(This chapter contains dialog taken directly from the game, you have been warned.)
Chapter Two
The months seemed to fly by, and moment by moment I realized how right Donnie was . I loved it here, and I loved the Captain. I didn't have any more run ins with the hostile wild life after my first night, and we were moving along with completing the rocket before schedule. It took a bit of coaxing but I finally got the Captain to show me the pet project he was working on. It was, in a word, spectacular. The garage harbored what had made him a legend, the plane he had flown that gave him the prestige of being dubbed the greatest pilot in the world, it was bright red and named the Tiny Bronco. But the amazing feat he had been slaving over while we were working with the rocket was an airship. I actually got weak in the knees when I first saw it, and to my secret delight he held me up. He had gotten rather generous in how often he showed me his crooked smile. Even though he still berated me with insults and teasing, I couldn't help but think that there was something new in his eyes when he looked at me. I think I might have just hoped that there was something there, but with out hope where would we be? We spent a good amount of time together, it turned out that we both enjoyed tea, and he'd join me for a cup at least once a day. It was rather funny, he would only let me ask him one question a day, and would warn me about the strict limit each time he saw me. However, that rule didn't apply to things of a mechanical nature. So he answered my novel sized list of questions about his airship with a proud smile. It was named after him, the Highwind was something that the world would remember him for until the end of time. With this marvelous creation he would be famous. He was so proud of it that it made me love the craft all the more.
That's why it hurt so much when they took it. The rocket was progressing quickly and we estimated that launch was around three months away. Spirits were so high at the base and we knew that Shinra would send someone out to see the progress soon. When we knew Shinra was coming we tended to get nervous, especially Cid. He didn't know how to act around them, he knew he shouldn't curse in front of them, that he had to be polite, be respectful, be prim and proper, all things that were alien to him. During these times he could often be found pacing mindlessly, smoking like a chimney, and would rarely show up for meals. When he got that way, we all got worried. It was after a few days of the Captain going through this cycle that they came to the base.
I was in the garage rooting through the files looking for the blueprints for the rocket's oxygen tanks, there was just something that was bothering me. I couldn't put my finger on it. I wished I had been around when they were constructed but they were already assembled and something didn't feel right. I was alone in there for a while, the Highwind and Tiny Bronco keeping me company. I fumbled through the cabinet it was supposed to be in, and found nothing. In aggravation I attempted to find it in another filing cabinet. While I was pouring through the files I was startled when someone spoke to me.
"Where is your Captain?"
I pushed up my glasses and looked up at the young Asian man with his hair pulled back into a ponytail, he was wearing an expensive black suit and was flanked by armored infantry soldiers. I knew who he was, he was Tseng. He was the leader of the Turks, Shinra's elite strong arm force, but why was he here?
"I.. Uh... he's..." I tried to think. The truth was I didn't know, and the fact that there were armed guards in front of me didn't help either.
"I wasn't expecting ya so soon!" Came Cid's voice to my rescue. He was approaching us from the garage's entrance. "What do ya think of the Shuttle? Coming along nicely ain't she?" Cid eyed the rifles. "Is there something going on here that I should know about?"
"Yes, there is as a matter of fact. We've come to bring the airship to Junon."
Whatever civil mood Cid had hoped to use quickly vanished.
"What?" He said with a furious flash in his eyes.
"It is operational is it not?" Tseng asked him obviously knowing the answer.
"You bet your ass she is! But when were you going ta tell me you were gonna take her?"
"I just did. It is the President's wish that the Highwind be moved so that we can begin to use it."
"I only just finished the god damned thing! Ya gotta gimme a chance to fly her first! To be sure nothing's wrong with her!" I saw him fighting to keep himself from attacking Tseng, he was clenching his fists.
"We're quite confident in your skills, and we will be taking it shortly." The Turk was cool headed and would not take no for an answer.
The look the Captain was giving him was enough to make other men look away. If looks could kill the Turks would be searching for a new leader.
