Chapter 3
Master of the House, Keeper of the Zoo
The next morning, Raoul and Clouseau awoke early, around seven o'clock, just to do some investigation. After getting dressed and eating some breakfast (personally, Clouseau wanted a hamburger, but didn't asked. He settled for an omelette instead. Hey, at least he put some ketchup on it), they headed outside.
"Now, what is this actress's name again?" Clouseau asked. "Christian? David? Carmen?"
Raoul only stared at Clouseau as though he had three heads. "What?" the inspector asked. "It was one of those, right?"
"She's an actress," Raoul told him.
"Meaning?"
"She's a woman!"
"So her name is David?"
"NO!"
"Then it's Carmen, right?"
"NO! It's Christine!"
"Oh. Well David's close enough."
Raoul rolled his eyes at the inspector, Clouseau confused as to why he was. He shrugged his shoulders, then asked, "So, where is she?"
"You're an idiot! She's kidnaped! We don't know where in the world she is! All I know is that Erik took her away, and that he lives in the sewers under the Opera! Problem is, I don't know where in the sewers, or how to get there!"
"Then we should ask someone!" Clouseau then spotted a blonde gentleman walking down the street. "How about him?" Raoul was about to say not to, but the inspector didn't wait for an answer. He rushed up to the man and asked. "Monsieur, have you seen anyone walking around under the sewers with a white mask? If you have, how do you get to the sewers from the Opera?"
The man stared at Clouseau with confusion, then began to laugh. "A man? Living under the sewers with a white mask?"
"Yes. He kidnaped an actress."
"Okay, let me get this straight. A man with a white mask, am I right?"
"Yes."
"Is under the sewers?"
"Yes."
"And he kidnaped an actress?"
"Yes."
He laughed harder. "Monsieur, you need serious help if you think that's the truth."
"But I do!"
The man only walked away laughing. Clouseau walked over to Raoul. "That's not going to work," Raoul informed him.
"You're right."
"So how about we go to the Opera and look a way to Erik by ourselves."
"No, of course not! We need to investigate! And I have the perfect plan! You know why that man went away?"
"Because he thought you were a lunatic, which by the way, you are." Raoul chuckled after saying this.
"No, not because I'm a lunatic!" Clouseau exclaimed. "Because we didn't have the right atmosphere! He knew exactly what I was talking about. We just didn't have the music, the right feeling, so he didn't answer. We have to pull someone off of the street and put them in the right atmosphere. Oh! There's someone!"
Madame Giry, the ballet mistress at the Opera, was walking down the street. Clouseau rushed up to her and began to push her back toward Raoul's mansion. She had a shocked look on her face, but Clouseau assured her everything would be fine. When they were inside, Raoul rushed in to see the inspector had pulled up a chair right in front of the door. He began singing, playing a ukelele;
Welcome monsieur,
"Madame!" Raoul corrected.
"Hey, no interfering from the audience unless you give me a damburgah!" Clouseau yelled at him quickly, then continued.
Welcome madame,
Sit yourself down,
And meet the best inspector in town!
As for the rest,
All of them crooks,
Rooking their guests,
And cooking the books!
Seldom do you see,
Honest . . .
"Insane!" Raoul yelled out, Clouseau giving him a glare.
Honest men like me!
A gent of good intent who's content . . .ta . . .be!
Clouseau then dropped his ukelele and began strutting around the chair, waving his hands around in the air as he continued.
Master of the house!
Dolling out the charm!
Ready with a handshake and an open palm!
Tells a saucy tale!
Makes a little stir!
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur!
Glad to do a friend a favor!
Doesn't cost me to be nice!
But nothing gets you nothing,
Everything has got a little price!
Master of the house!
Keeper of the ZOO!
Ready to relieve 'em of a case or two!
Watering the wine!
Making up the weight.
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight!
Everybody loves an inspector slash landlord!
Everybody's bosom friend!
I do what ever pleases,
Jesus! Won't I solve the cases in the end!
"Madame Giry, I'm quite sorry!" Raoul apologized when he saw Madame Giry's horrified face. "My partner is a bit . . .insane."
Before she could respond, though, Clouseau picked up his ukelele and played the Jeopardy! theme song. "Now, this is the host of Jeopardy! If you can give me the question to this answer, you'll win . . . um . . . what will she win?"
"How about getting away from you!" Madame Giry yelled.
"Okay, that's it! Now, the answer is, 'The way to get to the part of the sewer system where Erik lives." The question?"
"What is go through the mirror in Christine's dressing room? Now, can I leave?"
"Of course. And how did you like my song?"
"I hated it, especially your stupid dance!" Madame Giry stormed out of the mansion.
"Your welcome!" Clouseau yelled out the door.
"At least we found one thing out. Let's get to that dressing room!"
"Good idea, but do you want to hear my Sunrise, Sunset song first? It's from Fiddler on the Roof!"
"No!"
But he didn't listen to Raoul.
Is this the little girl I carried?
La la la la la la la la!
I don't remember growing older!
Sunrise, sunset,
Sunrise, sunset,
La la la la la la!
A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews; Chloe Rides a Land Shark, opera ghost's pokemon, marissaisgod, phantomphan1992, and anyone else who reviewed. Please keep on reviewing! Oh, and I took the Master of the House song from Les Miserables, and Sunrise Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof.