Well, it's been a while. This is the continued chapter, anyone still reading? no?

Anyway, thanx a million to Hinigeshi-san for beta-reading.

Chapter 3 Vengeance

These wounds won't seems to heal

This pain is just too real

"Did anyone at all ever tell us that the emotional state would have an effect on our ability to heal? No? For regular human, that's true, but for shinigami, it's not. But this is…"

"It hasn't healed entirely, it should have by now though.." Watari studied Hisoka's hands as he dressed the wound. Unconcious green eyes showed nothing at all, only looking beyond anything and out the window, solitary and unprotected. Watari could only worry and informed him to take care of himself none the less.

Kachou had given the week off for Hisoka to rest as well. Everyone in the department tried to cheer him up in several ways, sometimes it almost drove him to the point of frustration. He would glare at them with the silent words 'leave me alone' cleary written on his face. Everyone understand now how his partner's death affect him this much. They knew Hisoka wouldn't have any intention to hurt other people's feelings, unless they deserved it of course. Back then, however, there used to be only one…only one who would keep pestering him until he had burst…Tsuzuki.

---'You read lots of books, do you? Hmm? What's that? Words of Wisdom?Ne ne, can you tell me one?'

'I have only one nerve left…and you're getting on it.'

'Meany! Hisoka! Couldn't you say anything better?'

'Of all the things I've lost…'

'Hisoka…?'

'…I've missed my mind the most.'

'Oww!'---

After a few weeks, Hisoka insisted that he could work, so Tatsumi got him a few easy paperwork, maybe it would be better to keep his mind on something else. But things had changed, he messed up his time schedule, his work not reaching the standard, and he would eat little if nothing at all. He didn't have any books in his hand in free time. All he did after work was sitting, and staring into space.

No one could predict what was on his mind now.

When Hisoka came home, he threw his jeans jacket on the coat rack carelessly, watching it fall off the coathanger with no interest. His small house was now a complete mess; books, clothes, and various stuffs all around the place. He recalled how he used to inform a certain person to keep his apartment up more tidy since he tends to bump into anything in his way when he was there. Sometimes, out of irritation, he even clean things up for Tsuzuki.

And he always found pictures in Tsuzuki's mess. A picture of him, and a picture of everyones in their division. Hisoka never understand much why the picture was meant to be taken., but whenever he went undercover for a case, there were always those group of girls and boys that wanted his picture, or Tsuzuki's.

That's when he eyed over a small a picture frame on the dresser. It's brown wooden carved frame showed a picture of both himself and Tsuzuki. The latter was smiling, as he held Hisoka just over the shoulder, in Sunflower field. Hisoka recalled the Summon department went on a short so-called vacation. Without knowing, Tsuzuki had casually crept behind Hisoka's back, and pulled him close along with the sunflower that touched the boy's cheeks. When Hisoka started to glare, it was too late, Watari had already snapped the picture. Which, after printed out, Tsuzuki said it was the best shot.

Tsuzuki insisted him on having one. If that weren't enough, the man bothered to go over putting it in the picture frame he bought from Chijoh, proceeding to place it on one of Hisoka's shelves back home. And he actually smiled a lot when later he came, and found that it was still there.

Now Hisoka understood sometimes human just look at the picture when they missed that person. With that thought, he walked over to the shelf, grabbing the frame and putting it face down.

Then he flopped down tiredlessly on a once comfortable couch. But it seems not comfortable anymore, maybe any other things would too. He realized sometimes he would seek for himself a comfort from anything in the world…blankets, books, tea, anything not human. But that was before he met Tsuzuki.

No one ever took his hand, but Tsuzuki did. When he was just a small child, Hisoka stretched out his hand to his mother, hoping for a hand bigger than his own to reach out for him too. It never came. But now, someone took it, and he was caught up and held close in the arms of a man who had come to reveal all things to him, more than all things else, the positive side of human affection, whether it be in what form.

His world must have began with Tsuzuki and as well, ended with him.

"He's not getting any better."

"I know."

Watari commented as Tatsumi answered dryly knowing well there's nothing much they could do, but only watched.

"Think we should talk it over with him," the Secretary spoke calmly, albeit slightly nervous.

"Yeah, maybe it's time he should just forget things." As a doctor, Watari hoped that the boy could at least try not to think too much about things that happend.

"Why are you telling me this?" Hisoka spoke quietly, sitting over at the balcony in the coffee break room, gazing out at the cherry blossoms. Tatsumi and Watari sat across from him on the couch, and had just told the younger shinigami that he should try to forget about his partner.

Hisoka continued what he was saying. "I know it's just as hard for you two as me trying to forget about him. But you act as if things are fine, that you could accept what had happened. That everyone has begun to move on. But I'm the only one that can't because I'm just a kid?" At last, the boy turned to the Tatsumi and Watari.

"You have to get over it, Bon. We know there's more for you in future. Crying over something that had been…gone won't do anything." Watari spoke through trembled rythms. Tatsumi nodded, while Hisoka started to glare at the elders, which he rarely does before.

'You know damn well I can't.' Hisoka thought to himself. 'How can I ever forget about that baka. He turned his head away from the two again. Blond strands obscuring his face. I even miss…calling him that…a baka.'