"Shera, leave us alone." He didn't look at me, he was still glaring at the Turk. I quickly removed myself.
I sought out as many people as I could and told them that the Turks were here to take the Highwind. We all gathered in the rec room and voiced our outrage to each other. There was really nothing we could do to help the Captain, if anyone could convince them to keep it here it was him. We worked out scenarios of what was going on in the garage at this moment. Keith did a very good impression of the Captain and began cursing and swinging around a pool queue threatening an invisible Tseng. He had us all in stitches, until we heard it. We had heard the engine of the airship scream into life so many times while the Captain would test it. But this time it didn't turn off with a fit of profanity following it. We all rushed out of the rec hall and watched the newly perfected vessel rising steadily into the sky. I couldn't believe it. How could he have let them take it? My eyes left the sky and I found him sadly watching it vanish from sight over the Nibel mountains. He looked at the mass of us, each of our faces lined with pity and sorrow. He frowned.
"This isn't break time, get back to fucking work!" He shouted and disappeared into the garage.
Morale was at an all time low for the days that followed. Everyone was so upset and we were all worried sick about the Captain. I had been alone in drinking my tea and only saw the Captain for a few minutes a day. He made himself scarce and it was impossible to find him if he wanted to be alone. Regina had an idea that he would go out and kill monsters to blow off steam, and she might have been right, he always had his spear with him lately. I wondered if he carried it in case the Turk came back. He didn't really talk to anyone, when they did happen upon him that is. I hadn't seen him at all today and I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling. I wanted to know that he would be okay, that he'd get over the heartache. After all, the launch was steadily approaching, and he was our astronaut. I didn't like think about that, I was so anxious about making sure he'd be safe up there. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him. I tossed and turned, sleep was not on the roster for tonight. I got out of my bed and tried to busy myself with figuring out what was bothering me with the oxygen tanks, but I couldn't focus. I grabbed a hammer and left my room.
The grass was wet beneath my bare feet as I started toward the mess hall. I wasn't really hungry but I didn't know what else to do with myself. It was a dangerously dark night, and I wished the "weapon" I had brought was a flashlight instead. I was about halfway between the two locations when I noticed a small red glow in the distance. I wondered what time it was, because if it was before midnight then I might have to take back what I said earlier. The embers of the cigarette burned again and I carefully approached him.
"Captain?" I asked, I could faintly make him out in the dark.
"Evenin'." He grunted.
He was sitting on the ground with his back against the outside of the formal meeting hall. I was happy to see him, glad to know he was all right, and I was selfishly glad he was alone. I crouched beside him and he didn't look at me, he kept his eyes in front of him unblinking. I opened my mouth to speak to him when he cut me off.
"Just one remember." He warned me.
"But I haven't had a chance to see you in a while, I figure you owe me at least five." I negotiated.
"Don't ask me about it, cuz I don't wanna fuckin' think about it." He growled impatiently.
"Fair enough." I said as I sat beside him, the cold grass dampening my pajama pants. "Are you almost done?" I asked, surprised at my own forwardness.
"With what? My cigarette?" He asked me, his blue eyes looking into mine for the first time in what felt like forever.
"No, with hiding from everyone." He rolled his eyes and his lips curled in a deep frown as he looked away from me. I continued. "I know it's hard, but we need you. The launch date is so close and we need you around to help us."
"Yer doin' fine. An' it's not like I'm not around." He grumbled.
"You're our anchor Captain, we're all so worried about you..."
"Well who asked ya to be? I'm a grown man I don't need people to fucking worry about me!" He took a long drag and held it in for a while.
"Well we do."
"It's my job to worry about you guys, not the other way around." He blasted the air with the foul smelling smoke.
"It's not our job, and it's your own damn fault we care about you!"
His eyes danced onto me and a playful grin spread across his face.
"Listen to you... I must be contagious."
