Chapter 9 Somebody for someone

Stevie pressed the accelerator and took off. She was worried, worried about Alex, about herself. Was it something she did? As fast as she could she drove to Killarney, but no sign of Alex or his Ute. Stevie took a deep breath trying to think of where he could be. Not much later she turned the car and drove away.

His Ute was parked along the way and she was glad she had found it, but also scared for what would come next. She walked into the grass and looked down, sawing him sitting on the rocks. The place where he and Nick always came as children, a place she loved too. Carefully she walked down.

She approached him and stood next to him. Alex didn't moved. He knew it was Stevie, she was the only one who could have found him. She sat down and kept her silence. They both stared in front of them.

'Sorry', he said softly. Stevie bitted her lip. 'It's ok'. 'No it's not', he had looked at her, just a second, hardly turning his head. Stevie knew she just had to listen and hoped this wasn't about something she did, cause the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.

'It was Claire's song'. Saying these words, Stevie could hear his voice tremble. It all made sense to her now and somewhere she felt relieved. 'I just couldn't … sorry', he said again. Stevie's eyes had filled with tears as she heard the sadness in his voice.

'I dunno, after seeing Jaz again and ...'. Jasmine, her anger towards her was justified, Stevie thought to herself. 'She … but I couldn't, not again …' Alex didn't really knew what to say or how to formulate it, but he knew Stevie would understand it anyway.

'I wonder if I will ever love again, if I can'. His voice trembled and tears had taken possession of his face. These words had hit Stevie hard. She didn't wanted to think about herself, but it hurt and she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to breath as easy as she could.

'Claire …', Alex took a deep breath, 'she was always there, my best mate, my partner, my love. She knew me better than anyone, and she would have never let me down. I trusted her completely'. He sighed; brushing away some tears with the back of his hand, not that it would help a thing. He hadn't felt like this since those first weeks after Claire had died. Stevie didn't really know what to do. She wanted to comfort him, but something withheld her from putting her arm around him. This was too much for her.

'… Someone like her …' It was all he could say. Only someone that would get so close to him as she had been could touch him again, could make him dare to love again … someone … Stevie wanted to say something, something that would make him feel better. She had difficulty finding words so she just said what came up. 'I'm always here ...' She had whispered it and the tone in her voice had made Alex look aside him, right in her teary eyes.

It felt like his complete mind went black, if lightning had stroked him. Stevie saw the look on his face change into some different way of being upset. His eyes had grown wider. The words he just had said repeated in his mind, followed by the words of his best mate. He moved, wanting to stand up. Stevie's mouth opened. The fingers of her right hand made a move to cover it as she realized her words maybe weren't the best she could have said. Why did she mentioned herself? She felt selfish. It was not about her, it was about him!

Alex had stood up, turned around and Stevie's eyes followed him. 'Alex!' His name sounded blunt, it felt like it didn't came out of her own mouth. She stood up herself but watching him she knew it wouldn't be any use to go after him. She probably would only make things worse.

Alex felt like a zombie, without really noticing he had took place in his Ute, driving away. It was only when he got home, when his brain started to work again. His hand covered his eyes. It all felt like it was a dream, surreal and as he sank into the couch he once again heard all the words in his mind. She was the one that had made him upset, not just this evening, but also this whole week. He thought it all had been about Claire, but he realized it wasn't just her. 'That someone' was Stevie.

Stevie drove to Killarney. She hoped she would find his Ute there, and it was. She was relieved. He didn't need her, he needed his own time. She would make sure Dave would be there for him. Though she was scared, scared that she had lost her best friend.