A/N: Okay. I just added some touch ups to this chapter and it stunned me silly. So I haven't re-read it. Please bear with me.
The Sound of Fear: Chapter 8
When Sasuke returns to his rooms much, much later, he positively reeks of sex. He's built the habit of letting Ren know, making him smell and know he'll never get anything similar. It makes the boy sigh as he thinks back to how childish he's behaved with Ren. There's the undeniable urge to amend for it. So the first thing Sasuke does is sneak quietly into the shower, careful not to wake the Snow-nin.
He turns the faucet, setting the water just a notch too hot. His thoughts wander over to Ren as he lets himself soak.
It feels odd and so utterly wrong to him that he never asked to know what the snow-nin can do. Ren is obviously a very strong ninja and surely there's some techniques he can pick up from him. And where does Ren come from? Who trained him? Why is he so desperately seeking pain? All those questions storm Sasuke's mind as he washes up, cleans out the scent of Tayuya from him.
Sometimes Sasuke feels as though the emotional pain he inflicts on Ren is precisely what makes the nin stay with him. He wonders how far the masochistic instinct to suffer for love goes in Ren, and if he treated the nin better, would he leave? Would he be scared at suddenly feeling worthy of being treated well? Would he need to be treated like a dog by a different master or has he truly adopted Sasuke as his?
His eyes fall shut as the memories overtake him. First the feeling of utter helplessness, the paralysing fear...
flashback
"The little brat's finally gotten what was comin' at'im, didn't he?"
A vulgar and deeply unpleasant voice. The man who speaks large and sneering.
"Orochimaru-sama had you take a little trip down memory lane, huh? Come on, sweetheart, dontcha wanna make new memories with me?"
A hand, long, thin fingers that look crooked in the dim light of the cell.
"Remember, luv? Remember that first time? Mmm... still get the shivers just thinkin' about it. Too bad I didn't have permission t'take things further... you wanted it, didn't you, luv?"
The memory of being unable to see. The wire biting into his fragile eyelids. All of his instincts on edge and screaming escape. And then...
No. More.
The voice is dead, the fingers attached to the voice are too, and there's Ren. He's shaking with anger and his growl is animalistic as he wrenches the knife out of the dead man.
"Sasuke... My master... He will never sully your name again. You won't have to suffer his presence for another second."
The need in Ren's voice, so raw.
"No one will harm you, that I swear."
And his own response, still shocked and angry as always.
"No one asked for your fucking protection, Ren. Don't grow as insufferable as he was."
end
Thinking back to that incident, Sasuke's hard-pressed to keep from shuddering. It was just a few weeks ago he saw again one of the bastards. The ones who tormented him when he first came into Sound. The ones who took advantage of his forced blindness.
The man's name seems irrelevant, considering that he's dead and was never worth knowing anyway. But Sasuke remembers the warmth he felt when Ren stepped up to defend him. He remembers fighting against it with all he had because Sasuke Uchiha doesn't need to be protected.
But it felt warm. It felt soft and soothing and so achingly comforting.
How would it feel, really...
Sasuke opens his eyes and swallows against the notfear that flashes at the very clear thought. He leans his head against the dark tile, giving a quick snort to the fact that it's black tile and semen would look so obvious on it. The water is running down smooth muscle, beating, drumming against the pale flesh of Sasuke's back, ass and thighs.
How would it feel to be in love with him?
A growl comes out of Sasuke's lips before he can prevent it and he speaks aloud, trying to dispell the thought, "It'd be excrutiating. Shut up." Fortunately, his inner conscience seems inclined to listen to him. His eyes close again and the boy slides down the shower wall until he's sitting under the spray. He focuses on the feeling of now. The pleasantly tired muscles pounded into relaxation under the water, the drowsiness that comes with the need for sleep, his mind swimming just a little into nothingness.
Time goes by too damn fast. Just a little while ago, he was in Konoha with Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi, and just a little before that, he had a brother, a father and mother. He had family. It's been so little time since he left. Barely a few hours it seems at times. There's so little time left until he dies.
For perhaps the first time, Sasuke understands what truly drives Orochimaru. That need to learn everything before giving up life. The need to not give up life, not give up learning, growing. In two years, Sasuke has learned much about power, but it's not nearly enough to permit him to face the Sannin. It's just not enough. How could he catch up to a lifetime's worth of learning?