I chewed on my bottom lip, I have a tendency to do that when I'm nervous or trying to keep something in. I had four questions left, but I didn't want to waste them on stupid things like his feelings for me. Because really, who was I trying to kid?
"You're not going to leave us are you?"
"An' let them send some one else to fulfill my dream? Shit no." He took another cigarette from the pack and lit it from the dying butt in his hand. "You keepin' count?"
"I've still got three sir."
"Ya know you can bank those an' save em' for a rainy day." He said plainly, he probably wanted to be left alone. I knew he wanted to be alone, he wasn't ready to carry on like nothing had happened.
"I've still got a few more if that's all right?"
"No one told me you were sofuckin' chatty when they recommended you." He mumbled.
"Probably because they wanted to get rid of me." I smiled. He laughed and sprayed the dark night with a dust colored cloud.
"Okay, go ahead smarty pants. Use up your questions, but to save you some time.. I'm a Pisces, and boxers."
I blushed deeply, and childishly. He saw it. For the first time I knew he saw me blush.
"Too much info for ya Ms. Engineer?" He sneered.
I bit my lip again and wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. Could he see how I felt about him? Was he flirting with me or was he just being the same old Cid? I wanted to put my arms around him, wanted to tell him that everything would work out and that I would always be here for him. Instead I brushed my bangs out of my eyes.
"I don't think that the rocket will get done on time unless you help us."
He gave me a thoughtful look, he wasn't an idiot after all and I was never good at smoothly changing the subject. He slowly blinked.
"That wasn't a question."
"I know. I have been doing some calculations and the probability is very low."
"You have, have you?" He eyed me, I nodded. "Well then, I guess I gotta stop feelin' so damn sorry for myself and start beatin' the shit outta you guys to get your work done."
"I'm glad to hear you say that Captain." I shifted in a bit closer to him, and there was a tension there. I guess I really did give too much away with that transition. I whispered to him. "Captain, if I may be so bold, I think that there is a flaw in the rocket's construction."
"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows at me. "And what would that be?"
"Well... I'm not sure." He laughed again, and I let my temper rise a bit. "I think you should take me seriously Captain since you're the one who will be hurt if I'm right!"
"Whoa.. Okay okay I'm listening." He responded in mock fear.
"Something's off with the oxygen tanks..."
"They're fine. I checked them myself."
"I do not see how you can say that."
"I said I checked them dammit. You gonna tell me I'm wrong?" His voice iced over ever so slightly.
"No, if you didn't check them more than five times a piece you wouldn't notice..."
"Is that what you're wasting your time doing? Shit Shera! There isn't even a whole god damned rocket yet! Worry about that shit later!" He fumed.
"How long have you wanted to go into space Captain?" The question defused the anger, I hoped it would.
"My whole life... two left." He took the cigarette out of his mouth and motioned it toward the hammer I held. "What the hell you got that thing for?"
"Oh..." I twisted my hands around it, "Well, I was told once not to walk around at night without a weapon..."
"So you grab a hammer?" He shook his head slowly with a chuckle.
"What would you rather have me carry around?" I asked defensively.
"Oh I dunno, something that would help you if need be. Oh and I'm counting that one." He smiled.
"No, that's not fair that was in response to one of your own questions!" I frowned at him.
"A question's a question. Got one left, then I'm off the hook." He said with finality.
I sighed to myself and set my mind to work. I was happy being here, as silly as it is, even though he was teasing me, I just loved being able to spend time with him. To be able to talk with him without anyone else interfering. I was here so close to him, and the breeze was drifting his cologne to me. I received it in greedy nosefuls. He just sat beside me patiently awaiting my last question, unaware of just how much he effected me. I loved him, totally and completely. God knows how it would all play out, would I ever be able to confess this to him? Would he laugh at me and tell me to get back to work? Would he take me in his arms and kiss me? Sitting here in the soggy grass my head and heart full of unspoken feelings I grasped onto reality by a thread. I had one last question...
"Captain... why did you really pick me for this team?"
