For months, Elaina and Gwaine had never missed a letter to each other and she could not help but wonder after reading his how he possible managed to find the time, in between being captured, chased and working as a mercenary when he desired. The worry she would feel on his behalf always ended in laughter at his antics. Like a child reading the stories of a beloved adventurer she re-read them over and over again, imaging herself right there with him when she closed her eyes. Sometimes she felt guilty in how dull her letters must be in comparison, since she didn't even have her work as a physician to talk about now since uther followed with his threat to forbid her in practicing. She truly had nothing but time, which she spent just lingering about in her room and going out riding of course much to Greer's delight.

When the boredom got too much though, Elaina had found one way to release her energy and had in her wardrobe a simple peasant's garb, which she donned on now and then, to go to the same tavern she had gone to with Gwaine. There she gambled, drank responsibly under Gwen's duress, laughed, danced and sang…

Being with the men who knew her father, was like being with the man himself and by returning to the memory of him and learning to do so without grief, she could feel that something had healed inside of her, where she no longer begrudged the world over his loss. Instead, she celebrated that it had known him at all and when she learnt to do that with her father, as did she do the same with Edwin and she rejoiced in knowing they were both up there looking down on her, making Elaina determined not to be a miserable sight for them.

Now and then, merlin and Arthur would join Elaina and it wasn't that the ale became sweeter for it, but the environment. Elaina could care less if she had a drink in her hand, but to reach and take the arm of her friends, that was what made her night's. she was glad to have people like them in her life, people who in the thick and thin of things, never left her alone even if she pushed them to their limits.

Elaina knew in her heart that they could survive anything at this point and with that love and care, the fight would always be worth it, to protect one another.

As for Morgana, since the day the two sisters had held each other, Elaina was reminded of the good that had once lived inside her, with a regret that she herself had handled matters the way that she did in the past. Though their differences remained, Elaina found that no matter how hard she had tried to convince herself of feeling hatred towards both her sisters, that wasn't the truth, because she could not bring herself to despise her own blood. Not when there were familiarities as well, as they had been dealing with the same loneliness as Elaina had in their own way and if she were deserving of pity, that didn't make theirs any less so. She recalled every instance she had shared with the two, before things could shake their relationship and how natural and comforting it was to have that bond of sisterhood between them, which ran deep into their spirits, that allowed them all to sense the other's emotions, whereabouts, thoughts…

Morgause might have severed that link from Elaina, but somehow, she could still feel a ghostly tether reminding her that they were out there as a wider connection of herself.

If she had been better in her role as a sister, there might have been a moment she had missed that could have saved Morgause and morgana from their dark path and from this day to her last, Elaina will always regret not being there for them, to bring in that light they needed in order to heal and become better. she had given that to Edwin once upon a time…and she could not forgive herself for rejecting her sisters that same offering.

In her letters, Elaina had shared more about morgana and even Morgause than she had intended or had expected herself to write in the first place, as they were a topic, she kept more to herself, guilt ridden now that it was from shame she had done so. But if she hadn't written to Gwaine as freely, she might have been slow in coming to terms with her newfound feelings and to Elaina, it was a positive step forwards to take more stress off her shoulders.

What she had yet to reveal was her own talents in magic, those she had hidden away in Edwin's amulet. Even if she had discarded them, it was still a part of who she was, to help define the woman she had become.

That revelation she decided, was better suited as a face-to-face admission and either way, she would respect whatever reaction Gwaine responded with, understanding that in possessing that knowledge, it put him at risk especially if it were to be discovered she was a grimoire of the old religion and the ties she had with the high priestesses as such.

Like any other day, the next letter to arrive given directly into Elaina's from Gwen's trusting hands, the chance to reveal that matter came into reality.

"what is it Elaina?" Gwen asked, the expression on her lady's face was different to the one's before when she received updates from Gwaine. The usual glee, that went as far as to amuse Gwen to see Elaina so giddy, was shadowed by her eyes growing distant, as though worried.

Elaina felt these letters were an intimate extension of her growing relationship with Gwaine and held the parchment close to her chest, as much of the contents might make the handmaid blush, but she told Gwen that Gwaine was not far from Camelot.

"he says he is staying at an inn near the border and wants to meet there."

Gwen thought her lady would be alighted by the prospect, as it had been a long time since she had seen him. However, she knew that in corresponding like they had been, it provided a safety net to let the other express what they needed without the fear of nerves or dare she say rejection, that can be betrayed by a simple look. they had come so far in their relationship since they parted, that actually to be together again, she thought maybe Elaina was scared at how they may react with one another as flesh and blood with the voice to match the words which have only been on paper until now.

She was partly correct, as Elaina gazed at the mirror to see her image reflected there and wondering if she still might look as he remembered and that he mustn't have altered her in his thoughts, to make it impossible to meet his standards. The last time they were with each other, conversation was as easy as breathing, yet to have caught him up on everything, would that still be the same she wondered? Then of course there was the matter of revealing her true self to him and the fear that he could not accept it…

Elaina had come to depend on Gwaine being there in her life, that the idea of him deserting her even though she could understand why, provoked an undeniable fear she did not want realised.

Comforting not her lady, but her dear friend, Gwen pressed her cheek into the side of Elaina head, supporting the woman with her own body as she looked fit for fainting.

"Elaina... I have faith, that you did not meet Gwaine for nothing. Your patience and commitment to each other to continue writing when most would have given up hope when he was banished, speaks volumes and I see not just when these letters arrive, but everyday your remembrance of him, when your eyes get dazed or when you laugh, because he reignited that back into you. you look to try and find him there beside you and are disappointed when he is not, because that is the natural place you put him. He helped you to heal and to grow and in return you gave him back an unshakeable trust that caused you to challenge Uther on his behalf. By doing so, he became a different man also to the one we met with a flower in hand at the market. he seemed to take more care and consideration over his surroundings and the people near him, eliminating an arrogance that had been there before. You both become better and stronger people for knowing the other."

Sometimes it takes a bystander to point out the obvious when you yourself cannot see it or at least needed it clarified. To stand back and view you as though a painting and make their own interpretations of the scene to set you right.

Tears pooled in her eyes because the further Gwen went on speaking, the power of what Elaina knew was there deep in her heart could not be denied now, though many a dream and stray fantasy had tried to urge her in admission, though she had before always managed to shake it off before getting overcome by it.

However, ignoring the object in front of her, Gwen bested the mirror in going further and reflecting Elaina's true inner self and there was no where she could hide from it, as Gwen's eyes sparkled warmly.

"well then…" Elaina sniffled, "seems I need a plan to get me across the kingdom's border without Uther knowing why."