The club was dark and dirty and River was very nervous. She looked over herself in the mirror in the wings of the stage. The black chaps and sparkly red top were, thankfully, staying in place. She had two minutes and 47 seconds before she would be on. To pass the time she recited the plan for what felt like the hundredth time in her head.

Dance over to him, get his attention, wait for Mal's cue, slip him the note tucked in your top. It was relatively simple in theory. Dance, get, wait, slip. But it felt anything but simple. It felt like she was trying to crack a digital fortress on a heavy dose of Simon's meds.

Plus, Jayne.

He was certainly going to be in the audience. She'd been practicing with him all week, asking his opinion on various dance moves. Though he wasn't a terrible lot of help because he seemed to think everything she did was "hot". And aside from that, he always made it a point to grab her and hold her close, distracting her quite thoroughly. She knew it would not end that way this time. Although if their future client did try to make it end like that; Jayne would blow a hole in his chest. He was showing himself to be rather protective after only a month of stolen kisses and touches.

"And NOW, coming on the main stage… our newest lovely lady… Cherry St. Cream!" River jumped, that was her. Well, that was the stage name Jayne invented for her.

There was a lot of wooing and wolf whistling as the stage went dark. She hurried silently towards her place center stage and waited with her head down. A spotlight came up on her and she rotated her hips quickly as the first lines of the song came booming out of the speakers.

I like your pants around your feet, I like the dirt that's on your knees.

She strutted forward, falsely confident, and ran her hands down her body.

I like the way you still say please.

She locked eyes with her target, Clarence Thomas, and side stepped so she was closer to the pole.

While you're looking up at me. You're like my favorite damn disease.

The music swelled and she bent her body with it. Grabbing the metal pole and flinging her back into a perfect arc, one foot planted on the ground and balancing her while the other curled around the solid metal. She gyrated against the pole and mimicked a facial expression of ecstasy.

I love the places that we go. And I love the people that you know.

She spun around the pole, locking eyes once more with her target. He was hooked, couldn't take his eyes off her. She dropped to her knees.

And I love the way you can't say no, too many long lines in a row. I love the powder on your nose.

River gracefully flung herself to all fours like a giant cat and crawled towards the front of the stage. When she knew she was in the right place, she flipped her hair artfully away from her face.

And now I know who you are. It wasn't that hard…

She rose up onto her knees again and looked him right in the eye as she pulled at the string around her neck her red sparkly top came loose. She still had the black contraption on underneath but she was supposed to draw this out, make sure their client was mesmerized. She didn't fully remove the red top just yet.

Just to figure you out.

The chorus of the song repeated itself and the man in front of her was looking at her like she'd only ever seen Jayne look at her. It was beyond unsettling. It felt wrong. And she knew in that instant that no man was ever meant to look at her in that way except for Jayne. She had to pretend though, like it was his blue orbs burning into her instead of this man's brown ones. It was easier than she thought it would be, because the next few lines of the song seemed to scream of Jayne and her.

I like the freckles on your chest

She laid out on her back and arched her chest off the ground while staring the man down. He licked his lips.

I like the way you like me best.

She fiddled with the red top still around her rib cage teasingly. The man was breathing heavily.

I like the way you're not impressed, while you put me to the test.

The leg farthest from the man came up in a perfect line and she ran her hand down the inside of it, past her inner thigh, ghosting over her groin and up her body, into her hair.

I like the white stains on your dress

The man was retrieving money from his wallet, eager to tuck it anywhere on her person. But she knew suddenly she couldn't and wouldn't let him touch her.

This had been fun with her large mercenary, she had been happy to dance for him. This man made her skin crawl. She pushed past her discomfort though and danced as she would if it were her Jayne in front of her.

I love the way you pass the check. I love the good times that you wreck.

Her red top was gone, she exposing the black leather top Mal had found her. She was on her knees once more.

I love your lack of self respect, while your passed out on the deck. I love my hands around your neck.

She pushed her knees so far apart that her thighs were flat on the ground and extended her legs so the length of them both touched the floor of the stage. With her hands on the ground in front of her, she swung her torso around from left to right and was pleasantly surprised her breasts didn't fall out of her top, nor did the note tucked inside make an appearance.. .

The chorus came again and she swung her legs around so they were in front of her and she popped up to her feet.

Just to figure you out…

The blacks chaps buttoned down the front and back. River ripped them open and off in time with the sudden surge of the instrumental break. She was left in the red shorts, black top and black cowboy boots. She returned to the pole, provocatively spreading her knees and sliding up and down it. Her target whistled and she forced a smile in his direction.

