2014

"What are you looking at, sweetie?" Lyn asked.

Bianca shrugged as she turned another page over. She had nothing better to do than sit curled up on the couch and leaf through the Grimoire. Her mother seemed to have completely forgotten it was her fifteenth birthday. No presents, no cards, no happy wishes, just another ordinary and boring day to be expended until the next arrived.

"Nothing in particular," Bianca answered, flipping over to the next page. "I've just never really looked through this before."

"Well if you ever need to find something, you only have to ask me where it is," Lyn offered genuinely as she dropped the washing basket to the floor. She lifted one of the shirts from the top and began folding as she watched her daughter. "You don't have to mindlessly flip through it."

Bianca stopped at the page she was on, her hand flat on the book as she lifted her head and glared at her mother. Did she really think that she was that incapable of doing something herself? And exactly how trustworthy was her memory if she couldn't even remember when her only child was born?

The phone rang and Lyn was quick to move towards it, dropping the washing from her hands back into the basket. Bianca watched her go, drawing in the breath she had forgotten to take as she settled back into the chair. Her gaze returning to the book on her lap, she removed her hand and looked at the page before her. Raising a spirit from the dead. She smirked at the thought of resurrecting her father, because at least then she'd have one parent to celebrate with.

Lyn was not gone for long. She came back, picking up the next item from the basket and began folding more rapidly.

"I suggest you go get ready, honey. We're going out."

"Out? Out where?" Bianca questioned.

"To a restaurant. For your birthday." Lyn was grinning now as she looked at her daughter, blindly folding under the pillowcase in her hand. Bianca stared at her in bewilderment. "What? Did you think I'd forgotten? There's still time. You're not fifteen yet – have to wait until seven past nine for that."

"But…" Bianca started. She didn't know what to say, still trying to piece together whether her mother had really forgotten or was just really good at surprising people. She folded the book closed and placed it next to her on the couch. "Is Aunt Kate coming?"

"No, sweetie. She's in London. You'll probably hear from her tomorrow."

Bianca pushed herself off the couch, taking the book with her as she stood. Crossing the room to the metal wall unit she placed the book back up on the shelf, sliding it in-between the faded copy of Sleeping Beauty and her mother's crinkled copy of one of those John Grisham novels she was so fond of, pausing and looking back at her mother before completely letting it go.

"What should I wear?" she asked.

"Something dark and pretty," Lyn suggested.

Bianca kept her eyes trained on her mother's lean frame, not completely sure why the washing suddenly seemed more interesting than her. She looked back down to the floor.

"Um, I'll find something."

Shuffling her feet she headed back to her room. A solid oak armoire sat against the wall, one her mother had radically bought on a whim a few years ago. This she opened and stared at the contents inside. She wasn't sure exactly what her mother wanted her to wear, and most things fitting that description were summer clothes. She'd need an incredibly warm jacket to suffice with that.

"You haven't found anything yet?" Lyn questioned as she carried Bianca's clothes into her room and dumped them on the edge of the bed.

Bianca sighed. "I'm looking."

"Just," Lyn started, sounding a little irritated at her dalliance. She reached past Bianca into the closet and pulled out something appropriate, throwing it onto the bedspread. "Wear that."

Bianca glanced at the clothes, her mother shutting the door forcefully behind her as she left. It frustrated Bianca to no end that her mother was acting the way she was after only filling her in last minute.

"You could have told me sooner!" Bianca snapped at the closed door.

By the time she emerged in the living room, Bianca noticed that she had been a lot quicker than her mother. She heard the running water stop and realised her mother would only be getting dressed now. She didn't understand why she had to rush around if her mother was going to take her time.

Spying her mother's handbag on the chair, she quickly glimpsed towards the doorway before guardedly opening it up. Her hand snaking inside she found what she was looking for and pulled it back out. She opened the small black date book into the palm of her hand and flicked to November 7th. There was nothing written there – no birthday, no dinner – it was blank. She flicked progressively through the days before it and found they had all been filled with various activities and short-hand notes of kills. But again, no mention of her birthday. She thought surely there would have been a reminder to book the restaurant, or to buy a gift, but she found nothing that remotely represented that. In a last ditch effort to prove her mother really had planned tonight, that she did actually care and hadn't been reminded by that abstract phone call, she skipped ahead a few days. There were many names there she didn't recognise, most likely because they were her mother's next targets. Dissuaded, she let the book fall closed in her hand.

