A/N: This chapter... is definitely my favorite. It's a turning point and it made me do a little victory dance.
The Sound of Fear: Chapter 6
For the next couple of months, Sasuke sets out to make the man suffer. He doesn't justify himself, doesn't really think about it. He makes the man suffer for pretending to love, for thinking he can stay by Sasuke's side. Sasuke makes him suffer because Itachi's memory makes breathing difficult.
His name is Masahiro Ren and Sasuke knows two very important things about Ren. The first one is that he truly is a masochist. The second is that he believes in his devotion to Sasuke to a point that would make Sakura look like a frigid bitch.
Sasuke learns quickly that humiliating or inflicting pain on this man serves no purpose. Sasuke can do no wrong and if he punishes Ren, then Ren must've earned it somehow. He finds that the best way to hurt the snow-nin is to hurt himself. To overwork himself and forbid Ren from helping him. He finds that Ren is the only man who can truly push him to useless cruelty.
Ren makes him feel so safe and protected that Sasuke can't take it. It's strange how no amount of pain, fear or death could bring him to be cruel, but someone who pretends to love him brings him to such extremes effortlessly. Sasuke goes through the training with more purpose than he ever has before. His brother's face is all he sees on Ren and Orochimaru knows it. The snake watches and knows. Kabuto watches and knows too.
He's fighting right now, the chidori forming a protective coccoon of intense light around him. He faces three opponents, each a different type of specialized fighter. Sasuke is engaged in close combat with a Taijutsu user, his Chidori countering the ninjutsu of the other ninja and his Sharingan desperately dispelling the genjutsu of the third. Sasuke is struggling to keep up with it all, barely blocking the blows aimed to break his bones, barely countering the powerful waves of water, barely seeing through the dozens of opponents that aren't really there.
He jumps back and away, gaining a few seconds of precious time by hiding behind a large rock. He closes his burning eyes, catching his breath. They've been at it so long already... and he's no closer to victory. A low growl starts in Sasuke's chest and his Sharingan spins when he next opens his eyes. Itachi will be much harder than this, can't you even keep up with a few weak nins? The voice should be Orochimaru's, but it sounds like Ren's and Sasuke's fury roars, more intense than ever. It's barely concealed as he leaps in the air, avoiding the crushing water jutsu that comes at him. He summons the speed and the strength he's worked on so much to slip under the tide that follows him in his leap. He can see the Taijutsu user moving to block his movement, to protect the second nin, he can see exactly where the man will be. He can see the openings, the weaknesses. He knows how to end the battle in ten seconds.
Sasuke starts to count. He catches himself inches from the man's counterattack (one) and he spins around, (two) slams a powerful kick to the side of the man's head that crumbles him instantly (three). He doesn't pause in his movements, because he saw the genjutsu of a thousand blades blocking his path forming before the nin even thought of it, and he plunges fearlessly into the barrage, twisting his body so that he's not where the blades will hit. (four, five) He goes over the shoulders of the ninjutsu user, his Chidori crackling in a thin line near the man's neck, under his control (six, seven). The ninjutsu user's head falls off his now decapitated body (eight) at the exact same time that Sasuke lands beside the last illusion-nin (nine), his blade held up against the enemy's neck.(ten)
Ten seconds to put an end to a battle that lasted hours. Sasuke grunts, disgusted with himself. Orochimaru congratulates him on his victory and Sasuke nods in acknowledgment. He's sweaty and pissed off and Kabuto's grinning that knowing smirk. Sasuke growls at him, every frustration suddenly wanting out now.
It takes a lot of self-control to turn away from Kabuto but Sasuke manages to restrain himself despite his confused and angry state. He turns on his heel and runs off. He flees through the streets of the village, faster than the wind itself. Orochimaru makes no move to stop him. He knows Sasuke will be back.
Just to spite him, Sasuke wants to go on, not stop at the lake. He wants to go over it and run back to Konoha.