"You won't be a kid forever, Kurosaki-kun." Tatsumi soothed him. "At least, for Tsuzuki-san's sake…"

At the mention of the name, Hisoka's head snapped back to them, his green eyes full of lamentation. "Stop it! I tried to, but I just can't forget him. Everyday, there's all the things that would remind me of him!" The boy started shouting. "Seeing you Tatsumi-san would remind me of how he transformed into his stupid puppy form when he got scolded! Seeing Watari-san would remind me of how he used to get trapped being you genuine pig when you traded him food!" He can't bring himself to say more as he started choking with tears but all the thoughts were all in his mind… 'Of Kannuki, of how he have all her homemade sweets that made him perked up the entire day. Terazuma, how he got onto his nerve and bringing both of them to a dead match. Kachou, of how he sweatdrop when he gets money but only for sovenirs. Gushoshins, of how he jumped out off his skin when they appeared behind him.'

Everyone and even everything would remind him of Tsuzuki.

The outburst had left Tatsumi and Watari speechless. What could they possibly say to the boy? Watari drew closer to Hisoka, trying to provide all the comfort that he could.

"Bon…"

Hisoka wiped his eyes, pushing Watari away, and left the room in haste, ignoring his seniors calling out his name.

The scientist could only watched in distress. When he turned to Tatsumi, he saw blue eyes were just as troubled. "He might…never make it." The secretary put in. "He hasn't been himself all this time."

Watari listened, striding to the open window, and laid his hands on the sills. The next moment he banged his fist on it with a cursed, causing his white skin hand to swell, but slowly it healed. The silence consumed. As Tatsumi still sat, his hand clenched and unclenched.

"Some people, just need someone to be themselves." Watari revealed. "He's definitely not mourning over Tsuzuki's death, but bearing the guilt of how he couldn't save Tsuzuki."

"So," Tatsumi murmured, almost to himself. "What...now?"

Hisoka fell on his bed, lying there for God knows how long. After bursting out of the office, he just came straigt home. Grabbing the pillow between hands, he buried his face in it. His shoulders shook, and he started sobbing, tears leaking out and soaking the clothes. "Tsuzuki…Tsuzuki…Tsuzuki…" Repeating the name of his lost partner over and over again, he cried, wondering why the damn tears never stop.

Back then, Tsuzuki would already be here with him, comforting him with every soothing words. Thinking of someone that would never return was so maddening…he felt like dying.

He cried himself to restless sleep.

He saw the two of them together. One of them, so pleased, and the other, his partner, looked as if he was on the edge of madness. He himself was there too. He was holding a fainted Mariko, and knew he couldn't made it in time to run to Tsuzuki, whom was on his knees, holding himself and trembling all over with guilt. If Tatsumi hadn't appeared and came to the rescue, Hisoka would have cursed himself forever for running to get Mariko in the first place.

In fact, he never were nor would care about that girl, it's only his job to keep her on guard. However, he won't think twice or not at all to put Tsuzuki's safety in front of anyone else.

Then, as soon as he blinked, he saw himself rushing to his partner. Obstructed by Suzaku, stopped by Tatsumi, he didn't care. He headed to Tsuzuki's direction. But tried as he might, all he can do was watched him taken by the man he despised most.

He didn't give up somehow, given hope by Tatsumi. Fighting beyond his ability and undergoing the brutal pain beyond his endurance, he made it to Tsuzuki. Once again he found himself in the man's arms, revealing all the things he felt inside. Not hoping, nor expecting Tsuzuki to live on or come back, 'with Tsuzuki' was all he wanted. Hell, anywhere, so be it.

It was all for nothing, however, when Tsuzuki gave his 'life' to save his own.

Thank you, I'm glad you came for me, Hisoka.

All he can see were black shadows that protected him from the black flames that destroy. And he heard it, that dying laughter…of some psycho maniac. The voice he so badly wanted to turn deaf ears on better than hearing it.

You always distracted Tsuzuki-san from me, bouya. You won't have him. He's mine.

Another familiar face came up. Silvery hair and eyes, gleaming in the darkest night with the large round moon washed in blood above them. That twisted smile full of malice and wickedness. A face that tormented him even after life, either when he was awake or asleep. A man he so wanted to avenge with his own hands.

He used to loathed and despite the man so much for torturing and ending his life. Lately, he hated him with all his heart for making Tsuzuki suffered.

Muraki Kazutaka.

Hisoka bolted up right in his bed, green eyes wide and troubled by the nightmare. Breathing heavily, sweat felling off of his pale face. His hands grabbed the clothes on the bed, trembling. If it were any other time, he might have felt the need to let his tears out. However, this time was much different.

For a few moments after trying to find his bearings, Hisoka stood right up and paced to the closet nearby. On his tip-toes, he reached to the higher shelf and pulled a small black box out. Without a second glance he dropped it on the floor, getting right down next to it. Opening the case he looked right at the gun, gleaming in the moonlight.

M92F was printed on it.

He took it out off the box and held it between his hands, checking the bullets. Closing his eyes, he held the barrel of the gun at his forehead before opening his eyes. As of yet, emerald eyes glinted, reflecting nothing but only the eagerness to revenge.

I'LL KILL YOU, MURAKI!

note: the picture i'm talking about, i'm sure everyone would have seen it. it's in the ending song of YnM series, it was in the character book too. there's one picture which have Tsuzuki and Hisoka in the sunflower field.