(DISCLAIMER: The following, rather lengthy, chapter of Paranoia Agent: 2nd Visit contains mature subject matter involving homosexual activities. You have been warned…)
Tsukina Hishimoto gazed down at her gauze-wrapped hands tiredly. They felt…numb. Just like she did. Numb and empty, almost as if they weren't really there. Much like her mind, much like her entire life up to this point, they had been the victim of a horrifying revelation that had driven her into the spiraling depths of both denial and despair. Everything that she thought she knew was wrong. Everything that she had ever believed was a lie. The one person in the world that Tsukina had been willing to sacrifice almost anything to please so that she would love her…was not real. She had no one. She had nothing. She was nothing. Everything that she thought she was had been stripped away from her rudely, without any kind of warning.
Don't you understand, Tsukina! He left me here alone to raise a daughter! One that wasn't even my own!
Tsukina cringed outwardly at those hideous words as they echoed in her mind mercilessly. Why hadn't her father told her the truth? Why did he hide it from her? Who was her real mother? Who was she? Again, she could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes; not from the pain of her injured hands, but from the spoken truth that had shattered her reality. Tsukina tried to suppress them. She had already spent the remnants of the entire night crying. She was tired of the tears. She was tired of feeling nothing but an aching sorrow that ate away at her heart. She wanted to be happy again. She wanted to be free of the pain that had broken her spirit and taken away the only thing that ever mattered to her. She wanted…wanted the lie back. She didn't want the truth, she never wanted the truth. She never asked to know! The only thing that she had wanted was for her mother to love her like any mother should. But now, that would be impossible.
A boy with golden bat formed in her head, his dark smile piercing the gloom. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to push away the shadowy image of him.
"No," she grunted weakly, on the verge of raising her gauzed hands to her head. "J-Just…go…go away… Please…"
A weak moan from beside her pulled Tsukina away from the twisted emptiness of her inner turmoil and delusional battle with the illusion in her mind. Her heart almost skipped a beat when that sound had escaped the pale woman's lips. Opening her eyes, she hesitantly turned to face the woman who had been her mother until last night. Asashi Hishimoto's eyelids fluttered open spastically. Her mouth worked and moved oddly. For a moment, Tsukina forgot about her sorrow, forgot about her own worries and gazed down nervously at her…her… At the woman who had raised her. Afterall, she had been the one hit by the boy with the bat. Struck in the side of the head and knocked unconscious by that little freak. When Tsukina had found her, Asashi was lying haphazardly against the rough surface of the pavement in the alley she had been searching through. Trying to find…her. And even though she knew it wasn't her real mother, that didn't stop the feelings of horror or fear for her well being from forcing Tsukina up from the ground in a panic to find the woman help. But who had that boy been? And why did he seem…different from the one in her nightmare? The one that seemed to be trapped in her head. Why didn't he attack her instead? Why did he go after her…after the woman lying on the hospital bed next to her?
"Tsu-Tsukina…?"
The voice of Asashi filled Tsukina with both joy and dread. Old feelings of closeness and familiarity being rolled over by a wave of doubt, confusion and anger; a dark tide of negativity that she had always felt, but never knew why. Until now.
Forcing a smile on her weary face, Tsukina looked down at the woman who was not her mother and said…nothing. What could she say to her? How could she speak to the woman when she knew that the first words out of her mouth would be anything but kind? There were questions that she wanted answered. Dark spots in her life that she wanted filled with light. Who was her real mother? What was she like? Why did she just…just abandon her and her father? And where did she go? Those were the questions rattling around in her mind like loose dice. On the bed beside her lay the woman who could give Tsukina the answers she craved. A woman who was again trying to speak to her.
"Tsu-Tsukina…? W-Why…why do…you…you look…so…sad…?"
The lissome teenage girl with ebon hair reaching down well past her shoulders, a pale complexion, pouty lips compressed into a tight, joyless grin and a small nose that twitched with anxious irritation regarded Asashi oddly as her mocha-colored eyes widened in unhidden astonishment. "W-What are you talking about?" she heard herself stammer quietly. "D-Don't…don't you remember? W-what…what you said…what you…told me?"
The older woman's dark eyes seemed far away as they lazily traced a path to Tsukina's own.
"I…I remember coming…coming down t-the stairs…hearing y-you screaming…ch-chasing after you," Asashi answered in a broken, disoriented voice. Pausing only long enough to weakly lift a hand from the bed to place upon the bandage-wrapped ones of the girl sitting next to her, she continued on afterward. "I…I c-crossed the street…to…to look for you. C-Called out…called out your name… W-Why…why didn't you a-answer…me, Tsukina? W-Why?" Tears were beginning to glisten wetly in her brown eyes, giving them a glossy and innocent look that somehow seemed wrong on the woman's hard, no nonsense face. Tsukina could feel a hard lump of emotion forming in her throat as she glanced deeply into those eyes.
"Look," she began in a mousy voice that hardly seemed loud enough to be heard. "I…you and I…we…w-we…were talking…a-about…about – "
A firm knock at the door to Asashi's room thankfully interrupted Tsukina's stutter-filled ramble. Pulling her gauze-swathed hands away from Asashi's curtly, the dark-haired girl rose from the chair in a sudden show of relief to be freed from what she had been about to say. Giving the woman on the bed another smile full of lies, Tsukina made her way over to the door slowly. There was another knock from outside, this time a bit more forceful than the last. Reaching out uncertainly, she stopped when she realized the state that her hands were in. Sighing, she backed away from the door and said in as low and audible voice as she could, "Yes, please come in."
There was a slight pause before the stainless steel doorknob twisted to the left and the wide metal door pushed open leisurely. When it had parted enough, a head with close-cropped blonde hair poked in cautiously. "Am I interrupting?" the woman asked in a whispering tone.
Tsukina shook her head as she turned back toward the chair that was positioned next to the bed Asashi occupied.
"No," she returned coolly with another lie. It was amazing how easy it was becoming, to lie…to make excuses…to avoid the…truth. "No, I…I was just keeping my…my…m-mother…" She is NOT my mother! "…company. That's all. Uh…can I help you with something?"
The woman at the door pushed it open the rest of the way and walked respectfully into the room. Once in, she allowed the hydraulic support above the heavy door to pull it closed. For a brief, fleeting moment, it was the only sound to be heard in the room. A loud clicking signaled that the door had shut all the way. And again, there was only silence. Then, the older woman standing before Tsukina broke it abruptly.
"Yes," the blonde-headed woman answered in a louder, more authoritive voice as she reached into the inside of her well-worn, leather bomber jacket; pulling out something black and wallet-like. She raised it carefully and flipped it open with practiced ease to reveal a silvery badge. Tsukina could feel her heart begin to beat faster. "I'm Sergeant Justine Mitchell of the Portland Police Department," she continued, flipping the badge case back up and returning it to the jacket's inner pocket. "And I'd like to ask you a few questions about the boy who attacked your mom."