He exhaled the last of his smoke and extinguished the butt.
"You weren't like the others." He cracked his knuckles. "That all?"
"No you have to elaborate on that... that was barely an answer!" I said gripping a fistful of his sleeve.
"You're smart, but not sneaky, you're stubborn, but less stubborn than me, you're a reliable worker, you don't make mistakes, and you have the patience of a saint. That enough?" He asked, his eyes on me that un-identifiable glint in them.
"Yes... thank you Captain." I responded softly and released him.
He stood, brushed off his pants, and took up his spear. He started to walk toward the rocket.
"Will I see you for tea tomorrow?" I shouted after him.
"I don't have to answer anythin' else!" He waved a hand up in the air, without looking back. I laughed to myself and suddenly felt tired. It would be okay, he would be back to normal by morning... I knew it. I patted the hammer on my hand lightly and headed back to the barracks.
I was right. The production picked up at full speed with Cid overseeing and aiding in the construction. Our new found enthusiasm was tiring and fulfilling. I had a tea partner again, and he seemed happy. He was under a lot of pressure but he didn't show any sign of weariness. He taunted us, made us laugh, and went off to read up on what awaited him in the great vastness of space. Before too long the outer casing of the Shinra no. 26 was intact and her insides were all in order. As far as everyone else was concerned anyway, I still snuck in from time to time to do my now routine analysis of those blasted oxygen tanks. It was so frustrating... I couldn't understand what was wrong... I was told quite firmly by the Captain to forget it, but I couldn't. Now it was two days before launch. The rocket was ready, the Captain was practically giddy, the Shinra executes would arrive tomorrow night to oversee the final preparations and the lift off, so we had our party this evening.
The stories were flung around loudly and animatedly. Liquor kept getting passed to the Captain and he dared not refuse a single drop. Pool was played and we let the Captain win each game. He was happier tonight than I had ever seen him before. He was hugged and swarmed by our friends and co-workers in various states of drunkeness all night. We were making so much noise I was surprised we weren't surrounded by Velcher Tusks. It was before people started passing out that Cid called everyone's attention to himself. He held his spear in one hand and waved everyone into quiet.
"Now lissen up! I don't wantcha all fuckin' willly nilly as soon as I blow this joint! You kids behave cuz when I come back I don't wanna see you jack asses slackin!" His cheeks were red and his speech slurred but we cheered anyway. "Now I got some shit I gotta do before I forget... Donald Louis! Get your scrawny ass up here!" Donnie found his way up to him where the Captain slapped him hard on the shoulder and held the spear out to him. "You're the man of tha' house now! You keep em in line until I get back! And you keep the Dumb fucks away! An' be sure to look out for those stupid ass idiots who go out with fuckin' hammers as weapons..." He winked at me, and everyone laughed. My face burned red.
"Sure thing Captain! But hey I gotta ask ya somethin'." Donnie took the spear. "How'd you learn to jump so high?"
"I sat on a campfire as a kid."
Laughter drowned out the rest of the evening. People fell asleep where they sat, the more responsible found their way back to their rooms, and a few of us stayed. I was forced to drink things that were bad enough to melt paint off of cars, but I didn't want to miss a second. It was well past three thirty in the morning when he asked me to keep him company as he smoked his last cigarette. The night was warm and the sky clear. The stars glittered happily over head, the moon sleepily hung over our rocket.
"So ya got a chance to ask me one more question before the big wigs come in." He said as he lit the cigarette.
My mind was hazy with alcohol and my heart was pulling me toward him. I was so frightened, I didn't know what was wrong with the 7th and 8th oxygen tanks, and he was going to be at their mercy. I didn't want to be here without him, but I knew he wouldn't give this up for anything. It was so hard to stand there, watching him, knowing that he'd be worlds away in a day's time.
"Can it possibly be? After all this time ya ran out of questions?" He laughed, his eyes smiling at me.
