Author's Note: People are sooo going to hate me for this. :) Aside from animation, my favorite subject to discuss with are politics. Yes, I am boring... I follow the world's current events, every election and conflict in the world and issues that goes with it. I prefer written media rather than television.You could see some hints of my passion for current events and politics reflected in my other fics. And this chapter derives from my love of it, but I don't think an episode like this would be made though. This story is based on the last Presidential Elections. Nevertheless, I'm trying to be as neutral as possible as I don't want to reveal my real views regarding world events that surrounds us. The characters' views in this chapter are strictly based on their own opinion, not mine, though I couldn't help but to put some jabs on the Prez. :) All the statistics were based on the 2000 elections. And about stereotyping Stinky and Rhonda... meh. Also I'd like to remind that you shouldn't take this all too seriously, since this all a good natured satire on the recent elections.
Legal junk: I don't own Hey Arnold, but Nickelodeon does and Mr. Craig Bartlett created it. But this fic belongs to me. Clear? Good.
Episode 4: Prelude to Madness
I
Helga stood leaning against the wall behind the couch with her arms crossed, watching the television with a thoughtful attention with her family. She was somewhat worried when she read the news ticker on the news channel that said the President won the second term to the office. Olga and Miriam shared the same sentiment, while Bob smiled broadly at the news. Suddenly Olga began to choke up as she could not believe that the guy she voted for lost the election. Bob began the rubbing in process to his family. Sickened by her father's attitude, Helga walked out from the den and went upstairs to her room. Her laptop was on since she was downloading a large video file – okay, a movie for free. Thinking there was nothing to do, so she sat in front of her laptop, logged into her email account and started to type away.
Salutations non-potential candidate Arnold,
I just came from the family room watching the news with my family. Yes sir, my football shaped head friend, the elections hath finally come to an end. Despite the somewhat wacky, frenetic and carnival-esque atmosphere, I really don't care about it, since I'm not eligible to vote because my age forbids me to do so. The rest of my family seems to be going nuts about it, though. Miriam watched the BOX News (Yes, laugh with me) 24 hours non-stop about the coverage. Bob was happy that the guy he voted for won the elections and as for Olga, being an overly liberal person she is, crying because the other guy lost. Kinda funny when dad shouted "IN YOUR FACE!" at her when they announced the winner.
Speaking of loony liberals and crazy conservatives, a lot had happened at school too during the final weeks before the actual elections started. We staged a mock election and everyone was encouraged to drop a vote. I, on the other hand just doodled some moustaches, beards, horns and evil eyes on the ugly pictures of our presidential candidates on the ballot slip. And an eye patch. Can't forget about the eye patch. The most interesting people to watch these past few weeks are Rhonda and Stinky, since they are polar opposites of their political spectrum. I can't believe that Stinky suddenly became totally smart and intelligent and stupid again in a span of few weeks. Rhonda just annoyed the heck out of us by forcing us to listen to her views. Even though I am well aware of the issues, I hate it when someone else tries to shove their opinion down my throat.
So… like, wanna hear it? Come on, I'm bored here.
II
"Therefore, that's why I think he's a suitable candidate to become our next president. Don't be swayed by the empty promises, lies and fallacies that other guy say to the nation. Are you going to eat up to his words that don't hold any credibility at all? Do you want to get drafted to fight an unjust war?" Rhonda said to convince a special interest group and the school reporter. She as one of the few mock campaigners and advocates for the Democrat Presidential candidate tried to do her best to rally votes for the mock elections in school. She was a staunch Democrat and liberal, so she wanted to have her choice for president to win the elections, not to mention that she hated the other guy. Four years of deceit, lies and an unjustifiable war was too much for her.
Helga and Phoebe walked past her rather hastily, since they didn't want to be pestered by Rhonda about her views and opinions regarding her candidate. After they turned at a hallway junction and felt like they were out from Rhonda's sight, they began to talk.
"The Princess has been really annoying lately, don't you think so?" Helga asked. "Wait, let me rephrase: The Princess has become even more annoying than usual, don't you think so?"
"Well, the Presidential Elections are just around the corner so her actions are pretty much understandable."
"She could at least have the decency not to pester us."
"True, but that's what you get if you were raised in a family full of Democrats."
"Her whole family is a Democrat party supporter?" Helga asked in disbelief.
"Indeed." Phoebe replied to reaffirm, "Nadine told me that Rhonda's parents even donated some money to fund the Hillwood Democrat campaign."