He pulls to a stop inches from the water, breathing hard. He's confused at the strength that came to him so suddenly, not at the thought of Itachi or Naruto, but at the fury he felt at thinking of Ren. Everything hurts and nothing makes sense. He feels like he's in a container again, unable to move or breathe. Unable to take control of his life.
Sasuke slips out of his clothes and walks under the water. He holds himself there until his head feels like it's going to explode, until his lungs burn so fiercely he's fairly sure he will die if he doesn't breathe in something.
A hand grabs onto his hair and pulls him to the surface none too gently. Sasuke growls out loud and he's just about to trash Ren, because it has to be Ren who's so intent on saving him but when he turns, he meets not-green eyes.
Actually, he meets one not-green eye. The other is covered by grey-black cloth. Sasuke loses command of his voice and a surprised gasp escaped his lips.
"Kakashi..."
There is so much feeling in that single name that Sasuke immediately attempts to bring his defences back up. The vulnerability that the man in front of him forces him into is too uncomfortable to face, too many memories undealt with, too much raw feeling... something like hope that crushes Sasuke.
Kakashi smiles under his mask, it's a kind grin full of something akin to relief. "You've grown."
Sasuke feels like crying, he feels like running, he feels like latching onto Kakashi and never let go. He shivers, suddenly achingly aware of his nakedness, suddenly ashamed to be exposed so thoroughly. The hand that pulled him out of the water is still in his hair, but it drifts into a caress through the much longer, tamer-looking strands of darkblue, then away.
"It's been two years." Sasuke curses his voice for sounding so weak. He feels shaky, his muscles like jelly, his head full of cotton. He finally breaks away from Kakashi's eye and pulls on his pants. His heart is beating wildly, because Kakashi smells like himself. He smells like a memory. But there's a touch of something else there. Something that's purely Naruto clings to Kakashi.
Sasuke sits on the grass, closes his eyes. He wishes that when he opens them, Kakashi will be gone. He wishes that when he opens them, Naruto will be there. He wishes that when he opens his eyes again, he'll find himself in Konoha, waking from a bad dream. It's so foolish, but Sasuke can't help himself. He gives himself a mental push and fortunately finds that it's enough. It's enough to realise how weak he is right now, how vulnerable and how much he trusts Kakashi still. It's enough to remind himself of why he left in the first place.
"You shouldn't be here, Kakashi."
"Neither should you, Sasuke." Kakashi's voice is soft and serious, his one eye so kind that Sasuke feels cold all over. He shivers.
"I... I have to see this through." The stutter doesn't escape either of them and it gives Sasuke motivation enough to regain control over himself. "I made my choice and you can't change my mind. There is no going back for me."
Kakashi doesn't reply that statement. He sits in front of Sasuke, his one eye serious and tempting. "Let's pretend for a while that you never made that choice, hm? Let's pretend, until I go back to the Leaf and you go back to Sound, that you're still my student and I'm still your teacher."
And Sasuke knows what Kakashi is doing. Kakashi is far too smart. He wants Sasuke to feel the longing, feel the need for companionship again, to feel cared for by someone he trusts. It's an offer. It's a hand held out to show him going back isn't that impossible. Sasuke knows it's a trap for his feelings, he knows it's manipulation in his best interest. But the offer comes at a time when Sasuke can turn no other way. It comes at a time when Sasuke is so confused the only thing he knows for sure is that Itachi's still alive and that's wrong. It's the only thing he never loses sight of.
But Ren's devotion, his aniki's memory, Tayuya's need, Naruto's laugh and Orochimaru's pain... it all makes Sasuke feel full to the brink. He feels like he needs to stop thinking in circles, running over the same things over and over again. He feels like he wants to be cradled in Kakashi's arms as he cries to the last tear in his body. Sasuke's fourteen years old and he just wants to stop acting like an adult, like a master, like a lover, a rival, a prodigy, a vessel... He just wants to be for a while. Is that so bad?
