"How'd you get it?" I tried hard not to sound accusatory, knowing that it wasn't easy to deal with. I assumed, naturally, that it had been from fucking some random stranger, although fortunately I was able to keep that to myself. Close, it turned out, but not quite what I had pictured.
"Well, you know when April…uh…" Good Lord, did I remember that! I nodded in response. "A couple nights before that…I went out with her. And we went to this club. She went somewhere with some guy, y'know, shooting up? And I was never into that, but…I couldn't stop her. But this guy…real sleazebag…came up to me. Wanted to fuck. Guy must'a slipped something in my drink, cause I remember screaming at him, then everything is blank from there. I woke up in a weird bed, worst hangover ever, no harm done, or so I thought. I was used to waking up like that. I never got tested for anything, figured I'd had trashy sex, but used a condom. I always do. But then, the other day, I see the guy on the news—I'll always remember that greasy, rat-like guy. He got busted for dealing and a couple counts of date-rape stuff. Obviously I got really shaken up, so I got tested. I didn't think it would be positive. I had to tell Joanne. That's why I got thrown out. Been living on the streets with squeegee man the past couple of nights…that's how I got sick with this—cold, I guess."
"Jesus, Mo…" I didn't know what to think—it was a lot to take in. I didn't know if I could completely trust her story or not, but I had no real reason to doubt her. We sat there in silence for a long moment, and I knew hard this must have been for her. She was taken by a coughing fit that scared the living daylights out of me. I got her a glass of water, trying to sort out my thoughts.
"Have you gotten…"
"AZT? Yep. And now I can join the cool kids with this," she said, gesturing to her beeper. We exchanged hopelessly forced smiles before dropping the pretenses.
"Does Mark…?"
"Know? No. I um…I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep with him after…but…oh Jesus I hope I didn't…" Her eyes widened so much that I thought they might pop out, reflecting my inner fear.
"You have to tell him as soon as possible, Mo, so he can get tested."
"He's going to die when he finds out. God, I am such an idiot…"
"Hey, no you're not…it wasn't your fault." She got up clumsily, heading towards the bathroom, puking out the contents of her stomach. I pulled her unruly curls back as she vomited, and helped her to her feet when she was through. I shifted uncomfortably.
"Mo…can I call Mimi up here? I…uh…she's better at this…comforting…than I am." She looked a little scared, and extremely worn out.
"Can…we just wait until tomorrow? I don't feel like telling anyone else just yet. I can't deal with it tonight." I nodded and led her back over to the couch, back in paternal mode, tucking her in before heading towards my own room.
"Hey Rog?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"What are friends for, right? Plus, we're in the same boat now. We need to look out for one another." I looked back as she smiled sleepily, her eyelids heavily drooping shut. She looked somehow sweetly sexy and intriguing…
"Yeah…" She whispered this softly as she drifted of. I had a sudden urge to go over and kiss her, but I refrained.
"Sleep tight, sweetheart," it was now my turn to whisper, confident she hadn't heard me, as sadness seeped throughout my body, feeling hopeless and like all to soon, my family was coming down with me. Fan-fucking-tastic. Despite all that, I couldn't help myself from selfishly thinking that maybe now I could find a way to be with her, maybe now I had a chance, mentally screaming at myself for being an asshole, especially given that I had Mimi. Maureen didn't even want me in the first place! What the hell is wrong with me?