Tarnished

Chapter One

Sadler Home

Upper Manhattan

8:45 AM

Josephine got up when the bright rays of the sun spilled into her bedroom through the blinds. Christian was next to her, his arm wrapped possessively over her waist. She was too afraid to move. When he was gone, she had tried to give Marissa a call, but she just kept getting her voicemail. Josephine was so afraid of what her husband was doing.

Her six month old, Baylor Sadler, began to cry.

"Christian," Josephine said quietly as she tried to break away from him. "Baylor needs me."

He tightened his grip around her painfully, waking up.

"Chris, c'mon," she pleaded. "Your son is hungry and we need to get Henry ready for school."

He leaned over and bit her neck and she yelped.

Not again, she groaned to herself. It'll all be over in a minute. It's best not to piss him off today.

Christian climbed on top of Josephine and he divested her of her pants and panties and threw them on the floor. He leaned down and bit her breast as he got rid of his boxers. When she became nauseous and needing the bathroom, she resisted because she didn't want to get sick all over the place. His eyes were full of hatred toward her and fury over something else.

"Christian, please, I don't feel good," she cried, feeling her stomach churning and gurgling, wanting to throw up. "NO!"

She somehow kneed him in his private area and he cried out in pain, tumbling onto the bed and off of her, and she threw the covers off and ran to their master bathroom and closed the door and locked it. Her heart was pounding as she leaned over the toilet and threw up, Christian yelling at her as he kicked at the door.

She jumped and sobbed at every kick, and he finally kicked the bathroom door in.

"No, Christian, stop!" She screamed as he dragged her back to the bed. "No, please, Christian!"

Deep down, Christian knew what he was doing was hurting his wife, but another part of him didn't care. He didn't know why he had these uncontrollable rages, but he had to take it out on someone, and that someone was his wife. He had complete control over her, and he knew that as long as he was in her life, he would never let her go and she would put up with it because she loved him too much.

They struggled on the bed as Josephine kicked him off of her several times. He was so angry that she didn't just submit to him this time around.

"Why do you have to fight me bitch!" He yelled before he shoved her off of the bed and onto the floor.

She tried getting up, but he turned her onto her back and he pushed her legs open.

"I'm taking what's mine," he panted into her ear. "You belong to me, Josephine."

The tears flowed down her cheeks as he took what he wanted from her and took away a piece of her soul again. She desperately wanted to get to her children, so she shut her mouth and suffered through it. The rug burned her back and his grip on her thighs were going to leave bruises.

Please God, let him be done so I can get to my sons, she prayed. Please make the pain go away.

His hot breath was falling onto her face, and suddenly, images of when she was five years old climbed back into her mind, and she closed her eyes tighter, fighting off the images and trying to swallow the pain.

When Christian was finished, he got off of her and stood up.

"Get up," he commanded breathlessly. "Look at you. You're nothing, Josie. You'll always be that ugly, awkward, smart mouthed bitch."

Josephine got up slowly and she looked down at her pedicured feet. Shame overtook her again as she thought:

Did the neighbors hear? Did my boys hear that?

"I'll take care of the boys," he said, pulling on his clothes. "Get cleaned up and get dressed."

Josephine walked into the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror. The bruise from last night was beginning to fade a little, but that was the least of her worries. She ached everywhere; her back was sore, her breasts were sore, her thighs protested her movements.

How could someone hurt another so badly? Why didn't she have the courage to face just what her husband was doing?

Josephine was still clinging on to that little shred of hope that Christian would wake up and realize that he had several problems that he needed to address. She always prayed every night that he would feel all the pain that she felt everyday and how much she hated herself for living a lie.

She sniffled and opened up the linen closet behind the busted door. She pulled out a new towel and something fell onto her foot.

"Ouch," she groaned as she leaned down to pick it up. It was a wallet.

She furrowed her eyebrows.

Dr. Warner's Office

Morgue

One Police Plaza

9:30 AM

Elliot and Olivia walked through the archway into the morgue where Melinda was just finishing up the autopsy on Marissa Barlow.

Marissa had straight, shiny blonde hair, porcelain skin, and perfectly manicured fingernails and pedicured feet toenails. The bruises on her body were paling but still dark against her light skin. She had plump, kissable lips, which had subsequently turned blue due to lack of oxygen. She didn't look at all enhanced by anything, she was just a beautiful soul, marred by violence.

"Cause of death was definitely strangulation, and I'm estimating time of death at around ten thirty last night," she explained. "The rape kit was also positive for fluids. CSU is analyzing the sample."

Warner sighed and pulled off her gloves and Elliot and Olivia glanced at her.

