Chapter 51
My blood was ice. My hands were numb. My pulse was jackrabbit fast.
Even though my mind churned in a ball of incredulous fury, my heart was soaring.
But I'm not some dumb bimbo bus three girl that caves.
"We're closed." I didn't even turn around.
"Even for an old friend?" His voice got closer and I was brought back to those beginning baby baby baby days ordering fried chicken. I could still feel that ghostly finger on my neck.
"I don't have any of those."
"Ouch." He laughed a little. Closer. I had to move around the table, get some distance before he dared touch me.
I hoped I didn't cry at the sight of him when I turned around as I held my breath.
He was still so, so painfully beautiful. But there was some aging in his face, some soft lines I don't remember being there. His face was heavy with stubble, and I wanted to run my hand across it. His eyes looked a little older, a little sadder, but a lot more clear.
"Hi, Bella." He smiled that crooked, devilish one I loved.
I wanted to ask him all the things. Why was he at Emmett's show? Why was he here now? Where had he been for months after ending his career and everything he knew? But they all seemed dumb, in light of the biggest question… why did you do what you did and crush me like a used-up cigarette.
"Edward."
He looked around the cafe, ran his hand on the chair I'd just overturned. "Cute place."
"What do you want?"
"Coffee?"
"I said we're closed."
"Okay, can we talk?"
"I don't have anything to say to you, Edward." Just his name on my tongue sent shivers down my spine.
"Maybe I have something to say to you."
Deep down, this is what I'd wished and hoped for curled up on my bed touching my scarred face. But again, I wasn't some dumb bitch.
"Honestly? I don't care. I appreciate you coming out to Emmett's show, the publicity has been great. So that's all I have to say to you." I had no idea where I was getting my strength from. I thought about the days and weeks after I'd left the bus, and let that anger I'd developed fuel me.
You are nothing.
The look on his face was a little bit remorse, a little surprise. "I enjoyed it. He's good."
"He is. Now if you don't mind…" I waved towards the door.
"I could stand here, not moving, make you talk to me." He took a step back, shoved his hands in his pockets. "But I won't."
"Sounds good."
"I won't because I didn't give you a choice… last time." He choked on those words. "But I will now. I'm staying at the Halcyon."
"That's nice."
He turned and grabbed the door handle. He looked back at me and I had to divert my eyes. Every bone in my body was telling me to walk across that worn, hardwood floor and give him what he wanted. Give myself what I wanted. But it had taken too long to let go of the anger I felt towards him, and I didn't want to feel that way again.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
I swallowed, looked him in the eye. "It's worth nothing."
He stared at me. Not mad, not incensed that I'd had the audacity to stand up to him. What I saw was sadness.
And it made me feel a little on top of the world and a little sad as well.