"Wow, they must be really pushing for votes since the elections are only a few days away."
"Undeniably." She replied, "Somehow their last minute actions are paying off."
"So Pheebs, giving the current condition now, who are you going to vote for?"
She chuckled a bit, "Well, like you Helga, I'm not in the eligible age to vote."
"Well, what if you are?"
"I don't know. Somehow I'm losing faith in our democracy."
"Oh my gosh Phoebe! You're losing faith in democracy? You communist heathen! Some American you are! That's blasphemy." Helga replied jokingly, "What makes you say that?"
"Well, for one thing I feel the both of the main candidates are incapable of running our country. Secondly, as a country which is being build on civil liberties and takes pride of their democracy, it's kind of ironic that only a little over 50 percent came to vote on the last Presidential elections. What kind of democracy are us if our own people don't even embrace the ideology?"
"What's so wrong about half of the eligible voters actually voted?"
"Considering the fact that other countries like Greece are at 89 percent and Turkey at 80 percent of their voter turnout at their most recent elections, I think our country really need a lot of catching up to do."
"Okay, let me ask you this: If you are eligible to vote right now, who are you going to vote for?"
"Hmm…" Phoebe pondered, "Who will I vote for…?" she tapped her chin thoughtfully with her index finger, "Come to think of it, it is pretty humorous to hear the President last week during the debates invoking words like 'freedom' and 'liberty' many times over, as if he hadn't much to say. It's an unhealthy political platform, you know." she giggled softly, "But in all seriousness, he doesn't present his views very clearly and I disagree with some of his policies. And although his opposition was clear about his issues, but all the rhetoric was hackneyed. He also tends to flip-flop a lot."
"So who are you going to vote for?"
"It would be hypocritical of me to not vote since it will put me in the category of the people that I criticize earlier. But because I approve neither candidate that I just mentioned, so I decided to vote for the Independent candidate. He seems like a person who's competent enough to run the country. Besides, his views share much in common with mine."
"Oh, Phoebe. You and your silly idealistic views." Helga said jokingly, "You do know he's never going to win, don't you?"
"True, but at least I'm not a hypocrite and I voted." She smiled back at her.
III
Stinky and Sid walked down the mundane looking school hallway while talking to each other. It was nothing much in particular, until Stinky started to talk about the upcoming elections.
"So Sid, what's yer opinion about that dang Republican Party Platform?"
"Dude, give it a rest already, will you? You haven't been the same ever since you went to that Republican Convention with your family few weeks ago. Always elections this and President that. Besides, you'd best ask someone else. I really don't get politics, man."
"I wish I could stop asking Sid, but I just can't stand a-round and do nuttin' while that Miss Rhonda's here; on account she's spewing all her liberal nonsense to other folks."
"Hey, you're the GOP guy around here, man."
Suddenly, Rhonda was seen emerging out from the crowd, hugging her books while walking hastily. Stinky's eyes narrowed and his eyebrows furrowed at her. Rhonda glared back with a despised look at him. When they passed each other by, they could feel an electric spark of hate channeling through. As much as they wanted to prove one another wrong, they had to wait until the right moment for a debate. But still, they couldn't help but to at least exchange some insults to each other. They were compelled.
"Narrow minded conservative right-winger!" ridiculed Rhonda.
"Empty headed liberal dreamer!" Stinky retorted. And they just went on walking after that somewhat witty, intelligible repartee they returned to each other. Sid thought that was one of the smartest things that Stinky had said all day.
"So I'll be going now." He pointed to a classroom he supposed to go. "See you later, man."
"Yeah. Y'all take care now, ya hear?"
Sid opened the door and surveyed the room. The teacher hadn't arrived yet unsurprisingly, since she was on maternity leave, but the class was almost full. But thankfully, Iggy was already inside sitting next to his favorite seat. At least he could talk with him before the teacher came in.
"They gonna put a substitute." Sid said in a singsong voice. "Hopefully the guy is a pushover."
"Dude, I doubt it." Iggy replied back. "Hey, who do you think will win the election?"
"Ah man…" he sighed, "As if Stinky hadn't asked me that question enough already… You wanna know who I think will win this stupid election? Optimum Prime from the Autocons party is gonna win a landslide victory. He's totally gonna pizzown Deceptibots candidate Negatron, man." And with that, he smiled broadly at him.
