JENNIE

"Okay, Lisa, two things. One, I only have about a week left in town to finish the last two seasons of Game of Thrones with you, so we better start doing two-a-day marathons. And two, I'm hungry, so I think we should order in Chinese food for the episodes tonight," I expressed, walking into the auto shop where Lisa's head was under the hood of a car.

She didn't respond right away, so when I walked over to her, I placed my hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense up.

Knots formed in my stomach. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Yup," she replied shortly, not looking up.

Obviously, that was a lie. "Lisa, what's going on?"

"I'm working."

"Okay…but…you're also being super short with me."

She looked up in my direction, and I was taken aback by her cold stare. I hadn't seen those hard eyes in so long, and I was almost confused as to why she was shooting them in my direction.

"What is it?" I whispered as the palms of my hands grew moist. "What's going on?"

"I think it's best if we cut off this whole arrangement right now," she told me, going back to working on her car.

"What?"

"I just don't see the point. We aren't going anywhere, so we might as well end it now."

"What are you talking about? Where is all this coming from?"

"I just been thinking, and the truth is, I don't want anything to do with you."

"You're lying. What we have…what we are…" My voice was shaky because I was so thrown off by her change.

She locked her eyes with mine, her chilled stare piercing my soul, and she grimaced. "We aren't anything, princess, all right? Everything that happened this summer was a mistake—you were a mistake, and it's one I won't make again, all right?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Because this is who I am," she snapped. "This is who I'll always be."

"No. You're good, Lisa. You're kind, and gentle, and—"

"Drop it, Jennie. I ain't got shit to say to you. Turn around and walk away because this conversation is over."

"Who's in your head right now?" I asked, gently placing my hands on her cheeks, staring into her eyes. I saw it, too. The small tremble in her bottom lip. "Who's feeding you these thoughts? Is it your father? Taehyung? My mother?"

She wrapped her hands around my wrists and lowered them from my face. "Walk away, princess, and don't look back. There's nothing here left for you."

My eyes watered over, and I took a few strides backward.

What changed so fast? How had it happened?

Just the other day, we saw possibilities. How did we go so quickly to the final chapter of our story when I was convinced we were only on chapter two?

"I know you," I swore to her. "This isn't you."

"You don't know me," she said, her voice sounded flat and somber. "You never did, and I never knew you. You were nothing more than another lay, and I'm done taking off your clothes, so you can go now."

I stumbled back a bit more by her words. I felt betrayed. Stung. Unbelievably hurt. "You don't mean that. You don't mean any of this. When we had no one, we had one another. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but whatever it is, we can figure it out together because that's what we do, Lisa. We help one another."

"Stop making it out like we're something we're not. I am not your friend. I am not your lover. I am nothing to you, and you are nothing to me." She turned away and went back to work, leaving me standing there stunned.

I wiped my tears away and turned to walk back toward the front door. I didn't see a point in continuing the conversation with Lisa. It was clear she had no goals of letting me back in.

"Jennie?"

I turned to face Lisa as she stared my way.

"Yes?"

"Don't come back."

Those three words hurt the most because they meant that all our possibilities were officially gone.

"Jennie, what are you doing here?" Taehyung asked as I stood in the hospital hallway. I'd been waiting for him to come past so I could speak to him. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked me, sounding alarmed.

"Did you say something to her?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Did you tell Lisa something?"

"What?"

The blank stare in his eyes made me frown. His confusion was strong as if he hadn't a clue what I was talking about.

"I haven't seen her since the fight," he told me.

"Don't lie to me, Taehyung."

"I'm not. I swear. Why did…?" He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. "She let you down."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I told him as I turned and walked away.

Taehyung called after me. "You can't really be surprised, Jennie. That's what everyone's been trying to tell you. She's a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of time before she hurt you."

"She's not what you think she is," I swore. I knew Lisa. I knew the corners of her dusty soul that she never shared with anyone else. Something happened, and it had to be bad if it meant she'd pushed me away like she did. "She's kind."

