. "Fuck, Fluffzilla, I don't know where your little whore is."
"I was not aware that you referred to Kagome as a whore."
As Sesshomaru figured, that comment woke his brother up.
"Why in the hell do you want to know?" he growled, instantly growing defensive.
"Do not question me. Do you know the answer or not?"
"Not until you answer me first, Fuckface. There's no way in hell that I'm tell you anything. I don't want you going over there and harassing her even more. Can't you just leave her alone, damnit!"
"My intentions were not to harass her. Do you know or not?" Sesshomaru asked, feeling his frustration rise once more. Why was no one answering him? Did they all side with Kagome over him?
"Oh, so you just want to go over there to try and get in her pants then? I don't fucking think so. You've done enough. She doesn't need you anymore. Stay away from her, asshole; she's cried enough."
Inuyasha hung up the phone, leaving Sesshomaru in a bit of a stupor. He had not realized just how protective over Kagome his brother was. Nor did he realize that she had cried tears over him. From her actions the other night, he would have figured that she had already begun to move on. It seems, he thought, that I have committed more damage than I originally thought.
Growling lightly at himself, he once more turned to his cell phone, this time allowing the device to call Miroku.
"Hello?" asked a groggy, male voice.
"Miroku, where is Higurashi?" he asked.
"What? Sesshomaru, it's almost one in the morning. Why are you calling?"
"Higurashi. Where is she?" He was growing tired of asking that question.
"Oh, I don't know," Miroku said, his words still slightly slurred. "Probably at her apartment."
"And where is that?" he asked quickly, hoping to use Miroku's half-asleep state to gain his information.
"Uhh… the new Nazaki complex," Miroku replied with a yawn.
"Go back to sleep," Sesshomaru finished, ending the call and then started up his car.
There had been two knocks on her door, both fairly soft. They were enough to disturb her sleep but not enough to wake her. These knocks had been followed by her doorbell. The first one had made her grunt, the second caused her to mutter incoercible words and roll over, and the third was enough to crack open her eyes. That was when the knocking began again, though it sounded more along the lines of pounding.
Shifting and propping herself onto her elbow, she glanced at her clock. "One thirty," she mumbled, "is too early. Goodnight!" Plopping down onto her soft pillows, she snuggled into them, wrapping her comforter around her tightly. But she could not ignore the increasing volume. "Please tell me that's not at my door," she said, her eyes still closed. The thumping on her door was now joined by her doorbell. The simultaneous sounds were enough to draw Kagome from her bed.
Her left eye twitched a bit, irritated at being woken up in the middle of the night. Kagome's hair was tussled and slightly tangled from sleep. She rubbed her eyes and blinked as she began to walk down the hallway in an attempt to wake herself up some. "This better not be a drunk Inuyasha," she said as she approached the door.
Quickly glancing through the peep hole, her vision was filled with silver hair. Groaning, she unlocked the door and opened it partially. "Inuyasha," she began, "you are not crashing on my couch."
Confusion filled her as she felt the silver haired man push on the door, attempting to open the door further. "What are you…" she stared but never finished her statement. She was pushed back slightly as the door came open fully, allowing the man to enter. Quickly, the door closed and she felt a strong grip on her upper arms. The act snapped her out of her half dazed state, drawing her blue eyes open fully. She saw more silver as she was guided back into the wall and she felt soft lips fall upon hers in a deep kiss. For a moment she almost gave in, enjoying the electrifying sensation, but her mind began to protest, realizing that there was only one person that would dare to greet her in such a way – Sesshomaru. Instantly, she began to struggle, twisting her body and pushing against his body as she whimpered. Though she did not succeed in completely freeing herself from his grasp, she did manage to release his lips from hers.
"What in the hell are you doing?" she objected. She shook her head. "No, I don't even care. Just get out now."
"Why didn't you inform me that you left that apartment?" he asked. He ignored her struggles and brought his head down so that his mouth was near her ear.
Kagome tossed her head to the side, straining her neck in attempts to distance herself from him. "Let me go," she pleaded.
"Did I not deserve to know?"
"Why would you care what I did?"