Iggy looked back at him with a quizzical gaze, with one of his eyebrows lifted, "… You're stupid."
"And don't ask me a stupid question again. I'm sick of hearing that stupid elections already."
IV
"Okay kids," Mr. Hartman the history teacher said to the class as he walked around, "Since the elections are coming, I'd thought I might ask you guys some trivia regarding the elections, you know, to keep up with current events and such. Mr. Petersen," he turned to Stinky, "In what year was the Republican Party founded?"
"1844." Stinky replied with confidence.
"It's actually 1854, you stupid hick." Rhonda turned around in her seat and intervened with a bitter, cynical tone. "And I thought you were quite the Republican." She added further sarcastically.
"Don't bring it into the class, Rhonda…" Stinky warned irately.
"Hey, I'm just stating the fact, that's all. No need get oh so angry with me." She replied back with a sardonic tone. But beneath the teasing act that Rhonda played, she was planning something malicious. She wanted to terribly humiliate Stinky in front of the class by provoking him to go on a debate, so she could beat him in it. Stinky was aware of her tricks, and decided he should calm down. But then again, one's patience had their limits…
"Okay Miss Lloyd," said Mr. Hartman, "Since you're so knowledgeable in political history, I assume you won't have any problems answering my next question: After Franklin Roosevelt's death, people sought to limit the Presidential term in office by setting a two-term limit. When was this amendment first proposed and what does it called?"
"It was proposed on… 19…19 forty…" she stammered nervously, trying to find the right answer, "uh… um, seven…" she gave a random shot, closing her eyes tightly.
"Correct." Mr. Hartman said, "And what does it called?"
"The Twenty… uh…Twenty… Something Amendment?" she gave her teacher a nervous grin.
"Hah!" Stinky suddenly pouted, "Shows that all Dems are arrogant and dimwitted!" he pointed at her with a satisfied smile. "It's the 22nd Amendment you ignorant liberal!"
"Just because I couldn't answer one question, doesn't make me an idiot!" Rhonda retorted back him.
"Oh, the irony!" Stinky replied back, throwing his arms into the air, "At least I ain't the one who started attacking political beliefs of someone else!"
"You want an attack? Well, I'm gonna give you an attack!" Rhonda shouted back at him, "The President is a liar and a fabricator! He tricked us to believe that we're fighting a just war! But in fact, it's not! All I see is greed for oil and unnecessary bloodbath on innocent lives! And where are the mass weapons he's talking about!"
"Dagnabbit, Rhonda!" Stinky replied in shocked disbelief and rage, "Where'd ya git that from? Mike Moor? You'll believe everythayng that fat guy says! His documentary ain't nuthin' but biased liberal crap that ain't have any credibility whatsoever! And at least we've captured the dictator guy and liberated the country!"
"And you believe everything that sorry excuse for a President says! You think that the people in that country want us there?" she riposted back heatedly. "Do you really want to get drafted Stinky?" this particular remark sent chills to every student inside the classroom, "And become another casualty statistic?"
"I ain't BELIEVE this!" he shouted through his clenched teeth, "He has perfectly stated that there ain't-gonna-be-a-draft! Are ya a fool or just plain ignorant 'bout it?"
"And I should believe his lies?" she said back, "And what about other affairs, huh? Do you in the slightest bit are aware that he's taking away your civil liberties, your rights little by little? And don't get me started that the fact he led us to an unpopular war and presided on a bad economy?"
"And you believe all of his empty promises and false hopes. At least I feel safer when our President is in office. I and ain't gonna stand and watch that Democrat destroy our family and moral values by legalizing abo—"
And the debate just getting more and more heated and intense as both of them furiously defended their views of their respective candidates. They retort, counter-retort, riposte and counter-riposte each other with bombastic and articulate words and sharp rhetoric just to prove themselves that they are dominating the debate and to sound smarter than their opponents. Just like the real debates. There were a lot of hands slamming against the table too. The class just listened to them and not doing anything to calm them down as they thought it was more entertaining and fun than listen to Mr. Hartman's boring lecture. It was a great time killer. Speaking of Mr. Hartman, he just stood with his arms crossed looking at them with a pleased smile. Park who sat next to him, furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief at why didn't his teacher took no action to break them up.
"Mr. Hartman, not that I'm questioning you as an authority in the class or anything, but shouldn't you do something before they kill each other out?" he asked to him.