He waved a 20 credit note at her and River knew that as a stripper she should take it, but right about now, Mal was supposed to be starting a ruckus, should she continue? As if he'd been reading her mind, there was a loud crash at the back of the club. The music screeched to a halt and a woman screamed.

The club erupted into chaos, everyone running everywhere trying to determine what was up. Nobody knew Kaylee had set off a small bomb. River seized her opportunity and hopped off the stage landing nearly on her objective and fakely stumbled. He caught her like a gentleman would and smiled at her. "You alright there, darling?"

She made a scared expression. "Yes, thank you, sir."

"Call me Clarence."

"Alright Clarence. I think I should get on outta here." She drawled, mimicking Kaylee's accent.

"This place inn't fit for a woman like you, not now there's a heap o' trouble brewin'."

She forced another sweet smile. "You're right Clarence." She got up to pretend like she was walking away.

"Wait now! You gonna be a regular here?"

She turned her head towards him, shaking it "no". "No, sir. But if'n your itchin' to see me again…" she pulled out the note and slid it into his palm "just contact Malcolm Reynolds. He'll want a favor or two but maybe we'll see each other again someday." And with that she disappeared into the crowd and out the back door.

Zoe greeted her at the backdoor, handing her a long trenchcoat to keep her warm in the night. "Nice job. Did you slip him the note?" River nodded and shivered inside her trenchcoat, despite how warm it was keeping her.

"I don't really have to see him again, right?"

Zoe slung an arm around her shoulder and offered her a rare smile. "'Course not, it works best if'n we never let him see you again. Rumors 'bout this fella are true, he'll keep tryin' and we'll keep denyin' and getting' job after job after job." Zoe stated, sounding practically giddy.

They walked around the back of the building and towards the mule. River hoped Jayne wouldn't be too upset about her performance. She would do her best to ascertain his feelings on the matter when she saw him. Mal and Kaylee were already in the mule when Zoe and River spotted it, hidden in the shadows. But Jayne was no where to be seen. Perhaps he was still fighting in the club.

River climbed into the back with Kaylee, who greeted her with a huge hug. "Oh River! That was so good, you looked like a real stripper!" She said, chipper as always. River didn't really know how to take that. So she just offered Kaylee a small smile and thanked her.

Mal was practically bouncing with excitement. It was mildly horrifying. "That man's hooked good and proper! And I never have to see the little witch do that ever again!" River giggled a little bit. Mal had made it clear he was profoundly uncomfortable with the idea of her being a full grown woman and taking her clothes off to boot.

As Mal started the mule River looked around in confusion. "Where's Jayne?" she asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"He found hisself a girl from the club. I figured I'd let him have his fun, we haven't been planetside long enough for him to get some trim a while. So, when the job was pretty much a no brainer I let him wander off. He'll be back with us tomorrow morning."

River's stomach dropped completely out of her body. He'd found a girl? What! Kaylee asked the question she was dying to know. "Which one?"

Mal frowned in thought and steered the mule in Serenity's direction. "Uh, Zoe, what was her name? Stage name, I mean."

"Fantasy, sir."

River felt the back of her eyes burning with unshed tears. In what she'd thought was a habit she'd broken, she hung her head forward and hid behind her hair. Silently fighting not to sob. Kaylee giggled and for once it grated on River's nerves. "Well, she was certainly his type."

River's hands fisted in the coat and she tried to even her breathing. Fantasy's real name was Tina. They'd exchanged words briefly backstage, while River was pretending to be the new girl on the team. She was much taller than River, almost Zoe's height. With long blonde hair and very large, very fake breasts. And very blue eyes surrounded by matching blue glitter. River had watched her routine. The dancing was sub-par, even for a strip club, but nobody had cared once her top came off. Kaylee was right, she was Jayne's type. To a "T". But River still couldn't grasp it. Tina… or Fantasy or… whatever, she was dumb! She'd actually turned to River and asked what 3 times 5 was. A complete waste of grey matter! What could he possibly have in common with her? Nothing. And somehow that didn't make River feel better.

He'd rather spend his evening with the iconic blonde bimbo than with her. River felt her gut twist painfully when she questioned internally whether they'd have sex or not. It's not like she had any real claim on Jayne that way. They hadn't done that…yet. Not after only a month. Now she didn't know if they ever would. She'd just assumed that when they'd gotten more time together, planetside or something, that they would. And for the first time in her entire life River Tam felt foolish. Why would Jayne want that from her? She was only just newly a woman. He liked whores, women with experience. What could she give him? After all, Fantasy was whole where River was not. She was not a broken little girl pretending to be a woman. And apparently that's what Jayne wanted.

The mule pulled into the bay of Serenity and River hopped out quickly. Using part of her conditioning from the Academy, she hid her pain completely. "Captain, I'll be going to bed now." Mal nodded at her and she quickly fled to her room and locked the door.