The boy feels the urgency. A year is all he has left to plan the downfall of one of the most brilliant ninjas the world has ever known. How in the hell is he supposed to work that miracle? Sasuke couldn't even stand up to his brother after four years of intensely training for it. He'd been just a pawn, just some thing that doesn't really deserve attention.
The pain and humiliation from that meeting has the Sharingan flashing dangerously, Sasuke's teeth grinding together and his fists clenching tightly. There is nothing in the world that will stop me from killing him. Not Ren, not Naruto, not Kakashi and certainly not Orochimaru. Uchiha Sasuke bows to no one.
His renewed determination brings Sasuke his confidence back and he straightens up, turns off the water. He's about to walk naked in the room where Ren is undoubtedly waiting, another bad habit he'd picked up to make the man squirm. Having firmly decided to send the man away kindly, Sasuke wraps a towel around his hips, unaware of how much more appealing that makes him look. The dark (of course) and thick cloth barely holds onto slim hips, putting more emphasis on the forms of Sasuke's body, bringing out the muscles and skin tone, enhancing the dark eyes and dark hair. He shakes his head to get some water out of his hair and then throws it back so it falls wetly on his broadening shoulders. The hair is much, much too long. It will have to go. Sasuke is starting to look too much like Itachi to permit himself long hair.
As a matter of fact, it can go right now. On a sudden whim, Sasuke opens his bathroom drawers and frowns when he's unable to find simple scissors. He does find a very sharp kunai though.
Taking hold of as much hair as he can, Sasuke brings it up, ponytail-like, and with his other hand, starts to cut into the thick braid. For a second, it feels like it won't give. It feels like Sasuke can't even take control of his own goddamn hairstyle. Then it gives all at once and Sasuke's left with a fistful of so-black hair it looks blue. He absently drops it to the floor and repeats the process until his hair is back to its original length. Already starting to dry, Sasuke can see the back of his new/old hairstyle starting to raise on its own.
The weight of long hair had previously tugged down the naturally unruly and untamed strands. Sasuke feels much more like himself. He looks at his nails and ponders removing the black paint. The main problem is that Sasuke likes the look. He even likes spending the time to do them up. It's an exercice in ambidextery.
Or you could just enjoy spending some time on yourself.
That thought gets a not-so quiet snort from Sasuke and he decides to go for a compromise. He spends a good ten minutes sitting on the toilet seat removing the black nail polish and instead putting on the deep blue that looks the same shade as the fallen hair strewn all around.
Are you quite done being girly, pretty boy? Sasuke frowns to himself at that, wondering when exactly his inner voice started sounding like Naruto again. He shakes off the thought just like he shakes off the remaining hairs on his shoulders and back, then looks at himself in the miror to take a look at his recent change.
It occurs to him that he hasn't done that with purpose in a long, long time. Sasuke looks at himself in the miror and takes stock of all the things that have changed not in a few minutes, but in the two years he hasn't dared look at himself.
His eyes are darker than they were before, they hold something like maturity and added depth of thought. If anything, they're more piercing and analytic than ever before. The hair frames a face that grew from its more rounded baby-shape to that of a young man. A sharp jawline is drawing itself, enhancing his mouth which has grown more sensual over the years, the lips still thin but a little fuller, the contours more defined. His nose points a little up in its usual distinguished fashion. The skin is pure and unmarked. It looks even whiter than it did before. Sasuke distantly thinks spending two years underground will do that to someone. But it makes the contrast of his long, arched brows much more striking.
His overall impression of himself is a mix between beautiful and deadly. Sasuke, finally content with his appearance, with his reflexions and confidence and plans, returns to his room to wake Ren.
The place feels suspiciously empty and it immediately has Sasuke on his guard despite the fact that no one here would even try to harm him for fear of Orochimaru. It's pitch black and for a moment, Sasuke's fairly sure he's trapped in a Genjutsu of some sort because this doesn't feel like his room. Taking a silent step further out of the doorway, Sasuke refuses to breathe until he's reached the exit. His instincts are always right and this feels like danger.
Ren seems to have vanished into thin air and that's what causes the Sharingan to come to life in Sasuke's gaze. Immediately, he sees what's coming. His eyes see the movements of the air around him, he can see the cool breeze condensing on his skin, he can feel the unnatural, summoned cold and it makes him work very hard to contain a shiver. Sasuke backs away from the cloud of freezing air moving to trap him and into the bathroom door. "Ren?"
