Chapter 2

"So... Are we going to try this again?"

I looked at Sean's fingers intertwined with mine and glanced shyly back at him. "Yeah." I bit my lower lip as I tried to wipe the ridiculous grin off my face, but it didn't really work.

Sean looked away for a second and shook his head with a small chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothin'," he answered, that silly look still on his face. He was secretly laughing at me on the inside, but I decided not to push it. After all, we had just made up after our fight on the school steps at lunch.

His grip on my fingers was relaxed and he leaned on his side against his locker. "Maybe we should do something you want to do this time?"

"What made you think I didn't enjoy the movie?"

"Maybe it was the laughing or maybe all the comments you and Marco made throughout the entire movie."

"You can't watch Elimination Round Three and not snark!" I defended. I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe we could just grab some coffee or something after my co-op?"

"Sounds good. I'll meet you at the station."

We leaned in slowly for another small kiss, and I smiled against his lips. He squeezed my hand before letting it go and heading down the hallway, looking back once or twice.

I blinked slowly and stared at the red numbers on the digital clock on the night stand. It was two-thirty in the afternoon, and I was still in bed. Even better, I was still in my clothes from the day before. When your heart is breaking, you don't really bother to change into your pajamas.

It was a mistake, though. I should have changed. And I shouldn't have laid down in this bed last night. My clothes smelled like the beach and the sheets smelled like Sean. I turned my head and dug my nose deep into the pillow, taking in the scent. A fresh wave of tears spilled out of my eyes and dampened the pillow. I cried silently for awhile, sniffling every now and then, and ashamed of the hot tears sliding down my cheeks, leaving their trails for everyone to see. Well, maybe not everyone, but I would see them the next time I looked in the mirror.

Would it be completely disgusting if I never washed these sheets again?

The numbers on the clock changed to three o' clock, and I knew then I was in trouble of becoming one of those dippy girls on soap operas that lay around in bed all day and wail when they fight with their boyfriend. Except my hair and makeup wasn't immaculate, and I wasn't wearing the latest designer duds from Neiman-Marcus.

I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position and placed my feet on the ground. The hardwood floors were cold to the touch, and I remembered how warm the sand had been in Wasaga Beach. I had taken my shoes off while Jay and I sat in the sand as Sean meditated or whatever, staring out at the ocean. Emma had walked by, mentioning that she was going to talk to him, and I remember my heart jumping in my throat. I sent a glare at her back as she walked towards him. I hated that she thought she knew him better than me. She acted as if she knew what was best for him, and I was just holding him back.

And when Sean had flipped the jet ski... I'll never forgive her for looking at me as if I was to blame. Or that she got to him first after Tyler pulled him out. It should have been me urging him to open his eyes, not her. But she had gotten to him first, and I've never been good at doing anything when I'm scared. All I could do was watch helplessly as Tyler ran into the water, and all I could do was run my shaking fingers through his hair as Emma rubbed her hands over his chest.

Maybe I was to blame. Maybe if I hadn't said anything to him before he went out, he never would have gotten angry, and he never would have driven so dangerously. I should have just kept my mouth shut and tried not to get him to talk to me.

It was so hard, though. The days after the shooting were unbearable. Sean wouldn't talk to me, and I didn't even know what to say. I've always been able to voice my opinion and put my two-cents in when Marco's having troubles, but I had no idea what to say to my own boyfriend.

Apparently, Emma knew what to say to him.

I sighed and stood up slowly from the bed. Here I am acting like a jealous freak about Emma Nelson. I shouldn't even care.

But I do.

She knew how to talk to him. She knew exactly what words he needed to hear. All I could do was tell him I loved him everyday. Silly me, I thought that would be enough...

My cell phone rang, and my heart leapt. It was Sean. He was calling to tell me that he missed me terribly and couldn't sleep without me by his side. He was going to say he made a huge mistake and couldn't bear to breathe if I wasn't breathing the same air. I grabbed my cell phone with trembling hands and looked at the caller I.D.

Marco.

My face crumpled, and I threw the phone onto the bed. No way did I want to speak to Marco right now. I'm sure he'd ask why I skipped out of school yesterday and why I didn't come today. What was I supposed to say? Sorry, but my boyfriend bailed on me, and I'm too depressed?

I wiped furiously at my eyes. I shouldn't be crying. He's coming back. He didn't tell me he was staying in Wasaga forever. He just said he didn't know how long. And if he loves me as much as I love him, he won't be able to stay away for long.

I stumbled into the bathroom and took a look at my face. Pale skin, mascara running under my eyes, and smudged eyeliner. At least I didn't look as bad as I felt. I turned shower on and stripped out of my clothes, tossing them on the floor. Maybe I'll feel better after a shower. I laughed out loud at my stupidity and stepped carefully into the shower. I turned around and allowed the hot water to hit me in the face and wash off all the grime from the day before. I barely even looked twice at the cut I had made on my arm the night before.

I picked up the bar of soap Sean always used. It had been worn down to a thin bar, and I lifted it to my nose. This is what he always smelled like- good, old-fashioned soap. It was musky with a hint of spice. Maybe I should write commercials for bars of soap.