She huddled under the covers of her bed and finally let her tears fall. Each salty drop burned a path down her face onto her pillow as she stifled her sobs. She knew that physically, your heart could not really break. A valve could collapse or become clogged but it could not tear right down the center. But that's what it felt like. It felt like there was a hole in her sternum filling up slowly with acid. It hurt, so very much. River cried harder and harder until the only option left was to scream into her pillow.

No one heard her or suspected anything was wrong. Simon got a feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he always did when she was in trouble or hurting. But he was with Kaylee, enjoying life. His amygdale was not stripped, he pushed it to the back of his mind. River did not sleep that night. Instead she cried for hours until she was too exhausted to do much more than breathe unevenly. It was rather silly that one question kept her awake the entire night. Did he kiss her on the mouth?

Jayne was trying his very best not to show his feelings. But it was gorram hard to hide rage. And that's what he felt. Pure, un messed with rage. And it angered him further (something most people would not fathom as possible), that it was over Cowgi--- moonbrain. He'd only felt this way one other time (when his sister had told him she was getting' married to that worthless piece of go se husband o' hers) and that was nothin' compared to what he'd experienced last night in that strip club.

She'd been a ruttin' goddess, writhin' around on that stage like she was born for it. He knew that it was equal parts natural talent and practice, because he'd been there for the practice and she hadn't needed much. But the simple knowledge that it wasn't just him and her anymore; that she wasn't performing solely for him had made him ache. And then, then she'd had to do her job, snag the client. Those two minutes of watching her seduce that hun dan were the most painful of his entire life. Wiggling around with eyes only for that ching wah tsoa duh liou mahng, smiling that smile he'd only ever seen her give to him before.

He'd been so angry, he'd literally seen red. And he couldn't gorram understand it. He'd never felt for anyone the way he'd felt for this girl, and seeing her going for another man (and really, not being able to shoot this man full of holes) was a hell of a lot more than he could bear. He'd fled the club, fed Mal some lame story about hooking up with one of the other dancers, boarded Serenity, and hidden in his bunk. Even changed the hatch password so the girl couldn't come see him. And he'd spent the night fuming and holding off what he knew were tears. Jayne Cobb had not cried since he was 5. This was causing him hurt unlike any other. He'd not slept a wink the entire night. In the morning he finally climbed up from his lair and was tryin' his best to face the crew.

Mal was pretty much glowing. Zoe and Wash were in rather annoyingly good moods. Kaylee was chipper but at least Jayne was used to that. Inara was still in her shuttle or had already come and gone. Simon looked like Jayne felt. Sour and unbelievably angry. Though Jayne couldn't pin why, he'd probly spent the night with his girl. Jayne at least had righteous cause to look like he'd been gutted and left for dead.

Cowgirl was doin' the dishes, her back to him. He didn't know if he could look at her full on right now, so that was a blessing, really. But he knew she was aware of him. He'd seen the twitch in her jaw, maybe she knew how angry he was.

He took a seat at the table and Kaylee cheerfully offered him a cup of coffee, he grunted in response. Years of knowing Jayne told her that meant 'yes, please', so she bounced over to the coffee maker and poured him a cup just the way he liked it. Jayne hadn't even noticed, he was so busy trying not to look at his Cowgirl. When she set the cup down in front of him, he repaid her with a rare half-smile.

"So, Jayne, care to tell us why you look like you woke up with all your guns stolen?"

Jayne sneered at Mal, quite meanly. "Had a rough night." Was his only reply. Jayne didn't miss the significant look between Zoe and Mal but he couldn't figure what it meant.

"Well, sorry your… uh… fantasy didn't work out, but I know for a fact that they got some fine whores on the rock we're headed towards. After we drop the cargo, the crew's gettin' a mini vacation, so you'll have plenty of time." Jayne raised an eyebrow at him.

Clearly Mal thought he was all wound up cuz the "dancer he'd picked up" wouldn't sex him up. He briefly wondered what Mal would say if he knew who the merc really wanted to sex up. Speaking of, he chanced a hidden glance at River behind his coffee cup. She was vigorously watching dishes. Really though, she was washing the hell outta those gorram dishes. If dishes could talk, they'd probly tell her to ease up a bit. Jayne stopped feeling angry, and suddenly he wanted to crow with masculine joy. She was jealous. She didn't like it one bit that Mal was talking about giving him time to go play with the local flavor.

Interesting, Jayne thought, very interesting. "I could use some one on one time with a lady, thanks Mal." Jayne said, keeping a secretly watchful eye on River.

Her arms had developed a fine tremor. And she was having a bit of difficulty holding into the plates.

