"What the hell is going on here?" Addison exclaimed after the initial shock wore off.
"We captured Meredith Grey." Chrissie said, with a hint of pride in her voice.
"We can see that!" Mel said.
"I get first hit." Kayli announced, firing up a spork.
"Bitch. I call second." Flick said.
Kendel laid out vodka on an old card table Rissa brought. "I have nothing to do with this." she said as she prepared to leave. "Kayli can serve the rest of the alcohol."
"Kendel!" Alisa cried out. "I thought you were on our side?"
"I am." Kendel replied calmly. "But you realize we're going to be charged with murder."
"And you're our lawyer..." Addison finished for her.
"I'm leaving. Now. See you in court." Kendel walked away, out of sight.
Fifteen minutes later, Alisa and Chrissie had Meredith up against the wall, like a human dartboard. Meredith's wrists and ankles were chained up, she was completely immoblized. There was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" Alisa panicked.
Derek and Kendel strolled in, holding 3 babies each in their carseats. Derek laid them down on the ground and headed towards Addison. Kendel put down the babies and left again.
"Derek! Why are they here?" Addison hissed sharply.
Derek sighed "I can't manage them alone. And can someone please explain to me what is going on?" he said, looking around the room.
"Help!" Meredith screamed. She had no idea the walls and ceiling were soundproof, so her effort was pretty much useless. She saw Derek. "Derek baby! Get me out!"
"Fuck you!" Derek yelled back, giving her the finger.
"I love you!" Meredith said. "What about the children?"
"Whore! Die for all I care. And my kids are fine thank you very much." Derek retorted. He turned to face Addison. "What's going on?"
"Our kids are not going to be scarred for life." Addison said. "Take them away, and why did you take them out in the first place? If they get sick I'm blaming you."
"Relax." Derek said. "They're OUR kids. They're fabulous. They're going to be fine. What are we doing anyway?"
"We're commiting murder." Kayli said simply with a grin, spork in hand.
"Oh sweet." Derek took a bag of scalpels out of his pocket. How he had them, noone knew. He took one and aimed at Meredith's chest.
Kayli grabbed his arm threateningly. "Get away from her. I'm first."
"I'm second" Flick lined up behind Kayli, holding 2 sporks.
"Fine." Derek huffed. "But I want to aim for her boobs. Oh right, I forgot she doesn't have any." he said sarcastically, with a sneer from Meredith.
"Oh. Wait. Hold on." Chrissie headed over to the card table and rummaged through the duffel bag that was underneath. She took out a dildo.
Addison shuffled through her purse. "Hey I won some condoms today." she said, and handed one to Chrissie, who ripped the package open and covered the sex object. Chrissie handed it to Alisa, who shoved it into Meredith's mouth.
"Here. Enjoy this because it'll probably be your last." Alisa said.
Meredith spit it out. "I would like that in my vagina please."
Laughter echoed across the room. "What vagina?" Derek asked innocently. "Last time we had sex I recall something that looked like a bullet?"
"Liar!" Meredith accused. "I'll drop my pants now for everyone to see!"
"Please don't blind us with whatever is in your pants." Kayli said, shielding her eyes. She focused on her target.
"Oh wait." Flick said, and she ran up to Meredith. Seizing Meredith's right leg, she snapped it the wrong way and it went crack. Meredith's face was twisted with pain, she couldn't say anything. "And the other one..." Flick murmured, grabbing the left leg and repeating the process. Snap.
"Finally." Kayli said, holding her arm up, spork between her index finger and thumb. With a quick flick of the wrist, it went flying through the air, right on Meredith's nose.
"Sporks hurt!" Meredith complained, with the spork deeply embedded in her nose. It didn't fall off of sway downward due to gravity, it just... sat there.
"Oh I so win." Kayli put her hands in the air. "BEAT THAT BITCHES."
Flick snorted. "Yeah, whatever." 2 sporks clutched tightly in hand, and after a moment of silence, she sent the sporks gliding in the air. Lucky for her, and unfortunately for Meredith, they landed on her eyes. Meredith screeched in pain, the sporks were stuck in her eyes and she was blinded for life, well whatever puny, pathetic life she had left.
Derek decided to go next. Instead of sporks, he wanted scalpels, gaining the disapproving looks of Kayli, Flick and Mel. Using 2, he aimed them at either side of her chest. One landed on the left, the other to the right. "There. Now she has boobs." Derek said with a grin.
"Damn couldn't you at least give me some painkillers before doing this?" Meredith grimaced at all the pain.
"Um that would be a no." Jess simply answered, getting ready for her turn. Flinging her spork in the air, this one landed on Meredith's stomach, right on her belly button.
"Oh thanks for piercing my navel." Meredith said sarcastically, which was a pathetic attempt at sarcasm.
"Shut up before I hit you. Well... actually I'm hitting you anyway." Addison said with a sneer. "This is for falling in love with my husband!" She aimed for the area she specialized in, also known as Meredith's 'vagina'.
"Fuckkkkk." Meredith screamed with pain.
Addison laughed. "Did I hit the bullet?"
"Everytime you guys hit it lands lower and lower." Mel remarked, a few sporks in hand, watching over the babies and sipping the alcoholic creations that Kayli was making. A spork slipped from her grip. "Oh crap." she silently cursed.
Fortunately, the spork landed safely on Kari's lap. "Sp-sp-or-k" she said with some difficulty, flashing an adorable baby smile and twirling the spork in her hands. In a sudden movement, she threw it, landing on Meredith's ankle.
