Chapter 19 – Differences

Author's Note: This story is almost over, and I can't believe it. It's been such a wild, enjoyable ride. ^-^ There are three chapters left after this one. :')

~ Amina Gila

With Obi-Wan flanking him on the right, and Padme and Ahsoka on the left, Anakin feels stronger than he has in a while. He feels less alone than he has in a long time. He cares for Lyla, of course, and for the friends and family he is creating here, but it's… different. Obi-Wan has always been the most important person to him, and he wishes that he hadn't managed to disregard that. Ahsoka was his Padawan, his child. And Padme was his wife. They're important to him in a way that none of the people here are.

That will change, in time, when his bond with Lyla deepens, but for now… Well, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are still more important to him.

He waits, keeping his senses attuned, and it's not long before he feels the Jedi approaching. There are more of them, though Windu is among them. The sound of their footsteps echoes in the hall outside the throne room. Windu steps into the doorway first, and Anakin watches him, not moving, as he takes in the scene. He isn't afraid. There are only four Jedi here, and they are not nearly strong enough to overcome him, especially not with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka here as well. If all three of them are together, the fight would be child's play indeed.

"Surrender, Sith," Windu orders, drawing his purple lightsaber.

Anakin watches him, unconcerned, merely raising an eyebrow, not changing his casual posture. "Have care how you speak to me, Jedi," he warns. "You are in my land. These are my people. You are not protected here. If you do not come in peace, you are not welcome. Leave. I have done nothing to provoke you. I have done what your Order could not. I have saved these people and destroyed the Hutt tyranny on this world."

"The Jedi Council will decide your fate," Windu states decisively, walking down the steps and onto the stone floor. Aayla is following him, as are Agen Kolar and Kit Fisto, though they all appear more hesitant than Windu does, Aayla especially.

"Why waste your time with me, when we all have a greater enemy?" he asks mildly. "Sidious will destroy you if you give him reason. We have a common goal. We both want him dead."

"You want him dead so you can take his place," Windu proclaims firmly.

Anakin can't help but laugh at that. "I never wanted to be Emperor," he answers, shaking his head. "I wanted peace. I wanted justice. I wanted to bring order to the galaxy." He reaches for the Dark Side, letting it bleed his eyes yellow. "I did not find that with the Jedi. I did not find that with the Sith either. I am neither Sith nor Jedi. Is that not the meaning of balance?"

"Balance is the destruction of the Sith," Windu retorts.

"Is it?" Anakin queries placidly. "Or is that merely what you wish to believe?"

"There is no reason for violence," Obi-Wan interjects before the Jedi can react.

Anakin can sense his unease, but he undoubtedly already knows how this will end. When the Jedi see a Sith, especially one who was their precious Chosen One, they won't let him walk away. That's fine. He'll walk away instead, and he'll do it without killing them as a show of his strength and to prove that he isn't as dangerous as the Jedi are trying to pretend.

"You should know better, Obi-Wan, than to side with a Sith," Windu reproves, "But you have always been vulnerable to your attachment to Skywalker."

Personal attacks Anakin can handle. Attacks against his family? Not so much. He stands, stepping down from his throne. "Leave," he orders coldly. "I will not tell you again."

In response, the other three Jedi draw their lightsabers, the blue and green blades lighting up the dim throne room. Anakin shrugs, pulling out both of his own lightsabers, one in each hand. Blue in his right and red in his left. He doesn't normally use Jar'Kai, but he certainly can fight that way. He's actually quite good at it.

And then, he steps forwards, meeting Windu's first blow with one of his own. Behind him, he hears a snap-hiss as Obi-Wan draws his own lightsaber and steps forward. They had spoken, briefly, about their next course of action, and they all knew that this would likely come to a fight. Anakin can understand why the Jedi are acting as they are, but they're being so blinded by their beliefs that they refuse to see that someone can change.

He hasn't actually done anything wrong in this timeline. He could have. He might have. He did, in the past, but he's trying to atone for it. He can only be grateful that at least Obi-Wan can see that or he doesn't know where he would be right now. Certainly, he would not be here, feeling saner and more stable than he has in a while. He still feels restless, desperate for contact, but it's not the same as it was in the beginning.