"I hope you're ready, Bianca," Lyn called out as she passed the front door on her way back.

Bianca jumped at the sound of her voice. She hadn't been listening out and now her mother was closer than she thought. She dropped the book back into the open slit and whirled around, her hands clasped behind her back as if she was still holding it and hiding the fact she had been skimming through it. Lyn looked at her curiously as she stopped in the centre of the room, fastening the last diamond earring into her ear.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Lyn asked.

"Nothing," Bianca said, shaking her head quickly.

Lyn walked behind one of the other armchairs, leaning down to pick up her shoes. With her view obstructed, Bianca took the opportunity to quickly turn back to the handbag, pulling the zip closed and then returning to that same position, this time her hands in front. Lyn straightened, carrying her shoes around the chair before sitting in it to pull them on. Slipping her foot into the heel of the second she glanced up to see Bianca still hadn't moved. She smiled at her.

"If something's bothering you, you can tell me," she said.

"I'm fine," Bianca answered shortly.

"Go get in the car then. Don't want to be late."

Bianca's gaze shifted away from her mother. She wasn't the one dragging her heels. Why did her mother always have to turn things back onto her? She walked quickly to the front doorway, taking hold of the handle and pulling it open. She could hear the jangle of keys as her mother followed her out, Bianca keeping at least eight steps ahead of her as she headed along the corridor and down to the bottom of the building.

They turned onto the Embarcadero, and then down another side street before pulling up nearby a restaurant that had shiny glass doors out the front. Bianca stared out the window. It didn't look like a place her mother would think to take her, it looked very adult, probably flashy. Her mother chaperoned her to the red brick out the front. Bianca glanced up; saw the white letters spelling out Piperade.

"Here's my two fine young ladies," she heard a male voice say. Startled, she jumped back a little and saw a dark man round the corner. It was Abe. "So glad you could make it."

"How are you, Abe?" Lyn asked, stepping towards him and giving him a short hug as well as a kiss on the cheek.

Bianca looked at him quizzically, confused by his sudden appearance. What was he doing here? The way her mother had been talking it was only them. She'd never liked Abe, not since the day she met him, and she didn't understand why her mother would even think to invite him along. As she followed them inside she began to notice more and more that it sounded like he had invited them, that he had organised all this, not her mother.

"I've booked a table for three. At seven," Abe said to the maitre d.

"Right this way," he answered after finding their reservation.

Guiding them across the oak flooring and past both round and square tables covered with white tablecloths and either red or blue striped runners he stopped by a table set for four by the far wall. Placing the menus down Bianca took a seat next to her mother as Abe sat across from them, nodding genially at the man.

"Are we expecting someone else?" Bianca asked, slightly bitter at having been left out of certain details.

Lyn laughed, taking her daughter by the head and pulling her closer as she kissed the top. "No, honey, of course not. You don't need a big gathering for your special day."

It infuriated Bianca to hear her mother say that, to make so little of her birthday that she would go so far as to voice the thought that everyone cared just as little as she did. She gripped the edge of her seat angrily as her mother let her go and she straightened up again. Abe picked up the menu, looking it over with concentrated thought.

"Shall we order?" he questioned.

"It all looks so delicious," Lyn stated.

Bianca pried first one hand off the chair, then the other, and reached up to the table to open her menu. It all looked complicated, and much more expensive than she would have thought, even though she had never really been to a fancy restaurant such as this before. She glanced over to her mother who had obviously already decided what to have and had folded her menu back down onto the table. She was waving around her expensive jewellery as she chatted and laughed with Abe. Fancy restaurants, lavish jewellery, it was all usual business to her. All the expensive things, even the imported stuff in their apartment, it was all bought with blood money – money that had changed hands into Lyn's for succeeding in her latest kill. It sickened Bianca to think that everything she owned came at the expense of someone else's life.

"Having trouble, sweetie?" Lyn asked as Bianca turned back to the menu and screwed her nose up at the dish that contained broccoli.