Before I could reason with it, or think, I found my body wrapping my arms around him. My face pressed in his shirt, and my hands on his strong shoulder blades. I let out a quivering breath, holding in my tears, the liquor making this all seem okay. He looked down at me and patted my head gently.
"Hey, take it easy there. I'll be back..." He gave me a soft smile.
"But what if you can't... what if I screwed it up?" I asked taking in his warmth.
"That's a simple question, you didn't screw up, someone would have noticed if you had. I'm not dyin' anytime soon, I promise."
My glasses were smudged with tears but I could see how gorgeous he looked as he was framed by the stars. His face was close and I worked up my courage. After all these months I closed my eyes and went to kiss him. My heart was in song, I was in love with him and I would tell him. My lips were greeted by a scruffy cheek. My eyes fluttered open, he had turned his head, my heart fell into my toes. He cleared his throat and slid out of my loose grip.
"Well I gotta get some sleep... I'm going to have such a hangover tomorrow."
He left me standing there. My heart broke with each step he took. Defeated and sobbing I retreated to my room where I cried myself to sleep.
I remained in my room for the majority of the next day. I was ashamed, embarrassed, heart broken, and above all this sick as a dog. My head was pounding, my eyes were aching, my stomach terribly queasy, I wanted to die. I didn't dare eat anything, and only a few people came to check on me. When Randal came to make sure I was still alive he told me that I wasn't alone in my pain. He said everyone on the base had hangovers, all of various intensity but he said I had it the worst. I wanted to know if he knew what I had done, but I didn't want to tip him off if he didn't. Somehow, I knew Cid would not tell anyone, but I couldn't shake my worry. I was left to myself soon enough, and to get my mind off of my misery I stared at the blue prints again. It was maddening, I knew it. It was wrong, terribly wrong, and if I didn't fix it... he might die. The launch was going to be early tomorrow morning... less than twenty four hours. I knew that the Shinra executives would be arriving soon, maybe in twenty or so minutes. I'm not sure why, maybe it was my exhaustion, or the closeness of zero hour but I saw it. Tank number 7's problem, and it was serious.
Somehow the piping had been misaligned, not by much but enough to result in disaster. If it remained the way it was, when the Captain would least expect it, when power was applied to the tank the damaged Teflon-insulated electrical wires powering the stirrer motor would catch fire which would in turn cause the internal pressure to build up and would result in an explosion. One that would not only destroy the no. 7 but also do unpredictable damage to the surrounding tanks. I didn't have anytime to sit around and pat myself on the back, if the launch was still going to happen I'd have to get to work on that immediately.
I encountered no one on my way to the Shinra 26, they were all in the meeting hall with the Captain. No doubt rehearsing proper etiquette. I set to work, with a clear mind. I had done it. I had found what was bothering me, now I just had a few hours to get it right, or the Captain's dreams would be shattered. As I opened the massive tool box I had lugged from the empty garage, tied up my hair, rolled up my sleeves, I promised myself that I would not leave until this was done. In the bowels of the shuttle no daylight could reach me, nothing but artificial light met my eyes and I had no perception of time. I worked harder than I ever had, I was doing a job that normally would keep three crew members busy for quite sometime. I had finished up no. 7 and I decided to try the technique on no. 8, who I had not found a steady unshakable problem with. My eyes were bleary and my body going into auto pilot.
I knew more time had passed than it felt like, but when I heard people taking enthusiastically above me, I panicked. It was time for the launch and I still hadn't finished my final scans of the efficiency of my repairs. I calmed myself. I could do this. I had to do this for him. He didn't reciprocate my affection but I couldn't help how I felt, and I wanted to bring him happiness. If I could get the rocket into space, even if it meant my life, I would do it for him. Knowing that I would help him achieve his dream strengthened my resolved and stopped the shaking of my hands as I fixed the inconsistencies in tank 7. No. 8 was still reading slightly off, but I had to try and figure out what was ailing it in such little time. An automatic announcement declared that there was three minutes until launch. A blaring siren started and the emergency lights flashed their blinding red bulbs. The crackle of the intercom erupted in my compartment.