Meanwhile, the captain shrugged and said "Can't have my muscle all wound up and not functionin' proper."

"Yeah, well, when we hit that moon I aim to unwind." A crash from River's direction.

With a genuine excuse, Jayne peered around Mal to look at River. She hadn't just dropped a plate, she'd cracked one in two. Mal raised a brow at her. "Little witch, what'd the bad dish do to deserve that?"

She finally turned around and smiled at Mal. "I slipped Captain, I'm sorry."

Mal grinned back at her. "S'okay hunny, just cut back on snappin' them plates in half." She giggled. Jayne fumed, why in the gorram hell was SHE so chipper this mornin'?

"I will in exchange for a favor." River said, her eyes momentarily darting in Jayne's direction.

"What's that?" Mal asked.

"Let me go dancing, when we reach our destination. I would like to dance again, I've missed it very much. Perhaps I will even find a partner, I haven't done that in even longer." Mal smiled at her and agreed.

"Sure little witch. I'm sure Kaylee or Inara would go with you, just keep an eye on ya."

Jayne's face completely closed down. Gorram BITCH! She was tryin' at making' him jealous, he just knew it! River walked over and hugged Mal from behind, kissing his temple. "I love my Captain!"

"Course you do, darlin'."

All it took was the word 'darlin'' and the handle of Jayne's coffee mug snapped in half. River let go of Mal and shot the merc a smug look that nobody else caught.

Jayne was a bit disgusted with hisself when he found that to be attractive. She was being a ruttin' bitch and he wanted her more than ever. It was then that Jayne pretty much had a revelation.

It was because she was his. Meant for him. And all this jealousy crap wasn't gonna get him nowhere. He knew eventually it would happen again, he was far from bein' a level headed man, but this little episode was gonna stop NOW. "Stop it." He said, looking her right in the eye.

She looked a bit taken aback. Good.

"Stop what?" She asked, even though she knew perfectly well.

"Stop this tryin' to make me jealous go se. I get it, already."

River's face twisted into a scowl and she didn't just walk, she stormed over to his side of the table. "What! You can go out at night and whore around with a bimbo who doesn't know the answer to 2 times 2, but I can't ask the Captain to go dancing! Double standard at best, Jayne Cobb!"

He sprung up from his chair, and looked her right in the eye. "Just because you're jen duh sh tyen tsai and a reader don't mean you know everything!"

"Actually, you ben tian sheng de yi dui rou, that's exactly what it means!"

Jayne growled in utter rage and grabbed her shoulders forcefully. "Oh really! Because, funny thing is, I didn't touch no gorram stripper last night! What I did do was get myself the ruttin' hell outta that club when I saw my cowgirl seducin' another man, and I couldn't take it not a second longer! But then I guess she didn't really see herself as mine if she went and did that!"

He flung her away from him and went to march past her to his bunk. Suddenly though, she pushed him back into his chair. Why did she have to be so gorram beautiful when she was angry?

"What's a cowgirl supposed to think? When you're not there after the job and the captain says you've gone to bed a woman who you can't deny you would normally engage in intercourse with!"

"Yeah! Normally until I met YOU, you moonbrain!"

"Exactly!" She screamed and tears spilled from her eyes. Even when he was pissed as hell those tears pulled at his heart strings. "I couldn't even blame you! You rutting piece of go se. I couldn't even blame you when I cried until I couldn't anymore last night! That girl is not broken, not a shattered little girl like me. Why would you want damaged goods?"

She ended her tirade in a sob and her shoulders slumped. Funny how her words seemed to make him even angrier. He pulled her to him roughly, settling her straddled on his lap. His arms wound around her and he held her as close as possible. "Don't you ever, ever ruttin' say that again! You aint no damaged goods, you're far too good for me. But gorammit you're MINE. You belong to me and if'n I ever see you with another man again I'll rip him to shreds with my bare hands!" River pulled away to look him in the eye.

"It goes both ways Jayne Cobb! If I'm yours then you're mine! You don't touch another woman ever or you know exactly what it'll do to her and then to you."

Jayne couldn't take it a second longer and fisted his hand in her hair to jerk her forward for a kiss. Their lips met, and it may sound like sappy go se, but for Jayne it felt like time stopped. Like the whole universe look a big breath and let him have this moment with his cowgirl.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ON MY SHIP!" Mal bellowed.

Jayne turned and glared at him, though Inara (when did she get here?) said what he was thinking for him.

"Excellent job ruining the moment, Mal. Top notch, really."

Chinese Translations:

ching wah tsao duh liou mahng- frog humping son of a bitch

ben tian sheng de yi dui rou- stupid inbred sack of meat

jen duh sh tyen tsai- an absolute genius

Song Figured You Out. By Nickleback.