Disclaimer: As much as I wish I owned Jayne Cobb, he belongs to River… I meant Joss. Clearly, what I meant to say…

And a big shout out to my beta, Mia. She keeps me from too many CAPS and verys and everyone should be thankful of that. (yes, in the rough drafts, there are more). Enjoy!

Several hours later, after a wave came through from Clarence Thomas and secured them a job and after Simon and Mal had spent several minutes yelling very loudly, the entire crew was seated in the common area. Kaylee's monstrous bottle of engine brew was being passed between Simon and Mal. Zoe and Wash shared a comfy chair and snuggled opposite River and Jayne on the loveseat, also cuddling. Simon, Kaylee and Mal were on the couch with Inara perched on the arm, a restraining hand on Mal's shoulder.

"So," the companion said gracefully, "to recap: you and Jayne have been having a relationship for the past month while everyone's been preparing for the job. And neither of you think that this is too short of a time to have developed such strong feelings."

The couple shrugged in unison. "Not really, no." River said, snuggling closer to Jayne's chest.

Simon winced. "I cannot believe this," he muttered.

The room was silent for a few minutes. Nobody could think of anything to say. River suddenly turned around and gave Jayne a thoughtful glance.

"15," she said, very serious.

"What?"

"Three times 14 becomes three times 15. You're about to break a promise."

Jayne frowned at her, confused. Then something occurred to him and he thought he might have heart failure. "Holy shit, you're right!" he shouted. "Cap'n! We gotta go to Orpheus!"

Mal gave him a look. "Our next job's on Orpheus, I'd say we should be there, yeah."

Jayne shook his head, "No, we gotta stop there. You was talking 'bout a mini-vacation, right? We gotta have it on Orpheus!"

Simon slurred a little bit when he talked. "We're not going to stop on some backwater, fei-oo planet so you can go whoring and cheat on my sister!" he shouted.

The whole crew turned to look at him. River and Jayne sent him identical ferocious glares. "Simon, stop being a boob. Jayne's not going to cheat on me."

Jayne snarled at him. "Gorram right I'm not gonna cheat on her. I got kin on Orpheus is all. S'my home moon."

"Of course it is." Simon said, nastily.

"And what's THAT supposed to mean?" Kaylee said, sounding very injured indeed. River had a flash of what he was about to say and winced.

"Don't say it Simon, you're drunk and you don't mean it."

Simon continued anyway, "It means that whatever planet this ape man comes from can't exactly be a beacon of civilization."

Kaylee gave the entire crew a real shock when she slapped Simon right across the face. "Orpheus just so happens to be my home moon as well." She said angrily. And with that, she stormed out of the common area, Simon was still drunk, but hot on her heels.

The whole crew let out a breath. "And I thought I was bad with women…" Wash muttered.

Zoe laughed, "Husband, even you aren't so bad as all that."

Wash agreed, "I don't think anybody but Simon's as bad as all that."

River slowly nodded, "He is an exceptionally bleak looking case"

Jayne chuckled and held her tighter to him. "How long I got 'till their day comes, Cowgirl?" he asked.

"207 hours, 58 minutes, 9 seconds." Jayne gave her a look. His standard don't-start-that-go se look. She conceded and answered, "Just under nine days."

Jayne's eyes widened, "Only nine days? Cap'n, can we make a stop on some place sells guns?"

"Jayne, what the hell'r ya going on about? Why we gotta stop to load up and what's this nine days stuff?" Jayne sighed and tugged River closer to him as a comfort thing. He just likes the feel of her close to him and thinks maybe it'll help him. He don't often open up 'bout stuff but he knows that he's gonna need to now.

"Cap'n, I ever tell ya 'bout my sister?" Mal shakes his head, but then gives him a nod to continue. "Well, I'm a twin. My sis Jesse, she's got three boys. Matty, Timmie, and Georgie. Last time I saw 'em was at their Pa's funeral and they was barely old 'nough to understand I was leavin'. Aint seen 'em in near ten years. But I did promise 'em I'd be back for their 15th. S'a big deal on Orpheus, it's when a boy's allowed to buy his first gun. And I wanna be there cuz I don't intend to break that promise."

