A/N: A bit short, this one. But it'll get better! Also, a huge thanks to SharinganProdigy, it's good to know someone's reading and enjoying!
The Sound of Fear: Chapter 2
Orochimaru's training is not just grueling and strenuous, it's plain cruel. Most of the so-called training Sasuke endures is planned, forethought to mentally break him. Fear is his constant companion, he's gotten to know it well. Fear of not being strong enough, fear of death, fear of giving in, fear of the unknown, fear of breaking, fear of pain. He's made fear an ally. He's learning to control it, so it can become an underling.
The worst he's had in the past couple of months was when they took his eyes away. Kabuto, that snivelling worm, sewed his eyes shut with metal wire, leaving him unable to even want to blink for the pain. The first week still makes Sasuke shiver with the memories. Recently blinded, thrown inside a prison with the most vile and revolting criminals in Sound. Of course he'd been caught. That was the point.
Sasuke knows what the snake is doing, keeping him too busy to think while still not giving away any of his tricks. But Sasuke isn't just any Shinobi. He's not just any lost soul, not just any needy apprentice. He's an Uchiha. He's Sasuke Uchiha. And that means he has the drive, the will to get what he wants.
So when he sneaks into Orochimaru's private quarters, he doesn't get caught. When he sits on his bed, legs crossed, patiently waiting, he's not surprised that the snake smells him before coming in.
"Sasuke-kun, what brings me the pleasure of your presence?"
The snake's voice is slithery, as is all of his character really. Sasuke has had the opportunity to change his mind since coming to Sound. He doubts anyone in this village could take on Orochimaru. Because the snake keeps it so. He keeps everyone bellow him, including Sasuke. And that won't do.
"I have some things I'd like to discuss with you, sensei." The title slips by Sasuke's lips effortlessly and he pauses for a moment. Lying has never come to him so easily before.
"Considering your aversion to speech, this must be important." As if the sneaking in private quarters didn't prove that already. "Do take a seat. What may I do for you?"
It's not the first time Sasuke notices how smoothly Orochimaru takes control of a conversation, tilting it the way he wants it. Like Sasuke came here to ask for a favor.
"I came to you four months ago for the power to defeat my brother. I haven't seen a glimpse of anything here that will help me do that yet. But I know, Orochimaru-sama, that you have that power." Sasuke pauses, looking suitably impressed with the Sannin, "Although I don't remember our discussing terms for handing my body over to you."
"Terms, Uchiha-san?"
"Yes. Terms."
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Since that night, Sasuke has improved tremendously. It's not so much a matter of sheer power, although just on that front, he knows he's a match for pretty much any sound nin.
What Sasuke has learned from the snake is all about weakness. His own and other people's. It's been six months since he left Konoha and Sasuke can't even begin to articulate how much his view of the Shinobi life has changed. Much of what Kakashi said makes more sense now. He finds staggering the idea that he once thought he could rid himself of every weakness. That he once thought, (all of those two months ago) that he could become too strong for weaknesses.
He's lying in his dark room, under the bed where he spends most of his free time. There's something superstitious about it, but Sasuke can't bring up the energy to give a fuck. Orochimaru spies on him from time to time, but for some reason, he tends to leave Sasuke alone in his room. Sasuke figures It would be too easy if that were always true and that's precisely what makes him slip under the bed to think.
He summons up some Chakra to his fingertips and snaps them, producing the essence of the Chidori, having it lick at his hand. It used to be painful, but he's gotten used to the sting now. It's a vain and purely pointless vestige of pride that makes Sasuke glad it's not burning his skin or scarring him some other way.
What makes Sasuke a genius isn't the Sharingan. It's not the hard work he does to perfect his techniques. It's not even the ease with which he picks up notions and techiques. What earns him the title of genius is his mind, the way he thinks and understands every jutsu he's shown. To learn it isn't enough, because everyone can learn a jutsu or two. That's nothing special. What's special is being able to improve and innovate. Sasuke knows he wouldn't be able to challenge Shikamaru's cold genius for strategies and for juggling with so many goddamn wild cards, but he's fairly sure the shadow-nin wouldn't catch up to him in this area. It requires more than IQ, it demands a streak of artistic soul to feel a creation.
So Sasuke spends his time under the bed, because he'll be damned if he lets Orochimaru know what he can do with his mind.
"It's unhealthy, masster." Sasuke turns to the voice, giving a pointed look to the large serpent curling beside him under the bed. Ever since he signed the contract with the snakes, Sasuke has been reflecting on their natures. Loyalty seems a strange concept to associate with the snakes but he's surprised to find most of them are lazy, good-natured and tend to be stubborn in their opinions to the point that some of it might be considered loyalty. This particular snake is a prime example of it. The problem with snakes, though, is that you can't predict them. Cruelty doesn't seem to be a part of their vocabulary. They just don't recognize it from typical behavior. Sasuke wouldn't be surprised to find that the reptile had been telling all about his activities to Orochimaru if he thought it would be in Sasuke's best interest to do so.
"Hello, Nagraji-san."
"You should get some resst."
"Will you keep watch for me?"
"Of coursse."
Content with just that, Sasuke curls up on himself and closes his eyes. He feels the snake slither over and around him protectively and sighs.
"Ssleep."
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It's another month before Sasuke learns about the Kyuubi. He can't say he's shocked, or even surprised. If anything, the feeling that comes over him is disappointment. He's disappointed in himself for thinking of Naruto for one. For indulging in memories of him. All the anger, the compassion and understanding, every bit of the competitive edge to their relationship, it comes back in a rush and Sasuke feels it keenly.
And second, he's disappointed in Naruto.
Cheating.
Because the Kyuubi isn't Naruto. And Sasuke doesn't want to fight the Fox. He wants to fight Naruto. To find out Naruto's worth. To challenge his strength. Not the demon's.
Sasuke feels cheated. He feels cheated out of his sense of worth. Because now, he knows Naruto's strength isn't all his. And he knows Naruto would have failed if not for the Kyuubi. Sasuke would have been Naruto's first true failure with Haku. He would also have been his last at Valley's End.
That moment still gives Sasuke pause. He had felt the killing instinct back then with Naruto. Sasuke had really wanted to kill him. To end his life. To make him nothing. Sasuke wanted to prove Naruto wrong. No, Naruto, you can't do the impossible, you can't redeem everyone, you can't be this strong and you cannot convince me. If I can't do it, then neither should you.
Is that betrayal? Sometimes it feels like it, and Sasuke doesn't like it. But sometimes it feels like love, because Naruto is and always was an unstoppable force. To be the only one able to stop him so thoroughly... that sometimes feels less like a betrayal and more like a desperate attempt to feel important to someone.
And that is childish enough.
Sasuke is thirteen years old.