Chapter 5

Firey Head Possibly From Time Bandits

After giving Raoul his fifty francs, Clouseau rocked back and forth on the cold floor of the cellars of the opera, saying over and over again, "My leg! My leg!"

"Are you sure it's broken?" Raoul asked.

"Of course I'm sure! I can't walk on it!" Clouseau yelled.

"Oh please! You haven't even stood up yet!"

"Okay, maybe I haven't, but it's still broken."

"I bet you another fifty francs it isn't."

"Deal!" Clouseau slowly stood up off the ground without any effort. He shook his leg back and forth, then walked around in circles. "You win another fifty, but no more bets! I'm out of money!" Clouseau sighed and reached into his pocket. Once again, he pulled out fifty francs and gave them to Raoul. "Okay, let's get started! We are on our quest for the saw!"

"A saw? We're going to save Christine!" Raoul exclaimed as Clouseau picked his pistol off the ground.

"Exactly. The saw."

"Christine isn't a saw, you idiot!"

"I know she isn't. Saws can't act. But we are still looking for the saw."

"No we're not!"

"But we have the jig, but not the saw. We need a jig and a saw so we'll have a jigsaw. We can't say we only have a jig, but not a saw, can we?"

"Er . . .no?"

"Of course not! We need a jig and a saw. We have the jig, we know where to go, but no saw."

Raoul sighed. "Enough with the riddles. Let's just get going."

Clouseau nodded, and reminded Raoul to keep his pistol at the level of his eyes. They began to walk down through the sewers. As they did, Clouseau asked, "Do you have any idea where in the sewers Erik lives?"

"Christine did say that there was a lake near his house. An underground lake," Raoul replied.

"So Erik's a merman?"

Raoul placed his pistol by his side. "What?"

"First of all, your hand at the level of your eyes." Raoul resumed that position. "Second, wouldn't Erik be a merman if he lived near a lake."

"Not necessarily. I've known people who live by lakes."

"But they were mermen, weren't they?"

"No."

"Then Erik is not a merman?"

"Of course not! What would give you such a ridiculous idea?"

"I don't know! I didn't get to take my Alka Seltzer!"

Raoul shook his head, nearly giving up hope of finding Christine with such a lunatic by his side. They wandered through the sewers more, not finding much, but it wasn't long before they saw a man with a face of fire and yellow eyes come near them.

"AHHHHH!" Clouseau screamed. "What do we do? Do we throw money at him?" He reached into Raoul's pocket, taking out twenty francs and throwing it at the head.

It turned into ashes just seconds after hitting the face.

"Hey!" Raoul exclaimed. "That's my money! I want twenty francs!"

"I don't have twenty francs! What really matters is this head! Do you think it's a good idea to karate chop it?"

"No."

"Why? Karate chops always work."

"Because it's on fire, you idiot!"

"Your point?"

"You'd get burnt!"

"Oh. Never thought of that one."

"Have you ever seen fire before?"

"Yes, of course. I made the bathroom in a hotel room go on fire. All just for my Miracle Pill For The Middle Aged Man."

"And what happened?"

"It got hot."

"Exactly."

"I still don't get it."

Raoul was ready to bang his head on the wall, but decided now wasn't the best time to do it. Instead, he began to back away, and threatened, "If you come any closer, I'll shoot you!"

"No!" Clouseau yelled. "Don't shoot him! I once saw this in a movie!"

"A movie?" Raoul asked. "What's a movie?"

"There things from the future. You get to see a story with actors, except you can watch it at home. They're pretty cool. Anyway, I saw this on a movie called Time Bandits. There were these midgets, and this face started chasing them."

"What did they do?"

"They fell off this cliff and landed in the past. Hey, let's try it!"

"Oh, let's try it," Raoul said sarcastically.

"Really?" Clouseau asked with excitement.

"Of course not! You think that's going to help? We need to find another way!" Just as Raoul said this, him and Clouseau began to hear a terrible scraping noise, which seemed to be coming from the head. Both blocked their ears from the noise. It sounded like fingernails scraping a blackboard. As the two backed up and screamed in horror - Clouseau crying, "Give me my last damburgah and I shall die in peace!" - they backed up quickly. The face still followed them. Raoul cried for Christine, Clouseau cried for his hamburger, and before long, the fiery face said, "Don't move, don't move! Whatever you do, don't come after me! I am the rat catcher! Let me pass with my rats!"

Seconds after saying this, the head vanished into the darkness. Raoul and Clouseau caught their breath.

"Are you really a rat catcher?" Clouseau asked afterward. "Can I have a rat? I think I'll name it . . . um, er, um . . ."

"Damburgah?" Raoul asked.

"No! What makes you think that?"

"Because you were just screaming for one."

"Just because I like damburgrrs doesn't mean I'll name my rat damburgrr!"

"Then what would you name it?"

"Damburgrr."

"That's what I just said!"

"No. You said damburgah. I said damburgrr. There's a difference."

"Never mind. Let's go."

A/N: Thanks to Double Agent 007, dangerousdame, Chloe Rides a Land Shark, PhantomPhanGirl91, phantomphan1992, and Shadow Hawk for the reviews of chapter 4. Keep on reviewing!