Mal frowned at him for a long minute. Then slowly nodded. "Orpheus is just near Shadow, right?" Jayne nodded, "That's where Zoe and I hail from. We can stop by there too."

Jayne smiled very wide and River felt his excitement fill up the room. She couldn't help smiling along with him.

"Wash," Mal said, "what planets are on the way or not too far out of it? Just off the top o' yer head."

Wash considered for a moment. "Uh, we should be breaking the Core limits right now, so we're past Ariel. Beaumonde's a no go cuz they're on the other side of the quadrant. I assume we're not going for moons, just planets? K, so that leaves. Minerva, Persephone, New Satern, Bellerophon and Contessa."

Jayne was mildly impressed. He could shoot a man in the neck from 500 feet with a broken scope, but he sure as hell couldn't name all the planets in their path at any given time.

River stroked his hand. "We all have our gifts." He grinned at her, full out and she snuggled her face into his neck.

"That's never gonna stop being weird," Zoe muttered from the other side of the room. River knew that was untrue. It would stop being weird in time. Even for Simon. But there were many things to happen before that.

"Bellerophon," she whispered in his ear.

Jayne turned his head to look her directly in the eye. Their faces were inches apart. "That it, Cowgirl? That's where I'm gonna get the guns I want?" She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"You're becoming an expert in River-speak. Gold star."

Jayne shrugged. "Now I wanna listen it aint so hard. Plus, yer talking pretty normal now." River gently kissed him, bringing a hand up to stroke his face. Their eyes fluttered closed simultaneously. His arm came tighter around her waist.

"Alright, that's it!" Mal said very loudly. The pair were startled and turned to look at their Captain. "Zoe and Wash got rules, you two got rules as well. First rule: No kissy kissy fei-oo in public. I don't give a good gorram if you're alone but I don't wanna see it. Rule number two: No sex."

Zoe and Wash cracked up laughing. And Jayne looked indignant. "That is NOT one of Zoe and Wash's rules, Cap'n!"

Mal sighed, "I weren't finished. No sex, not 'till she turns 19."

Jayne gave him an angry look, "Mal, that just plain aint none of your business."

"I am her father!" The whole ship seemed to shake with the force of his statement. "So it damn well is," he said simply.

Jayne gave him a defiant glare. "You aint—" but River's fingers to his lips made him look at her. He shot her a questioning look that she returned with a sad but very serious experession.

"He is. He gives me shelter, gives me food-" Jayne tried to interrupt but she pressed her fingers harder against his mouth. "And more importantly, he loves me like I was his own. Cares for me."

"Little witch, I don't know about that." Mal said with a heavy dose of embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at his shoes intently.

She mimicked his voice perfectly. "If anything happens to her, I swear I will get very choked up. Honestly, there might even be tears."

"That was just…"

"I'm a reader captain daddy, don't even try."

Mal's shoulders slumped a little bit in defeat. Only River caught Inara's smile at this. "Alright fine. But that just enforces rule two!"

Jayne let go of River's waist to flop back against the chair and pout. River raised an eyebrow at him. "You know I have the same birthday as the triplets?"

There was a stunned silence in the room. Then Jayne threw his head back and laughed. It sounded a bit evil. He tugged her back against him and laid a big sloppy kiss on her neck. "You… are just too… I don't even got words for it."

And indeed he didn't, instead he just kissed her. River smiled against the kiss and turned into it. "Stop!" Mal said, and stomped his foot like a child in a temper tantrum. "Okay albatross, ya got me there. But Rule number one still stands. Do it out of my line of vision and not in a place where it could suddenly be in my line o' vision!"

River giggled, "I understand and comprehend."

Mal nodded and walked out of the room, shaking his head and muttering to himself. Inara got up to follow him. River and Jayne took a quick glance at Zoe and Wash, who were already kissing. They grinned and looked at each other hotly before pouncing on each other and started kissing.