"Look at my face, Jennie. How kind could she be?" Taehyung argued.

"You started that fight."

"I was drunk. She did this sober. Besides, I know you. I know you better than you know yourself. She's not the right move for you, Jennie. You're better than her."

I snickered. "That's funny."

"What's funny?"

"That you think you know me. The truth is, the girl you knew died the moment you betrayed her."

"She's a monster, Jennie. She'll keep hurting you and letting you down." I walked away without responding as a tear rolled down my cheek. Yet Taehyung kept calling my way. "I'm not giving up on us, Jennie! I'm not going to stop fighting for us."

It was insane to me how life worked.

As Taehyung was going on and on about "us," my mind was locked on Lisa and what scarred her heart.

"Jennie Ruby Jane," Rosé said, sitting at the reception table. She stood slowly, revealing her growing baby bump.

Every time I saw her, a part of me wanted to die.

She hurried around the desk in my direction. "What are you doing here? Is someone hurt?"

"Don't act like you care, Rosé," I softly spoke.

"But I do. I…" Her eyes watered over, and a chill raced over me. The last thing she needed to do was cry. I didn't have time for her tears. "Were you talking to Taehyung?"

I raised an eyebrow but didn't reply.

She continued as her body began to shake. "I know it's not really my business, but, well, everything's a mess. My own family won't hardly talk to me, and now Taehyung is so distant. Are you two…is there something…?"

I crossed my arms. "Are you asking me if my soon-to-be ex-husband is cheating on you with me?"

Her tears fell.

I hated her beautiful tears.

"I just… I'm so lost. I don't even know how to deal with it. Taehyung made all of these promises to me about a future, and I just can't—"

"No," I cut her off. "You do understand why none of this is my concern, right? I'm not your person anymore, Rosé. You don't get to confide in me when you're the one who stole my life. You get that, right?"

She took a few steps back. "Yes, of course. I'm sorry."

As I started to walk away, I heard her break into a sob, and my stomach knotted up. Even though I hated her, a part of me that still felt sorry for her. Call it stupidity, or call it ignorance, but her loneliness was something I once lived. The place where you wonder about all your faults for Taehyung not coming home to you. The place where you doubt every heartbeat in your chest.

Rosé wasn't a good friend. She hurt me to my core in more ways than one, but those words that Dad taught me slowly danced through my head.

If you turn your back on one, then you turn your back on all.

"Do you love him?" I asked as I looked up at her.

With such unease, she nodded, ashamed to admit her love. "Yes."

"Do you love yourself?"

More tears fell as she shook her head. "No."

I sighed because, for the first time since the news came out about Taehyung and Rosé, I saw her. I truly studied her beyond her beauty, beyond her being everything I thought I was supposed to be. I saw the cracks in her soul and the scars on her heart.

She made a choice, just as Taehyung had. They decided to betray me, and their choices changed the course of all our lives. Now the two of them had to deal with those consequences, the same way I had. In her eyes, it almost seemed like she hadn't known who she was, or where her life was heading. On top of that, she had to somehow find a way to be strong for the child she'd be bringing into the world someday soon.

In those eyes, I saw her regret.

Her sorrow.

Her pain.

Rosé hadn't a clue what she was doing.

She was broken, shattered, and alone. Her family turned on her, and the father of her child was pining after another woman. Rosé had hit rock bottom, and she didn't have a clue who or what she was anymore.

I knew what that was like—to be in such darkness that you forget what the light feels like.

"You can't love him if you don't love yourself, Rosé. It's impossible," I swore to her.

"I know, I know. It's just…I'm so lost," she cried.

"I know," I said in understanding. Even though she wasn't my friend, and she hurt me, I understood the meaning of being lost. Maybe more than most. "But it's not my job to find you. It's not Taehyung's job to find you. The only one responsible for you is you. You have to find yourself. You have to have your own back. Otherwise, you'll spend your life trying to be everything for everyone else, and one hundred percent of the time, you'll still not be enough. So, you gotta choose yourself. From this point on, you have to be your first choice. Otherwise, you'll drown."

