Chapter 1

A New Case

The two men behind the desk stared at Clouseau as if he had three heads. "A what?" one of the men asked.

"A 'amburgr!" Clouseau yelled.

"Please lower your voice and say it again, this time slower," the other man asked.

"A 'am . . .bur . . .grr."

"A hamburger?"

"Yes, you silly person, that's what I've been saying all along!"

"I'm sorry, but we don't serve hamburgers. In fact, you're at the Opera Populaire. I'm one of the managers, Gilles Andre."

"And I'm the other manager, Richard Firmin," the other man said. "And incase you didn't know, you just intruded on very important business by, um, falling out of nowhere. Strange. Who are you anyway?"

"I am Inspector Clouseau," Clouseau informed him.

"Oh, well Monsieur Clouseau, would you mind leaving? We have some very important business to discuss with Monsieur le Vicomte and Monsieur le Commissaire on the matter of a kidnaped actress!"

Clouseau's eyes popped wide open when he heard this. Another case? He had just finished solving one, but this seemed interesting. A kidnaped actress? It couldn't get much more interesting than that. "Did you say a kidnaped actress?" Clouseau asked.

"OF COURSE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Firmin yelled. "She's been gone for quite a while! As an inspector I would assume you would know this!"

"Who is she, this actress?"

"Christine Daae! You've never heard of her?"

"Nope. Am I still in 2006? I don't remember any of this stuff!"

"2006?" Andre asked in complete befuddlement. "2006? That's at least a century away! It's only 1882!"

"1882?" Clouseau asked. "Then that must mean I've time traveled!"

"I thought that was impossible," the commissary of police said from behind Clouseau.

"So did I," said Raoul, who was also behind the inspector.

"I always did, too," Clouseau told them, "but since I am here, do you mind if I help you with this case?"

"You?" Andre asked laughing. "You, Mr. Hamburger?"

"That's Inspector Clouseau to you!" Clouseau told him.

"Okay," Firmin said. "What good have you done for France?"

"I've rescued the Pink Panther Diamond many times over!"

"You have?" the commissary asked.

"Of course you fool!"

"Sorry." He sighed. "This is no lie, am I right?"

"Of course not."

"Then I'd have to say I'd agree with you helping with the case. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Raoul, Andre, and Firmin said.

"Then take a seat next to me," the commissary told Clouseau. Clouseau began to walk over to the chair he had offered, but on his way, tripped over his shoelace, and landed head-first in the chair. "I'm fine," he told him. "So, what should I do first?"

"Monsieur le Vicomte says he has some ideas as to where Miss Daae maybe," Firmin told Clouseau, who was placing himself in his chair the proper way.

"I believe that Christine has been carried off by Erik. You may know him as the Opera Ghost, but I know him as Erik. He is Christine's angel of music, and she trusts him," Raoul began.

"Where did you first see Erik?" Clouseau asked.

"In a churchyard."

"Well obviously in a churchyard! Where do you think a ghost would be?"

"Then why did you ask?"

"Ask what?"

"Ask where I saw him!"

"I didn't ask you where you saw him!"

"Yes you did! You just asked, 'Where did you first see Erik?'"

"I did? Who cares!" Clouseau yelled, then asked Raoul more and more questions about Erik, each one seeming more and more absurd. Then finally, Clouseau said, "Why are we sitting here talking about Erik?"

Raoul stared at him in confusion. "Because you wanted to ask me some questions," he replied.

"Why aren't we looking for Erik?"

"Because . . . because you were asking me questions!"

"What are we waiting for? This is quite a dumb way to handle a case." Clouseau chuckled. "Asking questions and waiting for answers. Why don't we just go and find the answers for the questions and look for Erik?"

"I don't know!" Raoul exclaimed.

"Then let's hurry up and look for him!" Clouseau got up from his chair and walked out of the office, Raoul following him. When they reached the stairs, Clouseau once again tripped over his shoelaces and tumbled down them. Once Raoul reached him, he told him, "You know you should really tie your shoelaces."

"Yeah," he replied. "I know."

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Please Review! I'm sorry this chapter is short anda bit more boring than the last. I promise the next will be better!