"You should only eat something light," Abe suggested. "I can choose for you if you like."

"I'm not a little girl," Bianca snapped.

"I know you're not. That's why we brought you out tonight," Abe said, seemingly not noticing her attitude towards him.

"C'mon, sweetie, they have to take our order," Lyn urged, giving her menu a little tug to draw her attention back to it.

Bianca randomly picked something off it that sounded at least halfway edible, watching as the waiter quickly picked up all the menus and raced off. She kicked the floor with the base of her shoe, sliding it along aimlessly as she listened to her mother and Abe droning on about things she didn't know anything about or had absolutely no interest in. This wasn't fun at all. She was beginning to wish her mother had completely forgotten her birthday then she could have at least found something interesting to do at home.

The plates were soon placed in front of them and Bianca was stunned at how big they were, and the enormous portions of food that were piled on top. She had no idea how one person would be able to eat it all, let alone a small girl like her. She picked up the fork, stabbing at it, looking for a good place to start.

"Bianca, use the knife, that's what it's there for," her mother scolded.

Bianca glared sideways at her mother, snatching the knife off the table and then using both utensils to cut into her meal. She raised the first piece to her mouth, pausing briefly to glance at them both in case they wanted to tell her the proper way to eat as well. Neither of them were paying attention, instead savouring their own meals. Internally she was relieved that she could eat in peace. She seemed to be the slowest though; her careful precision due to that slight paranoia left her with half a plate of food yet to be consumed whilst the other two had cleaned theirs up. She tried to speed up, not wanting her mother to rush her to finish before she could.

"Are you done?" the waiter asked, leaning down towards her with his hand on the edge of her plate. She nodded. She couldn't finish no matter how hard she tried. He took the two empty plates and placed her one on top, the table absolutely clear now except for a few wine glasses which Abe and Lyn were drinking from.

"We bought you a present," Abe suddenly announced.

Bianca stared at him blankly. Why did he have to keep pluralising everything? It wasn't like he and her mother were involved, at least not that she knew about. Of course he had been around her whole life, but she hardly ever saw him, and he'd never given her a gift before. He placed a long black box on the table, a red ribbon fastened neatly around it. Bianca looked from the box up to his face then glanced over to her mother. Lyn smiled pleasantly, encouragingly. Bianca pulled the box towards her, tugging on the red ribbon. It looked like a jewellery box, long and slender, and she imagined it would be a highly expensive bracelet or something of the sort lying inside. She didn't even really care, she didn't want presents from a man she disliked, and even if it was partially from her mother, Lyn still had yet to voice an opinion over it. She felt her mother's hand on her shoulder and looked to see that she was getting up and trying to slip past her.

"I'm going to get some air," she said.

Bianca looked down sadly as she left. Her mother didn't even want to watch her open her present. Abe seemed quite eager for her to reveal the very thing he had given, leaning his chin on his clasped hands as he leant closer, his elbows pressing into the table's surface. Bianca took the top off the box and saw that there was something wrapped in red velvet inside. She threaded her thumb underneath it, pulling it out.

"Be careful now," Abe warned.

She almost wanted to not be, just so she could do something that wasn't what he was telling her. She began peeling the fabric away, and once the lights caught on the metal she dropped it to the table as if it had caught fire. The velvet fell away showing the pointy tip and glistening metal of the dagger lying upon it. Hurt, confused, and even a little angry she stared at her 'present', her gaze soon travelling back up to Abe's face as she realised she was seeing correctly and it wasn't just some illusion. He was happy. She could see it on his face, in his eyes. What did he expect from her? The same kind of jubilation? He couldn't honestly believe she'd find that useful. It wasn't something you gave to a fifteen year old. It wasn't something you gave to anyone. There was a prickling sensation riding up the back of her neck. She felt as if everyone was watching her now, seeing the weapon on the table, jumping to all kinds of conclusions over what it was doing there and what kind of danger now surrounded them. Bianca fumbled to cover the dagger back up, pushing it back towards Abe as if she was rejecting the gift and every bit of its existence. He covered it with his own heavy hand and pushed it back towards her, the joy leaving his face as his expression became serious once more.