Elliot sighed. "Was there any trace evidence? A hair or fiber?"

"Nothing," Melinda said, shaking her head. "But I scraped her fingernails to compare to the fluids."

Elliot and Olivia nodded their thanks to Melinda before walking outside. It was a brisk day in Manhattan, and surprisingly enough, there wasn't a need for a heavy jacket.

"We need to track down that number," Olivia said as they headed out to the Sedan. "She was trying to talk to someone."

1-6 Precinct

SVU Squad Room

10:23 AM

Elliot and Olivia walked into the squad room. Munch and Fin were out pounding the pavement for another case and of course, they dumped some paperwork sloppily onto Elliot and Olivia's combined desk, and Olivia's cheeks turned bright red with frustration.

"Why do they insist on cluttering my desk?" She groused. "I have an in and out basket for a reason."

"You know they just like to see you angry," Elliot chuckled as he inspected the state of his desk. "Although they could do this a little neater."

Olivia nodded her agreement as she stacked papers neatly in her basket that Elliot assisted her in buying. She specifically wanted the color purple, which at the time, was inexplicable. He figured she was going through one of her moods, and didn't say much about it.

"We need to get phone records," Olivia sighed. "Technical assistance should help us with that."

Cragen emerged from his office, a rather grim and concerned look on his face.

"Olivia," he beckoned. "A word."

"Can it wait, Captain? We're-"

"Now," Cragen said firmly.

Olivia knew what it was regarding, and she didn't want to talk about it while she was on the job, but she couldn't be insubordinate with her Captain and father figure. She looked nervously at Elliot.

"I'll, uh, catch up with you," she said.

"You want me to come with you?" Elliot asked, and she shook her head.

"Go," she said.

Elliot nodded and grabbed his coat and headed out.

Olivia turned and walked into Cragen's office and closed the door. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest as Cragen leaned against his desk. He reached and picked up a message slip. He handed it to her, but she hesitated in taking it from him. She knew who it was from, and she didn't want to give the person the time of day. She looked around the office, watching the rays from the sun play across her feet and she felt the overwhelming urge to be defiant and walk out of Cragen's office without being dismissed.

"What are you going to do?" he asked. "You can't keep running away from this. If you need a couple of days-"

"It's not affecting me on the job," she interrupted quietly, tears in her eyes. "Please, I need to work. I can't think about this right now."

"Because you're not thinking about it, you're hurting yourself," he said, sitting at his desk. "I know that you're afraid."

Olivia chuckled bitterly.

"Afraid doesn't even begin to describe it," she huffed. "After thirty eight years, the man that raped my mother is out of prison and knows my address, my phone number, and now where I work. What I'm feeling goes beyond fear. It's indescribable."

Before she knew it, the tears came and she wiped at her cheeks.

"I have no desire to respond, meet, or look at Daniel Roman," Olivia said stubbornly. "Is that all sir? Because I'd really like to get back to work."

Cragen sighed and nodded.

"Dismissed."

"Thank you," Olivia said.

She sighed and walked over to her desk and picked up her coat. She dug in the pocket for the letter from Daniel Roman and she walked back into Cragen's office. He looked at her strangely as she handed him the letter.

"I want you to keep this for me because I don't trust myself with it," she sighed coolly.

He nodded and put it in the top drawer of his desk.

With that, she headed out.

She received the first letter two weeks ago. They had gone to her apartment after a late dinner and she checked her mail. She had all the usual mail, bills, junk mail, coupons…then she found the letter. It was a little thicker, but she thought nothing of it, because the envelope just simply had her name on it, and no return address.

Wondering what it was, she opened the letter first, and at that point, she remembered going completely pale, numb, and cold, and she felt everything at once. She didn't tell Elliot right away because she didn't want him worrying about her, or trying to give her advice. She just wanted to be with him, and she hoped that perhaps if she ignored it, that her father would get a hint and go away and forget about her.

That didn't happen.

Olivia began receiving calls from her father, then he began leaving memos at work for the past three weeks. She told Cragen about it first, and he had all of her memos from one Daniel Roman referred to him. She felt better that he was able to protect her at work, and when she finally told Elliot, he was able to protect her at home.

The night before when they were in bed, he told her that he would stay with her every night if necessary to make her feel safe. She told him that everything would be fine, and that she just needed time. Cragen wanted her to just face her father head on, but she couldn't do that.

At this point, the ball was in her court, and she was in control. She would face her father on her terms. For now, all she wanted to do was work and be in her partner's company because she trusted him the most.