"Aww." Derek gushed. "My kid's a genius!" he felt like announcing, beaming with pride.
Jessica stuck her tiny tongue out at Kari as if she were jealous. Jess sensed the sibling rivalry, and quickly passed her namesake a spork. Jessica squealed, and tried her best to hit Meredith. With a weak fling, it hit her ankle. Jessica clapped enthusiastically as Addison lovingly rubbed her head.
"I want to go." Brandy announced to nobody in particular. By now, Kayli had a 'spork stand' along with the pizza and booze. Brandy walked to the stand, grabbed a spork and threw it, just like everyone else did. Instead of landing on a particular area, it was headed towards Meredith's neck, and instead of piercing through her skin, it bounced off and went down her shirt. Right between the new boobs Derek gave her. Meredith pouted as everyone started laughing.
"You all suck." Meredith said.
"Can we please shut her up?" Mel asked, grabbing a spork for herself. Aiming for Meredith's mouth, it went in and stuck on her throat. "Now she can't talk anymore." Mel said triumphantly.
Just then, a door creaked open. Everyone jumped, worrying they would get caught. "I thought Mark and Chelsea were guarding the door?" Alisa murmured, as everyone in the room scrambled to find a good hiding place.
"I think they ran off." Addison muttered back.
With each step of the stairs their hearts beated faster and faster. They were afraid that some authority figure, like Dr. Webber, would find them. Or police happened to be in the area and wanted to see what was going on.
In a moment of bravery, Flick looked up from her spot under the liquor table. "Oh it's you!" She sounded relieved.
"What's going on here?" Raven looked around the room. Slowly everyone crept out from their hiding spots and resumed the sporking. "Flick?" She looked expectantly at her friend for answers.
"We're murdering Meredith Grey." Flick said simply. "With sporks." She couldn't resist adding that bit in.
"Oh. Give me a spork. No... three." Flick handed Raven the three sporks she asked for. Instead of standing a few feet away from Meredith the target, Raven boldly walked up to her and brutally stabbed all three sporks in her abdomen. By now, Meredith was either dying or dead, leaning towards the light. Now if only the Spork Squad could push her into the light...
There was a knock at the door. Rissa went to open it, it was a short delivery man with a large cardboard box. "Hey did anyone order tequila?" Rissa asked. The man seemed oblivious to the sporked body on the wall.
Chrissie raised her hand. "That would be me." Walking to the door, shoving a few dollar bills into the man's hand, she accepted the tequila. "Is everyone done sporking?" she asked. "Alisa and I have a plan."
"You forgot the nanny." Crys insisted. Sometime during the ordeal, she had changed into her new outfit and looked like a sexier version of Mary Poppins, plus the umbrella. Grabbing a spork, Crys slit Meredith's neck open. When the wound was nice and clean, she jabbed it in the center. "Hmm..." Crys studied her work. With her Mary Poppins umbrella, she gently used the tip and poked Meredith in the stomach. Not painful enough, she decided. She wacked Meredith on the head with the umbrella and poked at all the sporks. "There" she said, satisfied.
Now it was Rissa's turn. "Okay... let me find her aorta..." she said. "no... that's her vena cava, no that's a vein..."
"We have no idea what you're saying." Kayli said. "What is it with doctors and their doctorsness."
"Shut up." Rissa replied. "There." Finding Meredith's aorta, she sank the spork in, nice and deep. "Ohh that feels good."
"Everyone done?" Alisa said, holding a large bucket filled with a mysterious substance with Chrissie.
"Nahh..." Everyone gathered in a circle around Meredith and started kicking their heels up, blowing dust and dirt like a storm. Luckily, the basement wasn't cleaned very often, so there was plenty of nasty to go around.
Chrissie put on an evil grin. "Now let's wash off that dirt, shall we?" She and Alisa splashed the bucket's contents all over Meredith.
"Enjoy that tequila!" Alisa said smugly.
Meredith was now soaked in tequila. Her head drooped and her body was slowly slipping off the wall. She fell onto the floor, her lifeless body laying limp.
"Alright, everyone take a spork." Chrissie ordered. "Or two if you want. Or more if you wish. And then gather 'round the whore."
Everyone obeyed and a circle formed around Meredith. She was filthy, the dust and dirt that was kicked up seemed to be magnetized towards her. Flick had 10 sporks in each hand. How she managed that... well she's special. Kayli, trying to compete, stuck 2 sporks in her mouth, ready to fire. In a way, you could say, she resembled a walrus with the two things sticking out of her mouth.
"On the count of three" Alisa ordered "we all stab her with sporks." Everyone nodded in acknowledgement. "Okay, 1... 2... 3!" Everyone was thrusting sporks into Meredith's body like mad. Every inch of her skin was covered in the plastic utensil.
"I think we're done." Addison put her hands on her hips as everyone dismounted from Meredith's body. Meredith looked more like a big, white porcupine than a dead corpse.
"Should we cremate her or leave her like this?" Derek asked.
"We can't drag a body out like this." Mel said. "Besides, as Kendel said, somebody's gonna find us and we are going to be charged with murder."
"Ehh it was fun though." Kayli shrugged. "And my lover Kendy can save us."
"Somebody better explain to me what's going on." A strict, anonymous voice boomed loudly, scaring the crap out of each member of the Spork Squad.
THE WHORE IS DEAD! party at my house? (wink) BYOT- bring your own tequila