Simon wandered back in and shouted in alarm. He stumbled backwards and fell on his ass. Zoe and Wash came up for air and looked about, their eyes finally settling on Simon. They got up to help him because they knew the other couple will be useless for a while. The married pair well remembered that stage in the relationship. And both knew for a fact that by now River and Jayne had completely forgotten that anyone else was in the room.

Nine days later Serenity was within orbit of Orpheus. They'd made their stop on Bellerophon and Jayne had looked mighty pleased with himself when he'd got back on Serenity. He wouldn't tell River what he'd purchased and she didn't want to peek. The crew was a bit confused. They'd never seen Jayne get worked up over anything besides a trip to the whore house or a good bar tussle. River took comfort in her knowledge of events yet to come. In time, layers would be stripped. But that was not to be worried over.

In fact, as Wash broke atmo, River grew increasingly worried about other things. Meeting your significant other's family was a big milestone. And she wanted to make the best impression possible. She'd dressed carefully this morning in some of her new clothes. She'd pondered about what to wear deeply. She wanted to be pretty, of course, but she also wanted to look like she could handle the Rim. Looking like a full out Core girl was out of the question. She'd decided on black denim pants that fit her tight and rode low, though that was mostly for Jayne. Her top was red and silky, it dipped a bit; but not so that River was concerned about it. She stuck with her combat boots for footwear because they were familiar to her and she could fight as well as dance in them. And one never knew what the day was going to hold, right?

Well, sometimes she knew. But as part of some sort of cosmic joke, she couldn't see what today was going to be like. She looked over herself in the mirror one last time as she felt Serenity lower itself further towards the ground. The hair around her face was pulled back by a clip and it hung down in the back. It felt odd that her hair only went to her shoulders but the style looked nice on her, she had to admit.

"Cowgirl? Baby, where you at?" Jayne shouted from the bay.

"Coming!" she shouted back.

She tore herself away from her reflection and jogged into the bay, finally stopping under Jayne's right arm. He smiled at her and twitched with excitement as Serenity hit the ground.

As the ramp lowered, the crew members of Serenity were completely baffled. All except River, and of course, Jayne because he was the one confusing them all. The large and imposing merc was almost bouncing with nervous energy. "Jayne, calm the hell down, what's up with you? "

"I ain't seen my sis in 10 years, Mal. You'd be anxious too, gorramit." River smiled brightly and took his hand.

"She's missed you. Very much."

Jayne chuckled, "Well, I guess I missed her too."

Before the ramp had even hit the ground Jayne was out on it, looking about. From behind, the rest of the crew couldn't see what he'd spotted, but could tell something had caught his eye. He took off like a shot and jumped off the ramp as it was a foot from the ground. "He's like a ruttin' mad man," Mal muttered.

River laughed, she felt Jayne's excitement, his joy. By now, the crew could see what was going on. Jayne was running like they'd never seen him run, and towards a girl they could only assume was his sis. She was running just as fast towards him. When they met, he scooped her up in his arms and spun her about, holding her close and even from Serenity, they could hear the siblings laughing. The crew started walking over and the sight didn't get any less bizarre. River couldn't stop smiling. The crew were about to witness what exactly she saw in her Jayne. She knew that he'd let all his guards down, all his meanness and hardness the world made him have, that would evaporate around his kin. Of course, he was still pretty mean naturally, but there was a noticeable difference.

They could hear the conversation now. "I didn't think you'd be hear, Jayney! My little ones, they knew you'd come though. Been cleaning the house all week and such! I thought they was crazy! But yer here!"

"Aw Jesse, truth was I'd almost forgot. But my girl, she's got a sense of when I'm about to do some wrong and she's the one got me here."

"GIRL? My Jayney's got hisself a girl! If'n recall correctly you left here with an eye for paid company and nothin' else. I'mma hafta meet this girl!" Jayne grinned wide and hugged her close.

"She's walkin' up just now. Cowgirl, come meet Jesse!" he yelled.

River jogged a bit and stopped in front of the pair. Jesse turned out of the circle of Jayne's arms and even though River already knew what she would see, it was still startling. The girl was Kaylee they were damn near identical. The only difference was her height and eye color. Jesse's eyes were that rich, startling blue that Jayne's were. Kaylee had brown eyes, a happy chocolate color. You know, if chocolate could be happy. Other than that, it was like looking at Kaylee's double. She even had the same smile, bright and wide and perpetually cheerful.