She took the elevator down to the technical assistance lab which was in a sublevel of the stationhouse. Elliot was sitting on one of the benches outside the lab, and he stood up.

"What did Cragen say?" He asked.

Olivia sighed and shrugged.

"He wants me to face my father, but I can't right now," she said, looking away. "I told him that I don't want anything to do with my father."

He nodded, respecting her decision because she had good reason to feel the way she did. He remembered her first year, she was so hell bent on finding her father because she had so many questions and things to say to him, but once she realized that her search was going nowhere, he had managed to tell her that perhaps she wasn't meant to find her father. Even if she did, it wouldn't change who she was as a person or her reasons for being on SVU, and it certainly wouldn't change the way he felt about her.

Elliot admitted to himself that he was deeply in love with Olivia. He was so convicted that he went to a priest and talked about it. He realized that he had loved Kathy Archer. He was in love with Olivia Benson. The priest explained to him that perhaps it was divine, despite Elliot's doubts that it was.

Perhaps God had it planned the whole time. His years with Kathy were some of the best of his life, but he'd never experienced heart pounding, dizzying love like he felt with Olivia. He loved everything about her: her spirit, her determination, beauty, her doe eyes. Her past didn't matter to him. The past shaped the most dedicated and virtuous woman he'd ever met in his life.

"Elliot," she whispered in a halfhearted scolding tone, and he realized he was gazing at her.

"What?" He asked, trying to play it off.

Her cheeks flushed bright pink as they entered the lab.

Bernard, one of the techs approached them.

"I got the call list from the service provider," he began. "They were more than generous. I got three days' worth of phone calls made from Marissa Barlow's cell. The same two numbers were called several times each day at late evening."

"Okay," Elliot sighed. "So who was she contacting?"

Bernard grinned devilishly, and Olivia rolled her eyes, thinking, Techies.

He got into his roller chair and rolled his way over to a dialing system.

"The first number, 395-7215," he rattled as he dialed.

Elliot and Olivia listened as the phone rang several times before a machine picked up.

"Hello, you have reached the chamber of Judge Josephine Sadler. I am not present at this time, but if you'd like to leave a message, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, thank you."

Olivia sighed and shoved her hands into the seat pockets of her jeans.

"Okay, so obviously, Marissa and Judge Sadler were in to something," she surmised. "You think maybe Marissa had been assaulted before?"

"It's possible," Elliot said. "Run the second number."

"The second number," Bernard began again. "643-8067."

The phone only rang three times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hi!" Excited voices rang out. "You've reached Christian, Josephine, Henry and Baylor Sadler. We're not home right now, leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible! Bye!"

Sadler Residence

Upper Manhattan

12:53 PM

Josephine found herself once again leaning over the toilet for the third time today. She made breakfast as Christian took care of the boys and she ate that just fine, but now it was coming back to haunt her. Christian was sitting in his office, working from home today and he wanted her out of his sight. That she had no problem with. She just simply went up to their bedroom and laid in bed all day.

Everything was sore, and she found that it was difficult to walk because of the abuse he had dealt to her.

She ran her fingers through her hair and wiped her mouth as she stood up straight from vomiting. She sighed and went over to the sink to get some water. How had she let herself sink this low? She thought herself pathetic for sitting around the house all day, trying to remember the good times of her marriage to Christian. When the abuse started, it was typical: some days were good, some days were bad. She simply thought that was how it was supposed to be in a marriage; love-hate. But that was when she actually had the strength to fight it, and put up with it.

After she had Henry, she lost any and all confidence in her abilities as a mother and a wife because Christian criticized and demeaned her all of the time, and she began leading a double life. In public, she was a good judge, a devoted, loving wife, wonderful mother, and beautiful in the eyes of her husband. In private, she was that sad, lonely, girl from a small trailer park in New Hampshire whose father had mistreated and taken away her innocence at the age of five, and she was obscure. She became what everyone told her she would be.

Before she could stop them, the tears came, and she quickly wiped them away.

There was one, sinister, lingering thought in her mind as she went and sat on the bed: what was Christian doing with Marissa's wallet?

Marissa Barlow was her best friend. She was privy to the abuse Christian handed down to her, and Josephine had told her, in complete confidence, that she was going to get out and press charges against Christian. Marissa supported her decision to leave, but not to press charges.

What in the hell is going on? Josephine thought to herself, remembering that she had called Marissa several times the night before. Something bad is going to happen very soon if I don't get out.

Her nerves sent her running to the bathroom again and she vomited.

