Welcome to the Club

Wish I was a better person with more control
Turn the other cheek when the punch comes, roll
Wish I was a kinder person, could see the other's pain
Not overreact, never judge, shrug off the spreadin' stain

Damaged, Blue Oyster Cult

"Kole," Sam said, looking at her strangely, "that case was open when we were in your office. Dean read off some of the titles, and the dates, and the actors."

"Well," she looked down, "let's call it a secret code."

"Secret code?"

"Yeah. OK, here's the story. Those weird feelings I had? Well, during my first month at Woodcreek, Jane, my TA, told me that a student stopped by to borrow a book. She said he told her that he had cleared it with me. Only, I never had a student ask to borrow a book.

"Then, about a week later, I was walking across the quad and saw the book in a garbage can. It was an open wire can and the book stood out among the rest of the notebook pages, as it is kind of a bright shade of green. It was a Norse Mythology book…"

"The Nine Worlds?" Sam interrupted.

"Yes," Kole gaped, but shook her head and continued. "The book wasn't an old collector's item or anything. It was not particularly valuable, only the $20 I spent on it. It was just…"

"Weird?" Sam finished her sentence again.

"Yes. That's when I started to copy my books. I don't know why I felt I needed to. It just became sort of an obsession. After I had typed out all of my books and scanned the pictures, I went through my notebooks. I had taken a lot of notes when I was in school and whenever I found something of interest in a book that I couldn't buy or borrow. It all went to my computer.

"Then, I went to the stacks at the school's library, I requested books from other University libraries, I went on-line, went through town records… Just any and all information. I wanted it all on my computer where I could retrieve it when needed. And if I couldn't simply type out information, I scanned photos and drawings and kanji…" she stopped when she noticed Sam staring at her.

"I know," she said. "I know I sound crazy. This fire tonight… last night, that's the third home-demolishing, possession-destroying fire I have lived through in my 25 years of life. I've never really had anything that I wasn't willing to give up easily. I guess once I found something I wanted to keep, I became fixated on getting as much of it… of the knowledge that I could."

"I'm sorry," Sam told her. "I wasn't thinking you were crazy. It just started coming together. Your secret code… those," he pointed again at the leather case, "are full of information on all the mythology and supernatural and… everything you teach?"

"Yes," she laughed. "I made two copies, one for my home and one for my office, of every disc. And I guess, in my obsession, I used a sort of code to label them. It's like the old 'hide in plain sight' trick."

"So this one," Sam reached over to the case and opened it to the first disc, "Dracula, 1931, Bela Lugosi?"

"Full of information about all kinds of blood suckers."

"What about beings that suck souls or steal organs?"

"Dracula's Daughter, 1936, Gloria Holden."

"Wow," Sam said quietly and flipped through the discs. It took him a moment before he realized Kole was grinning at him. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, but continued to smile, "it's just nice to be able to talk to someone and not have them think you're crazy or idiotic or anything."

"I definitely don't think you're crazy," he laughed. "Wait a minute. Did you say it was 2:00?"

"Well," she said, turning to look at the clock radio between the beds, "it's actually about 20 after."

"Kole, I'm sorry. I should let you get some sleep."

"Don't worry," she told him, "I'm not tired. I actually have frequent bouts of insomnia."

Once they realized that neither of them was keeping the other awake, Sam and Kole continued talking. Sam, for the first time, talked about Jess's death and the nightmares. As much as he felt guilty for thinking it, he felt that Kole was the perfect mix of Jess and Dean. Like Jess, she was easy to talk to and hadn't known him all his life, so there were no embarrassing memories to dredge up. But, like Dean, he could talk about the abnormalities of his life without risk of her running away screaming.

……….

Dean, once again, awoke gradually. While his body didn't ache the way it did the morning before, there was still enough lingering pain to make him move slowly. He turned his head to look at the clock on the nightstand, but instead saw the empty bed across from him. Suddenly, he was awake.

He crept to the window and looked out carefully. The Impala was the only car he could see and there were no signs of life in the parking lot. He glanced towards the bathroom and saw that the door was open and the light was off. He turned to the door connecting their room with Kole's.

Dean pushed the door open slowly and quietly. When there was just room for him to fit through, he walked in and saw Sam asleep, hopefully asleep, on the nearer bed.

"Sam?" he whispered softly as he approached the bed. But then, in his peripheral vision, there was a shape moving toward him from behind. As it reached out, he heard a low…

"Shhh…"

Dean spun around quickly, grabbed the figure by the neck with his left hand, slammed it against the wall, and pulled his right hand back, poised to strike. But Sam's voice stopped him.

"Dean, no!"