"Thank you, Jennie."

I almost replied, always and always, but I wasn't in the position to tell Rosé a lie.

"Mama, did you say something to Lisa today?" I asked her, walking into her living room.

"It's good to see you too, Jennie Ruby Jane. I'm glad to see you still remember where your family lives. If only you could recall where the church is, then we'd be fine," she sarcastically remarked.

"Mama. Did you talk to Lisa?"

"Jennie—"

"Tell me the truth." Her bottom lip quivered. My heart dropped. "Mama, how could you?"

"Look at you, Jennie Ruby Jane. You aren't yourself," she said, gesturing toward me.

"I wish people would stop saying that."

"It's true. You're not yourself, and you haven't been for a long time. I spoke to her because I love you. I'm all about you finding yourself, but Lisa Manoban isn't the way you make that discovery."

"You don't get to make that choice for me. You don't get to run my life, but now, Lisa won't even talk to me. What did you say to her?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Mama. Tell me."

But she wouldn't. Her lips wouldn't part, but her truth wouldn't spill out from her tongue. I couldn't even imagine what she could've told her to make her that way, to make her so cold after a summer of melting beside me. "I'm done. I'm done with this town, with this lifestyle, and with you, Mama. All my life, all I've ever done was try to make you proud, and the one time I choose myself over you is when you turn your back on me. All while claiming you love me. That's not love, Mama. That's manipulation, and my mind is no longer yours to control."

"Jen—"

"I don't want to see you again."

"You don't mean that," she warned. "I am your mother."

"No. You're just the woman who gave birth to me. You are no mother of mine."

I turned and walked away, feeling more alone with every step I took. When I got to Yeri's house, I began to pack my bags. There was nothing left for me in Chester, Georgia, anymore, and I'd rent a car and be out of there before I could blink my eyes shut.

"Jennie?" Yeri said, walking into my bedroom. "What's going on? I just got a frantic call from Mama. Are you okay?"

"I'm leaving."

"What? Why? What's going on?" Her voice was so alarmed as she walked to my side. "Talk to me."

"I can't. I just have to go. I'm going to rent a car and drive back to Atlanta and get a rental place for a week before I move into my place. I just can't…" I took a deep breath. "I can't breathe here."

"Okay." She nodded. "I'm coming with you. I'll drive."

"What? No. Yeri, you don't have to do this. I can go on my own."

"I know you can, but you're not going to. I'm driving." She wouldn't let me argue with her, and before I knew it, my suitcases were packed into the back of her car.

We drove down the streets of Chester, and we paused at the stop sign right near Marco's Auto Shop. I could see Lisa hammering out on the broken-down car around the building, hitting it repeatedly. When she looked up, my heart skipped.

Yeri turned my way. "Do you want to say goodbye?" she asked.

"No," I told her because even though my mom told her something, it was on Lisa that she chose to turn cold. She was allowed to make a choice, just like all humans were allowed to do. Our choices defined us. We could go left or right. We could say yes or no. We could hold on, or we could let go. Lisa chose to let go, and in response to that, I let her go, too.

She and I were a summer of lust. We were a summer of finding ourselves. Of losing ourselves. Of finding each other. Of losing each other.

Even though it was over, I had no regrets. If I could go back in time, I'd still fall into Lisa Manoban because, to me, she represented possibilities. She stood for the idea that even on the dark days, one could still find light. During that summer, she became my faith, and I swore for a small moment, I was her.

In the dark, vacant trunk of Yeri's Honda sat two pieces of mismatched, tattered, and torn luggage. They each held a part of me within them. They each told a story of the woman I was and the woman I was becoming. And Lisa Manoban, the woman I crashed into, the woman who made me remember how it felt to breathe again, watched them all drive away.