When his grip tightened, she raised her hands, placing them on his upper arms. She slowly curled her fingers until her nails began to dig into his flesh. Although she did not want harm him, she knew that there was little else she could do to free herself. In addition, she lifted her foot, bringing it down to crash on his. He grunted under her efforts, causing his grip to loosen. Kagome instantly backed away from him, breathing heavily and shivering. In response, Sesshomaru also backed away, drawing himself further into her apartment.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated, keeping his eyes trained on her every movement.
"It's no longer any of your business," she hissed. Her eyes flashed in anger. "What in the hell are you thinking? Did you think that I was just going to hop into bed with you? What happened? Have a little fight with your latest fling?"
His eyes narrowed. "That was not my intention."
"Oh," she said, waving her arms in the arm in mockery, "then what was it? Did you just have a midnight craving to harass someone?"
"Are you merely going to assume very answer?"
"Are you going to say more than five words?"
"This evening's news reported that your former residence was on fire. When I discovered this, I went there. You were not. I decided to find you. Does that answer your question?" Sesshomaru said simply.
For a moment, Kagome's eyes widened in shock. She blinked. But that reaction quickly passed, leaving her to take yet another step away from him. "The mighty Sesshomaru show concern? I don't believe it," she mocked. "Are you trying out a new method to get women into bed with you? It's clear that you've already moved on. Why won't you leave me alone so I can too?"
"Have you ever considered, Kagome, that perhaps I do not want you too?" he responded, sliding a step closer to her.
She could not stop the prickling sensation that flooded her eyes, knowing that she was close to tears. She shook her head, feeling her soft, wavy hair crash against her face and neck. She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to stop the tears as the first one began to drip down her cheek. "No," she choked out. "That's not true. You don't mean it. Stop playing these games with me!"
"I wouldn't say it if I did not mean it, Kagome," Sesshomaru replied smoothly. He took yet another step closer to her.
"No you don't!" she screamed at him. "Nothing you've ever done has supported that! All you do is insult me. You're the one that ended our relationship, so don't try and tell me that you've changed your mind!"
Sesshomaru pursed his lips together. He knew that she was right; he was the one that had ended the relationship. His gaze dropped to the floor. "Perhaps I was incorrect in my decision."
"Incorrect?" she asked. Her tears were nearly becoming hysterical; she almost could not see. "You were beyond incorrect. You were absolutely irrational! You should have thought about that before you started making any excuse that you could to break up with me. Why couldn't you just have been honest if you wanted out? Why did you have to be so cruel?"
He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his long, light hair. "I have no excuses for my actions. What is done is done. Perhaps I was not ready. As I'm sure you've realized, you are not typically the type of woman that I usually associate with. I'm sure you also realize that those types of women are not meant to be trusted." He paused, closing his eyes. "I've made a mistake, Kagome. It has taken me a while to realize my error, undoubtedly due to my own stubbornness. I do not know what else to say."
She stared at him, blue eyes strained with pain. Kagome tried to hold back her sobs, but they still ripped through her lips. "You admit you've made a mistake," she said, "but you can't even say you're sorry?"
His eyes opened in response. Quickly, he took a few effortless strides, closing the distance to her. But when he saw her body tense and shake, he stopped. His eyes met her, grounding her to her spot, ensuring that she would not back away from him any further. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet, almost a whisper.
Drawing in a shaky breath, she straightened herself, hoping to gain mental strength. She knew that he did not offer apologies often, even if one begged; he had to be truly sorry. Still, she did not want to give in. This was not the first time he hurt her. She did not want it to happen again; she was not sure if her heart could take it. "Good," she said, surprising herself with the evenness of her voice, "Now leave."
Sesshomaru's head jerked upwards. Though he was not quite expecting her to give in easily, this was not the response he had anticipated. He frowned. "No."
"And what do you want now?" she asked. She turned her head to the side, breaking their gaze. "Are you looking to make amends so that you can sleep better at night?"
"I want you," he said simply, as if it were the most obvious observation in the world.
"Just because you apologized doesn't mean that things are going to go back to the way they were. I can't forget what you did to me. You're the one that couldn't trust me. I don't even know what I did to break your trust – if I did anything at all. You said it first. How can we have a relationship when we can't believe each other? How do I know that you're not going to do the same thing again?" She took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. "How can I forget that you called me your fiancé and then said that I was a liar?"