As the opening chant of Himekami's Kamigami no Uta begins, Maniwa comes to the end of his equation. The chant ends as he looks up with startled eyes, then everything goes white…only to start clearing up as the main music begins and the camera descends through the clouds to an overhead view of Portland, Oregon. The song picks up as we are treated to a typical busy day in downtown Portland – cars at stoplights, buses and lightrails moving to and from, children walking to school; people in general. Then the camera focuses in on a black-haired boy standing alone at a corner gazing down at a small picture in his hand. The light changes and he starts to walk across the street. Then the camera pans down to his shadow to show that it is that of Lil' Slugger. The focus is placed back on the boy as he walks past a dance studio with a Japanese girl bending and stretching inside. The focus goes to her as she continues with her exercises. Her eyes linger on a backpack in the corner, then stops as her mother comes down the stairs. The camera focuses on both their shadows to show that they are those of Lil' Slugger. As the camera pulls back to outside the dance studio, it refocuses on a gay couple as the stride by laughing and holding hands until they get to entrance of the coffee shop they were going to. The camera pans down to their shadows to show two Lil' Sluggers holding hands, then letting go and pulling them away from each other. The camera focuses back on the couple as they enter the coffee shop. The camera then pulls away in a blur of motion and slows to focus on the interior of a classroom were a nun is waving around a ruler menacingly at her students. Her shadow shows Lil' Slugger waving around his crooked bat. The camera pulls up and away from the class and goes through the window to focuses on a car going by and stays with it. Switching to an inside view, we see a woman with close-cropped blond hair talking on a cell phone as she guides the car toward the police precinct. An outside camera view shows the car pulling up in the parking lot of the station and stopping. The camera then focuses on the pavement as the car door opens and we see the shadow of Lil' Slugger as the one under the woman's feet as she gets out. As the music nears its conclusion, the camera recenters on downtown again and shows that everyone walking around has shadows of Lil' Slugger. The camera then pulls back into an overhead view of Portland. The song comes to an end as the camera pulls away even further to reveal that the entire city is covered with a giant shadow of a laughing Lil' Slugger. Everything fades to black and the Japanese Hiragana for PARANOIA AGENT appear and glow red with the words 2ND VISIT under them in English. Then they too fade to black.
This opening montage was done to the music of Himekami's excellent Kamigami no Uta (Song of the Gods) from his 'Best of…' Collection.
EPISODE
THREE
THE TELEVISION
"…Was rumored that something similar happened in Tokyo about two years ago. Do you think that the recent rash of street assaults that have been plaguing Portland lately have any connection?"
"Well, the events in Tokyo have always been the object of some debate. With everything from boys with bats and giant monster blobs to pink plushie toy dogs being the cause for the hysteria that gripped the city. But I don't think that's the case here."
"So, you're saying that there's no connection at all between what's happening here and what happened two years ago in Japan?"
"Rumor and paranoia caused the event in Tokyo to happen. Nothing more. Though, now that I think about it, the hysteria over that strange little dog toy, in all likeliness, may just have contributed to the delirium that nearly destroyed the city."
"But, the possibility of the rumored street attacks there could have been a contributing factor, right?"
"Yes, if they did happen, they could have. But even if that was the case, what we are currently experiencing here is really nothing more than common delinquency – perhaps even some sort of copycat. Someone with little regard for human life who is no better than the 'monster' that supposedly destroyed Tokyo…"
THE RADIO
"…Give me that crap! That's the problem with our society now! Reliance on conveniences to take our minds off our troubles and worries. Television, radio, video games, books, internet? All of them are just ways for us to deny the reality of everyday concerns. When we can't face what's bothering us, we hide behind media – entertainment or otherwise. Denying the truth and living in a lie, that's what our new world has become…"
THE POLICE PRECINCT
"…So, you heard about what happened right?"
"What?"
"You mean you haven't hear about the newest one?"
"Newest one?"
"Jeez man, are you behind on the precinct news! There was another street attack lastnight."
"Aw man, no shit?"
"Yeah. This time it was a dance instructor from the Forest Park area."
"Damn man, what the fuck is going on around here? That's the fourth victim in as many days! Who the fuck is doing this?"
"Don't know man, but this one's just as bad as the others."
"Oh man, you mean that she's…"
THE NEWSPAPER
The Oregonian, Page 1 Story: 'Mary Bennett's Newest Novel Sets High Standard For Fictional Writing'.
…And while commercial feedback and reception has been steady, it is expected that her newest book could set a new standard for how a fiction novel is written. It's being said that by many readers that 'Reverie Hill' creates a world so vivid, alive and full of feeling that it's hard to put it down. If post sale totals for the reported time it's been out are any indication, Mary Bennett's newest work could become the highest selling novel released after…
THE COFFEE SHOP
"…Don't really feel safe anymore. I mean, with everything that's been happening."
"Yeah, it seems that the only safe place now is in your home…oh, wait a minute. Didn't the first attack happen there? In that man's home?"
"No, it was the two kids. You know, the ones from Lincoln High."
"Hold on, I thought it was three. Wasn't it three who were attacked? Two girls and a boy?"
"Uh-uh, it was only two boys. I don't think there was anyone else there."
"Well, either way it goes, I won't be letting my kids go anywhere by themselves. Not anymore. Things are just getting too crazy out there."
"I agree with you. But what would drive someone to do something like this? Hitting people in the head for no reason?"
"Probably someone who's been watching too much TV or some kid who's been playing too many violent video games or…"
INTERNET CHATROOM
Morely: The Golden Shoes!
SOPWITH123: The Golden Shoes!
maromi's right hand: tha golden shoos
UNSEEN510: the golden shoes!
Morely: The Golden Shoes, yes! But we need more! Much more!
SOPWITH123: More?
Morely: Yes. More than what we have here.
maromi's right hand: well, tha more tha merriar!
UNSEEN510: jeez! learn how to spell! and i can get more! no probs!
Morely: Yes. More. Get more! Need more before the fun begins!
SOPWITH123: But when will the fun start, Morely?
Morely: Soon. Very soon.
A STREET CORNER
"…Oh what a cute picture! What is it?"
"Denial."
"Excuse me?"
"That is a picture of denial."
"But…it, uh…looks like a…a dog."
"It may look like a dog, but it is denial."
"Uh…okay. So how many do you have? My twins would absolutely adore these!"
"Just that one. The only one left…"
oOo
"Of course I understand, dear," Ashe Knolan replied easily into his cellphone as a thin line of sweat beaded across his forehead. "I don't think that Tim should be exposed that kind of nonsense either. We all know how the church community feels about the subject." Adjusting his cell carefully as he placed his other hand against the wall, Ashe smiled broadly as he continued his ritual morning exercise fervently. "No, as long as that man is a teacher at my son's elementary school, he won't be going back. In that, I think we can both agree." Ashe's breathing became heavier as he upped the pace of his exercise, the salty drops of perspiration giving off a light tickling sensation as they traced a path down his sweatshirt covered back. He held the cellphone tighter as it began to slip from his grip. At that, he grimaced. "Well then, the people on the school board are a bunch of fucking idiots. And so are the parents that support their decision to let that man continue to teach there. Truth be told Lizzy, I don't know what the world is coming to."
Ashe grunted stiffly as a familiar sensation crept into his torqued muscles. A smile teased on his lips. It was a feeling he knew all too well. One that he had been expecting.
"Yes," he returned into the cellphone as he stifled another grunt trying to escape his mouth. "I know about Father Richards' invitation to dinner and I already told him that we'd be there." Ashe paused for a moment to catch his breath, listening to his wife go over the babysitting arrangements and clothing choices as another grunt touched his ears. Ashe could feel his entire body tense as he forced himself to take a deep, calming breath. The sweat on his forehead grew. His muscles knotted. The sweatshirt clung to his body like a wet nightgown. "No, not her. I've heard that she was pregnant or something. And I won't have some gutter tramp like her watching my son. What do you mean 'where did I hear that'? From Becca of course, you know, your best friend. No, I don't think it's just a rumor. Well, whatever. Just find someone else. I don't want that trash in our house or anywhere near our son. It's as simple as that." Ashe gripped the phone tighter as more grunts and pants caressed his ears. He could feel his knees begin to weaken as he pushed past the point of no return. His entire body was shuddering; with both an incredible sense of completion and an overwhelming anticipation that made his muscles ache that much more. On the other end of the cellphone, Lizzy continued on with her annoying and pointless conversation about what they should be wearing to the dinner with Father Richards. Ashe could feel his patience growing thin.
"Lizzy…Lizzy…LIZZY!" he exclaimed tiredly into the cell's small, almost invisible receiver. "Be quite and listen to me for a moment. Thank you. Now, it doesn't matter what you pull out for me to wear. Just make sure it's casual and not too dressy. I should be home at about…oh, say six-thirty, traffic permitting. Make sure that everything is ready to go when I get there. Oh, and make sure that you find someone else to look after Tim tonight. I don't want that whore in my house. Do you understand me? Good. Now, I have to go. Bye hon."