Maybe I should just get a life. I dropped the soap in disgust and picked up my bottle of shampoo. I squeezed a good-sized amount in my palm and lathered it into my hair. I couldn't stop myself from thinking of all the times Sean had joined me in the shower... Marco always had a way of predicting things.

"Mind if I join you?"

I spun around and grabbed the shower curtain, pulling it around my naked body. "Sean!"

He chuckled and framed my face with his hands. "Ellie!"

"Don't..." I pouted. "We'll be late."

"Hey, I just want a shower. You're the one with all the ulterior motvies..." He pried the curtain away from me and let it settle back into place.

I relaxed when I saw the way his eyes lit up when he looked at me. He pulled me to him and ran his hands down my lower back. "You're so beautiful," he murmured in my ear.

I scrubbed furiously at the conditioner in my hair under the spray of the shower. Sean and I had been late for school that day, but I didn't care. All he had to do was tell me how beautiful I was, and I was pressed against the shower wall, legs wrapped around his waist and my lips crushed against his. I always had been easy.

I finished rinsing the shower gel off my body and turned the water off. I shivered as I climbed out and wrapped my towel around my body. I had forgotten to turn on the heat and goosebumps were already making their way up my legs. After drying off I discarded the towel and tied my bathrobe at my waist. I heard my cell phone go off again, and I ran towards the bedroom. That little ounce of hope was still there.

Marco again. "What do you want, Del Rossi?" I demanded into the phone.

"Come open the door. I've been knocking for hours."

I rolled my eyes and threw the phone on the bedcovers. Of course he would come over. At least I didn't look like a roadkill raccoon at the moment. I unlocked the door and pulled it open a crack.

"Yes?" I peered out.

"Where've you been?" He pushed past me into the apartment "I didn't see you yesterday. You weren't at school today. What's going on? Wait, are you and Sean like... doing it?"

I cleared my throat and shifted my weight to the other leg. "Sean's not here."

"Oh. Where's he at?"

"Um..." I cleared my throat again. "He's in Wasaga Beach."

"Where?"

"Wasaga Beach, Marco. Are you deaf?" I snapped without meaning to.

"What's he doing there? When did he leave? Is that why you weren't in school today? Are you okay?"

I knew he would do this. I knew he'd ask a series of questions that I couldn't answer. He always did this. I tightened the belt around my waist and shifted weight again. Anything to distract myself from answering the questions.

"Ellie..."

I glared at Marco. For being my best friend, he really knows how to get on my nerves.

"He's staying with his parents for awhile."

"Ohmigod... Ellie, I'm so sorry! You must be devastated." He pulled me into a tight hug and buried his face into my hair. "How are you holding up?"

I pushed him away and flicked my wet hair out of my face. "I'm fine, Marco. He's only staying there for a week or two. He's coming back."

Even I heard the uncertainty in my voice.

"You poor thing..." Marco whispered.

That was it. I didn't need his pity. I didn't need him to tell me that Sean was never coming back. I could do that enough for the both of us. "Listen, Marco, while I really appreciate you checking up on me, I really don't feel like hanging out. Okay?"

"You need to be around people right now, Ellie. So why don't you get dressed, and we can go to the Dot and hang with Paige and Ashley."

I clenched my fists and urged myself to not lose my cool. "What I need right now if for you to leave me alone. I don't want to be around anyone. I want to just relax in my apartment by myself. Got it?"

"Fine," he snapped. "I was just trying to help."

I didn't look him in the eye. "I know... I just..."

"Are you coming to school tomorrow?"

I shrugged a shoulder and scratched the back of my leg with my foot. "I don't know."

"Promise me you'll call me later?"

I didn't answer him. He sighed as he kissed the top of my head and squeezed my shoulder before leaving. He stuck his face back in before shutting the door. "Just don't listen to Bright Eyes or any other depressing stuff tonight, okay?"

I made myself laugh to convince him that I was going to be alright. "Whatever, Marco."

He left and suddenly I felt incredibly alone. I looked around at the quiet apartment and decided to just lock myself in the bedroom again. I could just watch TV the rest of the night or read a book or study for my history test coming up on Friday.

Or I could just lay there and wallow in my misery like I'd been doing the entire day so far.

I opted for the latter.

I turned my cell phone off and stuck it back in my bag so Marco wouldn't be able to interrupt me anymore. Then I pulled one of my Bright Eyes CDs out of my case and placed it in my CD player. I pulled the comforter around me and stared at the ceiling as I listened the lyrics.

I tried to convince myself it was just to spite Marco.

But I knew better than that.

Hi! I'm here. I'm still alive! Here is chapter two, and I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all the lovely reviews! And I was being sarcastic about the "needing five reviews to write another chapter" thingamajig. I would NEVER do that! I write because I like to, not to get a million reviews!

Next chapter: Ellie will return to school. There will probably be cameos from Ashley, Paige, Marco, Jay, and Alex.

I'm also in the middle of my next chapter for Desperado, so that should be coming out soon, too!

Reviews/Regrets/Suggestions always welcome!