"Park my boy," he replied back with a smile, "I want them to have this debate in class. It's very exciting to hear these kids regarding their 'views' about the world around them." He explained while making quotation marks with his fingers, "It's very amusing and it actually serves no educational values whatsoever!"
"So it's just a ploy to kill time?" he asked back, starting to smile.
"Now you read my mind, sonny."
"You're awesome, Mr. Hartman. And I'm inspired to become just like you someday." He replied proudly in a joking tone.
"Well, now I'm flattered that I know at least one of my students are inspired to become bald and divorced thrice." He replied jokingly too. "Just grab a lawn chair, sit back and relax, eat some popcorn, and enjoy the show."
And Park kicked back and relaxed as he inclined back and stretched his legs. Rhonda and Stinky continued to rage on their debates, throwing everything that they knew to thwart the other, even the kitchen sink. Everybody thought this was even better than the real election debate. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical altercation ceremony, some of them had thought.
V
School was over for the day. Park and Robert were walking out from the school building talking to each other, mostly about school gossip and such. Park couldn't help but to mention Rhonda and Stinky's fight during history class, which he greatly wanted to mention it to his friend.
"Wanna do something after this?" Robert asked.
"Well, what do you have in mind?" Park asked back.
"Dunno." He shrugged, "Both Harold and Gerald are planning to play football at the field today. So, like, wanna join us?"
"I dunno man. I'm kinda busy after this."
"Dude, forget homework man." He replied jokingly. "You're barely hanging out with the guys already."
"No can do, Rob. It's Mr. Hartman's class and he asked us to do this stupid history assignment. Heh, speaking of history…" he had a smile broaden on his face, "Rhonda and Stinky had an Electoral Debate of their own just now during class."
"Mwa ha ha." Robert laughed humorously. "They'll never stop, won't they?"
"Meh, they'll stop eventually once the election is over. But until then, we have free entertainment!"
"You know what'd be awesome?" Robert asked him, "Stinky would be like, standing at the podium, pointing at Rhonda accusingly with his stiffed menacing finger and loudly yell at her 'YOU FORGOT POLAND!'"
Both of them laughed softly, "No man, he'd be more like, 'they misunderestimate me!'", they laughed again, "Because I heard rumors on the internetsssss!" this time, they laughed out loud.
"Ah, hahahaha…" Robert laughed, putting his hand over his eyes, "Misunderestimate… is that even a word?"
"It is a word if you're the President, you accursed fiend!" Park replied back. "And he wondered whether we were learning!"
"Hey, it's a question rarely asked!" he answered. "Man, that guy is a pure comedian! Everything he said is pure comedic gold!"
"Oh… whoo-hoo… oh, man…" and the laughter finally began to die down.
"So you're coming or what?" Robert asked him regarding the football thing.
"Ah…" he pondered, "Nah, I'm not coming. Sorry man."
"Aw dude, come on. Just exactly what are you doing that makes you busy all day?"
"First I'll go back home. Then rest, and have lunch. Then I'm gonna go do the dishes," his voice suddenly became energetic, "and then laundry," and louder too, "and homework, and shower!" he shouted passionately, punching the air with his fist, "YYYEEAAAARRGGGHHH!"
"Dude, that is the lamest Dean impression, ever." Robert said with his eyes narrowed.
"Eh…" Park shrugged, "It's not like I care or anything."
"So… when are going to announce the result of the mock elections?" Robert asked.
"You guys actually played along in that crap?" Helga said, suddenly appeared behind them.
"Well, yeah. What about you?" Park asked back.
"Meh, I just doodled some crap on the ballot paper." Helga replied back. "Also I wrote some degrading stuff about Rhonda." She chuckled softly and as well as evilly. "It's about time she gets what she deserves for pestering me these past few weeks. By the way, they're going to announce the winner tomorrow, so have your streamers, confetti and party hats ready, if you're really nuts about this stuff."
"Man, Helga." Robert shook his head, "I really don't know what to say."
"Aren't you apathetic about this matter, good Miss Pataki." Park said to her.
"Why?" Helga asked with an intimidating tone, "A mock election doesn't prove anything. It just shows that which candidate is more popular among our school demographics and also it won't be added into the real ballot count. Thusly, I couldn't care less what the outcome will be. Just wait until you can vote on the real elections and by then you can worry about the result. Now move aside because I have a bus to catch." She then walked through between them as she shoved them away.