"You're going to use this," he said authoritatively. Bianca immediately became anxious. "That man over by the bar, in the corner, he's been working undercover for some lower levels demons, but taking a bit of his own on the side. You're going to kill him. We'll be waiting for you outside."

Bianca's stomach turned, her heart thumping in her chest as Abe made good on his word, getting up and leaving her on her own with her 'gift' lying on the table before her. She glanced over her shoulder to the back corner where the bar met the wall, seeing a man sitting on his own having a quiet drink. She looked back to the covered dagger, wondering what exactly she should do. Should she warn the man? Should she just do what Abe was telling her to? She didn't even know how to kill someone. At least she knew why her mother had left now; Abe had wanted her to do this on her own. She was wrapped up in the heights of anxiety and confusion, the only thing she felt capable of doing was pushing her chair back. As she did so it seemed the man had caught on to what was going on, even if she was still lost. She stood, picking up the weapon with the fabric still wrapped around it, taking a step towards the man who by now appeared to be a little frightened. Before she even reached him he vaulted over the bar and ran for the back room, knocking one of the bartenders on the way. Instinct took over and she did the same, leaping from the chair to the bar surface and over to the other side. She chased him through what looked to be the kitchen, but could have been a storeroom for all she knew. It was a blur of metal objects and white walls. The velvet managed to snag on something as she ran, yanking everything from her hand. The metal dagger clattered against the floor and she stopped, glancing back to see the red velvet hanging from some extended object, waving like a red flag. Her breathing short, she took a step back and collected the dagger from the floor, leaving the velvet where it was. She'd lost sight of the man now, but as she rounded the corner she saw there was another doorway. Pushing it open she found it led out to a back alley somewhere. She looked up and down the length of the alley, spying two shadowed figures near the end. She headed that way, recognising the forms as her mother and Abe, feeling a little embarrassed that she had lost sight of the man. As she came closer she saw there was a third figure lying on his back on the ground – the man she had been chasing. He tried to move away from them, but Bianca could see it was a seemingly futile cause. Something appeared to be wrong with his legs. Abe stood at the man's feet, and Bianca had no doubt that he may have had something to do with that. Lyn raised her hand and generated an energy ball. The man on the ground held up his hands, turning his head to the side and squeezing his eyes closed. Abe grabbed her wrist, pulling it down.

"No, Lyn, she has to do it. She has to learn," he said.

"Learn what?" Bianca asked desperately, hoping he'd lie to her, that this was all just a bad dream she was going to wake up from any moment.

"You know what you have to do," Abe said, stepping aside.

"No, I don't! I don't know what you want from me!" she cried.

"See, this is why I told you not to keep her from this for so long," Abe said to Lyn.

"Bianca, sweetie, just do your job," Lyn coaxed. "It won't hurt."

Reminded of those same words from when she was nine, Bianca felt slightly more at ease. Unsteadily she took a step forward, looking down at the fearful face of the man, the dagger loose in her hand. She crouched down next to him, wanting to offer him a little help or kindness but not knowing how to deliver it. She needed to convince herself this was right, and the only peace of mind she could offer to herself was that his legs were so damaged he probably would never be able to walk again. By doing this she would spare him some pain and misery.

She looked away as she brought down the dagger, the point embedding into his chest. Nothing seemed to happen. It was if the world had become still. She looked back to the man, just to assure herself she had actually done something. She could see the blood starting to slowly seep up through his clothes, circling where the dagger was sitting. The man coughed, as if breaking the silence, Bianca closing her eyes as she felt something wet hit her face.

"Oh, seriously Lyn, didn't you teach her anything?" Abe bellowed. "If she was going to torture the guy, sure, but this was a straight kill through and through. She's just punctured his lung; she didn't kill him at all."

"Well if you'd let me finish it…" Lyn argued.

"No! Bianca, do it again. Do it and get it right this time!" Abe ordered.

Although she hadn't wanted to do it in the first place, Bianca felt ashamed that she'd managed to screw it up on her first try. She pulled the dagger back slowly, watching the blood bubble to the surface as it discovered new openings to the wound. Dagger in the air, she hesitated to do any more.

"To the right, Bianca. You need to hit the heart," Abe instructed. She could feel his eyes burning into her, knowing he was furious that she wasn't doing things right; that she wasn't even moving when he told her to. "Do it, Bianca. Do it!"