"This here's my girl, River. River this is my sis, Jesse."

"It's nice to meet you," River said.

"Jayne! She's gorgeous! Ma'll be so pleased when she hears!" Jesse broke from Jayne's grip and engulfed River in a warm hug, "It's so nice to meet ya! Any girl can rope in Jayne for good, that's a someone I wanna meet!" River laughed and hugged Jesse back.

"It's nice to meet you as well. Come! Meet the rest of Jayne's crew. You're his real kin but we feel like a family in the air." Jesse didn't stop smiling as River led her over to the rest of the crew. "This is our Captain, Malcolm, or just Mal." Jesse stuck her hand out to shake his and he took it with a stunned look.

He couldn't believe the resemblance between Jesse and Kaylee. No wonder Jayne never wanted to sex up his mechanic, it'd just be wrong.

"And this is Zoe and Wash. Zoe is the first mate and Wash is the pilot," River continued as they shook hands. Jesse was the picture of politeness. "This is my brother Simon, he's the ship's doctor and this is Kaylee." Jesse shook Simon's hand, looking at him oddly and then stopped dead when she took Kaylee's hand.

Kaylee titled her head sideways and looked up at Jesse.

"S'like..." Jesse started.

"Lookin' in a mirror." Kaylee finished. "Yeah, no wonder Jayne always felt like a brother!" They both giggled with identical laughter. It was surreal.

"Well, why don't ya'll come up to the main house, Ma'll want to meet ya and so will my boys." She motioned up to the ranch house 'bout a hundred yards away. Mal nodded and the crew followed.

Half way there, three boys came barreling around the side of the house. Young, but strong looking, they all were headed straight for Jayne. He let out a loud bark of laughter and ran forward.

"Uncle Jayne!" they all shouted in unison, and when they were six inches from each other the three teenagers all jumped him. The boys and Jayne tussled around in the dirt until they were all manner of dirty and Jesse barked to let him up. They all shot up and brushed themselves off.

Jayne put his hands on his hips and said in a mock serious voice, "At attention soldiers, let me see ya." They lined up and the crew got their first good look at the triplets. River tilted her head to the side in wonder. They were identical and bore a seriously terrifying resemblance to Jayne. Sure they were a couple inches shorter but that still made them tall. And they didn't have the sheer muscle mass that Jayne did, but they were working on it for sure.

As if they heard her thoughts, three heads turned to look in her direction. The one in the middle said, "Aw, Uncle Jayne, d'you bring us a present?" Blatantly flirting with River.

Jayne lightly smacked him upside the head. "Eyes to yourself boy. S'my girl. River baby, c'mere." She walked up to Jayne, swinging her hips for effect. She knew that the triplets idolized their Uncle Jayne. Why not let them think even more of him for snagging a super sultry woman. His eyes darkened as she walked over to him and he slung an arm around her and pulled her close. "Baby, these is my nephews. The one with the filthy mouth in the middle's Matty."

River smiled at him, "Hi, Matty."

"Hey there," he said, grinning that Cobb man grin that just wasn't fair to use on a girl.

"Hey!" Jayne snapped. "No grinning, she's mine."

Matty kept on grinning, "Can't help ma'self, Uncle Jayne. You picked a girl's all manner of shiney."

Jayne smirked, "Yeah, I did." The other two triplets coughed loudly into their hands simultaneously. Jayne rolled his eyes, "The one on the right is Timmy, one of the left is Georgie."

They grinned at her and she couldn't help but smile back. One Jayne was hard enough to deal with, three was definitely going to be an adventure.

"Hi Timmy, Georgie."

"Hey River," they said in unison. River giggled. All three of them smiled goofily at her.

"How can you tell'm 'part?" Mal asked.

"Matty's always been the one with the mouth. Timmie's got a freckle near his left eye, and Georgie's always wearing green," River said, looking them over carefully. The triplets looked startled.

"How'd ya know?" Matty said.

