Disclaimer- No the Harry Potter world does not belong to me. I sent a letter to J.K.Rowling asking for it as an early Christmas present, but she has yet to reply……………
Dearest Fanfiction Writers
Hello! I'm back!
(Is that a sigh I hear, just to let you know that it isn't safe to infuriate a witch suffering from children-itis and PMS…… and well, don't say you weren't forewarned…)
While searching for information for these letters…… (Yes you should always search for information carefully before writing, and you should write at least a foot more than required, and you should do a spell check before giving it in, and you………er………actually you can get all this information in my new book 'The Idiot's Guide to Getting All O's')
Anyway, I came across a very unusual fact. I found out that most of the clichés are in the Dramione pairing ('gag' 'choke' someone kill me right now.) It seems that one person writes on a theme and others follow it up with their own versions. Which is not the case with the other… ahem…pairings.
Is this because the love-hate relationship has been done so many countless times in movies and books that it's impossible to search for a newer, more interesting plot? Or is it because no one can be bothered to actually think up a plot…eh?
Well, moving on to the plot which should take first place in the 'Clichés Hall of Fame'……………
8888888888888888888Head-Boy and Head Girl888888888888888888
You know I've always thought that to be a Head of Hogwarts, you have to have many qualities, like courage, ambition, loyalty, cleverness, intelligence, humor and an ability to handle people.
Now I'm not really sure about how many characteristics I myself fit in, but well after reading the stories you've convinced me……all these qualities are not necessary. All you seem to need is wit, looks, cunning and ways to charm the opposite sex. Is there any other reason, just why exactly Draco Malfoy would become a head?
Although touched by your faith in me to be able to handle the heads' position, (since I always get it, if it's our seventh year, and I did get it in reality too but nevertheless your never-ceasing faith is astounding and touching 88 sniff 88) I'm really disappointed in your choice of the other head. I'm sure romance could blossom even if we weren't made to share common rooms.
Yes, another glitch in the system.
Ok, Hermione, calm yourself, take a deep breath………ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR MINDS OR SOMETHING? HAS DECENCY BECOME EXTINCT? IS THERE NO DECORUM LEFT IN THIS CIVILIZATION?
Er………sorry about that. But you have to get my point too. This is one of the most foolish things that I've ever read about.
I can understand the part about having separate rooms for heads, but TOGETHER? Helllloooo………there is a reason that heads are not given separate rooms and it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain.
Firstly, there is Decency- You do not place a boy and a girl in common rooms. It's the basic rule of etiquette. This has nothing to do with the casual attitude towards everything in the new millennium.
Secondly, Decorum- Ever thought what the parents will say about such an arrangement? No I know you haven't.
Thirdly, Political Correctness- The Ministry of Magic will send their hounds to stop the outrage. There'd be lots of petitions, and the fury of the people will reach a crescendo. Hogwarts would probably close down.
Fourthly, Respectability- 'The Daily Prophet' would have a field day with this one. Hogwarts will never be able to admit students again. It'd be a big blemish on the impeccable history of Hogwarts.
Fifthly, Smarts- Everyone know, just exactly what will happen, if a Slytherin and Gryffindor are placed in one room alone, for a minute, let alone a year (mangled body parts raise a sense of déjà vu?)
Sixthly, Hellllooo……guys weren't even allowed in the girls dorm rooms, do you really think Dumbledore would EVER allow them to share rooms?
Seventhly, As said in 'Firstly', it just isn't done.
And well, do you guys discuss amongst yourselves about the color coordination of the rooms or something? It's always the same. Red and gold for me, green and silver for Malfoy. Talk about original!
Ever thought that the rooms might actually be neutral (well obviously you haven't) It is possible, that they might be purple or blue, or something other than our house colors. After all, our common rooms are color coordinated, but nobody said the dorms were.
The rooms are pretty luxurious. They're rooms which have never been seen in the world before, filled with everything you could want for a lifetime. More fit for Queen Elizabeth, than two school going kids. Yes, Hogwarts is rich but it isn't exactly Buckingham Palace.
One thing that is pretty ironic is about all this is the fact, that the heads are place in their different rooms with a common bathroom and common-room, just so that can bring the two warring houses closer together (yea like two mere mortals could complete the Herculean task) and yet the rooms colors remind us about everything that we love about our houses. Makes neutral sound even better doesn't it:P
Well the obvious happens on the first night, we fight with each other, all the while thinking about how 'gorgeous' the other is (ughhh, why do we have to like each other from before?) and then go back to our rooms to dream about each other.
Another thing that makes me want to tear my hair is the bathroom.
You're telling me that they can give the heads a separate room, which are better than honeymoon suites in a five star hotel, and yet they can't cough up for two bathrooms? I mean what's with that? Our teachers are not brain-dead as all of you make them out to be.
And the bathrooms are common for only one reason. One of us just has to catch the other coming out of it wearing a towel, or catch them in the bath. Because of course who's ever heard of the nifty invention called lock? And of course, no one actually wears clothes in the bathroom, do they. They just haveto come out of it wearing towels.
Written here in black and white, it does sound weird and it is.
The story is also the same half the time. We just love each other but are too afraid to tell, until the day one of us (mostly Malfoy) catches me crying and gets out the story from me about my 'abusive' father-uncle-grandfather-brother (take your pick) and then vows to protect me for eternity (and what happens next is anybody's guess)
How dare you! How dare you imply all that rubbish about my family? My family is the best in the world, and each of its members God-like for me. Just stop this unwanted abuse.
Or the other possibility is that Draco has nightmares about his abusive father and this is where I come in to comfort him. Because of course, I have nothing better to do at 2:00 o' clock in the morning, but listening to my arch-nemesis' nightmare induced cries, and of course the separating walls are soooo thin that you can actually hear an ant moving in the next room, or maybe we have super sonic hearing………is that it?
And honestly, to tell you the truth, when I think of Lucius Malfoy, many choice words come to my lips, (none of which are complementary) but whatever you might think, the Malfoy's were a very loving family. Lucius did have rather high expectations from Draco Malfoy, but there was no abuse, physical or mental involved. So I would appreciate it if you stop waxing lyrical about poor, dear abused Malfoy.
What happens after all this jazz is so common that if you've read one, you've read them all. Infact you don't need to read this particular type of story. Just pick up any one, whatever happens after the initial starting in the middle and end is always the same.
Look I have no problem with whatever you write (hahaha). Its FAN-fiction after all, but still at least try to be a bit different from the norm. And don't consider surreal situations just to get us together. There are a million and one easier methods of getting enemies to like each other, (if only I could think of some XD) than practically shoving them with each other.
Just so you know…………
Signing off
LOVE
Hermione
A/N Thanks a looooooooooottttttttttttttttttttttt! You guys are the best! So many reviews, I just love you people. So please review this too, and keep encourafing me! And I'm really running short of ideas, so please lend me some!
Love
Lightening