EMIYA Shirou's Self-Centered Holy Grail War
Prelude Notes:
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Enjoy...
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Chapter 5 - Depression (Self-Sorrow)
They sat around the table, awkwardly...
Well, Shirou sat around the table awkwardly. EMIYA, instead, stood behind the counter, his face unreadable as various thoughts and emotions ran through his mind.
Shirou, too was pondering, and trying to process it all, despite it all being quite the shock to him.
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"What..." Shirou suddenly spoke up, "What about the grail...?" Shirou proposed, "Can't the Grail save you? Maybe that's even whyu you were summoned into this time to begin with."
Archer glanced at him, then shook his head with a sigh.
"No," He said, "That wouldn't work."
Shirou looked at him with an inquisitive look, "And how would you know that without trying?"
"In the first place," Archer explained, "It's not the real Holy Grail, capable of granting wishes in the truest sense. This one in Fuyuki is just a knock-off. A large power source that siphons its energy off the World, if you will."
"And secondly," He continued, "Even if I could use it for such a purpose, it's corrupted in first place. It doesn't grant your wishes in the way you would want, but only in twisted ways that would barely fulfill your desires. Even if I could use it to cut off my connection to the World, I might just end up being enslaved to something worse."
"I see..."
"Well, I might have some degree of resistance to its corruptive influence, since I'm not a "Pure Hero", but I don't want to take that risk." Archer explain, "Going from one type of enslavement to another is no better. And at least I'd rather be killing people out of mercy than killing them out of malice."
Being enslaved by that mud, he would just be killing mankind instead of saving them.
Well, that wasn't too different from what he he was doing now, actually, but at least the end effects were nominally different, in purpose, at least, if nothing else.
And while that may have a sort of karmatic justice against Alaya who had enslaved him, even so, in the end, EMIYA was the one who agreed to the contract in the first place. And even so, EMIYA Shirou would still rather be slaughter people in the name of justice than to slaughter people for the sake of ending mankind.
Shirou remained silent.
Breaking the awkward tension, EMIYA posed to him a new question.
"In the first place, do you even have any sort of true wish or desire for the grail?"
"...I would've like to wish to save as many people as I can..." Shiro said, "But, if it's corrupted in the first place, then there's no point, is there...?"
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"And, I don't know, anymore, just what exactly it is...that I'm supposed to do..."
Shirou looked down at his own hands, as if reflecting on what he had just seen, only a few hours ago.
"Yeah..." For once, Archer didn't argue, but just stood there, in silence.
They spent the day there in silence, awkwardly. Shirou didn't go to school - he really didn't feel like attending, for once.
As the day passed, and afternoon came, the doorbell rang.
Shirou was still too lethargic to answer, but he slowly got up to answer it. It was a bit earlier than usual, but it might've been Sakura or Fuji-nee, and it would've been not to answer, despite however he felt. And it would be nice to see their faces now, at a time like this. Maybe getting back to hos normal life's interactions would make him feel better.
Shirou got up, slowly, and came to the front door. Archer also came to the doorway, standing to the side of the front hall.
There, at the entrance, was someone he didn't expect.
"Toh...saka...?"
She looked relieved upon seeing him, though Saber, at her side, glared at Archer, to which Archer could only put up a smug smirk (though he wasn't really feeling it, either).
"Good." She said, "You're safe, at least. Even if you look a bit battered down. Did something happen?"
"No, I'm fine." Shirou reassured her, "It's just...Well, a whole lot of things did happen, but it's not something I can explain easily."
After all, it's not like Tohsaka really knew anything about his dreams or his past, or his desire to become "An Ally of Justice".
Tohsaka shot him a concerned look.
"But, it's not something you have to worry about, Tohsaka." Shirou said, quickly, "I'm fine, really!"
Tohsaka still looked a bit worried, but she was willing to accept that much.
"Well, alright..." She said, "I'm just glad to see you weren't ambushed by an Enemy Servant."
Shirou smiled, a faint smile, but a genuine one.
"Thank you, Tohsaka. You really are a good person."
"Wha - !?" Tohsaka blushed, "Don't get me wrong here! I'm just looking out for my own interest here!" She insisted.
"Anyways!" She said, turning away from him, "Saber, we're finished here. Now that we've seen he's safe, we're done here. Let's go."
Saber nodded, and the two of them set off.
Shirou and Archer, meanwhile, headed back to the kitchen.
Settling back in, Archer brought up a new topic.
"This may be a bit abrupt," He began, "But for now, we should consider what to do for the rest of the war."
Shirou, though reluctant, nodded.
After all, it wouldn't do well to keep wallowing in his mire of self-doubt and loathing. The best thing for now would just be to look, and maybe, just maybe, he, or rather he and Archer both, might find some answers over the course of the war itself.
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Chapter 5 - Depression (Self-Sorrow) END
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Author's Notes:
Next chapter, Shirou actually starts training and preparing for the war?! Shocking!
I mean, if Archer can't kill his younger self, might as well just make sure this version himself doesn't go down the same foolish path, right? He can train him, and maybe get some his idiocy and self-destructive tendencies out of him. Maybe...