Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Firefly/Serenity. I also don't seem to have common sense or sanity. Gee, I seem to fit right in.
This was based on nonjon's fic Browncoat, Green Eyes. Read it, learn it, live it.
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On The Earth -
"Go se, I'm all jumpy," complained Jayne.
"Are you ready, Harry?" River asked as she donned an EVA suit.
"No, I am most certainly not ready. Let's go." Harry opened the outer
airlock and stepped out onto... the rich brown soil of planet Earth. The
sky looked as blue as it ever had, and the trees hinted at a sustainable
ecosystem. Harry blinked.
"And here I thought the Earth was in shambles," Harry said. Jayne
shrugged.
"Is there anybody here?" Harry asked River.
"I can't sense anybody," replied River. The group moved forward, Harry
at point looking for any sign of life.
Upon seeing a deer, Harry twisted his helmet to the right and removed
it, breathing in the fresh air, which the oxygen scrubbers on the ships
removed. His companions did likewise and they all continued to walk.
Another mile ahead, a gleam to the right caught Harry's attention.
There, beyond a bush, stood a sixty-foot high golden statue of a
prominent man, his rear bare for all to see, his chiselled arms and legs
posed as if in deep thought. Harry rounded the statue, and gasped.
"Let's go. Now!" he shouted to the others, fear clearly shown on his
face. River giggled. The statue had a minor scar above it's right eye,
distinctly... lightning bolt shaped. And to River's complete and utter
joy, the statue was… well-endowed. Suddenly, a massive hoard of
girls ran from the cave and saw him, his glamoured appearance exactly
the same as the statues. They gasped.
"It's the Great One!" one shrieked.
"He has come to service us!" another shouted with glee.
"Pleasure me first, O Great One!" a redhead said. She had brown eyes and
freckles. Harry gasped.
"Ginny?" She seemed pleased.
"The Great One knows me! The Great One said my name!" she squealed in
delight, she began to remove her clothing, to Harry's horror.
"Run!" he shouted. "Back to the Pod!" River immediately began to move,
but Jayne just stood there, drooling at the now nude girl. "Aw,
gorramit!" Harry Summoned Jayne to him, who began cursing. Suddenly,
Jayne was over Harry's shoulder and he was running faster than he
possibly could if they were vicious attack… poodles.
River had already began the launch sequence, and by the time Harry
reached the Pod with Jayne, desperately trying to free himself, the Pod
was ready to launch.
As the Pod blasted off, Harry sat down in the co-pilot's seat, Jayne sat
behind him, screaming his head off.
"Why did we run AWAY?" Harry did not reply, he merely sat in the seat,
eyes wide.
"The Earth..." he moaned repeatedly. "Completely populated by obsessed
fangirls. The Earth is doomed."
(The following written by nonjon)--
Simon nodded sagely. "I told you! No intelligent life could survive
under those conditions."
"Thank Merlin we got away in time," Harry agreed before looking around
the ship. "Umm... has anyone seen Antonio?"
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