Lowering the thin cellphone from his ear, Ashe depressed the 'end' button with his thumb, flipped it closed and tossed it onto the pile of dirty towels near his feet. As he did, he could feel his body quiver again with anticipation. This time, however, he didn't try to hold in the grunt that had worked its way up his throat. He let it out excitedly. Pulling his other hand away from the wall, Ashe wrapped it – along with the other – around the pale waste of his 'exercise' partner.
"God," he quipped in a partially restrained voice, digging his slender and manicured fingers into his lover's hips. "She can be such a fucking burden! It's like she needs me to lead her by the…the…the nose every…every…every…oh fuck! Oh yeah! Right there! Right fucking there! Yeah…oh yeah! Keep clenching those…those… Oh fuck yes!"
Ashe could feel that familiar warmth between his legs as he began to thrust harder into the soft flesh of the person on all fours before him. A twisted sensation of longing and lust inched its way up his spine as his knees started to buckle. The deep and heavy moans coming from his lover made Ashe's lips curve up devilishly; made him push into that moist softness even harder. Those moans turned into hard grunts of satisfaction then perverted into screams of 'more' and 'faster', which drove Ashe into a near orgasmic delirium. With a loud groan of his own, he shoved himself one more time into the shuddering and naked body kneeling in front him, then collapsed onto it's cool, sweat-covered back in complete satisfaction. The person beneath him let out a weak, shallow moan that echoed the contentment that Ashe was feeling. For a long moment, they both laid there – draped across the locker room bench of the Norsham Men's Fitness Center and Gym – in near total silence; with only the sound of deep breaths being taken to interrupt it. Then it was broken.
"That…that was…that was fucking incredible," the man lying beneath Ashe commented breathlessly.
Ashe lifted a shaky hand and used it to stroke the back of his lover's neck tenderly. The man under him shivered slightly, bringing a weak smile to his face. "Yeah, I know. Am I good or what?"
The man lying on his stomach across the cool wooden bench stifled a bitter laugh.
"I wasn't talking about the sex, Ashe," he muttered after taking another deep breath. The other man's voice was now carrying an edge to it, sour and resentful. "I was talking about how you can act so high and mighty with that holier-than-thou attitude of yours."
Ashe's smile faded as he stopped stroking the back of the man's neck abruptly. He heard himself sigh in exasperation as his eyes rolled toward the lockers. He knew exactly what was about to come out of the other man's mouth. And Ashe really wasn't in the mood to put up with it. Not today of all days. "What the fuck is wrong now, Thomas?" he growled angrily, pulling himself away from his lover's cool body slowly. "What the hell is up with the attitude all of a sudden? You sure didn't have one while I was fucking your ass silly."
Thomas just lay there, not bothering to turn around and face Ashe as he answered the questions directed at him. "That's just the problem, Ashe," he returned quietly, the tone of his voice still reflecting some of that earlier heat. "You 'fucking my ass silly' while you're sitting there not only discussing dinner plans with your wife, but badmouthing a man that I consider to be a very close friend. How in the hell can you say any of that shit with a straight fucking face while you're plugging me in the ass and liking it just as much as I do?"
Ashe stood up, gazing down at Thomas with hard and narrowed eyes. It wasn't the first time that they had had this conversation. In fact, it seemed as if they were having it more often as of late. To say that he was getting sick of Thomas's incessant whining and bitching would be a gross understatement. Dammit, why didn't the man understand his place in the overall scheme of Ashe's life! Why did he have to continue to push at him, why did Thomas insist upon pursuing such a senseless argument each and every time they had sex with one another? Either way it went, he was very sure that it wouldn't be the last little quarrel that they had over their so-called 'relationship'.
"Listen," he began in a low, incensed voice that more than reflected the bitter thoughts forming in his head. "I have a life outside of you, Thomas. You can't expect me to endanger it just because you happen to be friends with the local gay teacher. I'm sorry that it pisses you off, but I can't threaten my family's happiness or my connection with the church just because you can't accept that. You knew what you were getting into well before we started having sex with each other."
Bending down, Ashe retrieved one of the cleaner towels from the floor and draped it across his shoulder with a casual ease. But, his hazel eyes never left Thomas's back.
"What you want," he continued stonily. "I can't give you Thomas. I won't give you. You should know that by now. I still love Lizzie and my son is the most important thing in my life. Both of them are. All you are is a fling, a way to satisfy this ungodly lust inside me. I told you that after the first night we spent together. But you kept coming back, time after time." He paused momentarily to catch his breath and adjust his position next to the bench before resuming his mild tirade. "If you did so just because you thought that I'd fall in love with you and abandon my family, you were sadly fucking mistaken."
Taking another moment to gaze down at his watch, Ashe sighed when he realized what time it was. Turning away from Thomas's prone form, he made his way toward the nearby group of shower stalls.
"Look, I've got to get ready for work," he uttered nastily over his shoulder. "We'll have to deal with this at another time. Get yourself cleaned up and get out of here. Use the back exit. I don't want anyone to know that you were here. That would be the last thing that I needed, rumors about me being gay to get out. I don't need the added aggravation in my life."
Not saying anything else afterward, Ashe walked away from Thomas briskly not realizing that the man lying across the bench had been weeping silently the entire time.
oOo
Tsukina stared vacantly into her styrofoam cup of orange juice as the cool air from the hospital cafeteria's air conditioning vents flowed lightly across her skin. She sat there silently, saying nothing to the woman with whom she shared the table; gauze-covered hands wrapped lightly around the white cup before her. The topic of their conversation had forced an uncomfortable chill to work its way into her body and up her spine. It was an unsettling feeling born from a fear that she could not even begin to understand. Thinking about what had happened, thinking about…him, about that strange boy – the one in her head now – from lastnight seemed to do that to her. The entire thing had seemed so…so surreal. Unnatural. Why hadn't the boy with the bent bat hit her? Why did he go after…after her…after Asashi? A soft sloshing sound drew her attention away from the disjointed reverie. Across from her, on the other side of the small table, Sergeant Justine Mitchell of the Portland P.D. stirred in the powered creamer that she had just added to her cup of coffee, giving Tsukina a light grin before lifting it to her mouth and taking a sip.
"So," she said after lowering the cup back down to the table. "The orange juice here is that good, huh? That's okay; my coffee isn't really that much better. What is it with hospitals and decent coffee? Or decent anything for that matter?"
Gazing up with a startled expression and a slight blush, Tsukina gave the older woman a weak smile.
"Uh…no," the girl said modestly as she enclosed both of her hands around the styrofoam cup and began to lift it to her mouth. "I…I'm just…I'm just…worried. That's all."
Justine flashed the Japanese girl across from her a sympathetic, reassuring smile as she slid the cup of coffee aside and quietly replied, "About your mom?"
Tsukina could feel her jaw clench tightly.
She is NOT my mother!
The cup in her hands twitched and trembled as her already weak grip around it slipped even more.
Don't you understand, Tsukina? He left me here alone to raise a daughter! One that wasn't even my own!
The orange liquid within slopped around wildly; some of it splashing to the smooth top of the table as the stark white cup nearly fell from her gauze-swaddled hands.
Who am I?
"P-Please," Tsukina uttered miserably as she lowered the cup to the table as quickly as she could without spilling anymore of its contents. Again the denial, the lies came swiftly to her lips. How long would she be able to deny the truth? How long would she be able to hide away from the pain that was slowly carving a hole in her heart? "Can…can we please just l-leave her…leave h-her out of this? I-I mean, she…she's already been through so m-much. J-Just the…the thought of h-her lying on…on that bed, it…it makes me w-want to…to cry. I've b-been through so much…lastnight…that…that boy…"
Through the gauze, she could feel the dull touch of another hand upon hers.
"Sure," Justine voiced calmly as she lightly patted the top of Tsukina's injured left hand.
Tsukina lowered her eyes to the table dejectedly, and then mumbled a weak, "Thank you."