Oh God, Josephine thought to herself. I'm pregnant again. I've been sick like this for too long. Dear God help me, please. I can't bring a baby into the world like this. Maybe when I tell Christian, he'll change his ways. God, please help him to understand that he's hurting our family. I love him too much and he needs help, even if we're not married anymore. He needs help.

She heard the doorbell ring, and she gargled some mouth wash and put on her glasses. She made sure that none of her bruises were visible and that her hair was right.

Christian wouldn't bother with guests-that was her job because he like his solitude at home…just like his father.

Josephine put on a good air as she trotted downstairs and to the door.

She opened it up and she saw two people standing on her porch.

"Hi, how may I help you?" She asked with a small smile.

"Hi Judge Sadler, I'm Detective Elliot Stabler, this is my partner Detective Olivia Benson. Do you mind if we come in?"

"Oh, you're the detectives from the special victims' unit, right?" Josephine asked.

"Yes ma'am," Elliot answered.

"Yeah, you guys do good work," Josephine commented. "Um, please, come in, have a seat."

Josephine lead them into the formal living room of her house.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"Um, no thank you judge," Olivia said. "We just need to ask you a few questions."

"Oh, okay, go-"

"Josephine, who are you talking to?" Christian asked rather irritated as he came into the living room. "You know I don't like company when I'm working."

Sensing the tension, Elliot stood up and reintroduced himself and Olivia.

"Hello Mr. Sadler, I'm Detective Stabler, this is my partner Detective Benson, we're from special victims' unit," he began. "We're here to ask you and your wife a few questions."

Christian sat next to Josephine.

"What about?" He asked. "And please, make this quick because I need to get back to work."

Olivia leaned in and directed her questions to Josephine.

"Judge Sadler, did you know a Marissa Barlow?"

Josephine looked down at her hands.

Don't look weak, she thought to herself. Christian wouldn't embarrass himself in front of two cops. It's okay, for now.

"Yes I did, she was my best friend," she answered. "She-"

"Marissa was my secretary," Christian said, standing up and walking over to the mini bar to get a drink. "Very unstable woman. She hasn't come to pick up her things from her desk."

"Well, that's because she's dead," Elliot said. "We found her body in her car last night."

Josephine and Christian both looked at him with shock.

"Oh my God," Josephine said. "What happened to her?"

"She was strangled to death," Olivia explained. "Judge, we found her cell phone, and it shows that you've been calling each other back and forth several times over the last few days."

Christian looked at Josephine, and she knew that the rest of the day would not be pleasant.

"Is there something the matter, Mr. Sadler?" Elliot asked, not liking the vibes he was getting from Christian.

Likewise, Christian didn't like the presence of the two detectives in his house while he was trying to work.

"No problem sir," Christian said, still looking at his wife. "It's just that I told my wife not to talk to that woman. She was mentally unstable and obsessed with our family."

"We believe that Marissa was sexually assaulted," Olivia explained. "Has her behavior dramatically changed over the last few weeks?"

"Marissa has always behaved strangely," Christian said, taking a small sip of his drink. "I didn't know it at the time that I hired her, but after she met my wife and my first born, Henry, two years ago, she began to call almost three times a day, and when we wouldn't pick up, she had these inexplicable fits at work, lose my paperwork on purpose, curse me out, that sort of thing. I wish that she could have gotten some help."

Olivia nodded and looked at Elliot who had that small smirk on his face. Olivia knew then that he sensed that there was something that the Sadlers were hiding.

"If there aren't anymore questions, then I'd like to get back to work," Christian said, taking Josephine's hand and slipping the glass into her hand. "Josie, show the detectives the door."

With that, Josephine put the glass on the coffee table and she led Elliot and Olivia out.

"If you have anymore questions, just call my chambers," Josephine offered. "My husband always gets a little stressed out when he works from home. I hope you find whoever did this to Marissa."

Both detectives nodded and headed on their way.

Josephine closed the door and leaned against it. She knew that Christian would be furious. If she told him that she was pregnant again, perhaps he would stop hurting her so much. She had to tell him.

She walked into his office, and he looked at her with irritation.

"Get the hell out of my office," he growled. "Go check on Baylor. I told you I don't-"

"Christian, stop!" Josephine yelled, finding her courage. "Every night I pray to God that he protects you! That he helps you come to your senses and that he heals you of your cruelty and anger and that he heals our marriage!"

He got up and grabbed her by her hair and pulled her out of his office.

Josephine continued to fight him off as he dragged her up the stairs.

She pried his hands off of her and stumbled back on the stairs, grabbing the railing so hard that she feared she may have hurt her wrist.

"Christian, stop it!" She yelled and he stared at her with both fury and wonderment. "I'm pregnant!"