"Hey goddammit! Who the fuck's still in there?" Cid screamed through the static.
" It's Shera, Captain. Don't mind me, go ahead with the launch. " I responded flatly. I had made my choice.
"Shera? What are you still doin' in there? " His voice was burdened with enough panic for both of us.
"I was still concerned. The results of the oxygen tank test weren't satisfactory." The scans were looking normal for no. 7.
"You stupid little bitch! It's gonna get so hot in there that there ain't gonna be SHIT left when we blast off! You're gonna be burnt to a crisp! You're gonna die! You know that, doncha?" His voice cracked in a mix of anger and terror.
" I don't mind. If I can just fix this, the launch will be a success. I'm almost done." The test was looking very good, this would work...
"Almost done? You're gonna die! " His electronically projected voice rang through the corridor. I was flattered by how concerned he was for me but, I couldn't get distracted. Not now.
There was a transmission from ground control that I could hear through his intercom.
"Cid, we must start the countdown. We won't make it if we don't! Starting engine!"
"Hey, wait a minute! Shera's still in here! " He shouted in outrage.
"What are you going to do, Cid? If we cancel now, it'll be another six months until the next launch! " Ground control sounded as if the answer was obvious.
"GODDAMMIT, Shera... you wanna make me a murderer? " He screamed at me.
"Captain!" I cried out. A smile he couldn't see on my face.
"Shera?" He retorted with hope, no doubt he was wishing I'd tell him I was scurrying out of the rocket.
" Tank Number 7 check is complete. Once I complete Tank Number 8, it's all clear." I had done it. It was flawless, 7 was saved.
"Come on, Shera... hurry up... You're gonna die.." He nervously pleaded with me.
"30 seconds until ignition. Beginning countdown. Cid! Forget about her. We won't make it in time." Ground control tried to reason with him.
"What... what am I ...What am I supposed to do...?" He sounded so torn, so terribly torn.
"15 seconds until ignition. Internal temperature rising."
I wiped the sweat from my brow, and pressed on. I would NOT fail him. Over the building tension of impending lift off I heard him quietly speaking to himself.
"Oh man, the moon... outer space... my dreams..."
My heart sunk into my stomach. No, no Cid don't. Please have faith in me... don't let this get away from you.
"Ignite engine." Announced ground control.
The tremor nearly knocked me down, but I clung to the oxygen tank feebly trying to read the results as they appeared on my scanner. I couldn't last like this, not too long. I only had a few minutes.. If not seconds. The engines were screaming, the flames would surely produce a heat to incinerate me, I had to make these last few moments matter. I heard it, heard his voice like a distant dream.
"SH--------------IT!"
The rocket lurched. I was thrown across the corridor where my head collided with tank 3 and I lost consciousness.
It was with intense pain and disorientation that I awoke. The room around me was dark and I couldn't ignore the screaming agony of my head and my left leg. I blinked slowly and saw I was in the medical ward in the rec hall. What had happened? How was I here? My heart felt like it was plunged into an ice bucket. He wouldn't abort... no. He couldn't have. I brought a weak hand to my head and felt a heavy bandage under my fingers. It was damp with what I knew was blood. My leg was severely bandaged as well. I felt like I had been pelted with rocks from every possible angle. My glasses were on the side table, the frames bent but the lenses still intact. I tried to sit up but couldn't. I was completely alone. Not a sound came from the rec room down the hall, I didn't hear any noise from the Doc's office. What had I done?
My sorrow deepened as the hours passed. I had no one to ask the questions that were eating me up inside. What he alive? Did he make it to space? What the hell had happened! I couldn't help but cry. Why was no one here? I needed to know... someone please... tell me. It was after what seemed like a hundred years Doctor Hoffman came to check on me.
"Oh you're awake." Was all he said. It wasn't happy, it wasn't anything.