For a long moment that was all that was said, with no other words passing between the two women. Tsukina kept her eyes locked on the tabletop, doing whatever she could to avoid the policewoman's understanding yet piercing gaze. It wasn't that she didn't want to answer the woman's questions. She would do almost anything to bring that violent little maniac to justice. It was just that those questions the policewoman wanted answers to just brought up more questions to torment her already overfull mind. Questions that she both did and didn't want the answers to. Questions that only the woman resting in Room 560 could answer. But how could she continue to avoid them?
"Did he carry…a bat?" Justine's lowered voice sternly spoke out against the silence, pulling the dark-haired girl from her rambling thoughts.
Tsukina's head rose quickly to the other woman's cerulean eyes as that uncomfortable chill tickled at the base of her spine.
"W-What?"
Justine's eyes narrowed slightly as she slowly pulled her hand away from Tsukina's, then, along with the other, steepled them both under her chin. Her face still retained a warm and comforting look of understanding, but it seemed…harder for some reason. "Look," the police sergeant began in a more serious tone as she crooked her head noticeably to the right. "I know that this is very difficult for you, especially with what happened to your mother."
Tsukina tried not to wince at the remark.
That woman IS NOT my mother! In the back of her mind, a shadow stirred slowly and began to take shape.
"But," Justine continued, heedless of Tsukina's reaction to her own internal and conflicting thoughts. "I need you to put that aside for just a few minutes and answer my questions. Can you do that?"
The long-haired girl said nothing as she looked back down at the tabletop with widened eyes, breath seeming to grow shallow with each intake of air. The woman across from her frowned, her patience wearing thinner by the second. "Would it help you to make a decision if I told you that there were three other attacks exactly like the one on your mother?"
The older woman's words didn't touch Tsukina. She just sat there, eyes large and glassy; chest heaving up and down heavily as her breathing increased to near short gasps.
Stop saying that! She isn't my mother! Something hard and golden glinted in the dark as an unnaturally large, white smile pushed through the ebon in her head.
"Dammit Tsukina, this isn't some kind of fucking game! If you know something, you have to tell me! There were two boys attacked just the other day, in broad daylight no less, same MO as your mom. And a man brought in that same evening was also suffering from similar injuries! With your mother, that makes four people with the same type of head wound! All of them the result of blunt force trauma to the cranium, and each one of them, with the exception of your mom, now in a coma! You and your mother are the only ones that whackjob didn't knock senseless! You and her are the only ones who can identify that little shit! If you don't help me, Tsukina, more innocent people might get hurt! Do you want that? Huh? Do you!"
No, no, NO! Stop calling that…that woman my mother! She isn't! She's a fake! She's not real! SHE'S NOT REAL! The vague image unhurriedly began to move toward her, still smiling, still holding that heavy golden object.
"Tsukina," Justine called out, concern echoing through her voice all of a sudden. "Tsukina? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
But the girl couldn't hear her. There was another sound in her ears, one that drowned out everything else. A sound that wasn't just in her mind anymore.
Skitch…skitch…skitch…skitch…skitch…
Moaning loudly, Tsukina clamped her hands down around her ears as she burst up from her chair. The force of her standing so quickly caused it skid back across the waxed and buffed floors of cafeteria easily. In front of her, Justine rose from her own seat; lips mouthing out silent questions that Tsukina could not answer. Over the loud noise of inline skates striking against pavement that were ringing in her ears, echoing through her mind, voices blared out questions that forced her to face that grim reality she was trying so hard to hide away from. Asashi Hishimoto. The boy with the crooked bat. Questions, but no answers. Never any answers.
About your mom?
"Shut up," she mumbled under her breath, staggering away from the table and around the cafeteria like a mad woman.
Did he carry…a bat?
"Why didn't he hit me? WHY DIDN'T HE HIT ME!"
I know that this is very difficult for you, especially with what happened to your mother.
"ShutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!"
Would it help you to make a decision if I told you that there were three other attacks like the one on your mother?
"SHE ISN'T! SHE ISN'T! SHE ISN'T!"
There were two boys attacked just the other day, in broad daylight no less, same MO as your mom.
"STOP LYING! SHE'S A FAKE! SHE'S NOT REAL!"
With your mother, that makes four people with the same type of head wound! All of them the result of blunt force trauma to the cranium, and each one of them, with the exception of your mom, now in a coma! You and your mother are the only ones that whackjob didn't knock senseless!
Swinging around to face the police sergeant with wild eyes, Tsukina lowered her hands from her ears and glared furiously at the older woman. The sound of those disembodied rollerblades was still roaring within them.
"SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER," she screamed, tears beginning to form in her dark brown eyes. "I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER! I DON'T EXIST! I WAS NEVER BORN! JUST LIKE…JUST LIKE HIM!" Tsukina began to laugh hysterically, low and unnoticeable at first; growing steadily louder as the seconds went by. Then, she began to stammer unintelligibly between the rough laughter. "B-Bent…bent like a dog…a dog's leg… G-Gold… Just like…like his…his…his…r-rollerblades… I don't…don't have…a…mother…? W-Who…am…I…?"
Her breathing had become irregular, her chest rising up and down too quickly to keep her laughter sustained. Tsukina's brown eyes widened a fraction more than they already were, then rolled up into the back of her head as she passed out and collapsed forward from the lack of oxygen. Justine rushed toward her as fast as she could, barely making it there in time to catch Tsukina in her arms as she crumpled loosely to the ground. In front of her, the door leading to back of the cafeteria flew open as the cooks in the back poured out to see what all the commotion in the dining hall had been about. Holding Tsukina in her arms tightly, Justine gazed over at them with fire and urgency in her eyes.
"Don't just stand there gawking at me," she yelled out angrily, adjusting the young Japanese girl's weight as she settled herself as comfortably as she could on the tiled floor. "Go find a doctor! A nurse! Any fucking body! Just do it fast! HURRY!"
Without questioning the close-cropped haired woman, a number of the cooks scattered, running out the side and main doors that led into the sterile white hallways in search of help for Tsukina. And as the world around Justine became a bustle of activity, as the harsh cacophony of a dozen of voices chased away the calm barrenness of the silence before; a bare whisper from the pale lips of the girl she held caressed her ears lightly.
"He comes…for…those…who are…cornered…"
oOo
For the second time since he had left the fitness center, Ashe straightened his expensive blue tie as he gazed up into the rearview mirror of his Lexus. He had washed away the sin and guilt of his vile, disgusting actions; free of the ungodly lust that slept within him. He was pure again, once more a man to be trusted and a man of healing. Ashe smiled broadly at the reflection of himself in the mirror, gray-blue eyes staring right back at him. Was it any wonder that he had everything he did now? A beautiful wife, a handsome and talented son, membership to one of the most respected churches in Portland, a great career and a large gathering of friends and family that were willing to do anything for him. He was the epitome of the American Dream, a fine example of everything that made his country so great. He was what it meant to be American.
"It's the top of the hour, Portland. I'm Marvin Greenly with your NewsRadio 750 KXL midday report. Our top story this afternoon…"
Taking his attention away from his preening, Ashe reached down smoothly and lowered the volume on the car stereo. Afterall, what need did he have to hear of everyone else's problems when his life was going so great? Why did he need to be brought down by the troubles of the lesser half of society? Wasn't it enough that he dealt with those types of people every day when he went to work?
"…Police took the girl's parents into protective custody early last month – although they initially lied and said her boyfriend had tried to kill them. Now, authorities are looking for the teen. The mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, later told detectives that her daughter had attempted to assault herself and her husband with a fireplace poker. Local authorities have placed an APB out on the girl…"
Sighing as he reached the freeway exit that would put him on Pettygrove Street, Ashe casually checked the other lanes before flipping on the signal light and steering his golden Lexus toward the feeder road. What was the world coming to? Children beating their parents? Mothers bringing criminal charges against their daughters? He was glad that nothing like that happened in his world of perfection. Lizzie and Tim were the perfect example of what a wife and child should be. It was a shame that he couldn't say the same thing about Will, his eldest son. But even with that tiny blemish of imperfection, something like the sad tragedy that he had just heard about could never happen to his family. It would be unthinkable.
