Et Velle Et Perficere

Disclaimer: Don't own POTO… but I do own James and Jeremy, and I do go to Garron Tower. Plus, a little input from some dead man whose name I forget but will add if I remember… and the psychopath line is from some film Richard and Judy reviewed with Pierce Brosnan.

Chapter 8: Why Are You So Beautiful…?

"I can't believe you kissed him and you didn't tell me about it. I was there that night and I'm supposed to be your best friend," Meg ranted. "I mean I didn't even know that the two of you were going out together… what else have you kept from me? I thought you and Raoul were together and, for God's sake, Christine, we were sharing a room the whole time and you didn't say a word…"

Meg and Christine were sitting on the bed in Christine's room. Christine had been back at Garron Tower for a little while that day and had just returned from making sure that Erik was settled into his room when Meg arrived and had come to see her. Christine had also just told Meg that she and Erik had shared an ill-fated kiss on her birthday…

"Jeez, Meg, wind your bloody neck in and give me a chance to speak," Christine said. "Firstly, Erik and I aren't going out… secondly, I was asleep that night when you came back to the room so I couldn't tell you then and the next morning you and your mum left early…"

Meg scoffed. "Well, forgive me for thinking that this was the 21st century and that there exists such things as phones."

"Alright, Meg," Christine sighed. "I'm sorry… I'll tell you, now, everything that happened… fair enough?"

"About bloody time," Meg grumbled.

"It started during the after-dinner party… I decided to save him from the clutches of Radioactive Orange Woman and we went up to the sitting room to pretend to use the phone. Anyway, apparently Carlotta was not fooled and, when I came back down alone, she said some horrid things to me…" Christine paused and sighed. "Well, to cut a long story short – Erik found me in my room upset… and he tried to comfort me… And then he kissed me but, for some reason, he got it into his thick head… men being men and all that… that he'd forced me… so he ran off…"

Meg hooked her arm around Christine's shoulders and gave her a hug. "Do you like him?"

"Of course I like him, Meg."

"Yes, but do you like him like him?"

Christine sighed. "I don't know…"

Meg decided not to push it and changed her line of questioning. "Tell me what he was like… was he good or what?"

"Meg," Christine pretend-scolded then smiled softly as she thought about Erik's kiss. "He was… he was… Meg, he's perfect…" she sighed.

"Tell me more…"

Elsewhere, in the boys' halls, Erik was sitting on his new bed contemplating the very kiss Christine was telling Meg about in her own room. He had started unpacking his things when she left him to settle in but had stopped in favour of mentally dissecting everything that had happened between himself and Christine since that night.

It was a big thing for Erik… he had never kissed anyone before her, had never wanted to either… And, he now knew, rather disturbingly, that, despite his age and the brevity of their time together, he had met the woman he would spend the rest of his life loving… had loved her all along, in fact… He could still taste her… in truth, wanted to taste her again… but he doubted she'd want anymore physical contact with him after the first time when he'd taken advantage of her distress. And, certainly not after she'd seen him unmasked…

They had not talked about it since that day, in fact. She had said some things that day that he believed were merely her kindness trying to make him feel better… he didn't really believe that she thought he was beautiful… that he was worthy enough to kiss her. And so, he had not pressed the issue with her…

He also could not forget her singing… She was an angel in beauty, kindness and voice… He wanted to help her be all that she could be and, if she would let him, he vowed he would make her voice soar. He would make sure that she received all the glory and the love in the world. He wanted to make sure that she never suffered as he had.

While he was musing, somebody knocked at his door. He was wary of answering it but was also aware that everyone already in halls had seen him come in with Christine earlier. He pulled open the door and was faced with a vision of colour…

'Subtle' was not a word one could use to describe the young man standing on the other side of the door. He had the most vibrant red hair and bright green eyes, endearing freckled cheeks and skin otherwise almost as light as Christine's. He was also in uniform and the vivid royal purple blazer did nothing to lessen the flamboyance of his appearance…

"James," he said, sticking his hand out. "I'm your welcome party."

Erik didn't say anything but gave the slightest step back to allow him in if he wanted. James happily accepted and waited for Erik to close the door behind them before he started speaking again. "I'm Head Boy," James continued, "so I've been sent to make sure you have everything you need and that you know the rules. But, I trust the Head Girl saw you in…?"

"The Head Girl?" Erik asked, confused.