"Doctor! What happened! Where's the Captain! Is he all right?" I was about to explode with anxiety.
"..." His fuzzy face was void of emotion. He checked my pulse and spoke to the bed sheets. "The Captain has a couple bad bruises and a few minor cuts but he'll survive."
"No..." I felt the thick tears roll onto my soaked pillow. "He didn't..."
"What did you think he'd do!" He asked me angrily. "He performed an emergency shut down to save you! Why were you even in there?"
"I..." I choked, but he didn't care to hear my answer.
"The rocket nearly crushed the base! It's leaning ominously over us as we speak! How could you do this to him? To us? The Space Program is currently suspended until the President decides upon the final fate of it. You understand? We might get shut down because of you!"
I thought that my heart had broken when Cid turned his lips away from me, but I realized now that was impossible. Because I felt it... it shattered and the fragments pierced my insides. I had done what I told myself I wouldn't... I failed him. Utterly and completely. I had destroyed his dream, what he had strived for his whole life... I had crushed it. I wished that this was a nightmare... someone would wake me up. Was this hell? Oh my god. What had I done? I couldn't do anything but weep.
I didn't receive any visitors. The only person I saw was the Doctor and he hadn't spoken to me since our conversation. After a few days he released me from his care and I was forced to face the people who had good right to hate me. It was apparent as soon as I entered the rec room the damage that had been caused by the failed launch. The broken windows were covered in plastic and large holes in the walls had been patched. I couldn't take it in. I had devastated everything I tried to protect. I exited the building in the light of the setting sun. the Doc was right. It hung over my head, the rocket was leaning eerily as if it would come crashing down upon us at any minute. I did that. I was responsible. The other buildings were also in disarray. Trees were up rooted and had been thrown into or collapsed upon the meeting hall. It was completely destroyed. The barracks were still intact, and the garage had been partially demolished, I could still see the Tiny Bronco, there was some surface damage but it wasn't totaled.
My left leg was sporting a new nasty burn that would turn into a horrible scar in only a matter of time. But that seemed so little punishment for what I had brought upon these people that were like my family. I trudged to the barracks, emptiness devouring me. I didn't deserve to be alive, I wished I was dead. If there was any justice... I would be. I kept my head down as I moved through the hall. I didn't want to see how the crew members were looking at me. I got to my door and found it already open. They had trashed it. Everything I owned was strewn around or broken. They had written on my walls, broken my mirrors, shredded my clothes, I simply stared. I deserved this, I couldn't get upset. I think I had met my limit of misery. A hand gently patted my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't here to stop them." Said Donnie's voice by my ear. I shook my head the tears falling silently,
"No. It's okay. I understand."
"I know whatever you were doing... you didn't mean for this to happen." He said sadly. I knew he was just as mad as everyone else, maybe he had worked through it. He knew I wasn't malicious, just stupid.
"I deserve this." I said firmly and walked into my ruined room. I didn't want to look at him. I wanted to disappear.
"I'll help you straighten up." I heard his boots crunch on the broken glass of my mirror.
"That's okay." I heard my voice quaver.
"I wasn't asking. I'm going to."
I lost it. Sitting in the middle of my dilapidated room I burst into a wave of tears. I was sure I had used them all but there seemed to be no shortage in sight. For the first time since I had awoken, I was hugged. Donnie wrapped his arms around me and let me cry on his shoulder silently. It was days before I could bare to speak to anyone, I apologized to them all. It was still painful for them, but for the most part they understood I hadn't done it on purpose. I knew they all resented me, but I expected it. I was still alive, even though I prayed to die to end my agony. It was only a matter of time until there was only one last person I had to apologize to. I hadn't seen Cid for even a second. He was avoiding me, I couldn't blame him. I had to find him, I knew he hated me, but I had to tell him I never meant for this to happen.
----------Final Fantasy VII, direct quotes, and all related characters are © Square-enix----------------