"…If you are a young teen who has run away from home or has been living on the streets because no one understands, let Double Life Choices offer you a place to…"
With a hard grunt escaping his throat, Ashe leaned down quickly and pressed the scan button on the car stereo's pristine and polished face. That was the last thing he wanted to hear about! A wretched sanctuary for all those homeless gays that were rightfully put on the street by their parents! It was what they deserved for being perversions and abominations for all that was normal in the world. It was their sickening stain that was helping to drag down the once great nation he lived in! Their diseased kind was not needed, nor was it wanted! Sometimes Ashe just wished that they could all be wiped from the face of the Earth. Just like that foul, hideous lust within him.
"…In a decision that is sure to cause controversy with the parents of the religious community, Lamont Dale has been allowed to keep his job as a teacher amidst allegations and rumors of him being homosexual. A spokesperson close to the school board committee had these comments…"
Ashe's face twisted up angrily as he pressed the button again. They were going to let that fag continue to work there! Were they stupid! What in the hell were they thinking! Behind him, a car horn blared annoyingly. Looking up from the stereo, he practically sneered when he realized that the light had turned green. Pulling his hand up to the steering wheel, he gripped it tightly and pushed down harder than he wanted to on the gas. The golden car jerked forward awkwardly.
"…Will be sponsoring the annual Gay and Lesbian Rights March this weekend…"
Ashe tried to ignore the other horns on the road behind him as he reached down once more and hit the scan button with a stiff finger. The stations on the stereo changed again.
"…The debate over gay marriages has again become the hot topic in the city council, with a push now coming from local celebrity…"
He stepped on the gas harder, steering wildly around a slow-moving car in front of him. His finger pushed the scan button again.
"…Hishimoto was the latest victim in the recent rash of brutal street attacks that has already left three people in serious to critical conditions at…"
He hit the button again.
"…It was two years ago today that the Japanese city of…"
And again.
"…In a startling turn of events…"
And again.
"…It was revealed…"
And again.
"…A local doctor…"
And again.
"…Was having…"
And again.
"…A gay affair…"
And again.
"…With his patient…"
And again.
"…I know…"
And again.
"…Everyone knows…"
And again.
"…I know…"
In a sudden burst of uncontrolled anger, Ashe pulled his finger away from the scan button and then twisted the smooth knob on the stereo's face as hard as he could. It broke off easily in his trembling digits. Eyes widening, he yanked his hand furiously away from the car stereo and flung the knob against the dashboard. It bounced once, then fell into the passenger seat.
Within seconds, the only sound inside the car was the low hum of the air conditioner and his own heavy, labored breaths. But even with the cool air blowing across his forehead, a slight sheen of sweat still formed there. And somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice continued to taunt him as he guided his golden Lexus down Pettygrove Street toward the Hob Hill Shopping District.
…I know…
-o-
By the time Ashe arrived in the parking lot of Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital, most of his anger had dissipated. The drive through the shopping district had reminded him how good he had it and how perfect his life was. He had no need to worry about anything. No one knew what he did behind closed doors, so to speak. No one knew about Thomas or the sexual relationship he shared with him. And no one ever would.
Before he left his car, Ashe had retrieved the volume knob/off switch from the passenger side seat and placed it carefully inside the glove compartment for safekeeping until he could get it fixed. Sighing as he did, he knew that him breaking the stereo knob would cause a little trouble with Lizzie, who hadn't wanted him to get the car to begin with. But he wasn't worried. Lizzie was as good as putty in his hands when he put on the charm. That winning smile, that twinkle in his eyes; that would be all it took for Ashe to end his wife's tirade and put her on her back where she belonged. Before the night was up, she would have forgotten all about why they had been arguing in the first place.
Closing the glove compartment and smiling broadly to himself, Ashe reached into the backseat and retrieved a folder full of paperwork that he had taken home the night before. Afterward, he pulled his keys out of the ignition and opened the door to the dull, overcast day. Stepping out into the lukewarm breeze, Ashe stretched momentarily before closing the car door and beginning a brisk stride toward the hospital's entrance. As he walked away from the Lexus, he paused for a moment to point a small black object at the end of his keychain at the golden car then pressed one of the buttons. A loud bwee-beep echoed through the airy parking lot. The car alarm set, Ashe resumed his casual pace toward his place of employment.
Upon passing through the double doors and entering the lobby, Ashe began his daily ritual of greeting his fellow workers. He did so with the ease of a recorded message.
"Good afternoon, Florence. How's your son doing?"
"Oh hello, Doctor Knolan. He's doing great. Thanks for asking!"
"No problem. Hey Mark, how's it going? Still having problems with that patient of yours?"
"Hey Ashe. No, not anymore. The sedative has finally worn off and that detective and shrink are in there with her right now. Looks like she'll make a full recovery and ID the man that kidnapped her."
Ashe nodded like he really gave a damn.
"That's a good thing to hear. Hope they nail that bastard. I'll see you later and remember we – "
"Doctor Knolan? Oh Doctor Knolan, thank God you're here!" a loud voice called out through the lobby.
Turning, Ashe found himself facing big, heavy-set woman wearing a cook's apron of all things. He recognized her. She was one of the women from that god-awful cafeteria. What the hell did she want with him?
"Yes" he question stiffly, hardening the smile on his face so it wouldn't falter. "What is it? What's wrong?"
The cafeteria woman almost seemed to be out of breath when she reached him. Ashe regarded her heaving form with cool eyes. Serves her right for being such a gluttonous pig and not watching what she crammed down her throat. He almost laughed out at that thought, but stifled it quickly as she opened her pudgy mouth to speak.
"We…We need…you in the…cafeteria…a girl…she just…collapsed…"
It figured. Exactly what he didn't want to deal with so early in the day. Inwardly, he wondered which it would be this time – bulimia or anorexia? Or was it some escapee from the Drug Ward? Why did he always end up with the low-profile cases? Why did he always end up with the dregs of society?
"Alright," Ashe stated with feigned interest as he patted the large woman lightly on the shoulder. "Take me to her."
oOo
Justine was still holding Tsukina when one of the cooks arrived with a tall, young-looking man holding a folder stuffed full of paperwork. She regarded him suspiciously with icy blue eyes as he walked up casually and knelt beside herself and Tsukina. He gave her a warm smile, while asking politely, "What seems to be the problem, miss?"
The woman with short, blond hair almost scowled up at the man as she retorted, "It's sergeant and are you supposed to be a doctor? 'Cause you sure don't sound like you're very interested in helping this girl!"
The dark-haired man only broadened his smile. It was a sickeningly sweet and condescending smile that made Justine clench her jaw in hidden aggravation. Right at that moment, she knew that her and the so-called physician would not be getting alone in any conceivable way. There was just something…wrong about him for her to feel comfortable in his presence.
"Of course I'm here to help, Sergeant," the man stated mildly as he reached down toward Tsukina's face with his finely manicured fingers and use his thumb and forefinger to lift up her eyelid enough to peer in. "Why else would I be here? So, you mind telling me what happened?"
The hard look on Justine's face softened somewhat as she gazed back down into the slack face of Tsukina Hishimoto.
"I don't know," she began quietly, knowing that most of what was coming out of her mouth was a blatant lie. "One minute we were talking and the next, she was freaking out and screaming about not having a mother. Then she passed out and I caught her before she hit the floor. That's all I know."
The doctor pulled his hand away from the Japanese girl's smooth features and signaled the nurse who had accompanied him. He then gave Justine a reassuring smile before turning away from her to issue orders to the long-haired woman standing by the doorway.
"Get me a gurney! And tell them to prep a room." The nurse departed quickly as the doctor readjusted the folder of paperwork in his other hand. Returning his blue-gray eyes to the police sergeant, he reached over and squeezed her shoulder compassionately with his free one. "She'll be alright, Sergeant. It looks as if your friend here passed out from hyperventilating. Any other serious injury was averted when you caught her. But still, we'll set her up in a room and observe for an hour or two just to be sure. I don't think that – "
Without any kind of warning, Tsukina's eyes shot wide open and they turned right to the doctor's surprised face. Her mouth almost seemed to twist into a snarl as she uttered two quiet words that froze him in place.