Windu and Kolar focus on him, and he blocks them both with ease, spinning between them with a deadly lethalness that he learned as a Sith. He does his best to pull back his blows, so he doesn't kill them. And he pointedly avoids drawing on the Dark Side, knowing that Windu will simply channel it back at him. Behind him, Obi-Wan is dueling Aayla and Fisto with the same graceful poise that Anakin remembers. Ahsoka is standing defensively in front of Padme, ready to pull her own lightsabers out at a moment's notice.

Kolar is the first to go down as Anakin hurls him backwards into the stone wall, slamming him into it hard enough that he's stunned. And then, it's between him and Windu. Anakin is careful to stay calm and controlled, letting the Force flow through him, ignoring the Dark Side whispering to him, allowing it to feed off the fight itself instead of off pain or emotions. He has been called the Chosen One for a reason, right? If he can come back this far, he can come back all the way; he can tap into the Light Side consciously if he only reaches out.

He hesitates, though, reaching towards Obi-Wan first, and letting his true master's presence be a warm glow that gives him strength. And then, when he reaches, the Light comes. It pours into him, warm and bright and powerful, and he's missed it. He didn't realize how much he missed it until right now, until he can feel the warm buzz under his skin, serenity washing over him in a way that it never has in the past. In the past, he struggled to truly let go, to give himself over to the Force, but not now.

Now, after having Fallen, after having become a Sith, after having been accepted by Obi-Wan again, after having clawed his way out of the Dark Side's grip, after having begun to fulfill his childhood dream of freeing the slaves, Anakin can let go. He can let go, and he does. The Light Side washes through him, pure and cleansing, and Anakin lets it take him.

When he comes back to himself, it's to see that the battle has been won. Windu's arm was burned, but he's not injured other than that. All the Jedi have been beaten. "It's time," Anakin states with calm confidence, looking at his family. "It's time for us to go."

He doesn't need to specify what he's referring to because they all know. They exchange looks before heading out of the palace, leaving the defeated Jedi behind. They will come for them again, but by then… hopefully Sidious will already be dead. Then, they can go into hiding, from the Jedi, from the Republic. It will be a new life, but it will be one that Anakin is looking forwards to. Before, he had wanted to leave the Order to be with Padme and to have a family with her. It had been hard for him, though, because he knew that leaving Obi-Wan would tear him in half.

But he would have done it, because he had wanted a family of his own more than he had wanted to stay in the Order. He had wanted to be free.

Now? It will be so much easier because he'll have Obi-Wan at his side as well. They can all rebuild something new, something better, together.

They don't speak as they go to Padme's ship. Anakin takes the pilot's seat automatically and fires up the engines, guiding them out of the atmosphere. Once they're in space, he programs the hyperdrive, sending them on their journey to Coruscant. He has no idea what will happen now, how things will unfold from here, but he's confident in his decision. Sidious needs to die, and he's more than willing to be painted as a villain for doing so if it means that the galaxy will escape the tyrannical rule of the Sith Master.

Dooku is still out there, but… somehow, Anakin doesn't think that the Count will succeed in forming an Empire. The most he might achieve is establishing the CIS as an independent government with which Anakin is fine.

Once they're safely in hyperspace, Anakin makes his way to the main hold where the other three are gathered, and after a brief hesitation, he sits by himself inside the doorway. "We know what the plan is," he says after a heartbeat of silence. "Now, we can only hope that we'll be able to carry it out. The galaxy depends on it."

"No pressure," Obi-Wan quips, almost automatically, but it still makes Anakin smile.

Ahsoka stands suddenly, coming to sit next to Anakin and leaning against him. She doesn't say anything, but Anakin can guess what she wants, so he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She snuggles against him, and he begins to lightly stroke her back lekku. He did promise to snuggle with her after all, and now is as good a time as any. Once, he would have been highly uncomfortable at showing so much affection towards her while Obi-Wan is around, but now, after having done the same with Obi-Wan, he's not. Ahsoka, it seems, isn't shy about it either, probably because she saw them snuggling too.

It's comfortable, and comforting, and Anakin finds that he really doesn't want to move, so he doesn't, as the four of them begin to discuss their plans in detail. They need to know everything, every movement, every detail, so that they can coordinate to go in, do their jobs, and get out. He knows what Sidious' abilities are with respect to lightsaber combat, and he's relatively certain that he could probably even destroy him on his own if he had to. Sidious' weapon of choice is his words and the Force, not lightsabers. He'll duel if he must, but there are others, including Anakin, who are far superior to him.