River smiled brightly at him, "Jayne likes to talk about you three. He's very proud." They all puffed up in pride and Jayne rolled his eyes. He'd never said a word aloud but he'd been thinkin' on the boys for the past few days. He knew she'd just gotten the tidbits he'd thought extra loud.

"About face, troops, meet the rest of the crew." They all turned to look at the crew.

"Woah!" Matty said, "Ma, you got a sister we don' know 'bout?"

"Forget about that!" Timmie said, "Did Dad have a TWIN we din' know 'bout?" he murmured, staring in disbelief at Simon.

Jayne shook his head. "I know, right disturbin' aint it?" the merc said. The triplets nodded. Oddly in sync. "But he aint a thing like your Pa was. He's a fancy Doctor from the Core. Name's Simon. Girl that looks something crazy like yer Ma 's the ship's mechanic, goes by Kaylee." The triplet's politely waved to the pair, who waved back.

"Tall woman looks like she could shoot ya blindfolded is Zoe, little man attached to her's her husband Wash. Zoe's first mate to the big man in the tiny britches, that's our Cap'n, Mal."

"Hi," the triplet's said. The rest of the crew nodded.

"Fancy woman in the blue is Inara." Three pairs of eyes bugged right out of their faces. Inara smiled and practically melted the three teenage boys. Jayne chuckled, "Now that I've been polite and intrduced ya'll, where's my mother?"

As if on cue, Vera Cobb emerged from the house. "What's all this ruckus out here? Matty, I find out you been goofin' off one more--" she stopped dead when she saw Jayne.

He broke away from River and bounded up the stairs and picked his mother up in the tightest hug River had seen any one person give anyone else. There was a loud gasp from Vera but not of pain. River could tell she was holding back tears. Jayne held her tight to him, picking her up off the ground. "Ma! I missed ya!" he said into her hair.

"I missed ya too, my baby boy!" Jayne pulled back and looked at her.

"Ma," he whined, "D'ya have to call me--"

She smacked him upside the head. "You don't write nearly as much as ya should, Jayne Jesse Cobb! I can gorram well call you just 'bout anythin' I want!"

Jayne shrugged and hugged her again. "Alright, Ma," he conceded. After a minute they broke apart and Vera had tears rolling down her face.

"Oh! Stand back and let me look at ya!"

He obliged and presented himself proudly.

"You're so thin, you aint been eatin' properly." The crew silently balked at her statement. Jayne? Wasn't big enough? What kind of messed up parallel world was Vera living in?

"Why're you covered in dirt? They don't got showers on this boat you like so well you haven't visited in near a decade?"

Jayne laughed, "Naw, triplets tackled me."

"'Course they did, them boys is always foolin'."

"And I switched crews and partners near 'nough to forty times Ma. This is the first job I got that's let me visit."

Vera rolled her eyes. "So where's this crew ya like so much? I'm lookin' to meet this Captain."

Jayne smiled nervously at her. "Ma! Ya can meet the crew in a second, got someone mighty special I want ya to meet first."

Vera leaned back and looked at him carefully, "Who?"

Jayne turned and motioned for River to come over. She walked as gracefully as possible over to them, she wanted to make a very good impression on Vera. "Ma, want you to meet my girl, River."

River smiled brightly and held out her hand to Vera, who looked shocked. "Hello, dearie." Vera said, her face softening as she gently took River's hand and covered it with her own. "How long you and Jayne been together?"

"Just over a month now, Ma'am."

Vera smiled brightly. "Oh call me Vera, hunny. And he brought ya home to meet the family after only a month? Ya must be something special, sweetheart."

River blushed and giggled a little. "Well, I sort of pushed him to come home, I wanted to meet you and I didn't want him to miss the triplet's fifteenth!" Vera patted her hand warmly and turned to Jayne, smiling wide.

"Oh Jayne, I like her! River, sweetheart, why don't ya introduce me to the rest of yer crew?"

River nodded and led her down the stairs. One by one se introduced Serenity's family to Vera. And River suddenly didn't need a glimpse of the future, she felt it in her bones that the day would turn out just fine.

END of chap. AHHH, The Party's next!