"…I…know…"
Then, just as quickly, she passed out again, the muscles in her neck slackening and her head gently lolling back to the left in the police sergeant's lap. The entire moment that the odd little event had occupied in time had left both her and the doctor equally stunned, if not totally confused. But to her eyes, it seemed as if Tsukina's brief brush with consciousness had done more than just stunned the doctor by her side. Justine couldn't be too sure, but she was almost positive that the doctor's countenance had paled considerably since his initial arrival. It was also very clear to her perceptive eyes that worry now creased his formerly cheerful face. But…why?
Before she could question him, however, or ask him why what Tsukina said had unsettled him so much, the doctor was up on his feet and moving as hastily as he could to doors that led out into the hallway. Not bothering to give a reason for his departure or even wait for the gurney to arrive to retrieve Tsukina, he disappeared behind the closing double doors without a word to anyone.
oOo
Twenty minutes later, Ashe arrived at his office on the second floor of the northwestern side of the hospital. After he entered, he immediately closed the door and leaned back-first against it. Despite the coolness of the enclosed space, he could still feel thin beads of sweat running almost imperceptibly down along his forehead. He could feel his hands trembling. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His mind was whirling at a rapid pace, questions forming with no answers.
…I…know…
The girl's voice echoed loudly in his head and Ashe's blue-gray eyes widened. The sound of his own heartbeat grew disgustingly cacophonous in his ears. Dropping the folder full of paperwork, Ashe raised his hands to them in an effort to close out the horrible noise. But he couldn't. It was still there. The lie beating within him. The lust hiding inside of him. The truth that he could not hide from. The truth that could destroy him if it ever got out. The truth that could destroy his perfect life.
…I…know…
The loud toning of his cellphone almost startled Ashe out of his shoes. He flailed about, almost like an octopus caught in a fishing net, as he tried to find the pocket he had placed his cell in. Fingers finally coming to rest against it's smooth surface, Ashe groped the small, sleek cellphone and pulled it as quickly as he could. Lifting it shakily to his ear after he had flipped it open, his voice trembled slightly as he spoke into the small receiver.
"Y-Yes," Ashe asked in a distressed tone as he forced himself to take a deep, calming breath. "Who…who is it?"
The voice that came from the other end of the call, the one that he heard through the earpiece, didn't help to settle his already frayed nerves.
"Ashe? We really need to talk about what happened this morning. Can we…can we meet somewhere this evening? Before your dinner, I mean. I think that we should clear the air between us before this gets out of hand."
The girl's words rung in his head and Ashe felt his whole body tremble.
…I…know…
"Are you crazy!" he questioned roughly, anxiously pushing himself away from the door and maneuvering toward his desk to ensure that no one passing by outside heard his conversation. Ashe did what he could to push away the paranoia and fear that crept through his heart. He did what he could to block the girlish voice that had taken up residence in the back of his head. "Why in the hell are you calling me here! I thought I told you never to call me here, Thomas!"
His lover's words faltered, becoming low and nearly inaudible. But they were loud enough…familiar enough to Ashe's ears that he could pick out what he was saying. What caressed his eardrums echoed that which was ringing in the back of his own head.
"I…I know…"
Ashe lost all of his composure in a single flash of fury-driven words that he screamed into the receiver of the cellphone, heedless and uncaring of who heard him outside.
"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW, YOU STUPID FAGGOT! CALLING ME HERE? AT MY JOB? ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE, THOMAS? HUH? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? WELL, YOU WON'T! I WON'T LET YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT, YOU LITTLE COCK-EATING BASTARD! I'LL NEVER LEAVE LIZZIE FOR YOU! SO YOU'D BETTER GET THAT THROUGH YOUR SIMPLE, FAGGOT MIND! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? DO YOU? I MEAN IT THOMAS, IF I EVER – "
And just like that, Ashe realized what he had done, what he had been doing. His blue-gray eyes widened in horror as he lowered the cell from his ear and looked down at it with a crazed expression of fear etched across his sweat-drenched face. He dropped it to the carpeted floor like it was a poisonous snake that had just bit him. What had he done? What had he let that gay prick make him do? His heart pounded in his chest. His worrying mind raced. Had…had anyone heard him? Did anyone…
Without wasting another thought on the fearful question tickling at his brain, Ashe rushed for the door, grabbed the knob, turned it and flung it open. Stepping out into the hallway like a madman, he swung his head around wildly; trying to look everywhere at once. There were people everywhere he looked. Ashe's heart almost skipped a beat. The damned hallway was full of people – nurses, other doctors, patients, family members visiting those patients; it was a horrifying scene that literally dropped Ashe's jaw. They were all looking at him; faces blank and eyes accusatory. What…had…he…done…? Suddenly, the world around him bent and twisted. Ashe couldn't believe what he was seeing. The hallway warped and contorted as the all the people in it did the same. His eyes grew wider as the distended and deformed figures before him pointed crooked fingers in his direction. Sweat beaded across his brow as Ashe fell back toward his office door.
"N-No," he moaned shakily. "Stay…stay back. Get away from me!"
"Dr. Knolan?"
Suddenly the world around him returned to normal. Ashe practically had to stifle the scream that had managed to work its way up into his throat. He barely refrained from clamping to hands over his mouth to keep it that way. What had he been doing! Was he losing his mind? He had to get control of himself. He had to get control!
Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly turned himself around in preparation for the truth that he did not want to confront. Who had heard him? His heart felt as though it were about to burst from his chest. What was he going to do? He had to protect his perfect life. He couldn't lose it. He had worked too hard for that! He would do anything to preserve it! Anything!
"Y-Yes," he answered shallowly, gaunt and pale face coming eye to eye with a short, black and white clad woman who was smiling at him warmly. "H-How can I…I help you?"
The woman offered a hand and said, "Hello, I'm Sister Rachel Shelby. Father Richards sent me to confirm the dinner plans for tonight. He would have come himself, but a late meeting with Bishop Cardigan prevented him from doing so."
For a long moment, Ashe stared at the nun dumbly. The young woman in the habit lowered her offered hand and took an uncertain step back as she eyed the dark-haired man oddly.
"Dr. Knolan," she questioned gently. "Are you…alright?"
"Did you hear anything? Coming from my office, I mean," he blurted out. "Anything at all?"
Sister Rachel regarded Ashe strangely for a second or two, and then answered.
"No, I'm afraid I didn't."
"How long were you standing there," he pushed, eyes widening hopefully.
The nun's face was beginning to take on a disheveled expression.
"About a minute or two, I believe. I'd only just walked up before you came out of your office. If I might ask, what's this all about?"
Face brightening, Ashe ignored the habit-clad woman's questioning glance as he looked around the hallway with renewed vigor. And that was when he noticed something that he had not before. No one was paying him the least bit of attention! Everyone who was in the hallway or the nurse's station at the end of it was going on about his or her own business. They didn't even seem to care about the near nervous breakdown he'd had earlier while on the cell with Thomas. No one knew! No one knew anything! And everything was normal. His perfect life remained as such! Even the annoying voice of that Japanese girl seemed to have disappeared. The dark secret he was so fearful of escaping was again locked in the shadows of his weary mind.
"I'm so sorry, Sister," Ashe drawled sincerely as he spun around again to face the nun, placing a hand warmly on her shoulder. "But I've been having a most…difficult day today. Can you please forgive my earlier rudeness?"
The nun didn't seem to know how to respond, the strangely cocked smile on her face a clear sign of her bewilderment. "Uh…of course, Doctor Knolan," she stammered uncertainly. "The Lord Almighty knows that we have days that seem only to test us and the strength of our spirits."
Ashe grinned toothily at the nun as he nodded at her words and began to slowly guide her toward the open door of his office.