She cringed as his voice boomed at her, insisting she do it, shaking as if it was physically affecting her. The phrase kept repeating over in her mind until she closed her eyes, pulling her hand back to her shoulder and bringing the dagger down with twice as much force. It felt like she had just hit water, the feeling of something sinking, the spatter of droplets returning to hit her with the breaking of resistance. She opened her eyes, yanking the dagger out this time. More blood covered the man beneath her, and she saw to her surprise that he didn't disappear, not like the ones her mother killed, not like the demons they were meant to go after. Abe had fooled her into presuming he was one, but he wasn't. He was a human being, and she had just murdered him for whatever foul activities he had or had not committed. She absently wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and discovered it was bloody as well. Her skin had been stained with the residue of her first kill. It disgusted her, even scared her that she knew she was capable of doing this now. At least before she had been able to delude herself by not participating – not that she'd ever been given the choice before, it was only now things had just come to light, and still she had done what she'd been told.

She let the dagger fall to the ground, her hand opening wide as if she was too weak to be able to hold anything anymore, even to support her own limbs as her hand fell away. She stared vacantly at the ground, her mind blank, everything going completely numb.

"Take me home. Take me home, now," she said assertively.

Lyn nodded, pulling her to her feet, glancing at Abe as she took a step towards the exit. He turned his head towards the body lying on the ground, the bloody carcass of Bianca's first kill. There was no joy or sadness on his face, just that same serious look from when he had told Bianca to kill the man.

"I'll get the cleanup crew in," Abe said.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket as Lyn guided her daughter up the alleyway. Bianca wrapped her arms around herself, noticing as she did the time on her watch. It was seven past nine. This wasn't a birthday; it was never planned that way. It was just their sick idea of recruiting her into the Phoenix coven at the moment she turned fifteen.

They rode in silence all the way home. Bianca didn't know if she could crush herself any further against the door than she already was. She stared out the window as the scenery passed by, not one building or image registering in her mind. All she wanted was to just get away, get away from the blood, the shame, and the lies. She noticed her mother kept glancing over to her as she drove, probably wondering what she was thinking. Where her mother was concerned she doubted she could ever trust her again. Everything was a falsity when it came to her. The only thing Bianca craved at the moment was her bed where she could just wrap herself up in mindless dreams, where she could be carried away from the atrocities of tonight.

"Bianca, do you…?" Lyn started as they returned back to their apartment.

"No, I'm going to bed," Bianca said, already steps ahead of her as she headed for her room.

"I think you should get cleaned up," Lyn said softly.

Bianca stopped, looking down at the blood that caked around her fingernails; that was smeared in various patches across her skin. Without a word she turned back, avoiding her mother's eyes as she brushed past her and headed for the bathroom. She hopped into the shower, scrubbing at her skin, watching as it began to turn a little red both from the hot water and the intensity of her cleaning.

Her mother seemed to have disappeared when she got out, and she had to admit she was a little grateful for it. She dressed in her fresh, clean pyjamas and curled up under her sheets, pulling the quilt up tight against her chest. She closed her eyes, laying there for a few moments as she tried to convince herself to sleep. Her mind wasn't going to let her though; it suddenly became active at the quiet, replaying the scenes over and over in her mind. Hearing those same words, feeling those same feelings, the splatter of blood against her skin that she was sure she had washed off in the shower. It wouldn't leave her, the memory haunted her until her stomach churned and she had to climb back out of bed to find the bathroom. Hunkering over the toilet she found she couldn't even expel the contents of her stomach, dry retching being only the furthest she could reach. She collapsed to the floor, tears filling her eyes and spilling over her cheeks. No matter what she did she knew those memories weren't going to go away. She knew those feelings weren't going to go away – the helplessness, the revulsion, the shame, the pain of taking a human life, the hurt of having been lied to and tricked into a lifestyle she never wanted. She knew it wasn't going to disappear, not ever. It was here to stay now. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her head into her arms as she started to cry. Her throat choked up with the sobbing as the tears brushed her skin, and all the while she tried to keep herself quiet so her mother wouldn't think badly about her for being as weak as this.