A softly broken voice answers him, "Why?" Ren is under the bed, in Sasuke's spot. Sharingan eyes focus on the fingers that are gripping the bottom of the bedframe so tight it might break. It's so odd to feel danger coming from Ren, but at the same time, it's so fucking familiar. Like an old 'I told you so' from his mother.
Anger takes him over before he can even think his way through this, "What the hell are you playing at, Ren?" His Sharingan sees the shape of the snow-nin uncurl from under the bed.
When Sasuke sees the look on Ren's face, he freezes in shock and memory. He can only see the so-cold and distant look on the face of the man who promised to love and cherish him. The beast of fear inside Sasuke wreaks havoc, tearing away the controls over his body. The boy can't move because if he looks down, he's going to see two bodies, one curled protectively over the other. He's going to see his parents there. He's going to see Naruto and Sakura there. The paralysis doesn't let up as Ren/Itachi comes closer. Sasuke anticipates the blow, even though this time he doesn't run to it. He anticipates the last, fullest betrayal.
When it comes, it's not in the same form as he expected it. The snow-nin backs the unresisting Sasuke up against the wall and grabs a hold of his wrists, pinning them above his head. He murmurs for Sasuke's ears only, "Why do you keep me leashed to you if you hate me so? Why? Why must I love you so much?" His lips latch onto Sasuke's neck for a short taste before he continues, "Won't you give me back my freedom? Won't you love me, even just a little? Please, please be mine..."
When the lips close again on his neck, warm wetness and worship, it shocks Sasuke out of his memory-induced trance and he regains enough control over himself to struggle into the man's grasp. He knows he can break free. He just can't do it fast enough.
"Please let me win, just once, let me win over your will, my master." Sasuke feels the man's breath over his lips. It smells of need and spices. He can feel the man's free hand tracing down his stomach, over the muscles straining against the hold. He can see the fingers roaming down his back, tracing the arched curve of his spine. Warm, dry digits slide over damp skin and tug away the towel. Sasuke is pinned between the man's considerable strength and the unforgiving wall of rock. His wrists twist in the large hand and he can almost feel it give. Just a little more...
The betraying hand caresses lower still and when the fingers reach that so vulnerably spot, Sasuke's mind blanks out. He lets out a pained whimper and it's enough to snap Ren out of his desire and make him realise just what exactly he's been doing to his master.
It's too little, too late. Sasuke's gotten a hold of his fury in that split second and with a growl of pure betrayal and pain, he looks up at Ren, his eyes flashing the unusual red of the Mangekyou Sharingan. The clumsy and instinctive reach for the ability has Sasuke using its power with so little control and so much fear that he tears into Ren's mind, uncaring of anything but making the man let go. It takes all of two seconds before Ren is crumbling to the floor, twitching randomly, eyes wide open and staring at nothingness.
Stunned to near catatony, Sasuke just stares at him. His entire body is shaking in reaction and Ren is drooling dumbly on the floor and why the hell would he do this?
You know why. You made him do it. You pushed him too far.
The horror of blame comes crashing down on Sasuke and he looks at Ren, betrayed, twisted, hurt. The man is still convulsing on the floor, but his eyes are searching for Sasuke's. Through the twitches and the slow descent into unconsciousness, the man looks at Sasuke and mouths 'I love you.'
It's the most unspeakably horrfying thing Sasuke's ever heard.
"Tsk. What a mess you've made, Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke doesn't register that voice. He's still staring at Ren, shivers going through his frame.
Orochimaru is very careful not to look Sasuke in the eye as he grabs a hold of the young man and pulls him to his feet. "Come. We have much work to do."
tbc...
Some replies:
Shadowbright: I love Kakashi... would've even made this Kakasasu if they'd let me. But they both insist on something 'platonic' whatever that is. (grin) And I hope you'll like this update, no matter how short it is, because I enjoy your comments soooo much. Hee!
Jenanien: What to do with Kakashi/Sasuke dolls? Ha! Need I even ask? Lol! Oh yeah I brought Tayuya from the dead because... erm... I dislike OFC. (snort) And it is most definitely AU. (points up) Yeah. Quite. Hope you enjoyed!