"Yes… Christine… she brought you in, then?"

Erik nodded vaguely. He had not known Christine was Head Girl and now he was troublingly disappointed that it had been in her Prefect's capacity to make sure he got to his room without incident. Erik had been worried about Christine's relationship with Raoul before but now he was disturbingly concerned that she should probably be going out with her Head Boy…

"Anyway, I just came to run the rules by you quickly. Don't take them to heart; it's just a formality… One of the masters will be round later to give you the real lecture, alright?"

Erik nodded again as he sat down on his bed, James sitting himself down in the chair. "Good… Firstly, if you're found in the girls' halls after nine in the evening, expect to get it in the neck when the masters do their checks – I would make bloody sure that you aren't dressing or doing anything you shouldn't be then because they don't knock… You aren't allowed into the girls' halls before six in the morning either, not that you would be there then… You have to wear your uniform wherever you are on the grounds, whatever time of day it is unless you are in your own room. No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, no exceptions… Breakfast starts at seven, finishes at half eight… Assembly or registration is at nine… Ten periods a day – four until break, two between break and lunch, and four after lunch… the day finishes at twenty to four… then you are free to do what you please, providing you get your homework finished and so on. There isn't much to do up here during the week, so the lot of us usually resort to watching DVDs in halls – usually the girls' halls because Sir doesn't like them having to walk back from our halls to theirs in the dark, alone. And, they let us out at the weekends, would you believe? But, you need a master with you… still, it's better than nothing. Oh, and make sure you're on Jez's watch in that situation because he'll try anything once and he's not against letting us do what we want within reason. In fact, we had an impromptu field trip last year when he decided that we'd been working hard enough all year and deserved some first hand experience – he took us down to London for the day at a moment's notice and got it in the neck when he got back. But, he's a good sport…"

He paused from his long welcome speech for a moment but could not think of anything else that Erik really needed to know and would not find out on his own. "I'll leave your timetable on the desk with your locker key. Now, I have something else for you, too…" he said, handing Erik a small metal object. "It's your Prefect badge. Put it on your lapel…"

"Why have I been made a Prefect?" Erik asked, incredulous.

"Christine and Mr. Harper-Matthews both spoke out for you at the last meeting so the headmaster decided to give you a chance. Now, is Christine going to show you around?"

Erik nodded, "Do you know which room is hers?"

"It's on the top floor of St. Mary's… it says Head Girl on her door – you can't miss it. If you need me, look for the door that says Head Boy…" he said as got up and walked towards the door, bidding his goodbyes. "Expect Mr. Harper-Matthews this evening after tea…"

After Erik changed into his new uniform and made himself as presentable as he could for her, he headed out of St. Patrick's and towards St. Mary's to find Christine.

"So, how are you and James getting on?" Christine asked Meg.

Meg broke into a smile at the mention of her new boyfriend's name. "We saw each a few times over the holidays and he wants to go out again next time."

"Good, I'm glad… he's a perfect gent. Do you think he'll ask you to the formal?"

"I hope so… you know, I forgot about the formal… I can't believe we get to organise it this year. And you, Miss Head Girl," Meg said, "will be in charge of everything."

A knock sounded at the door and Christine opened it to find Erik standing there looking miffed. "You never told me there was so much starch in this uniform," he grumbled, walking into the room.

"Nice to see you too…" Christine muttered. "Sit down; I'll stick the kettle on."

Meg got up off the bed and moved to leave, winking at Christine, "I'll leave you two alone… see you later, Christine. Bye, Erik."

Erik watched her leave curiously and then sat in the chair looking towards Christine again. "What was that about?"

"What was what about?"

"'I'll leave you two alone'," he said, imitating Meg.

Christine didn't answer for a moment as she made the tea, trying to think of an answer but coming up with nothing. "That's just Meg being Meg," she said at last, handing him a cup as she sat down on the bed again. Erik didn't really believe that that was all it was…

They talked of everything and nothing for a while until they were both finished, sitting in a comfortable silence for a moment until Christine suggested she show him around before it got too dark.