Dean looked and realized that he had Kole pressed against the wall. However, before he had a chance to loosen his grip, Kole grabbed his wrist with her right hand and clawed it as she twisted outward. And, in almost one strange motion, she managed to bring her right knee up and connect it with Dean's stomach, and then gave him a left cross at his jaw.

Dean staggered back a couple of steps. Sam sat on the bed stunned at what he just witnessed. Dean and Kole stood across from one another, both slightly crouched as if waiting for the other to make a move. Finally, they simultaneously took a short step towards one another.

"Hey," Sam shouted and bounded from the bed, placing himself between them, "Mr. And Mrs. Smith! Why don't you two take your separate corners?"

Again, Sam's voice woke Dean from instinct-mode. Dean shook his head, took a deep breath, and silently walked back to his room. Sam looked at Kole, who was also beginning to relax. He walked back into his own room.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded. "I know I made the crack last night about you not being at your best, but that was… that was…" Sam stopped yelling and looked at his brother.

Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He was breathing hard and his hands were shaking.

"Dean?"

"Oh, God, I'm becoming you Sam. It was that night. It was that night all over again, but I wasn't there. I don't think I was there. But I don't think I dreamed it. How could I have heard him? How?"

"Dean," Sam started to panic, "what are you talking about, man?"

Dean looked up at Sam. His eyes were dark and hollow, not intense as they had been only moments before. Sam hurried over and sat next to Dean. Dean took a deep breath.

"He was looking down at you," he told Sam, sounding mechanical. "He was there when Mom came in and he turned and said 'shhh' and turned back. When I saw Mom start to come back towards the hall, I ran to my room. It was past my bedtime."

Sam didn't know what to say. His brother looked like a zombie sitting next to him.

"If she saw me in the hall and yelled at me… maybe Dad would have heard and come upstairs sooner. Maybe the fire wouldn't have happened. Maybe…"

"No, Dean," Sam said forcefully, finally understanding what his brother was saying, finally knowing what night he was talking about. "Dean, you can't blame yourself. You can't… Dean? Dean!"

But Dean didn't look at him, didn't move. He just sat there and stared at nothing. Sam moved from the bed to squat down in front of him to try and look him in the eye. Dean remained frozen.

"Guys?" Kole said softly as she knocked on the adjoining door.

"Kole," Sam called out but didn't want to walk away from Dean.

"What's going on?" she asked, hurrying into the room having heard the distress in Sam's voice.

"I don't know," Sam said without looking at her. "It's like he just shut down."

"Dean isn't bipolar or schizophrenic is he?" she asked as she crouched down next to Sam.

"No!"

"Hey, it's not a judgment. People have no control over psychological or medical disorders. It's just that catatonic stupor and catatonic excitement usually go hand in hand with such disorders. Can I try something?"

"Sure," Sam said, bewildered at both the situation and Kole's lengthy diagnosis. He shifted his weight to one side and then sat down so that she could be front and center.

"Dean?" she said softly and put her hands on his shoulders. "Dean?" she said a little louder. Then, without a third warning, she slapped Dean with her right hand.

"Hey," Sam yelled and pushed her roughly, knocking her to the floor.

"A slap sounds worse than it is," she tried to explain. "And I got him on the left side," trying to be cheerful, then muttered, "since I decked him on the right."

Sam had gotten to his feet and was looking angrily at her. He took a step forward menacingly and she tried to crab walk backwards, only to remember too late the gashes that still throbbed on her hands.

"Sam?" she said nervously as she fell back onto her elbows. She glanced at Dean behind him. He was coming out of his trance, but not fast enough.

"Just who do you think you are?" the voice was livid and threatening, and not Sam's. He took another step towards her and, as she tried to move backward, he kicked her legs out from under her.

"Sam, what's going on?"

"Sam, what's going on?" he mimicked meanly. "I'll tell you what's going on. I'm thinking of finishing what the boys back at your house couldn't." And without looking away from her, he picked up a knife from the dresser.

Kole's eyes went wide and Sam sneered. He took another step towards her and lifted the knife Psycho-style above his head. But, as he crouched down to reach her, Kole took the opportunity and kicked up to his groin.

Sam dropped the knife and fell over, grasping himself in pain. The thud of Sam's body hitting the floor made Dean finally awaken fully and turn his head to see what was going on. But, Kole didn't see it, as she was picking herself up and running back to her room. As she closed the door between the rooms, she remembered to take the tape off the latch.

There were only a few items that she had left out in her room. She quickly ran around to grab them and shove them into her backpack. She flung the pack onto her shoulders, grabbed her computer case, and Kole ran out of her motel room door and away from the Winchesters as fast as she could.