"Amen to that, Sister," he returned enthusiastically, running a slim hand through his neatly trimmed and expertly cut hair. "Amen to that."
oOo
Somewhere hidden away from the prying eyes of Portland, Oregon, a deft pair of hands gracefully typed away at a keyboard. On the wide, fingerprint smudged screen of the monitor, the last lines of a crudely written email printed out slowly. A smiled touched thin and pale lips as the figure pulled a hand away from the keyboard and took hold of a pink mouse with a cartoony dogface drawn across the top of it. Moving the same style of pointer toward the 'Address List', a stiff finger clicked on the left mouse button that resembled a big black and white eye. Maneuvering the pink dogface cursor, the hand controlling the mouse clicked on all the small boxes next to each email address listed, then closed the window and moved down to the 'Send' button. It was clicked with no hesitation.
The figure then leaned back in their computer chair and waited for the fallout from the bomb that they had just dropped. In a matter of minutes, a perfect, happy life was going to be ruined.
oOo
His meeting with Father Richards' envoy had taken Ashe much less time than he would have figured. After he had retrieved everything dropped earlier, Ashe placed the cell and the paperwork on his desk then pulled out the chair for the nun. When he had seated himself behind his desk and gotten comfortable, he instinctively began their discussion. What the brief conversation between them really boiled down to was opinions and thoughts on local events and the generous donation that the Father was expecting from Ashe and his family. Throughout it all, he smiled and laughed where he was supposed to and became serious and Christian-minded when he had to, but from his point of view he could care less about any of it. Afterall, Father Richards and the entire parish of the St. Paul Center for Christianity were just a means to an end, a way for him to keep his own life at the peek of perfection and free of the problems that seemed to destroy all the other families in Portland. In the end, that was all that truly mattered to Ashe. And if that meant buttering the man's palm every now and then…well, so be it.
"Well," Sister Rachel began as she rose from the chair in front of Ashe's desk. "I shall take my leave of you. I will tell Father Richards that I met with you and to expect you at the agreed upon time. If there is nothing else?"
Ashe took a moment to look up from the flat-screen computer monitor that he had just switched on and replied, "No, Sister. I think we pretty much covered everything that we needed to. I'll see you at Sunday Services. I'd walk you out, but there are a few things that I need check up on before I begin my rounds. So, if you'll pardon my rudeness."
The young woman in the habit nodded her head in understanding as she turned to make her way to the open door. Pausing in the doorway, she turned to face Ashe and smiled lightly.
"May the grace of God be with you, Doctor Knolan."
Ashe smiled back as he returned his attention fully to the monitor, saying, "And with you to, Sister. Oh, could you close the door on your way out?"
She didn't say anything as she gave another quick nod and pulled the door shut quietly behind her. Once it was closed, Ashe leaned back in his chair and gently grabbed hold of the black and gray mouse. Guiding the onscreen cursor toward a white folder icon with a red cross on it labeled 'Daily Schedule', he used his forefinger to double-click it open. As he did, his cellphone toned loudly on the outer edge of the desk. For a brief moment, a cold chill tickled at the base of his spine. He hesitated. It continued to ring loudly, beckoning Ashe to pick it up. A thin sheen of sweat began to form on his forehead as he lifted a trembling hand. Pausing again, Ashe tried to maintain his positive outlook. Afterall, what did it matter if it was Thomas again? No one had heard anything from their initial conversation; and he had been screaming at the top of his lungs. His perfect life was still very much in tact and not even Thomas could ruin it with his pathetic little threats. What did he have to worry about?
Laughing to himself, Ashe reached out the rest of the way and retrieved the still toning cellphone. Flipping it open easily, he confidently pressed the 'talk' button and raised it to his ear without concern.
"Yeah," he answered in a cool, self-assured voice. "What is it this – "
"What the hell is the meaning of this, Ashe?"
That assured look vanished as his eyes widened fearfully. It...it wasn't Thomas's voice! It was…it was Lizzie's!
"H-honey," Ashe stammered nervously as he tried to keep his mouth from hanging open. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. It was growing louder in his ears again. The lie. The lust. The truth. "W-what's…what's wrong? You s-sound…upset."
In the back of Ashe's head, that little voice returned; mocking and almost gleeful as it uttered out those hated words.
…I…know…
"Don't play dumb with me Ashe!" his wife screamed, sounding as if she were close to tears. "I saw that fucking email! Everyone on our street got it! Everyone in the fucking neighborhood! Everyone knows, Ashe! Everyone knows!"
For the second time in the day, Ashe dropped the cellphone to the carpeted floor of his office as he immediately grabbed hold of the mouse, closed out the 'Daily Schedule' window and guided the cursor to his 'Email Inbox' icon. Below him, his wife's shrewd voice sounded tinny and far away, but no less angry and troubled.
"Ashe," he heard her shout over the small speaker on the top half of the cell. "Ashe, you bastard! Where the hell are you! You better not have hung up on me, you sorry son of a bitch! Ashe! Ashe! ASHE!"
But he ignored her. Just like he always did when they argued. It was practiced ease to do so. In his chest, his heart beat unnaturally fast and loud. It almost drowned out all the other sounds in his ears. All but one.
…I…know…
He clicked on the email icon.
…I…know…
The window opened up faster than he wanted it to.
…I…know…
With a trembling hand, Ashe maneuvered the arrow-shaped pointer the phrase 'New Messages'.
…I…know…
There was a one in parentheses beside the words.
…I…know…
The pounding of his heart was deafening in his ears. He hesitantly clicked the text with a nervous finger.
…I…know…
The message opened up and Ashe's heart beat even faster. There was a paperclip icon just below the title, but above the letter itself, which indicated an attachment.
Everyone knows!
His breath escaped barely parted and chapped lips in short gasps. His hand moved the cursor up to the paperclip icon. His finger left-clicked the mouse.
Everyone knows!
The file downloaded. The image opened up on the screen.
Everyone knows!
Ashe's jaw slackened, his mouth hanging wide open. His hand gripped the mouse tight enough to make the plastic creak.
Everyone knows!
There before him, bathed in the iridescent glow of his monitor, was he and Thomas. Arms locked in a loving embrace around each other's neck. Kissing.
…I…know…
The lie.
Everyone knows!
The lust.
…I…know…
The truth.
Everyone knows!
All displayed before Ashe's twitching eyes and gaping mouth, sweat practically pouring down his face in long, neat rivulets. His…his perfect life… Ruined… By… By…
In a fit of psychotic rage, Ashe grabbed hold of the flat-screen monitor with both hands and swept it off his desk.
-o-
Moments later, Ashe marched down the sterile white hallways of the ground-level hospital floor, murder on his mind and a target already firmly locked in his crosshairs. Thomas! It had to be that stupid faggot! He was the only one who could have gotten hold of that picture! He was the only one who had access to it! It was him! He was trying to…NO! He had ruined Ashe's perfect life! Everyone knew now! His whole neighborhood knew that he was a faggot too! His life…his life was over!
As he rounded the corner that led into the lobby, something caught his eye. Florence and Mark, standing behind her nurse's station looking down at something on her computer's monitor. The two of them were wide-eyed and Ashe felt an icy chill of fear work its way up his spine as those maddening words echoed in the back of his head.
…I…know…
Followed by…
Everyone knows!
Right about then, the two of them looked up together, eyes locking on him. Ashe watched helplessly as they leaned close to one another and began to whisper. What were they…? Did they…? They did! They knew too! They knew about him and Thomas! They were talking about that damnable picture! He spun away from them in a near daze of delusion and emerging insanity, blue-gray eyes scanning the rest of the lobby. Everyone was whispering to everyone else!
Ashe's mind broke. The world around him, the hospital lobby and the people within it warped, twisted and distorted again. Their heads grew larger than their bodies, eyes turning white with no pupils. Their arms and legs were distended as they pointed accusatory fingers at him. Ashe's eyes widened in unhidden terror. They were screaming at him!
There he is, the faggot doctor!
Keep him away from MY child!
Yeah, there's no telling WHAT diseases he has!
I can't believe I let HIM examine me!