"Man, that woman scares me." Robert said as he watched Helga climbed the bus' stairs up and shoved a junior away out of the window.
"I concur with you." Park replied with a slightly edgy tone.
VI
The Day after Tomorrow…
"Attention all Elk High School students," the voice over the PA crackled, "The result for our mock presidential campaign are in and the outcome is the Democratic Presidential Candidate—" a high-pitched piercing noise was heard suddenly, and died down, "won by a landslide."
"OH YES!" Rhonda jumped out from her seat with her fist in the air, startling everyone in the class and nearly caused the teacher to have a heart attack. "That'll show Stinky!" she pointed randomly at someone. The person just looked back at her in a WTF like expression.
On a different classroom, Stinky was disappointed, but not shocked as he had expected this to happen since Rhonda's campaign was in full force compared to other party's efforts and not to mention it got fueled by that documentary that he thought was extremely biased and full with baseless accusations. He just kept his dissatisfaction and anger to himself and tried not to throw any tantrums as some of the people in the class looked at him with a sardonic smile and some soft laughter. The teacher who was writing something on the board was smiling broadly to herself when the news was being announced; knowing that one of her students was a staunch Republican.
VII
But now the real results are in, and he's still stays as our President. FOUR MORE YEARS! Somehow, I really want to see the looks on Rhonda's face when they announce the result just now. She and her family must've their jaws gaping wide open in shock in front of the TV by now. Hopefully a fly will fly into her mouth and choke her. Tee hee. I think up the most psychotic things. Stinky and his family however probably sure love the news right now. As for me… I don't know, I'm kinda disappointed though, but not by much. One thing's for sure, I can't wait to go to school tomorrow, just to see the reactions would look like. Wow, first time I'm looking forward for tomorrow. Ah, I think I'm done here. Write to you later, you crazy football head person you.
Proud supporter of the Partido Acción Nacional,
Helga.
Helga hover the cursor on the 'send' button, but did not click on it. But after much contemplation, she just shrugged it off and highlighted all the word she just wrote and copied it on a document sheet. She then saved it in a folder. She then noticed the video file she was downloading was finally completed. So she ran down to the kitchen, put a packet of popcorn into the microwave and took out a bottle of soda from the fridge. She waited for the popcorn to stop popping. Once done she took it out, ran back into her room and played the video.
On the next day…
Rhonda walked bitterly along the school hallway with an equally bitter, angry look on her face. Everyone that she walked pass through either just gave her a sardonic smile or a mocking grin. Some even flashed a thumbs up just to ire her.
"Okay, okay…" Harold snickered as he got shoved by Sid, "I'm going, I'm going…" so he approached Rhonda, and asked her, "So Rhonda…" he snickered again, "Why the long…" he couldn't control his laughter, "why the long face?" and it was accompanied by a huge burst of hysterical laughter and tears could be seen squeezed out from his closed eyes.
Rhonda punched him in the face. The laughter just stopped abruptly. Sid, who was observing them, just laughed when Rhonda landed a punch on the husky gentleman. After Rhonda left Harold to his painful fate, Sid came over to him and helped him up. "Oh, man…" Sid said with some laughs in between, "Can't believe she actually hit you!"
On a different place inside the school, Gerald could be seen walking with Nadine, discussing about the election results as they walk through the crowd.
"So you have heard about the news in Illinois?"
"Yeah." Gerald replied back, "A brother won the Senate Elections there. That's pretty sweet."
"And there are already people saying that he should run for President in the next elections." Nadine added further.
"Hopefully he will consider that." Gerald said back, which was concurred by Nadine. Gerald then spotted Phoebe talking with Helga at the nearby stairs. After he excused herself from Nadine, he went over to Phoebe and greeted her. And her friend too. Phoebe then excused herself from Helga, and they walked to class together. Helga just rolled her eyes and passed Rhonda and Stinky by, who exchanged angry glares and hateful looks to each other, though she could see a small smile of satisfaction on Stinky's face. Would they stay bitter to each other after this? Helga doubted it.
The Presidential Candidates is not mentioned, though I wanted to put 'Shrub', 'Kenny' and 'Vader' to replace the real names. >.> Sides, it breaks the guidelines anyway if I did... I collected the sources from scouring over the internet, which took me a couple of weeks before publishing this. Also, if you happened to follow the news, you'd catch some of the jokes thrown by Park, Robert and Harold. I don't think this story is gonna get well received... so, uh, yeah.