He growled. He could not help it. Her words were true, and he realized it. He mentally berated himself for his mistakes. "Because I, for the first and only time in my life, was behaving as idiotically as my brother. I cannot fully explain my actions, but I do know that they were inappropriate. The fault was entirely my own." He closed the space between them in one long step. Gently placing his fingers under her chin, he titled her head towards him so that he could gaze into her eyes. He knew that this would be hard, but did not realize how much. It was worse knowing that she was crying over his actions. "It has always been hard for me to give my full trust to someone. I was apprehensive to begin with, and Kouga's actions did not encourage me. You do not need to say it; I should have listened to you. But I did not."
Her small sob stopped him. Sighing, he dropped her chin and wrapped his arms around her small, quivering frame. His head dipped down to bury itself into her hair. "I did not realize my errors at first," he continued softly. "At first I did not want to admit it. I realized, though, that things were not the same without you. No one reacted the way you did, no one challenged me the way you did, and no one felt the same as you. I still want to call you my fiancé. I do not know what else to say, Kagome. I am sorry."
She was silent afterwards. The minutes seemed to stretch on. Although she did not try to remove herself from his grasp, she did not seem to encourage him either.
"I forgive you," she said, so quietly that he almost missed her words.
His arms tightened and it felt as if his heart began beating once again. This, he knew, was what had been missing. His Kagome, who could always forgive, no matter how painful the past. His lips pressed against her neck tenderly, but he stopped as she stiffened again.
"But things can't go back the way they were. I'm sorry, but I can't just jump back into this. If we're going to have a relationship, I want us to be able to trust each other properly."
Pulling back from her, he smirked. "Very well," he said. "But perhaps we should get a proper night's rest before beginning that." His fingers began to caress up her back with his statement.
"Perhaps you're right," she said, pulling away from him. She pulled him to the door. "Be safe going home," she said, opening the door and pushing him out lightly. "And," she added as an afterthought, "put a shirt on."
The morning sun shone through the large windows, warming the room and shimmering across the different colors. Kagome inhaled deeply, drawing in the relaxing and enticing scents of various coffees and teas. The buzz of morning customers and machines caused her to smile, enjoying the lively place that the small coffee shop brought.
She took a sip of her large, steaming coffee, closing her eyes as she savored the rich, bold taste. Putting it down on the table, she turned towards the laptop in front of her, scanning over the last couple lines of the text before pausing. Suddenly, words began to filter through her, knowing exactly where she wanted her latest writing endeavor to go. As she typed, she did not notice the tall man watching her from the counter.
Grabbing his own cup of coffee, he slowly made his way towards the woman, watching the way her face flashed with emotions as she wrote. The way she wore her heart on her sleeve was intriguing to him – in matter of fact, it always had. Before he knew it, he was beside her, waiting patiently for her to recognize his presence.
When she noticed someone out of the corner of her eye, she did not react immediately. Instead, she finished typing her paragraph, wondering if her delayed reaction would cause the person to leave. She smiled to herself, shifting the mouse to save her current work. Then she finally turned to her visitor.
"Do you mind if I join you?" the male asked, his voice rich and undoubtedly masculine.
Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "If you want. There's more than enough room at the table."
He nodded, taking a seat across from her. His intense eyes scanned over her, soaking in everything from her smooth, dark hair to the delicate design on her shirt. He reached out his hand, offering it to her. "My name is Sesshomaru Tashio."
Widening her smile, she took his hand. "I'm Kagome Higurashi. It's nice to meet you."
Sesshomaru smirked at Kagome's surprised expression when he drew his hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of her hand. "The pleasure is all mine, Miss Higurashi."
The End… well, except for the epilogue.
A/N: Well, there it was. I'm not particularly happy with this chapter, but it was my best effort (I rewrote the fighting three times with no real success). Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the story. There will be an epilogue in order to tie up any loose ends in this story and to properly close this little particular saga between Sesshomaru and Kagome. Please let me know what you think! And thank you for the wonderful reviews and support for this story!