You'll NEVER get into Heaven, FAG!
That's right! God punishes people like YOU!
I bet he has AIDS!
Fag…!
Man-bitch…!
Cocksucker…!
Assfucker…!
The dark-haired man shook his head wildly as he continued to spin around. The lobby was a blur of washed out colors and harsh words that echoed loudly in his ears. There was no hiding from it! There was no escaping it! He was trapped! He was trapped with people who hated him! People who hated him because he…he… He needed a way out! He needed to escape!
To his left, a malformed pair of double doors parted, revealing the open area of the Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital's parking lot. Without hesitating, Ashe ran for the gaping doors. The pale light of a gloomy day beckoned him, called out to him.
He had to get away! He had to escape! He had to find a way out!
The angry voices of those he once considered colleagues faded behind him as he passed through the doubles doors and left the hellish lobby far behind. Ashe ran a few steps farther before falling to his knees to catch his breath. He had made it! He was safe! He had escaped! Now he could find that bastard Thomas and punish him for what he had done to his perfect life. He was going to make that son of a bitch suffer!
Pushing himself up from the discolored ground, Ashe frowned slightly as a faint skitching noise grew louder in his ears. He had time enough to turn his head and see a boy on rollerblades wearing a red cap smile broadly as he swung a twisted, golden baseball bat straight into his face.
Then everything instantly went black.
-o-
Back in the hospital lobby, the two people behind the nursing station desk looked over at each other with curious eyes and then gazed back at the double doors that Ashe Knolan had just ran through.
"You think he knows, Mark," Florence asked the taller man.
He nodded.
"I guess so. I don't think I've ever seen him that excited before. Hell, it was like he was in a different world just now."
Florence clapped her hands together happily and said, "To think, being honored in such a way. It's really been a long time coming."
Mark smiled smugly as he looked back down at the computer screen. A second later, Florence joined him.
"Yeah," he said afterward. "I think he's getting everything he deserves."
On the monitor before them, it read:
Congratulations Doctor Ashe Knolan! You have been chosen to be the recipient of Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital's Heimlen Award for Excellence in Professional Humanitarianism this year! You have been recognized for your honesty, courtesy and good-heartedness…
oOo
"More pancakes, Jason?"
Jason Bennett looked up from his hand as that odd heavy feeling vanished slowly. His mother just looked down at him with a warm smile and cocked her head to the left somewhat. That smile – her smile – it seemed to ease away all of his worries.
"No Mom," he said merrily, forgetting completely about the tingling sensation in his hand as he rose from the table. "I'm stuffed! I can't eat another bite! Besides, if I don't leave now, I'll be late for school."
Mary Bennett set the plate of perfectly made pancakes down on the table and gave her son a caring look. "Well, okay," she said, kneeling down to retrieve his backpack from the floor. Rising and handing it to him, she curved her lips into an unflinching smile. "If you're sure. I guess you'd better hurry along then. Stay out of trouble and remember to come straight home after school."
Jason took his backpack from her hands and gave her an impish expression, preparing to make his smart-alack reply when something on the television caught his attention.
"And finally, there was another violent street assault yesterday afternoon in the parking lot of Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital. The latest victim, whose name is currently being withheld by authorities, was reportedly a doctor there and is in critical condition. This most recent attack brings the number up to five who have been assaulted in the past week. As with the other cases, the Portland Police Department have no leads or suspects. More on this developing story tonight at ten."
Jason just stared at the television for a long moment, then looked back down at his hand. It began to shake. Was he…was he responsible for –
"Jason," his mother said gently as she grabbed his trembling hand in her own and stroked it soothingly. "Don't worry about that. You have nothing to do with it. It's not your concern. It's not your fault. None of it is your fault. Do you understand me? Nothing that has happened is your fault. Just forget about all of that and get to school, okay?"
Pulling his eyes away from the television, Jason grinned back at Mary, leaned up, kissed her on the cheek and said quietly, "Thanks Mom."
Turning from her, he slung his backpack over a shoulder and walked out of the kitchen. A few second later the front door opened and closed. Mary sighed lightly, then undid her apron and pulled it off, laying it across the table. Seating herself in a chair adjacent to the one her son had been sitting in, she casually reached down and picked up a local magazine that she had been reading while getting his breakfast ready. On the cover was a picture of a family standing in front of the not so modest building that was the home of the St. Paul Center for Christianity, all of them smiling happily. Below them in big white letters it read, "A Perfect Life".
As the opening chords of Susumu Hirasawa's Sub Usual begins, we can see the faces of all the main characters of PARANOIA AGENT: 2ND VISIT being shown in tune with the music. As the tempo and beat of the music changes, the camera pulls back to show that they are all walking around in a circle with dazed expressions on their faces. They are walking around six chairs. There are seven of them. Apparently, they are involved in a game of Musical Chairs. As the beat of the music changes, the seven of them rush for the chairs. Only one is left standing and Lil' Slugger comes out of nowhere and whacks the person a good one, knocking them out and to the ground. Then like an old movie reel, the scene seems to skip and repeats itself, only this time with five chairs and six people. The same thing keeps happening. They sit when the beat of the song changes and Lil' Slugger takes out the one who is still standing. It goes on like this until there's only one chair and two people left. As the looping musical track come to an end, the two of them are still circling the last chair with that same dazed expression while an impatient Lil' Slugger stands behind them with a big smile on his face, anxiously tapping his bat on his shoulder. The music stops and the last two characters rush for the chair. But before either of them reaches it, the screen fades to black…
This unsettling closing montage was done to the music of Susumu Hirasawa's very freaky sounding Sub Usual from the Paranoia Agent OST.
A television sitting in a lone circle of light flickers and comes alive with static. A moment later, the image clears to reveal a black-robed Maniwa, with tresses of white hair peeking out from under his hood, sitting behind a black-clothed table smiling. He raises his arms regally into the air and states grandly…
"…THE NEW HOROSCOPES FOR TONIGHT ARE…"
GEMINI! In the shadow of a lion's fall, you dance the dance of a life unknown with your partner. Back and forth you twirl in a maddening duet of sin and repentance. But an unexpected bump on the floor makes you stumble, revealing your lie to all around. You panic! For in the eyes of your Maker, you prove to be a foul stain against his great design. Hark! Your partner in this dance grows disenchanted and rebels, forcing you to choose. But you can't. Perhaps the scorpion approaching from the darkness will help…
SAGITTARIUS! Ah! The boar's path grows ever more twisted! It is full of brambles and thorns of sharpened thoughts that bring pain with but a touch. The dog offers comfort and you accept. The brambles in the path are cleared away as if they never existed. Should you not heed a warning the next time? Before you, a virgin sleeps; trapped in a castle of glass with no way in or out. Within lies the answers to questions of riddles and portents of danger. But how do you get in? In the distance, a building shines in the light coming from above. Before it, a scorpion waits patiently. The path of the boar continues…
The television screen flickers once, twice and then abruptly shuts off.
Author's Note & Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to the world of Satoshi Kon's excellent Paranoia Agent. Wow, is this chapter long or what? Man, I tried to trim and cut this chapter down some. Seriously! But, it still came out longer than before! ARGH! Oh well, for those of you who made it through all of this, I offer an apology. This chapter truly is TOO MUCH! LOL! But still, for some odd reason, I consider this one to be the most in tune with Paranoia Agent. Why? Couldn't really tell you, actually. There's just something about Ashe and his drive to work. The way his tuning of the radio works to only add to his paranoia about his 'relationship' with Thomas. In a way, I guess this chapter could be seen as homage to 'The Golden Shoes' episode of the original series. Both Ashe and Yuichi seem to let the smallest things bother them and destroy their reality, sending them both spiraling into fear and, finally, paranoia. At least, that's the impression that I get. Also, I would like to thank IsthatyoulilsluggerWHACKyup (love the penname!) for their review. Hopefully, you and everyone else will come back for Chapter/Episode 4 of Paranoia Agent: 2nd Visit!
Well, that's it for me…BYE!
Terryll Preston