As Vader, Anakin trained in all seven forms of lightsaber combat. This Sidious doesn't know that, doesn't know him. They'll be able to take him off guard long enough to defeat him. Or so he can hope. All of this is hinging on their ability to defeat him and escape before being caught. If Sidious triggers a message for clone reinforcements, or if the Jedi come to investigate… it will all be over. Anakin won't let himself or anyone else be arrested; he knows what will happen to him, and he won't let it happen. He's come this far. He won't lose his family again.

It takes them an hour of going over the plan repeatedly before everyone is satisfied that they know their part of it down to perfection. There can be no mistakes.

But still…

"Padme, if something happens to me, take care of Lyla," Anakin tells her.

Padme almost seems surprised, but she readily nods. "Of course," she promises, "You don't even have to ask."

"Nothing will happen to you." Surprisingly, or not, it's Obi-Wan who says it.

"I can't make any promises," Anakin points out, quietly.

"You'll be fine," Ahsoka insists, voice somewhat muffled because her face is pressed against his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist so tightly that it's almost painful.

"Anakin, would you mind speaking with me in private?" Obi-Wan queries, seeming almost uncomfortable. "I feel there are some things we should discuss before we go into this."

Reluctantly, he has to agree, so he presses a kiss to the top of Ahsoka's head and gives her a tight squeeze before disentangling them and standing, following Obi-Wan into one of the cabins. He pulls Obi-Wan into a hug as soon as the door is closed. "If you wanted me to hug you, Master," he teases, "You could have just asked."

Obi-Wan huffs out a breath, wrapping his arms around him and holding him. "That isn't what I had in mind," he replies, "Because I do think we need to talk." He pulls back, motioning for Anakin to join him on the edge of the bunk. They sit side by side, pressed up against each other, and a brief silence falls while Obi-Wan presumably formulates his thoughts.

After a few seconds of silence, though, Anakin shifts, dropping his head against Obi-Wan's shoulder and melting into him, much like Ahsoka was doing towards him earlier. Obi-Wan wraps an arm around Anakin's shoulders, rubbing soothing motions on his back.

"We can't have any secrets between us when we go to confront Sidious," Obi-Wan says at last. "He might not know everything, but he was crafty enough to drive a wedge between us in the past. And we have a lot to work out still. He'll see that, and he'll use it to his advantage. We can't afford to let that happen, or we'll never succeed. I can't – I can't lose you again, Anakin." His voice nearly breaks, and Anakin can feel the wave of sadnessdesperationlonging that filters though their bond.

"You won't lose me, Master," he whispers into Obi-Wan's shoulder. Them being here, together, again, almost seems like a dream. It almost seems too good to be true. On the nights when he didn't wake up ceaselessly from nightmares, sometimes hardly being able to sleep at all, he woke up after a dream where Obi-Wan was with him only to find nothing. He doesn't know which were worse.

"You can't promise that," Obi-Wan replies, sounding hollow, and Anakin clings to him a little tighter as if that might be enough to erase his true master's pain.

"What do you want me to do?" Anakin asks, nearly pleading. "I can't change everything I did. I can't… fix our bond just like that. Believe me. I wish I could, but I cannot." He swallows, pushing back the sudden, overwhelming urge to cry. He isn't a child anymore; he hasn't been a child in years, but when he's with Obi-Wan, he often feels like one. He used to hate that feeling, and a part of him still does, but so long as he knows that Obi-Wan cares for him and wants to protect him, even if he can't, then he's okay with it.

"What will Sidious use against us when we face him?" Obi-Wan asks.

"Our bond," Anakin answers immediately. "He – he always tries to turn people against each other, against themselves." He huffs out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "He knows my weaknesses, but I do not know that he could exploit them anymore. I know who and what I am."

"And your bonds with Ahsoka and Padme?" Obi-Wan presses. "Could he exploit them, then?"

Anakin stills, remembering something that has haunted him for hours, something that he should have asked Obi-Wan when they first talked, but it hadn't crossed his mind until later. "Padme," he says, "Did she betray me? Did she bring you to kill me?" As always, he doesn't need to specify. The events are engrained too deeply in their minds for them to not know.

Obi-Wan's hands stop moving. "No. No, I – she would not tell me where you were, but I knew she would go to you. I snuck onto her ship. She had no idea I was there."