She started with the main building where the Union Jack and purple and gold school flag were flying at full mast again. She showed him everywhere he needed to know and she showed him a lot besides… like the large library, where there were more old books than he believed he would ever have the privilege of seeing in his lifetime. She went on to show him where Matron's room was, though warned him that she didn't get in until ten and left again at two and that it was pointless going to her as all she ever did was offer paracetamol for everything. She then took him around all the other buildings, paying particular attention to St. Joseph's, where the new Music Department was; and the Smokers' Hut, named for perhaps obvious reasons, though he was more interested to hear that it was used as a magazine during the war. In truth, he was following her in a blind state of awe as she kept him entertained with stories of every feature of the school as he had never had the opportunity in his difficult life to see such wonders.

He was particularly taken with the Church, which awed him with its sublime architecture; the Dog's Grave – he felt it was only fitting that a dog should receive such a large headstone and proper burial when there were many humans who did not deserve such attentions; and Calvary – the grand sculpture of the crucifixion – sitting up at the top of the mountain just before the plummet of somewhere around 300ft – it was almost out-of-place in amongst its surroundings. Christine told him of the boy who had died up there… or rather, had died when he fell down those 300ft to the hard road below. "Nobody knows why," she said. "We don't know if he fell, jumped or was pushed… he was a bit of a loner, apparently. It was ruled as an accidental death… but it makes you wonder why he was on the wrong side of the barbwire fence and passed by without heeding the last Danger sign…"

Christine saved the best until last… the old Music Tower haunted by the Black Butler. She told him of the myths and the strange things that went on there… every single one of the rumours. He had had no idea she liked scaring herself so much… it amused him terribly. "The first-years never come up here," she said, "they really think it's haunted… but, if you ask me, I think it's just Mr. Harper-Matthews playing them all for fools… he has such a strange sense of humour." Erik was not surprised – he would go along with the stories if it meant he could have this place all to himself… and he was completely enamoured by the old concert grand in the corner…

"You're in the same form class as me – I showed you where our form room is… in the Music Department. We've got assembly in the chapel on Fridays and registration for the rest of the days… except tomorrow as it's the first day – we'll have to check the whiteboard in the morning to see where we're supposed to be. And first Friday Mass every month, not to mention Sunday Mass every week… There, I think that's everything…" she sighed, exhausted. "Come on, we'd better go and get something to eat." She had never realised just how big her school was before until she had had to show Erik around…

Christine had introduced Erik to a lot of her friends and teachers during dinner… so many, in fact, that he couldn't remember all of their names and he found it unbelievable that anybody could be that popular. They had ended up sitting with Meg and James, whom, Erik was pleased to have learned, was her boyfriend and therefore no threat to his tentative relationship with Christine. Actually, Erik quite liked him… he was so much the opposite of Erik but the contrast was not a bad one.

Afterwards, Christine and Erik returned to his room to finish settling him in. He put his clothes away in the wardrobe and unpacked everything else while she put the sheets on the bed and got the things together he would need the following day.

"You don't have to do this you know," he said.

"It's only making a bed up, Erik… it's not like I'm taking the bar exam for you."

"I didn't mean that," he sighed. "You don't have to hang around with me because you feel obliged to do so – I am perfectly capable of existing independently."

"Lord, are you bipolar, or what? Not too long ago you were ecstatic about the piano in the Music Tower… now, you're getting all self-pitying. I wouldn't be here now if I didn't like you so stop being paranoid…"

"Why are you so beautiful?" he asked, suddenly, startling out of her bed-making.

"What?"

"In my experience, the most beautiful of people are the very cruellest and your beauty surpasses even theirs… so either you are far more conniving than you appear or you are truly an angel…" he said seriously. Christine was speechless…

"It is better to be beautiful than good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly," he quoted, remembering the devastatingly beautiful woman who was supposed to be his mother. "She always thought so, at least…" he mumbled, more to himself.

"I meant what I said that day your mask came off," she said, watching him cringe. "I do think you are beautiful…"

"Codswallop," he scoffed. "I detest liars."

"How can you say I'm lying?"

"I am a psychopath," he said, "but I am not psychotic."

"Could have fooled me…" she snapped and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her… or she would have and intended to, but Jeremy had just arrived and was walking in as she flew passed him.

"What did you do?" he asked Erik. "I've never seen her angry before… and I've known her for years…"

Erik didn't say anything…

Later that night as Erik lay in bed, he berated himself for being so harsh with her when she had done nothing but try to make him feel better. He resolved that he would make it up with her as soon as he could and, if he were lucky, she would not hold his paranoia against him.

© Copyright of CrawfordsBiscuits, October 2005