"No. It isn't." Kakashi speaks like he's heard every word and when the warm hand rests on Sasuke's shoulder, the pent up feelings leap up, trying to break free. Sasuke ruthlessly pushes them back down, but not before he shudders and gives into the gentle pressure on his shoulder leading him to a strong chest, another arm around him. Before he knows it, Sasuke is drawn into a hug.
Breathing shakily, Sasuke rests his head on Kakashi's shoulder. He thinks maybe Kakashi is holding him a little too tight, a little too close and it occurs to him that he once hurt this man he trusts. That this tentative hug isn't solely for his sake but for Kakashi's as well. And giving comfort isn't really comfortable but it's better than receiving it. So Sasuke brings a hand up and hugs back. He can hear Kakashi's heartbeat where his head leans against the broad chest and Sasuke thinks he's never heard anything more soothing. He thinks it sounds like relief. He thinks it sounds like his father's hand in his hair.
He opens his mouth to say those two words of regrets, those words he's not uttered since his brother tore away the biggest part of his heart. He can already hear himself say it, 'I'm sorry.' But in the end, he shuts his mouth, lips resting back against one another. Is he really sorry for leaving? No. He isn't. It's not something to regret, because you can't change it. Just like wishing Itachi had never done what he did, wishing he'd never left is just foolish. He did it for reasons which still hold. So then why did he even open his mouth in the first place?
Kakashi pets Sasuke's hair affectionately and gives a light tug to its growing length. "Don't think so much, Sasuke. Just enjoy here and now because it's not going to last."
And so it won't. Orochimaru will feel Kakashi around sooner or later. And then they'll force him back to Sound and kill Kakashi.
Sasuke sighs, eyes shut. "I'm so confused, Kakashi. So fucking lost." It's so honest, heartfelt and true that Sasuke can't stand it. A second later, he tears himself away from the older man and swallows carefully, "You have to leave." He wants to say please, but he doesn't. "Don't tell the Dobe."
Rising in turn, Kakashi gives Sasuke one of his proud smiles, the same he had after he told Team 7 they passed the test. "Just remember who you are, Uchiha Sasuke." It feels like faith. Sasuke gives a curt nod and allows himself to blink.
And Kakashi's gone.
Sasuke slumps back down on the forest floor and he just lies there for a while, giving himself some time. He knows what he has to do now.
It's only a few minutes later that Ren finds him. The huge man doesn't say a word, just looks at him with a hint of despair tainting his devotion. It's obvious he wants to reach down and make everything better for Sasuke. But after being refused time and again, after having been made to suffer for this master's entertainment time after time, he just doesn't dare.
Even with the newfound resolve, Sasuke can't allow him to make things better for him, but maybe he can make things better for Ren. For once. He sighs and softly asks, "Will nothing make you turn from me, Ren?"
Wordlessly, the man shakes his head. He removes his coat and drapes it around Sasuke's shoulders, waiting, watching.
"Let's head back." He allows Ren to help him up, allows him to feel useful and needed. They walk back to the village slowly. Ren isn't smiling, but his eyes are more at peace than any other time in the past.
tbc...
Some replies:
Jenanien: Ya, the Uchiha is full of surprises, but that back there isn't how he fights, exactly. It's his trump card... Hush. You're not supposed to know about it! (grin) Thanks a lot, hun, I can only hope you'll like the rest of what I have in store. (offers popcorn)
Shadowbright: I was hoping to pin it right for Sasuke's character. (shakes head) Poor boy. He's really confused about a lot of things. (pets him). I admit, shamefully, that I am writing this for myself. I hardly ever publish anything, so I'm glad you found it worth your time and enjoyed yourself reading. I'll dedicate the oncoming chapter to you, because you made me giggle with glee!
XxHunter The One and OnlyxX: Most definitely will! Thanks! In all truthfulness, the main part of this story is already done. It needs a little correcting and a little shaping up, but it's mostly done. Yay!
SharinganSasuke: Thanks for the comment, hun. Hope you enjoy the rest of it.