Shock, and anger and betrayal, crash over him. All these years, he has harbored an anger against Padme, because he thought she betrayed him. Would he have been able to bring her back to life had he known the truth? He'll never know, but he had thought, sometimes, after that failed attempt, that it was his fear over her betraying him again that led him to fail. He knew he could have succeeded, and that was the only thing he could think of which held him back.

And all he can think is what would have happened if Obi-Wan hadn't shown up? Padme had – she had been telling him that she couldn't follow him down the path he was on. He doesn't know that he would have actually listened to her, but he would not have hurt her. He would have been angry, and hurt, but… he might have understood, in part, where she was coming from. When he saw Obi-Wan, he felt immediately, as if she was only planning his doom from the start, and he lost his every shred of control.

"I shouldn't have done that," Obi-Wan adds quietly, sounding guilty and ashamed. "I know that now. I – I told Padme what I did there, and she wasn't really happy. She thinks we need to see a mind healer for… family counseling."

Anakin wants to be angry at Obi-Wan, and a part of him is, but in the face of what he did, it doesn't really last, fading into exhaustion just as swiftly. "She might be onto something," he mutters, unsure if he even really means that. "I – if you hadn't come…" He trails off, sighing. "I don't know. I know that the… suit was my destiny. It was meant to happen, or I do not think it would have." He's told himself that for years; it was the only way he ever managed to retain his sanity, the only way he managed to stop himself from gutting Sidious alive and suffering horribly for trying.

Obi-Wan brushes a hand through Anakin's hair, touch light and gentle, never faltering. "What about me?" he wants to know. "Is there a way Sidious might turn me against you?"

It isn't something that Anakin had given much thought to, since it only ever happened the other way around in the past, but it makes sense that Sidious might try the reverse, especially if he sees that he's outmatched. "You know what I am, Master. You know what I have done. I know of nothing that he could say that could throw you off guard."

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan concedes after a moment, "But I do… have a question for you. When we – in the beginning, when we first came back, you wanted me to Fall. Why?"

Anakin can't help but stiffen. He hasn't truly thought about that for a while, since he wasn't fully a Sith anymore, and he was assured of Obi-Wan's affection for him, but… remembering it sends a complicated mix of pain and grief through him. "I – I wanted you to care," he manages to say, closing his eyes against the tears that threaten to fall. It hurts talk about, to think about, but he – Obi-Wan deserves to know. "I thought that – that perhaps, if you Fell, you would… understand, and you would… stay." He swallows, exhaling slowly. "I – I thought we could kill Sidious, and I would give you his throne. I had offered it to Padme, and she had refused, so I thought that perhaps if you were a Sith like me, you'd accept it."

"I… I don't even know what to say to that," Obi-Wan admits, tightening his grip around him. "I never would have guessed that you would want that, that you did want that."

"Well, you know now," Anakin replies.

"I do," he affirms, "And I'm staying. With you. If – after Zygerria, when the Jedi came, if I had known… I would have left with you then. I will not deny that it has been… hard this past month, knowing that you were out there, alone."

"Did you fear what I might be doing?" Anakin asks, half-teasing, half-serious.

"No," Obi-Wan admits, "It did not occur to me to fear it for weeks. I feared for you. I worried if you were alright, but… I guess I trusted you more than I realized."

Though he feels deeply touched that his true master feels that way, it also hurts, because he doesn't think he deserves that, not after what he did. Maybe Padme is right. Maybe they do need help because he doesn't entirely think this is normal. In many ways, on many levels, they're both still so angry at each other, but they're too drawn to each other to actually and properly work on sorting things out. At least they aren't avoiding each other, though. Or fighting. Both would be equally intolerable. This is… nice.

Maybe once Sidious is dead, they can try to untangle their issues. The only problem is, Anakin doesn't even know where they need to start. There's just so much that even thinking about it is overwhelming. But avoiding it won't work either. Not long-term. And more than anything, he doesn't want to lose Obi-Wan again. It would destroy him thoroughly and completely. The same is true in the reverse.

They're broken, but they're healing. They're helping each other heal, though it would be a faster process if they could… communicate better, wouldn't it? Probably. He doesn't want to think about it right now, though. He simply wants to enjoy this moment while it lasts, the calm before the storm.

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