A/N: Okay second chapter done! I think I'll go on to Ken and Omi's POV's but I'm not sure... tell me what you think!

Warning: Yaoi, attempt suicide andangst

Disclaimer: Don't own!

I hate it.

I hate the thought of him going out every night.

I hate the smell of his latest one-night stand left lingering on him and his clothes.

I hate waking up late at night to drag his drunken ass up to his room.

But most of all I hate these feelings I have for him.

I don't know when it started, or even how it started. I hate everything about him, yet I feel strongly about him as well. I don't know if it is love per-say, but I am attracted to him.

It's strange considering that the only person who had my heart for the longest time was my sister. And no, not in an incestuous way, but I loved her with all my heart.

Now he, a man and a player, some how weaseled his way into it. And I hate that I don't hate him for it.

Finally last night was the last straw. That jerk came home late at night, drunk as usual, only this time he had the audacity to try to treat me like one of his many whores. He came onto to me, his slurred words promising things he would never remember the next day. The way he talked to me made me feel like some cheap whore. After getting him to his bed finally I was able to wash my face to try to calm down.

I didn't fall asleep for several hours after that, just tossed and turned in my bed the thoughts of him running through my head.

The next morning I woke up early, I had the morning shift, and went downstairs to the kitchen. Omi of course was already up. I don't think I've ever seen him sleep in except when sick or injured, but even then we had to force him to stay in bed.

It was silent for a few minutes then, I don't know who started it, we started talking about Youji and what we should do about the issues concerning him. The conversation didn't start out to bad but then it kept getting worse and worse. Omi and I clash when it comes to dealing with things. I want to take a direct approach but he wants things subtle.

I won the argument in the end, just as the topic of our debate entered the room.

Nothing was said as Omi left the room, only giving me a single glance showing how he felt about what I was going to do.

I watched Youji for a bit before starting to talk. It's sad I don't remember anything I said to him, all I know is one line. One of which I will probably forever regret. I was getting angrier and angrier by the minute, he didn't react to anything I said, and that was the most annoying thing. It was like he didn't care.

Whore, it came out so suddenly I didn't even realize until he glared up at me and started yelling at me. Nothing he really said hit me until he mentioned my sister. I don't even know what he said, I just knew that the tone he used and the fact that he was yelling at me it was something that was terrible.

I hate myself now but at the time I just became enraged. I remember the first and last hit I gave him, I don't remember anything in between. I only remember the last one because that's when Omi and Ken dragged me away from him.

I stared in horror at what I had done to him, I couldn't believe it. He once again didn't look at me as he slowly stood up, refusing any help, he then left the room and went to his bedroom.

It was several hours since then, Ken, Omi and even I went to check up on him. He said the bear minimum to Ken and Omi, but to me not a word. Never once in that time did he open the door to anyone.

It wasn't until both Ken and Omi couldn't get an answer from him did I think anything was wrong. Pushing passed the two I kicked the door open only to find him laying in his own blood. His wire wrapped around his wrists.

I ran up to him and quickly stopped the bleeding, for then next while there was a blur of movements of all three of us patching Youji up and putting him in my bed. I demanded it, I wanted to be there if… no when he woke up.

Five days now, five days of nothing from him. What would I do if he never woke up? If he doesn't wake up I can't apologize, I can't tell him how I truly feel. If he doesn't wake up soon I think I might go crazy…

Wait…

He's moving, speaking…

Five days, I reply to his question of how long he was out.

I feel relieved, but upset at the same time. I don't want this conversation to happen, but I know it has to.

He sits up and looks at me, I think I can see fear in his eyes. He asks me why he wasn't in a hospital room, I don't answer just ask my own question of why he did it. I had seen the old scars when we cleaned him up and bandaged him, so I knew this wasn't the first time he's done it. I tell him this as well.

He doesn't say anything, just looks away, I don't want him to look away. I walk over to him and sit on the bed while taking his hand in mine. I ask again, I want to know. I have a hunch on why but I have to hear it for myself.

He doesn't answer just snatches his hand away and snaps at me, asking why I should care.

I hate that, I hate it and want to erase that thought from his mind. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even know I was capable of doing it, but I hugged him.

He went stiff at the hug and pushed me away, not violently, just far enough so he could look at me. He wants to know why I'm doing that. I hesitate.

It was now or never, I had to tell him.

I finally admit to my feelings, I told him that I have always cared. I told him that next to my sister was him in my heart, I told him how I became jealous of just the smell of women on him when he came home from bars. I confessed everything.

After I was done, he smiled, I love his smile.

He then hugged me as he confessed to me.

I felt overjoyed but I knew he needed rest to heal up from what happened. I gently pushed him down and told him to rest. I would bring back some food for him.

I walked out of the room not even noticing the smile on both his and my face.

End

A/N: Okay I had a review saying I should get a beta but I've never had one and don't know what the requirments for them are... so... n.n;; Help? If your willing (and after someone tells me exactly what a beta is and does) I would like to have someone who knows what they are doing to become a beta for me... n.n and you have to understand this isn't the only genre or anime/game I do. Thanks!